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Cheating.

Given that infidelity is common is it more acceptable for

  • a man to cheat on his wife

    Votes: 6 85.7%
  • a woman to cheat on her husband

    Votes: 1 14.3%

  • Total voters
    7

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
This thread was inspired by the thread.
Punishment for adultery

Which got me wondering. Not about open, consensual affairs but infidelity in which one spouse is in the dark.

The majority of biblical texts on infidelity assume the woman as protagonist, very little is said about males cheating.

Statistically men cheat more than women :-

cheating1new-w640.png


It might sound ordinary for a woman to find out her husband’s cheating on her, but not if you’re the woman [cheating] and it’s your husband.
—Melissa Bank​

If a man cheats on his wife his acquaintances most often consider it a misdemeanor. "He's a womaniser", "bit of a rogue really but that's one lucky guy" etc.

If a woman cheats on her husband she is a "home wrecker", "a real sl*t" and a "w*ore"

My view, consent is key, if you don't have consent from your partner to engage in an extramarital affair and one engages in that affair without your partner's knowledge, that's cheating.

My questions ;-

Why is it assumed in the bible that women will cheat and men won't?

Why is it more acceptable for males to cheat on their wives than vice versa?
 

Daemon Sophic

Avatar in flux
This thread was inspired by the thread.
Punishment for adultery

Which got me wondering. Not about open, consensual affairs but infidelity in which one spouse is in the dark.

The majority of biblical texts on infidelity assume the woman as protagonist, very little is said about males cheating.

Statistically men cheat more than women :-

View attachment 26782

It might sound ordinary for a woman to find out her husband’s cheating on her, but not if you’re the woman [cheating] and it’s your husband.
—Melissa Bank​

If a man cheats on his wife his acquaintances most often consider it a misdemeanor. "He's a womaniser", "bit of a rogue really but that's one lucky guy" etc.

If a woman cheats on her husband she is a "home wrecker", "a real sl*t" and a "w*ore"

My view, consent is key, if you don't have consent from your partner to engage in an extramarital affair and one engages in that affair without your partner's knowledge, that's cheating.

My questions ;-

Why is it assumed in the bible that women will cheat and men won't?

Why is it more acceptable for males to cheat on their wives than vice versa?
I’m not so sure about your basic premise. Looking at these biblical references. the “good book” as usual, has all sorts of immoral and violent death sentences for adulterers, and people that have naughty thoughts, or were born in a certain way,..... whether they be male or female.

As for your chart; I wonder how much of that is statistically significant seeing how men start to die off faster in their 40s and 50s, and by the time you get into your 70s and 80s the nursing homes are filled with women and very very few surviving men.
Add to that the small percentage of men in those age brackets who can still have an erection, and you have one functional male lover per dozens of women. :eek::oops: It doesn’t seem very fair to compare the moral strength of the men to the women at that point, don’t you think? ;)


All that nonsense aside, I agree with you that it is a matter of consent and trust. Sneaking behind someone’s back to take another lover is cruel and heartless, regardless of whether the cheater is male or female. If a married man is cheating on his wife with the single woman, I hold a man more responsible than the single woman. I always hold the married cheater more responsible than the single person, male or female, and whether there are one or two married people in the affair.

If you’re so damn tempted (not you in particular @ChristineM :p) then grow a backbone, get a divorce FIRST, and only then go copulate to your “heart’s” content. :rolleyes:
 

LuisDantas

Aura of atheification
Premium Member
Why is it assumed in the bible that women will cheat and men won't?


As I understand it, the culture of the time did not extend a lot of consideration towards women, who were expected to feel subservient to men and to pursue their protection and support in all situations. Not quite full persons, but rather an accessory to men.

So it may have been a part of the premise, of the very definition of "cheating" as understood at the time. Literal male privilege with little to no shame, apparently simply because that was what society expected of them. Polyamorous women would be cheaters because they failed to show proper gratitude in the form of sexual exclusivity; polyamorous men would just be bold and daring.

It is likely that biology plays a role into that. I don't know when or with which degree of certainty it was learned what exactly causes conception of children. Motherhood was clearly established in nearly all situations, but fatherhood was to a large extent a matter of extending trust, respect and good will.

Taking into account that personal safety, confort and wealth were often obtained by a mix of inheritance and very hard and dangerous personal effort, having doubts about one's fatherhood could easily be perceived, not entirely unreasonably, as a very serious situation.

As a result, a polyamorous woman might easily be perceived as a squanderer of resources, a person who lacked respect for the hard earned situation that her man was expected to have created for both of them and their heirs. A polyamorous man, by that perspective, might be typically perceived as a bit "worldly", not very romantic, or perhaps just impulsive. The odds of false allegations of fatherhood probably factored into the equation as well; since influential men would likely be atttributed ******* sons anyway, the thought probably came that they might as well earn the reputation and have egocentric fun (or genuine joy) while at it.

Why is it more acceptable for males to cheat on their wives than vice versa?
It is clearly a matter of how the society around them decides to raise their expectations.

Obviously, in the intimate scope of the actual couple, it is a very personal matter with a wide variety of stances... which all too often have to remain under some measure of secrecy.
 

Stevicus

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
I don't think it's acceptable for either spouse to cheat. Cheating is equally bad, whether it's the man or the woman doing the cheating.
 

LuisDantas

Aura of atheification
Premium Member
I don't think that cheating, when it happens, is necessarily of a sexual nature. Not anymore than I think of polyamory proper as cheating.

A true commited relationship involves many symultaneous aspects, all of which need a measure of mutual good will and trust.

Purposefully misleading one's partner in any of those aspects should be considered cheating IMO.

For instance, misrepresenting one's financial situation could easily be cheating. Denying a measure of attention to what that partner says, or being abusive towards that partner's feelings, goals and opinions, constitute cheating as well.

Lack of sexual exclusivity is a common element of cheating, but I don't think it is in any way determinant or even necessarily typical.
 

sealchan

Well-Known Member
This thread was inspired by the thread.
Punishment for adultery

Which got me wondering. Not about open, consensual affairs but infidelity in which one spouse is in the dark.

The majority of biblical texts on infidelity assume the woman as protagonist, very little is said about males cheating.

Statistically men cheat more than women :-

View attachment 26782

It might sound ordinary for a woman to find out her husband’s cheating on her, but not if you’re the woman [cheating] and it’s your husband.
—Melissa Bank​

If a man cheats on his wife his acquaintances most often consider it a misdemeanor. "He's a womaniser", "bit of a rogue really but that's one lucky guy" etc.

If a woman cheats on her husband she is a "home wrecker", "a real sl*t" and a "w*ore"

My view, consent is key, if you don't have consent from your partner to engage in an extramarital affair and one engages in that affair without your partner's knowledge, that's cheating.

My questions ;-

Why is it assumed in the bible that women will cheat and men won't?

Why is it more acceptable for males to cheat on their wives than vice versa?

I am doing a close study of Genesis currently (in the Scriptural Debates forum) on a very related topic.

Women, culturally, were something of a resource owned by men but recognized as one with a volition of her own at times. The Bible is also written by men in a patriarchal culture.

I'm looking at the story of Judah and Tamar where Judah, who is unmarried at the time, matter of factly pays for a sexual encounter with a "shrine prostitute". But the "shrine prostitute" is actually a woman trying to secure her future through having children.

A wife's servants were also seen as vehicles by which a man could have a legitimate child.

It seems that women in Genesis were expected to have relations out of wedlock so long as it served the purpose of a man. In fact, Tamar's own trick of "infidelity" worked in the end precisely because of this fact.
 

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
I’m not so sure about your basic premise. Looking at these biblical references. the “good book” as usual, has all sorts of immoral and violent death sentences for adulterers, and people that have naughty thoughts, or were born in a certain way,..... whether they be male or female.

As for your chart; I wonder how much of that is statistically significant seeing how men start to die off faster in their 40s and 50s, and by the time you get into your 70s and 80s the nursing homes are filled with women and very very few surviving men.
Add to that the small percentage of men in those age brackets who can still have an erection, and you have one functional male lover per dozens of women. :eek::oops: It doesn’t seem very fair to compare the moral strength of the men to the women at that point, don’t you think? ;)


All that nonsense aside, I agree with you that it is a matter of consent and trust. Sneaking behind someone’s back to take another lover is cruel and heartless, regardless of whether the cheater is male or female. If a married man is cheating on his wife with the single woman, I hold a man more responsible than the single woman. I always hold the married cheater more responsible than the single person, male or female, and whether there are one or two married people in the affair.

If you’re so damn tempted (not you in particular @ChristineM :p) then grow a backbone, get a divorce FIRST, and only then go copulate to your “heart’s” content. :rolleyes:


As far as i am aware the stats are good, they agree closely with stats from other sources.

The cheater must always be responsible for cheating, there may be mitigating circumstances but that only means a divorce is the best option anyway
 

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
I don't think it's acceptable for either spouse to cheat. Cheating is equally bad, whether it's the man or the woman doing the cheating.

I agree but that if it is unconsensual it is not acceptable but my argument is that it is more acceptable for men to cheat than women
 

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
As far as i am aware the stats are good, they agree closely with stats from other sources.

The cheater must always be responsible for cheating, there may be mitigating circumstances but that only means a divorce is the best option anyway

I would just like to add that some cheating is from a temporary but extreme lack of judgement, not some premeditated well thought out action. Two examples I can think of offhand are from booze, and from physical separation for extended periods of time. In either case a full confession to the spouse might happen with a full reconciliation quite possible.

So not all cheating is the same.
 
Last edited:

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
Why is it assumed in the bible that women will cheat and men won't?


Just a shot in the dark but perhaps it is due (in thought) to the progressiveness of sin triggered by Eve considering she was the first to go against God by "tasting the forbidden fruit first."

Why is it more acceptable for males to cheat on their wives than vice versa?

Because of the patriarchal notion that men are visual/physical creatures therefore infidelity is a byproduct of the nature of man's intrinsic love for carnal pleasures (another shot in the dark).
 

Trackdayguy

Speed doesn't kill, it's hitting the wall
This thread was inspired by the thread.
Punishment for adultery

Which got me wondering. Not about open, consensual affairs but infidelity in which one spouse is in the dark.

The majority of biblical texts on infidelity assume the woman as protagonist, very little is said about males cheating.

Statistically men cheat more than women :-

View attachment 26782

It might sound ordinary for a woman to find out her husband’s cheating on her, but not if you’re the woman [cheating] and it’s your husband.
—Melissa Bank​

If a man cheats on his wife his acquaintances most often consider it a misdemeanor. "He's a womaniser", "bit of a rogue really but that's one lucky guy" etc.

If a woman cheats on her husband she is a "home wrecker", "a real sl*t" and a "w*ore"

My view, consent is key, if you don't have consent from your partner to engage in an extramarital affair and one engages in that affair without your partner's knowledge, that's cheating.

My questions ;-

Why is it assumed in the bible that women will cheat and men won't?

Why is it more acceptable for males to cheat on their wives than vice versa?

As someone in a Poly relationship CONSENT is GOD. That's why its called an Open Marriage, the emphasis being on the word OPEN rather then secretive, which is rooted in fear & shame
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
I don't think that cheating, when it happens, is necessarily of a sexual nature.

From personal experience I slightly disagree. The married women I used to mess around with just wasn't getting good sex at home. Although I'm inclined to agree with you the psychological disassociation of fidelity in a relationship has in part to do with falling out of love with someone.
 

BSM1

What? Me worry?
This thread was inspired by the thread.
Punishment for adultery

Which got me wondering. Not about open, consensual affairs but infidelity in which one spouse is in the dark.

The majority of biblical texts on infidelity assume the woman as protagonist, very little is said about males cheating.

Statistically men cheat more than women :-

View attachment 26782

It might sound ordinary for a woman to find out her husband’s cheating on her, but not if you’re the woman [cheating] and it’s your husband.
—Melissa Bank​

If a man cheats on his wife his acquaintances most often consider it a misdemeanor. "He's a womaniser", "bit of a rogue really but that's one lucky guy" etc.

If a woman cheats on her husband she is a "home wrecker", "a real sl*t" and a "w*ore"

My view, consent is key, if you don't have consent from your partner to engage in an extramarital affair and one engages in that affair without your partner's knowledge, that's cheating.

My questions ;-

Why is it assumed in the bible that women will cheat and men won't?

Why is it more acceptable for males to cheat on their wives than vice versa?

Just anecdotally, the men of the Old Testament were allowed slave women and concubines; there wasn't a lot of need for them to "cheat" sexually. The woman, OTH, was expected to live almost like a nun.
 

sealchan

Well-Known Member
This thread was inspired by the thread.
Punishment for adultery

Which got me wondering. Not about open, consensual affairs but infidelity in which one spouse is in the dark.

The majority of biblical texts on infidelity assume the woman as protagonist, very little is said about males cheating.

Statistically men cheat more than women :-

View attachment 26782

It might sound ordinary for a woman to find out her husband’s cheating on her, but not if you’re the woman [cheating] and it’s your husband.
—Melissa Bank​

If a man cheats on his wife his acquaintances most often consider it a misdemeanor. "He's a womaniser", "bit of a rogue really but that's one lucky guy" etc.

If a woman cheats on her husband she is a "home wrecker", "a real sl*t" and a "w*ore"

My view, consent is key, if you don't have consent from your partner to engage in an extramarital affair and one engages in that affair without your partner's knowledge, that's cheating.

My questions ;-

Why is it assumed in the bible that women will cheat and men won't?

Why is it more acceptable for males to cheat on their wives than vice versa?

This is a simple measure of the mysogeny of the/our culture. Men have more power and therefore have culturally dominated what has been determined to be significant in morality. Since a man's disappointment is more weighty in a culture where men dominate, injustices done to them get more concern and focus.

The time is coming on this planet where maintaining a balance of resource utilization is becoming more and more important. In that regard women may be more psychologically oriented toward ensuring such balances are kept than the competitive spirit of men are. The fact that men have been in power through most of recorded history may be a factor of there being room for competition to allow one culture to flourish over another...but now we live in a global reality where we all breath the same air and share the same room and we can hardly compete for superiority any more without undermining our own cause.
 

Terrywoodenpic

Oldest Heretic
cheating is cheating.
religion has nothing to do with it and can never justify it.

Not long ago women in the UK had few rights, and were Chattels to men.
What they brought into a marriage was owned by the husband.

Had Queen Elisabeth the 1st married, her husband would have been king, and would have had total authority over her and the country.

For that reason many heiresses never married, right into the 20th century. ( their lovers had no rights)
 

LuisDantas

Aura of atheification
Premium Member
From personal experience I slightly disagree. The married women I used to mess around with just wasn't getting good sex at home. Although I'm inclined to agree with you the psychological disassociation of fidelity in a relationship has in part to do with falling out of love with someone.
Maybe I was not very clear. I never denied that such situations happen and are in fact fairly common.

I just think that they are ultimately a particular case of a wider spectrum of unfaithfulness situations.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
Given the limited choices, I picked the cheating hubby.
Why?
So that cheating wives will have a larger field.
 
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