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Cheating on your partner?

rocala

Well-Known Member
I have just been watching an awful TV chat show where an offender was discussing his deep concern that his partner may have been unfaithful while he was in prison.

I am not referring to people thieving to survive or where both partners were complicit. This is acts, where a person, for pleasure commits crimes, and expects to be sympathized with and loyally waited for, upon being punished.

To be honest I feel that in such cases an offender has forfeited the right to loyalty and that his behaviour is equal to sexual betrayal.

Any comments.
 

Polymath257

Think & Care
Staff member
Premium Member
I think it depends on the agreements between the partners. I can certainly see how this sort of crime can be a violation of trust, for example.

Sounds to me like there needs to be more communication with the partner.
 

rocala

Well-Known Member
I am not so sure @Polymath257 if you gamble with going to prison, you are equally gambling with your partners rights to a sex life. I suspect that most offenders do not look at this aspect of the big picture.
 

PureX

Veteran Member
Any comments.
I think this is something that I am not obliged, nor authorized, to pass judgment on. The commitment made by others, to their significant other, is their business. And the clauses and stipulations that might come into play via circumstance are also their business. I would not wish to decide for anyone else which unforeseen circumstances or conditions are sufficient to 'unbind' them from a committed relationship.
 

Polymath257

Think & Care
Staff member
Premium Member
I am not so sure @Polymath257 if you gamble with going to prison, you are equally gambling with your partners rights to a sex life. I suspect that most offenders do not look at this aspect of the big picture.

I see it as more that you gamble with your own right to a sex life. If you violate trust of a partner, that partner may legitimately think you want out of the relationship. At the very least, they may want the terms to be renegotiated.
 

metis

aged ecumenical anthropologist
After being burnt when a woman dropped me after 5 months when I was 20, I took a personal oath to "play the field" after that, and never broke it. Matter of fact, I had a date with an old girlfriend the day before I proposed to my wife-to-be.

However, once married I never cheated, even though I had a fair number of opportunities. I never was even tempted to cheat: but fantasize, yes. :).

Bottom line: play the field, imo.
 
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LuisDantas

Aura of atheification
Premium Member
It is very difficult to gauge from the outside the exact meaning of a couple's relationship, including mutual expectations and vulnerabilities.

Besides, there is a lot of actual variation beyond the stereotypes. For one thing, some relationships are much more symmetrical than others.

I don't think there is much of a point in attempting to discuss the general case when the situations are so inherently specific and particular. That is before even considering how reliable our perceptions of the specifics may be.
 

rocala

Well-Known Member
I am rather surprised at the replies to this.
@Amanaki and @Rival I would have been sure to mention their unusual relationship if non-sexuality had been the case.
@PureX no commitment was ever referred to or indicated. If it is not your" place to mention it", why are you posting?
@metis Not sure I see the relevance of your post.

To spell it out - if I am in a relationship, I am honest and loyal. If I wish to commit a crime I will in all probability discuss it with my partner. If I do not then I do not blame her for the consequences.
 

9-10ths_Penguin

1/10 Subway Stalinist
Premium Member
I have just been watching an awful TV chat show where an offender was discussing his deep concern that his partner may have been unfaithful while he was in prison.

I am not referring to people thieving to survive or where both partners were complicit. This is acts, where a person, for pleasure commits crimes, and expects to be sympathized with and loyally waited for, upon being punished.

To be honest I feel that in such cases an offender has forfeited the right to loyalty and that his behaviour is equal to sexual betrayal.

Any comments.
The partner always has the right to leave the relationship. If they choose to stay, then they voluntarily take on the obligation to be faithful (according to whatever parameters the couple has set out) and honest.

There's plenty of behaviour that could justify the partner deciding to leave; there's no behaviour that would justify infidelity.

If you don't want to be with the person, then just don't be with the person.
 

rocala

Well-Known Member
It is very difficult to gauge from the outside the exact meaning of a couple's relationship,
No it is not. If there was anything of that nature I would have mentioned it. It is simply a case of the male dominating a woman. I am rather surprised that nobody has yet picked up on that.
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
I am rather surprised at the replies to this.
@Amanaki and @Rival I would have been sure to mention their unusual relationship if non-sexuality had been the case.
@PureX no commitment was ever referred to or indicated. If it is not your" place to mention it", why are you posting?
@metis Not sure I see the relevance of your post.

To spell it out - if I am in a relationship, I am honest and loyal. If I wish to commit a crime I will in all probability discuss it with my partner. If I do not then I do not blame her for the consequences.
To me when in relationship it is not an option to even think of an other woman then the one i am with, So now when i am engaged to a woman, no other woman is an temtation, they just not interest me
 

Rival

Si m'ait Dieus
Staff member
Premium Member
I am rather surprised at the replies to this.
@Amanaki and @Rival I would have been sure to mention their unusual relationship if non-sexuality had been the case.
@PureX no commitment was ever referred to or indicated. If it is not your" place to mention it", why are you posting?
@metis Not sure I see the relevance of your post.

To spell it out - if I am in a relationship, I am honest and loyal. If I wish to commit a crime I will in all probability discuss it with my partner. If I do not then I do not blame her for the consequences.
????
 

9-10ths_Penguin

1/10 Subway Stalinist
Premium Member
THAT IS MY ENTIRE POINT, if you choose to risk imprisonment you are in effect leaving the relationship. Therefore what right do you have to complain about the results?
I don't think we're making the same point.

Your OP talked about cheating. If there's cheating, there's still a relationship.

The fact that one partner goes to prison might be the reason the other partner ends the relationship, but it doesn't automatically end it.
 

crossfire

LHP Mercuræn Feminist Heretic ☿
Premium Member
I have just been watching an awful TV chat show where an offender was discussing his deep concern that his partner may have been unfaithful while he was in prison.

I am not referring to people thieving to survive or where both partners were complicit. This is acts, where a person, for pleasure commits crimes, and expects to be sympathized with and loyally waited for, upon being punished.

To be honest I feel that in such cases an offender has forfeited the right to loyalty and that his behaviour is equal to sexual betrayal.

Any comments.
Well yes, if a partner demonstrates the complusion to commit crimes for pleasure, then that would probably not be a good person to have a relationship with, if you value your well-being, that is. :eek:

Logical thinking often seems to be impaired when under the influence of relationship-related feelings, though.
 

rocala

Well-Known Member
Well yes, if a partner demonstrates the complusion to commit crimes for pleasure, then that would probably not be a good person to have a relationship with, if you value your well-being, that is.
Wow next time you get married make sure you have a crystal ball and a criminal psychologist with you.
 

9-10ths_Penguin

1/10 Subway Stalinist
Premium Member
My point was, is going to prison the same as cheating, ie he was depriving her of her sex life.
And I would have no issue with her ending her relationship because of this, but in your OP, she had chosen to continue the relationship.
 
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