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Can someone love someone they have never met?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Trailblazer, Oct 6, 2022.

  1. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    Can someone who never met you, someone who has only exchanged e-mails and texts with you, love you?

    Can you love someone you never met, someone with whom you have only exchanged e-mails and texts?

    Do you think it is necessary to meet a person in order to fall in love with them?

    Do you think it is necessary to meet a person in order to plan to marry them?


    If you have ever fallen in love with someone you never met, please share what happened.

    If you have ever fallen in love with someone you never met, what happened when you met the person? How did you feel? Did you still love the person? Were you disappointed or did you love the person even more after meeting the person?

    Thanks, Trailblazer :)
     
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  2. Orbit

    Orbit I'm a planet

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    I think you can be intrigued by someone over the internet, but I think you have to meet them to fall in love. But that's just me.
     
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  3. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    ^^^ THIS ^^^​
     
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  4. Viker

    Viker Spirit in Black

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    I doubt it very seriously. Love is intimate and, even if it has tried, the internet can't replace the intimate connection.
     
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  5. Brickjectivity

    Brickjectivity Turned to Stone. Now I stretch daily.
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    You can, but you need to observe the person. Watch the psych2go video about the 10 most common mental problems. You have to decide if the person is for you and if you can handle their exceptional qualities. Ideally you will like their exceptional qualities rather than ignore them. And believe you me, not all of us are meant to be in love. Some of us just are not. Some of us are destined to be lonely and to get used to that, and its not so bad.

    I had an uncle who fell in love with someone he only briefly met. They then wrote letters back and forth, things getting more and more serious. Finally they decided to get married; but once they got married he discovered she really did not like him at all. No, and no matter how much he tried to please her it only made her dislike him more. In fact she had a particular mental problem which I shall not report here. Not only was this a bad marriage that later broke, it was not even her choice to ruin it. You might say it was her fault, since she had a mental issue; but you can't say that she chose to have that fault. She was simply not suitable for marriage. It was never going to be a happy relationship.
     
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  6. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Be who ever you want

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    Yes I believe it is possible to love someone that one has not met in real.

    It happen to me when I was in my twenties, I loved a girl from philippines who i only wrote to in emails and Skyped with, I knew her for 5 years
     
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  7. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    I agree.
     
  8. Vinayaka

    Vinayaka devotee
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    The definition and understanding of love varies widely. If someone broadens their personal understanding wide enough, anything is possible I suppose.
     
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  9. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    I think there has to be an emotional connection and a physical attraction. That can happen very quickly but I think one has to meet the person in order for it to happen.

    I think that an emotional connection can form without meeting the person but one cannot know from that emotional connection whether there will be a physical attraction or not. I mean what if one has a great emotional connection via texts and e-mails and then they meet the person and they have no physical attraction to them?
     
  10. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    That's true, but I was asking if one could love a person enough to marry that person and spend the rest of your life with that person without meeting that person. That might be possible but I do not know if it is possible.
     
  11. Vinayaka

    Vinayaka devotee
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    Hard to have a marriage on-line, but perhaps a zoom meeting would be official enough. Some person might be selling such a thing, I don't know. You could ask your local authorities, same place where you apply for a license. Not sure about the US laws.
     
  12. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Unknown Member
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    My husband and I met on the phone.

    He was the friend of a friend on the other side of the country. My friend decided we should talk(against my will). He showed him a picture of me, and my husband proceeded to wrest the phone from his hands and make a complete fool of himself. I used him for comic material for an hour or so. Funny stuff.

    He called back the next day. And the next. And kept calling for a month, until he convinced me that I should drive to the East Coast to meet him. I did. We got engaged that first night we met in person.

    There was already love before that point, and in those phone conversations. So yes, I believe its possible.

    We've been married 11 years. They've been mostly good years. Sure, he's a bonehead, and I'm a battle-axe, but I like boneheads, and he likes battle-axes, so it works out well.

    No regrets.
     
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  13. stvdv

    stvdv Veteran Member

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    YES, of course

    Blind people are very much capable to love. Love transcends the senses
     
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  14. Evangelicalhumanist

    Evangelicalhumanist "Truth" isn't a thing...
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    That sort of puts a huge damper on many of the arranged marriages around the world -- where husband and wife meet each other on The Big Day.
     
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  15. Evangelicalhumanist

    Evangelicalhumanist "Truth" isn't a thing...
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    Let me paint a slightly darker picture -- yet not so dark, perhaps.

    Love is one of those very complicated things that isn't really easy to define. Emotions are the outputs of the algorithms that organisms are (Yuval Noah Harari, "Organisms are algorithms"). As a living organism, you become aware of your needs and your responses to the input of your senses through emotions: you feel frightened, or hungry, or turned on, or drawn to, or repelled by whatever or whoever it is you are confronted with. You can see this animals, too. The peahen chooses the male she will allow to mate with her by observing several competing males -- but she's not making lists of attributes, she simply feels drawn to one that the algorithms that animate her suggest would help her to produce the best and strongest offspring.

    You may not like it, but humans do that, too. We do it in choosing our friends as well as our lovers.

    But what happens if we don't get to choose? What if you are pushed into a lifetime relationship that was not of your choice? What if, on first meeting the person that will be your lifetime spouse, you don't even like them? How could that turn out well.

    Well, the answer is that it just might be possible, with efffort and persistence. Think of the musical Fiddler on the Roof (based on Sholom Alechem's stories of Tevye and his daughters). Tevye and Golda were an arranged marriage, and it never even occurs to them, until later in life, to even ask the question, "do you love me?"

    "Do I what? I've born you children, cooked and cleaned for you, done your laundry, taken care of you when you were sick. What does love have to do with all that?" That's basically Golda's answer when Tevye asks, "do you love me." But he persists -- after watching his own daughters making their own choices, based not on their parents approval, but on their own feelings, he wants to know -- does his wife actually love him! And eventually, with a little prodding, Golda thinks about their life together and concedes: "After 25 years -- I suppose I do." And Tevye replies, "and I suppose I love you, too."

    Familiarity, being a team in hardship and joy, creating a life -- and other lives -- together. surviving it all because you worked at it and tried hard -- I think those can wind up feeling very much like that elusive feeling of "love," in the end.
     
    #15 Evangelicalhumanist, Oct 6, 2022
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2022
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  16. We Never Know

    We Never Know No Slack

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    People say all the time they love so and so movie star and would marry them if they had a chance.
     
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  17. syo

    syo Well-Known Member

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    No.
     
  18. Twilight Hue

    Twilight Hue Twilight, not bright nor dark, good nor bad.

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    Hell, I can love someone that dosent even exist!
     
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  19. Augustus

    Augustus the Unreasonable

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    Yes. You can love the idea of this person that you have created in your mind.

    Whether you will love the other aspects of their personality that can't be discerned remotely is another question.

    This assumes they have been relatively honest during the process, and this is very much not a given. While people can be dishonest in person, it's exponentially easier remotely.
     
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  20. ADigitalArtist

    ADigitalArtist Veteran Member
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    I was thinking along very similar lines as @Augustus. You can love 'someone' but that person may not actually be the person you're interacting with. Which to some extent is true if everyone since everyone has an inner self and a presented self. But the disparity between those two states can be much more vast if you only interact through text.
     
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