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Can someone get me going??

Discussion in 'Games / Pics / Jokes / Stories' started by lewisnotmiller, Aug 1, 2021.

  1. lewisnotmiller

    lewisnotmiller Grand Hat
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    First off, if anyone came in here with the wrong idea, shame on you. I would never, ever, ever post a double entendre as a thread title. Indeed, I don't even know what a double entendre is.

    Secondly...I write as a hobby. At various times in my life I have gone from 'completely mediocre' all the way up to 'semi-coherent, with moments of possible plagiarism'. This mostly depends on how much narrative writing I am doing. I'm constantly writing for work, and that actually negatively impacts my writing ability I think.

    So...right now I am rusty. Tried twice in several days to write a couple of silly little stories, and bored myself to tears.

    TLDR;
    Throw three words at me, and I'll turn it into a ditty, a made-up piece of fake wisdom, or a micro-story. No limits on what the words are (apart from normal RF rules applying).
    Prefer no names of people, but if you want to add a name as a fourth piece of information, fire away.
     
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  2. Snow White

    Snow White Veteran Member

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    Salami, comeuppance, magic
     
  3. sun rise

    sun rise "This is the Hour of God"
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  4. oldbadger

    oldbadger Skanky Old Mongrel!

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    Cucumber Angry Receptionist
     
  5. crossfire

    crossfire Antinomian feminist heretic freak ☿
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    ☿ Mercuræn Mahayana Buddhist & Pastafarian
    Alright. {grabs nearest book on bookshelf--Analects of Confucius & Tao Te Ching. Opens book to three random pages and looks for a word that jumps out at me:}
    • impatiences
    • illumined
    • untaught
     
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  6. lewisnotmiller

    lewisnotmiller Grand Hat
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    Hmmm...

    Once upon a time, there was a princess, who lived in a faraway place. Her father despaired of her ever marrying. She seemed to have no interest in princes at all. Three times he'd introduced her to eligible bachelors from neighboring kingdoms, and three times she had rejected them. The last time had been particularly humiliating.
    'Daddy, he's as old as the hills, as dusty as the coal mines, and as limp as a bowl of soup noodles...'

    Prince Eki of the Eastern Reaches was unamused. 'One day you and your kingdom will get your comeuppance, you brat!', he'd snarled, before clattering off on his walking frame (for in truth, he really was as old as the hills).

    'Darling...', the King murmured to his daughter. 'I despair ever finding you a good marriage. Is there no man you will accept?'

    'Daddy...', she said with a sad smile, shaking her head at his silliness. 'Why on Earth would I be interested in an aging Prince when I have a magic salami!'

    The End.
     
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  7. Viker

    Viker Filia Diaboli, in a shroud of metaphor and mystery

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    Pork, concrete, sign.
     
  8. Dan From Smithville

    Dan From Smithville Veteran Member
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    Sedulous, seduction, sandwich.
     
  9. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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  10. Conscious thoughts

    Conscious thoughts Veteran Member

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    I may help you start , just need some jump leads first :p
     
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  11. ideogenous_mover

    ideogenous_mover Well-Known Member

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    Nasa, Giant hamburger, Andromeda
     
  12. Meow Mix

    Meow Mix Chatte Féministe

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    Also I’m on a phone so you’re just going to have to work with me and imagine the phrasing Archer meme @lewisnotmiller
     
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  13. Snow White

    Snow White Veteran Member

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    I might have some suggestions for your writing. Start off slowly writing, going back and forth, and increase rhythm.

    Wait.
     
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  14. Secret Chief

    Secret Chief Meghalayan Ape

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    Ice
    Dark
    Howl
     
  15. lewisnotmiller

    lewisnotmiller Grand Hat
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    I'll start working through a few more tonight. Gotsta head off to basketball, second game I've played in 2 months. Hoping to avoid cardiac arrest more than anything...!
     
  16. Martin

    Martin Spam, wonderful spam (bloody vikings!)

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    (Too much watching "Father Ted", I'm afraid)
     
    #16 Martin, Aug 2, 2021
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2021
  17. Vinayaka

    Vinayaka devotee
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  18. Brickjectivity

    Brickjectivity Veteran Member
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  19. lewisnotmiller

    lewisnotmiller Grand Hat
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    Building a time machine had seemed like a great idea. @Revoltingest had been able to tinker with it for months, which was more fun than actual time travel, as it turned out. 'Never time travel on a dare, ya damn nose-comber, first rule of time travel...', Revoltingest berated himself. Of course, for now, it was the ONLY rule of time travel. He'd have to make up a book of rules.

    He snorted at that, reminded of the book he had brought on this trip. The Bible might seem like an odd choice, but it made sense when one considered the circumstances of his time travel. He'd thought his Steam Engines Anonymous group would understand the great feat he'd managed, in designing and building a time machine. Instead, they'd disbelieved him. So he'd grabbed a Bible, put on his toga, and promised to get the book autographed by Jesus himself.

    That's where the trouble had started, of course. How to find Jesus? Where exactly should he go? When exactly should he go?

    So he'd done the obvious thing. He'd entered a destination of 'Jesus'. The time machine, brilliantly built as it was, faithfully interpreted his command, and took him straight to Jesus. Whether Jesus had been surprised to have a ton and a half of high-grade tempered steel suddenly materialise out of thin air and drop on him was a little hard to say. It was quite reminiscent of a scene from the Wizard of Oz, really, where the Wicked Witch of the East has a house land on her and her red shoes are all that can be seen. Except that Jesus wasn't wearing red, sparkly shoes, of course.

    So now, without meaning to, he'd changed the course of history. But was that a good thing? It didn't feel like it.

    A small crowd had gathered, by now, looking at the kilt-wearing man muttering away in a somewhat crazed fashion. They pointed at him, and his machine. They even pointed at the book he was carrying, for they'd never seen such a thing. And Revoltingest knew what he had to do.

    'Okay, you lily-livered hair-wipers. Gather around. I'm...well...I'm the Son of God, I suppose. I bring a great revelation. Maybe even a couple...'

    The End.
     
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  20. lewisnotmiller

    lewisnotmiller Grand Hat
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    Office Wisdom : Never steal a cucumber from a receptionist. At best, she'll go hungry. But if it's her favourite cucumber, she might become very, very angry. No-one quite understands why, except for the receptionist and her cucumber. And they're not telling.
     
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