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Broken

Discussion in 'Journals' started by JustGeorge, Aug 12, 2022.

  1. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Unknown Member
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    I hit my broken point today. :( Well, actually, it was the middle of the night last night, but I'm still broken.

    I haven't recovered from the vacation. Its been kind of snowballing ever since...

    At some point in the vacation, my husband switched from his carefree attitude to "I didn't know this was going to be this expensive" over and over and over again... I specifically recalled someone in the family stating it was going to be extraordinary expensive to travel in this economic situation(maybe it was the toddler?) At some point, I got frustrated and asked my teenager(in all seriousness) why no one listens to me when I talk. He told me, with a brutal honestly and a neutrality(he genuinely was not trying to be hurtful or offensive)only one on the spectrum can deliver well "Oh, its because no one cares what you have to say." Ah, well, thanks kid. You're right. Why couldn't I see that?

    I have a role in life. I fix. I solve problems other people can't(provided they don't involve math), and I have the uncomfortable conversations others can't bring themselves to start(but must be said). I've spent the last several months defending my 'people' from a bully we can't be rid of(long story). No one else in the situation has the... well, you know what word I'm looking for. Managing my very unusual household is a challenge few understand as well. Occasionally, someone gets an insight, and I'll get a pat on the back with an "I don't know how you do it", but its exhausting to know there isn't really anyone who can take the reins for me if I'm indisposed. (I recall the kids unknowingly pushing me off the couch, onto the floor, when we all had Covid.)

    When you need the unfixable solved, call George! (Unless its math. Then leave me out of it.)

    Last night my husband shared(I use that term loosely) how much financial trouble we got into on the trip. He blew through the money we borrowed, blew through the little that was in our account, and reverted to credit cards. (Big no-no.) He shared this when I'm looking at means to potentially afford a very expensive surgery for a cat that spontaneously developed peeing problems(he's only 5, and has never had trouble before, but he keeps getting 'clogged', which is life threatening). I have a little squirreled away for pet problems(that isn't accessible to anyone else) , but this will go beyond that scope.

    I'm not an emotional person. He is(usually in the form of urgency and agitation). Sometimes he takes my lack of emotion as lack of care, but I simply explain, again and again, becoming angry doesn't make the problem lessen. I prefer to keep my composure and think logically. I did so here. We go to bed. But later, I wake up and cry that I can fix a lot of things, hell, I can fix most things, but I can't fix everything all the time. This isn't normal for me, so he says nothing(because there's nothing he can say), and just holds me for awhile, and then falls asleep again.

    Unfortunately, when I break, I stay down for a little while. Maybe its my brain's way of forcing me to recooperate. I'm keeping what little energy I have for the things I have to do no matter what(kid care, pet care... the dishes can go to hell). I have a therapist appointment in half an hour, which are nice, but some things are just difficult, no matter how much therapy you apply.

    Anyways, I'm just ranting. I've always reserved the right to complain(you shouldn't be surprised to hear me say better out than in). (Living)chicken pictures and fart jokes always appreciated.
     
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  2. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    :hugehug:
    Mega hugs...
     
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  3. sun rise

    sun rise Śvāna Dharma
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    [​IMG]
     
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  4. Viker

    Viker Spirit in Black

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    How about a farting chicken?

    guess-what-farting-chicken-butt-retro-alberto-rodriguez.jpg
     
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  5. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Unknown Member
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    Despite what one may hear, chickens don't have fingers..

    So, do you have to pull the wing or the claw to get such a result?
     
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  6. exchemist

    exchemist Veteran Member

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    I'm very sorry to hear this. Roughly how bad is the damage (if you don't mind me asking)?
     
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  7. Viker

    Viker Spirit in Black

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    I think a tug on the leg will do the trick.
     
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  8. PureX

    PureX Veteran Member

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    Feel free to rant. Your writing style is fun to read and sometimes it helps to rant when life gets hard and there's nothing else.

    It made me think of this song ... (play loud)

     
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  9. pearl

    pearl Well-Known Member

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    Probably at that point he experienced a reality check, 'oh, what have I done'. When at first it seemed such a good idea for the family. And maybe it was, you pick up the pieces and move on. As for the cat, in the meantime, try putting him on cat food designated against urinary problems in male cats. We had the same problem with our male cat.
    Anyway, don't despair, but keep hope.
     
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  10. Rival

    Rival Divine Adoratrice of Amun
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    It's tough! Moms are known for this - this is why I hate it when folks say being a mom isn't work. You can hang in there, George, and I'll be praying for you :)
     
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  11. Quagmire

    Quagmire Imaginary talking monkey
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    I have to admit, this phrase goes through my head every time I read you post about your life, George.

    I seriously don't know how you do it all, or how you manage to keep your sense of humor up through it. I would have to be 10 people (and nine of us would probably say "**** this").

    You should run away from home for a week and then come back just to show everybody how doomed they would be without you.
    (I know you're not going to do that, but hell I would. And then I would probably forget the "and then come back" part. :p ).

    As far as the kitty goes, maybe a GoFundMe page? I'll bet someone here can set that up for you if you don't have the time and I'd bet it would work, people love cats.

    I'm sorry that the mountain you climb every day decided to throw an avalanche at you, George. I hope you find a shady spot to rest before your next assent.

    And I have to say; thank you once again for making me glad that I live alone in the woods.
     
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  12. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Unknown Member
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    Well, depends on which damage you're talking about. If you're talking about how far we went into the hole on the trip, I'm thinking it was about 800 bucks on the credit card, and our bank account is now a big fat 0.

    The damage for the cat financially is looking at about 1500, if we have to go the surgery route. His damage... well, his urethra keeps blocking. He's not real happy.

    My damage... as far as breaks go, this is probably a 7-8 on severity scale.

    I'm not sure it was the best idea. I'm never for buying things one can't afford, but I was downvoted.

    Lamar(the cat) is on special diet, an antibiotic, a steroid, and something to help urinary irritation. He still seems awfully irritated(going small amounts, and licking afterwards). He's had two catheters... I know that can cause irritation, too.

    Thanks for your prayers. I appreciate it. :)

    It is a lot of work... my middle son is the equivalent of several children. During my cry in the middle of the night, I lamented that Hubby doesn't understand how much work I've done with him. The 'professionals' wanted to drug him up and ship him out(hat was unacceptable to me), but I've not only formulated ways(on my own) to make living in a family setting possible and positive. Not only that... I homeschool the lad. The therapist today told me I've actually come up with better solutions than she would expect from a professional, so I know I've done this one well. A little credit would be nice...

    But, mothers don't really get much of that, sadly. I'm not going to hold my breath. Maybe when they're grown...

    Someone told me no one notices what I do, but if I stopped doing it, people would become immediately aware.

    I can just hear the police logs "A young boy is breaking into houses and stealing cereal. He appears to be wearing pants, but his hind end is completely exposed. He is traveling with a pack of well tempered felines." (It surprises many people, but many cats enjoy going for walks with their people, and don't require leashes typically.)

    If the kitty requires that surgery, I may consider doing that. I'm hoping we can turn this around before that, and its not required. I'm working on his stress levels; he badly wants to go outside and has been upset seeing other kitties outdoors. I don't feel safe letting him outside(in case he were to get sick while out), but I've been letting him live on the screened in porch(this seems a happy medium).

    I say sometimes I want to go live in the woods. People chuckle, but I think you understand I'm serious. Even if I took the whole crazy family, I still think it would be preferable to living in 'uncivilization'. I tried to talk Hubby into moving into a commune(I was shooting for East Wind at that time), but he wouldn't consider it. He likes stuff too much.
     
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  13. Brickjectivity

    Brickjectivity Turned to Stone. Now I stretch daily.
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    Thanks for sharing your personal experiences online. I get a lot out of them sometimes. I'd share more of mine, but I don't won't people who know me to read my posts. I've been posting since before you were born, and there are certain quotes that I would not wish to have surface. I'm no fork tongued Alex Jones, but I do make the occasional faux pas.
     
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  14. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Unknown Member
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    I actually share less in life. I'm too busy with everyone else's personal experiences out there in the real world, I think.
     
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  15. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    You do? Please tell...
     
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  16. Quagmire

    Quagmire Imaginary talking monkey
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    Wow! Then you should seriously consider writing a book about it someday.

    You know, you've got "writer" written all over you anyway.

    Like @PureX said, your stuff is fun to read. There's something very Erma Bombesque about your style.
     
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  17. The Hammer

    The Hammer Fork-Beard
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    I hate to be a debby downer you two, but birds don't/can't fart....
     
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  18. The Hammer

    The Hammer Fork-Beard
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    :hugehug:
     
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  19. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    They can on this thread, it's allowed.


    Sorry, you can watch it on YouTube though
     
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  20. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Unknown Member
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    Way to ruin the last of my hopes and dreams... :(

    Whoops! I think that may have been more than a fart...
     
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