1. Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Best...or worst...religious jokes

Discussion in 'Games / Pics / Jokes / Stories' started by lewisnotmiller, Nov 29, 2022.

  1. lewisnotmiller

    lewisnotmiller Grand Hat
    Staff Member Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2013
    Messages:
    24,514
    Ratings:
    +18,099
    Religion:
    atheist
    Whilst I'm personally happy for people to go their hardest, I'm also a little twisted in terms of my sense of humour. So let's try to not be completely insulting here.

    Here's one to kick things off;

    Why didn't I become a monk?

    I was simply never given the chants...
     
    • Funny Funny x 12
    • Like Like x 1
    • Creative Creative x 1
  2. We Never Know

    We Never Know No Slack

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2019
    Messages:
    13,232
    Ratings:
    +9,429
    Religion:
    It exists
    He tried to become a monk...

    But he methed things up

    Thats based on this thread..
    Thought some might be interested in this: monks and meth
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
    • Creative Creative x 2
  3. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Unknown Member
    Staff Member Premium Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2020
    Messages:
    11,796
    Ratings:
    +24,012
    Religion:
    Hindu
    My all time favorite:

     
    • Funny Funny x 11
  4. John53

    John53 Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2017
    Messages:
    10,075
    Ratings:
    +8,371
    Religion:
    Atheist
    A cop pulls over a priest and smells booze on his breath. The cop asks if he's been drinking and the priest says "only water", the cop points at an empty wine bottle on the passenger seat and says "Why do I smell wine?" The priest says
    "good lord, he's done it again!"
     
    • Funny Funny x 12
  5. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest Abnormal before it was fashionable
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2010
    Messages:
    222,879
    Ratings:
    +87,560
    Religion:
    Atheist
    A priest & a rabbi are riding in a car.
    The priest drives them into a residential neighborhood.
    He drives past an elementary school, where he spies
    a cute young.......the rest is to obscene & dirty to tell.
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
  6. The Sum of Awe

    The Sum of Awe Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Messages:
    16,017
    Ratings:
    +3,362
    Religion:
    Pan(en)theist - Hard Determinist
    a cute young puppy that's full of mud and he has the rabbi clean it off? :D
     
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 2
    • Creative Creative x 1
  7. John53

    John53 Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2017
    Messages:
    10,075
    Ratings:
    +8,371
    Religion:
    Atheist
    a cute young @Revoltingest ?
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
  8. beenherebeforeagain

    beenherebeforeagain Rogue Animist
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2011
    Messages:
    23,305
    Ratings:
    +9,527
    Religion:
    Modern Animist
    now THAT would be gross and dirty...
     
    • Funny Funny x 8
  9. Curious George

    Curious George Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2012
    Messages:
    13,721
    Ratings:
    +2,846
    Out of what?
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
  10. Curious George

    Curious George Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2012
    Messages:
    13,721
    Ratings:
    +2,846
    Why do chicks dig Jesus?

    Because he’s hung like this
    :hugehug:
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  11. Brian2

    Brian2 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2020
    Messages:
    8,970
    Ratings:
    +1,998
    Religion:
    Christian
    A Christian minister, Tom, slips on the edge of a big cliff and ends up clinging to the side of the cliff a few meters down the cliff face. He calls out, "Hello I've falled down the cliff, is there anybody up there?" Then he prays, " O God, you know how I love and trust you, please help me".
    A voice comes back. "It's me Tom, it's God, I heard your call. Just trust me and let go of the cliff, everything will be OK."
    Tom thinks for a bit and calls back, "Is there anybody else up there?"
     
    • Funny Funny x 7
  12. Psalm23

    Psalm23 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2020
    Messages:
    1,444
    Ratings:
    +1,646
    Religion:
    Christian
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  13. 9-10ths_Penguin

    9-10ths_Penguin 1/10 Subway Stalinist
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2007
    Messages:
    66,423
    Ratings:
    +25,043
    Religion:
    None (atheist)
    From the great Emo Philips:

    When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way.

    ... So I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
     
    • Funny Funny x 7
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Gargovic Malkav

    Gargovic Malkav Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2020
    Messages:
    1,619
    Ratings:
    +2,113
    Religion:
    I worship and believe in the One I see as the Source of Everything as a result of experience and faith. Label me as you see fit.
    Why was Jesus crucified and not drowned?

    It looks so awkward, an aquarium above every doorway.
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Creative Creative x 1
  15. InChrist

    InChrist Free4ever

    Joined:
    May 9, 2011
    Messages:
    9,973
    Ratings:
    +2,961
    Religion:
    Christian
    God, Are You Listening?
    by RR2 Category:Humor - G


    A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very close to nature and even close to God. He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would listen.So he asked, “God, are you listening?”

    And God replied, “Yes my son, I am here.”

    The man stopped and pondered some more.

    He looked towards the sky and said, “God, what is a million years to you?”

    God replied, “Well my son, a second to me is like a million years to you.”

    So the man continued to walk and to ponder… walk and ponder…Then he looked to the sky again and said, “God, what is a million dollars to you?”

    And God replied, “My son, my son…a penny to me is like a million dollars to you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a value it is so little.”

    The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to the sky and said, “God, can I have a million dollars?”

    And God replied, “In a second.”

    God, Are You Listening?
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
  16. InChrist

    InChrist Free4ever

    Joined:
    May 9, 2011
    Messages:
    9,973
    Ratings:
    +2,961
    Religion:
    Christian
    Jesus Is Watching
    by RR2 Category:Humor - J


    A burglar enters a home and is greeted by “Jesus is watching!”

    He shines his flashlight around and finds no one.

    He takes another step to hear “Jesus is watching you.”

    This time he shines the light to discover a parrot.

    He asks, “Was that you talking ?”

    The parrot answers “Yes.”

    The burglar asks, “What is your name?”

    The parrot replies, “Clarence.”

    The burglar asks, “What idiot named you Clarence?”

    The parrot replies, “The same idiot that named the Doberman Jesus.”

    Jesus Is Watching
     
    • Funny Funny x 7
    • Winner Winner x 2
  17. Gargovic Malkav

    Gargovic Malkav Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2020
    Messages:
    1,619
    Ratings:
    +2,113
    Religion:
    I worship and believe in the One I see as the Source of Everything as a result of experience and faith. Label me as you see fit.
    Three men are bragging about themselves believing they are Jesus.

    The first man says: "I'll show you why I think so"
    He spreads his arms, and the sky clears up.

    The second man says: "That's nothing, I'll show you what I can do"
    He walks up to a pond and crosses it by walking over it.

    The third man shakes his head in disapproval and says: "That doesn't prove a thing. I'll show why I'm the real Jesus."
    He goes to the nearest brothel, and knocks on one of the doors.
    A beautiful woman opens the door and says: "Jesus Christ, you're here AGAIN!?"
     
    • Funny Funny x 8
  18. Heyo

    Heyo Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2019
    Messages:
    13,434
    Ratings:
    +13,006
    Religion:
    none
    Confucius say: man who farts in church sits in own pew.
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    • Winner Winner x 1
  19. Erebus

    Erebus Well-Known Member
    It's My Birthday!

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2009
    Messages:
    5,898
    Ratings:
    +3,401
    Paraphrasing Diane Morgan:

    When someone dies, people always say they've gone to a better place. They must have had an awful life if 6 feet underground is a better place.
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
    • Winner Winner x 1
  20. Heyo

    Heyo Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2019
    Messages:
    13,434
    Ratings:
    +13,006
    Religion:
    none
    God sees everything - but he doesn't snitch.
     
Loading...