Being right vs. Being courteous

[Aldrnari]

Earlier today at work I was talking to my partner about conspiracies such as planet x and the flat earth theory, and how I didn't understand how anyone could seriously believe such a thing. I wasn't exactly friendly in the way I described people who did believe in such things...

Later that day, a coworker who overheard our conversation said to me, "Sorry, I couldn't help but to listen to your conversation about Nibiru (planet x), and I think you should tune into Coast to Coast AM Insider. They have all kinds of fun stories about big foot, aliens, and other things you might be interested in!" We talked about other conspiracy theories, and I could tell he was really into them.

I couldn't help but feel terrible, though... I like the guy, and if he overheard what we were saying, he heard what i thought about people who believe in such things. He showed himself to be a cool person about it, though, and pretended as though he didn't hear anything negative. Other people might have handled it differently.

So then the mental quandary rears it's ugly head for me, and I must know.... How do you folks deal with differences in opinion you face in your daily lives?

TLDR: What's more important to you? Being right in your convictions, or being courteous in the way you speak with people you disagree with (in your day to day real lives)?

 

[Jesster]

Other: It's situationally dependent.

Also, I'm right.

 

[sun rise]

I don't make a hard and fast distinction. I can say "I don't understand how people can believe something" rather than "people who believe that are stupid and crazy". One is a statement of my own view and the other is an explicit put down.

So I think it's possible to do both.

 

[Laika]

So then the mental quandary rears it's ugly head for me, and I must know.... How do you folks deal with differences in opinion you face in your daily lives?

Realistically, I've found that I'm pretty much on my own with many of my more controversial beliefs. In the long run being courteous is much more constructive as being right is not enough to get people to change their mind. You have to find ways to deal with the difference of opinion that is inevitably going to come up without giving into the rage.

Don't feel to bad if you insulted the guy. you can apologise if you want without conceding that you are "basically" right (but were just wrong about him). If he's really into it and it is his passion he will probably have heard many on the insults before. We are usually not that original and follow culturally defined patterns of thinking certain beliefs are "crazy", "dangerous", "immoral", "extreme", etc. The fact he is willing to talk to you about it is a good sign and does indicate you may be dealing with someone who is more experienced expressing these ideas and is comfortable doing so even with people who disagree with him. If he's prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt its worth doing the same.

The thing to remember (and it does admittedly go against all our cultural conditioning) is that being right is not enough to change someone's mind on its own. People have grown into a set of beliefs and it takes time for them to grow out of them or find something new. You can't hit people over the head with facts and expect an instant result. It is much more likely that sustained conversation and friendship will produce much better results than a single 10 minute shouting match. That said, Walking into a relationship wanting to change someone is often a really bad idea and it becomes more obvious as time goes on.

I'd love to be right and for that to be enough to get people to change their minds. It doesn't work though as people need to have often a shared value system based on what beliefs are legitimate to hold as "true" or "knowledge". Outside of that, you are faced with views that are completely alien and downright shocking because you couldn't comprehend how anyone could think like that. We might laugh at flat earthers but when faced with them, the sincerity is frightening because its dissonant with our sense of reality and what is possible. It makes us really uncomfortable because human beings like things to be simple. societies evolve based on certain ideas being relegated to "outside" the realm of acceptability and that is often healthy way to move on. Some people don't though and if you came up with a list of beliefs that are too absurd for people to hold, you could put them in google and find somewhere on the internet where people probably take it seriously. ( Especially Youtube. )

If you realise that the feeling is mutual and can find ways to work though it, being round people who have different views can be very rewarding. That's true even when they are wrong because it can help you figure out how not to make the same mistake. Give the guy a chance, be prepared for some surprises and see how it goes.

 

[Sunstone]

Depends on the circumstances. I try -- not always successfully -- to confront someone about their beliefs only in cases where I can be reasonably sure they are themselves reasonable enough to benefit from some feedback on their beliefs. At least, that's my offline practice. Online, I'm a jerk with everyone -- whether I disagree with them or not.

 

[bobhikes]

When dealing with others unless it is life threatening and its not a debate being courteous is the right thing to do.

 

[SalixIncendium]

Earlier today at work I was talking to my partner about conspiracies such as planet x and the flat earth theory, and how I didn't understand how anyone could seriously believe such a thing. I wasn't exactly friendly in the way I described people who did believe in such things...

Later that day, a coworker who overheard our conversation said to me, "Sorry, I couldn't help but to listen to your conversation about Nibiru (planet x), and I think you should tune into Coast to Coast AM Insider. They have all kinds of fun stories about big foot, aliens, and other things you might be interested in!" We talked about other conspiracy theories, and I could tell he was really into them.

I couldn't help but feel terrible, though... I like the guy, and if he overheard what we were saying, he heard what i thought about people who believe in such things. He showed himself to be a cool person about it, though, and pretended as though he didn't hear anything negative. Other people might have handled it differently.

I don't see where that co-worker said he bought into Nibiru or any other of the topics discussed on Coast To Coast AM (which I listen to whenever I'm up at that time and have a radio near me, because I'm a long time Art Bell fan and found him entertaining, though George Noory kept the train rolling quite well). It sounds he made the recommendation to you because he felt it would be something that interested you.

So then the mental quandary rears it's ugly head for me, and I must know.... How do you folks deal with differences in opinion you face in your daily lives?

TLDR: What's more important to you? Being right in your convictions, or being courteous in the way you speak with people you disagree with (in your day to day real lives)?

I assess the situation, or more accurately, the individual. If the person appears receptive to hearing my opinion on a subject, I'll introduce it into the discussion. If s/he appears to be closed minded and I feel there is no purpose to my offer of my opinion other than to ruffle feathers (unless ruffling feathers was my intent to begin with) and it's apparent that the person will be offended by what I convey, I smile, nod, and walk away.

 

[Revoltingest]

I voted <courteous>.
Without civility, how else can I get others to open their minds to my being right?

 

[BSM1]

Courtesy always. Especially when you're right. You'll find I am a very courteous person.

 

[It Aint Necessarily So]

What's more important to you? Being right in your convictions, or being courteous in the way you speak with people you disagree with (in your day to day real lives)?

One should be as courteous as possible while being as honest and accurate as possible.

Although one doesn't always have to express dissent when feeling it, when it is important enough to offer a contradictory view, one should not let the fact that others who get angry when they are disagreed with in a sincere, polite, and constructive manner get in the way.

I didn't vote since I didn't consider it an either-or proposition.

 

[Revoltingest]

Courtesy always. Especially when you're right. You'll find I am a very courteous person.

It's true....you've never failed to ask for permission to goose me.

 

[sayak83]

Earlier today at work I was talking to my partner about conspiracies such as planet x and the flat earth theory, and how I didn't understand how anyone could seriously believe such a thing. I wasn't exactly friendly in the way I described people who did believe in such things...

Later that day, a coworker who overheard our conversation said to me, "Sorry, I couldn't help but to listen to your conversation about Nibiru (planet x), and I think you should tune into Coast to Coast AM Insider. They have all kinds of fun stories about big foot, aliens, and other things you might be interested in!" We talked about other conspiracy theories, and I could tell he was really into them.

I couldn't help but feel terrible, though... I like the guy, and if he overheard what we were saying, he heard what i thought about people who believe in such things. He showed himself to be a cool person about it, though, and pretended as though he didn't hear anything negative. Other people might have handled it differently.

So then the mental quandary rears it's ugly head for me, and I must know.... How do you folks deal with differences in opinion you face in your daily lives?

TLDR: What's more important to you? Being right in your convictions, or being courteous in the way you speak with people you disagree with (in your day to day real lives)?

Mostly courteous. Being right takes precedence where I sense harmful prejudices being aired (against other ethnicities, gays, women etc.)

 

[BSM1]

It's true....you've never failed to ask for permission to goose me.

Well thank you for saying so and being so accommodating. That is so very courteous of you.

 

[Aldrnari]

I don't see where that co-worker said he bought into Nibiru or any other of the topics discussed on Coast To Coast AM (which I listen to whenever I'm up at that time and have a radio near me, because I'm a long time Art Bell fan and found him entertaining, though George Noory kept the train rolling quite well). It sounds he made the recommendation to you because he felt it would be something that interested you.



I assess the situation, or more accurately, the individual. If the person appears receptive to hearing my opinion on a subject, I'll introduce it into the discussion. If s/he appears to be closed minded and I feel there is no purpose to my offer of my opinion other than to ruffle feathers (unless ruffling feathers was my intent to begin with) and it's apparent that the person will be offended by what I convey, I smile, nod, and walk away.

There was more said than what I posted, and from what I gathered, he did seem to be into (and knowledgeable of) conspiracy theories. Ultimately, you are right, though. I could have been jumping to a conclusion without knowing all the facts first.

 

[Aldrnari]

Thanks for all the participation folks! It's interesting to see what people have to say on the matter. And, I know life is full of grey (situational) areas, but I intentionally left the "other" option out because I was more concerned with what direction people generally try to go for on average.