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Being non-cis

Discussion in 'Sexuality' started by KAT-KAT, May 19, 2020.

  1. KAT-KAT

    KAT-KAT Veteran Member

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    I thought I'd explain what it's sometimes like, in my perspective, to be non-cis:

    You have a different view of who you are in your mind than what you look like in the mirror. You may see yourself as someone feminine and beautiful. But look and see a guy with a beard. And so on.

    People will act like they have the most innovative idea on the planet to tell you, then go on to tell you that their religion thinks you're evil. Once confronted with how you know they think you are evil, they will then try to downplay it and say they only consider you sinful, while still condemning you.

    Relationships get interesting. A transgender person pretty much has to disclose that they are trans, because there are a lot of stories of anti-trans people freaking out and killing trans people. It gets worse though. Suppose you agreed to have a beer with a man. You don't disclose immediately you are trans. They start dancing with you and get a little raunchy and stick their hand down your pants. Even though it's their problem for initiating action, they will still get violent if they are anti trans and you haven't told them in time. By the time they are angry, it is too late.

    Then you've got the people who say being Trans is just role play. In which case, I'd say for all we know, reincarnation could be true and we could all be role playing different lives and different genders.
     
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  2. Conscious thoughts

    Conscious thoughts Veteran Member

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    I honestly know very little about transgender people, but from what I see they do not harm others by being transgender.
    If you had asked me a few years ago I would have given a very different answer because my understanding of human beings was so much different then it is today.
    I hope people can treat others well even one does not agree or understand why things are the way they are.
     
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  3. BSM1

    BSM1 What? Me worry?

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    Our bass player is trans. We've only known her for about three years, but we have been with her during her final transition (operation). She has become family (I jokingly tell her that she's like the brother and the sister I never had), and it has been an interesting and eye-opening experience for us. There's a Buddy Guy song we do called "Skin Deep" that pretty much sums it up.
     
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  4. KAT-KAT

    KAT-KAT Veteran Member

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    You have grown a lot in the last year. Not to say you were ever truely bad. I'm very happy to be on the same forum as you.
     
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  5. Conscious thoughts

    Conscious thoughts Veteran Member

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    Yes, i have realized that my behavior from the past was not only damaging to my self, but I harmed a lot of people with the way I spoke, Today I see it more like, I don't have to agree always but i don't always have to open my mouth to say something when or if I know my words will create tension, harm or other discomforts for others. but it also comes down to me not being able to understand the topic I hand. I am known to speak before my mind understood what was said :oops:
     
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  6. Secret Chief

    Secret Chief Meghalayan Ape

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    (I must have a very sheltered life, I've never had that dance).

    It's the different other I suppose. If you could all just be one type, one look, one culture, one viewpoint we could all get along fine and I woulddn't have to become angry at you.

    Bah.
     
  7. RayofLight

    RayofLight He/they

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    I had an exboyfriend insist I was female and that they weren't gay all the time. Eventually broke up with them in a couple of weeks of dating
     
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  8. Israel Khan

    Israel Khan Well-Known Member

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    I honestly do not see why people care so much about other people being transgender. How does it affect them in any way? But clearly it must be affecting them emotionally somehow because what else would drive them to kill transgender people?

    I think that what they are angry at is that they are attracted to transgender people, so in their mind if they are attracted to a transgender woman then they are attracted to men. It makes them challenge their outlook on their own sexuality.

    Personally, what I have done is this:

    A very religious guy was speaking among a group of us how he hates gay people, like he was obsessed with it. I told him that it is most likely that straight men who hate gay men hate them because they are actually attracted to them and don't want to admit it. The guy was SO upset with me. I just sat there and giggled.
     
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  9. RayofLight

    RayofLight He/they

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    someone once asked me does the fact I'm attracted to you make me gay or straight?I could not stop laughing
     
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  10. Israel Khan

    Israel Khan Well-Known Member

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    I can tell you that it is a tricky question to answer, as I have noted in myself that because certain gay men and transgender women have over exaggerated feminine traits, it signals to me that they have attractive feminine qualities, but I also recognise the traits of men within them, so that counter balances and creates a feeling of uncomfortableness within me. I would not get the same feeling around gay men who do not have feminine qualities, and I am hardly ever affected by lesbians. (Have you noticed that bisexuality and lesbianism is actually promoted by men to a certain extent? Very ironic to me)

    I think that those who hate transgender and gay people struggle with this mental conflict and blame those they hate for it and lash out. They are insecure.

    I think the uncomfortable feeling indicates that one is still straight though.
     
  11. RayofLight

    RayofLight He/they

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    Here's a funny story:
    A different ex-boyfriend than the one above and I had a conversation...I was fishing for any signs of transphobia
    Me:You know some might wonder if you are gay or straight for dating me...
    Them:*looks me up and down...studying me real hard*Hmm...
    Them:*gets up calls to a student at a different table*Hey Andre! I'm gay.Ray's boyish looks turns me on.
    Andre: That's cool.
     
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  12. Israel Khan

    Israel Khan Well-Known Member

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    Shows how much Andre cared :D
     
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  13. RayofLight

    RayofLight He/they

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    greatest reaction ever
     
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  14. Maximus

    Maximus the Confessor

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    I do not understand the hatred, let alone the violence, directed to them. However many people do think that transgenderism is a mental illness. Further, many think that the normalization of it is damaging to society, as it erodes traditional values and they do not want their children exposed to it and certainly don't think it should be normalized.
     
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  15. Israel Khan

    Israel Khan Well-Known Member

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    The values of societies are forever changing, so that explanation in itself doesn't hold water. They would have to further explain how it actually damages society in reality. Slavery, for instance, was a traditional value, as well as polygamy and the death sentence, but they aren't advocating that.

    Even if it is a mental illness, why do they care?
     
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  16. Maximus

    Maximus the Confessor

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    Why does someone care if their neighbor is ill? That should be obvious, at least it should be to Christians and hopefully everyone else too.
     
  17. KAT-KAT

    KAT-KAT Veteran Member

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    What solution do Christians have?
     
  18. Maximus

    Maximus the Confessor

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    I can't speak for all Christians, sorry.
     
  19. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest I have the kavorka
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    There's the crux of the matter....ie, the stigmatism of mental illnesses.
    Add to this the prevalence of hostility to different ways of thinking.
     
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  20. KAT-KAT

    KAT-KAT Veteran Member

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    This is wrong, but so worth it:

    421ipb.jpg
     
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