Befriending an LDS woman

[Bar M]

I'll just jump into it. I am a single father with a 5 year old daughter and a 100% rated disabled vet so social situations are very difficult for me. Well after years of just staying to ourselves I decided to start going to the gym while my daughter is at school. In going to the gym I have been making friends with a number of people (everyone is bluntly told that I am never looking for a relationship as I do not have ANY extra time for anybody) with no real problem, well until yesterday.....

One of my friends happens to be a female whom is married for 20+ years and we have both had a STRICT boundary against anything that could be construed as adultery or anything of the sorts, we have just become very close friends as we enjoy to sit back participate in Yoga and speak about scriptures. Literally just getting closer to God and happiness with nothing but purity at heart. All of this being said, I guess her husband has some sort of issue with her, that she called me in tears today saying that her husband had their Bishop confiscate some card that allows passage into Temple or something of the sorts. I'm not fully aware of the process as I am just learning and super curious about the Faith.

I guess my question is: If the church honors the Holy Union so greatly and expects such high standard, then how is it that one individual can remove someone's right to peruse their faith merely for teaching and spreading the word of the Lord? It seems like the Church is condoning and promoting a very unhealthy marital environment.

 

[columbus]

her husband has some sort of issue with her, that she called me in tears today saying that her husband had their Bishop confiscate some card that allows passage into Temple or something of the sorts.

I'm in no position to speak for any LDS anything.
But my experience with humans tells me that there is more to this story than you say. Likely, more than you even know about.

It happens all the time.
Sorry.
Tom

 

[Terry Sampson]

her husband had their Bishop confiscate some card that allows passage into Temple or something of the sorts.

The Bishop confiscated "her" card???
Seems like your question ought to posted in the Latter Day Saints DIR, unless you're wanting to debate the matter with LDS members, in which case this thread may be the next best choice. But staying here, you'll probably get responses that are not sympathetic to LDS doctrine and, therefore, not going shed much light on the matter, even if they do support your position, which isn't going to count for much in the Bishop's opinion nor help your friend, IMO.

 

[Bar M]

I wish there was, other than she said he was the jealous type, and he accused her of having an affair with me. Which nothing of the sorts has or will happened, I've never been the type of person to run around town.

 

[Terry Sampson]

Yo, @Katzpur , is this topic in your bailiwick?

 

[SoyLeche]

Yo, @Katzpur , is this topic in your bailiwick?

I’m not Katz, but I think Columbus already covered it. We have a small part of half of the story. Not really enough to make a judgement.

 

[Bar M]

Im not looking for any certain response, just alittle clarity, if possible.

 

[columbus]

Im not looking for any certain response, just alittle clarity, if possible.

From a bunch of total strangers on the internet?

Sorry dude. It just doesn't work that way in real life.
Tom

 

[Brickjectivity]

Be careful to cover your backside legally. In some states you can be sued successfully for interfering with a marriage. You may want to call a legal help line and discuss the details confidentially just in case some evidence exists which could be construed as a means to sue you.

 

[SoyLeche]

For clarification, the “card” you mention is a “temple recommend” which one needs to enter the Temple (a separate building from a normal meetinghouse with a separate purpose). Receiving this recommend is contingent on an interview (the questions can be found here.

These interviews are conducted every other year. The bishop may revoke the recommend if he feels it is necessary, which it appears he has in this case. Whether or not it is, or whether he has reason to think it is, is impossible to say given the limited information.

 

[Bar M]

Thank You SoyLeche, that's all I was wondering.

 

[shmogie]

I wish there was, other than she said he was the jealous type, and he accused her of having an affair with me. Which nothing of the sorts has or will happened, I've never been the type of person to run around town.

The husband made an accusation to the Bishop, my guess, and is just a guess, he clipped her wings till it gets sorted out.
In an Evangelical Church, an accusation like this would be handled by by the elders or in some the pastor, The accusation would be investigated discreetly.
Even if no adultery were found, there would be counseling for husband and wife as members. Appearances would be discussed as well.

 

[Katzpur]

I'll just jump into it. I am a single father with a 5 year old daughter and a 100% rated disabled vet so social situations are very difficult for me. Well after years of just staying to ourselves I decided to start going to the gym while my daughter is at school. In going to the gym I have been making friends with a number of people (everyone is bluntly told that I am never looking for a relationship as I do not have ANY extra time for anybody) with no real problem, well until yesterday.....

One of my friends happens to be a female whom is married for 20+ years and we have both had a STRICT boundary against anything that could be construed as adultery or anything of the sorts, we have just become very close friends as we enjoy to sit back participate in Yoga and speak about scriptures. Literally just getting closer to God and happiness with nothing but purity at heart. All of this being said, I guess her husband has some sort of issue with her, that she called me in tears today saying that her husband had their Bishop confiscate some card that allows passage into Temple or something of the sorts. I'm not fully aware of the process as I am just learning and super curious about the Faith.

I guess my question is: If the church honors the Holy Union so greatly and expects such high standard, then how is it that one individual can remove someone's right to peruse their faith merely for teaching and spreading the word of the Lord? It seems like the Church is condoning and promoting a very unhealthy marital environment.

There's more to this than meets the eye. A man cannot simply ask his bishop to "confiscate" his wife's temple recommend. It just does not work that way. You're not getting all of the facts, and it's hard to advise you since I don't know enough of the real story to weigh in.

 

[Katzpur]

The husband made an accusation to the Bishop, my guess, and is just a guess, he clipped her wings till it gets sorted out.

Nope. Nothing gets done till after things are "sorted out." My gut feeling is that the OP has been taken advantage of by someone who's not giving him all of the facts.

 

[SoyLeche]

Nope. Nothing gets done till after things are "sorted out." My gut feeling is that the OP has been taken advantage of by someone who's not giving him all of the facts.

Yeah, I can’t see any bishop worth his salt revoking her recommend before talking with her and getting her perspective.

 

[dianaiad]

Yeah, I can’t see any bishop worth his salt revoking her recommend before talking with her and getting her perspective.

I agree. We don't know both sides of this story, but it doesn't ring 'right.' I don't know of any Bishop who would 'confiscate' a Temple Recommend without so much as a by your leave. I think he might have grabbed the HUSBAND'S recommend, but hers? Without talking to her?

Nope.

But that is merely speculation, too. We simply do not know enough.

 

[Howard Is]

One of my friends happens to be a female whom is married for 20+ years and we have both had a STRICT boundary against anything that could be construed as adultery or anything of the sorts, we have just become very close friends as we enjoy to sit back participate in Yoga and speak about scriptures. Literally just getting closer to God and happiness with nothing but purity at heart.

OK, I don’t know you, I don’t know her, and I know nothing about your relationship with her, or her relationship with her husband.

All I have to go on is your post. Like everyone else here.

My gut feeling is that you do have strong feelings for her, and your capitalizing of ‘STRICT boundaries’ confirms that. If there is no attraction there is no concern about strict boundaries.

As a general rule, I have found that if a man and a women want to spend time with each other...they are sexually attracted.

Maybe I’m simplistic, but that is what I have observed.

just getting closer to God

Here, do some conscious psychodrama with this, it may help you think outside your nine dots.

 

[stvdv]

I wish there was, other than she said he was the jealous type, and he accused her of having an affair with me. Which nothing of the sorts has or will happened, I've never been the type of person to run around town.

My Master was very particular to not give any chances for bad vibes to spread. He would not even walk alone with His sister, to avoid gossip.

I am a bit more "easy going" then my Master, but I always keep it in mind. If I know a woman is married, I am very careful. Best to only meet when husband is present IMO (esp. if you know he is of the jealous type).

Also kind of respect. His wife. When I visit someone's house, I also respect their rules in the house. Peace in the world starts with peace in the family. I want Peace. So avoid creating the opposite.

Once a woman invited me home (I told her, it's better to meet when husband present, my Master says and I agree with that, but she felt it was okay as there is nothing between us). We are both into spirituality. Her husband is belittling spiritual life, so would not be nice him having around. Nothing else between us, as I want and decided to stay alone (no sex etc for decades). So I thought "let's see what happens"

That particular day the husband comes home early (God is great). I could feel his anger from the jealousy.

I told her it's not good to meet again. And decided not to do it again. Shortly after they divorced. Not because of this; she broke it of (was her plan already for like 5 years), he did not want. But still, I don't do it again; I learned my lesson.

 

[Father Heathen]

The husband made an accusation to the Bishop, my guess, and is just a guess, he clipped her wings till it gets sorted out.
In an Evangelical Church, an accusation like this would be handled by by the elders or in some the pastor, The accusation would be investigated discreetly.
Even if no adultery were found, there would be counseling for husband and wife as members. Appearances would be discussed as well.

Does church membership require allowing clergy access into your private lives? Yuck.

 

[Father Heathen]

Damn shame that Reznor has done nothing notable since Downward Spiral.