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Baha`i Humor

Discussion in 'Baha'i Faith DIR' started by Popeyesays, Jan 24, 2006.

  1. Popeyesays

    Popeyesays New Member

    Messages:
    6,768
    It seems that every religion has its own sense of humor which leads to the creation of a comedic repertoire. I ran across this compendium of Baha`i jokes on Wikpedia:



    The Bahá'í Faith is an independent world religion and it seems reasonable to expect it to possess a body of jokes and other examples of humor, as other religions do. This page will attempt to document this.


    The Pioneer

    Necessary background: (1) Bahá'í pioneers are not missionaries, but unpaid volunteers who move to another region which lacks Bahá'ís. (2) A Local Spiritual Assembly (LSA) must have a minimum of 9 adult Bahá'ís. Bahá'ís have been known to move in order to allow various LSA's to continue functioning. (3) The "Remover of Difficulties" is a short prayer revealed by the Báb, it is one of the most commonly known Bahá'í prayers. A Bahá'í pioneer was trespassing through the jungle of some tropical country, when suddenly he found himself surrounded by naked men with bones through their noses, waving spears. They tied him up and threw him in a stew-pot, then started piling firewood underneath. Drums sounded. In desperation the pioneer began reciting the "remover of difficulties" prayer. Suddenly the drumming stopped. One cannibal looked at another and said "Hey guys! I think we've just found the ninth member of our Local Spiritual Assembly!"



    Miscellaneous two-liners

    Necessary background: (1) Bahá'í bookstores sell numerous t-shirts, bumper stickers, and buttons with messages advocating world peace, an end to racism, "one world", and so on. (2) The Bahá'ís see their sacred history as beginning with the Bábí movement (1844-1852), though recognizing it to be a separate religion from their own. Q. What did they have before Bahá'í buttons were invented?

    A. Bábí pins! (sounds like "bobby pins")

    Necessary background: Bahá'u'lláh's writings are called "tablets" (lawh). Q. Why don't Bahá'ís get headaches?

    A. Because Bahá'u'lláh gave them Tablets!

    Necessary background: `Abdu'l-Bahá, the son of Bahá'u'lláh, traveled through Europe and the United States shortly before World War I, giving talks on Bahá'í themes. He is referred to reverently as "the Master." Q. How did `Abdu'l-Bahá finance his trip across America and Europe?

    A. With Master-Card!



    Columbus

    The following story is from Vignettes '`Abdu'l-Bahá told a Bahá'í to prepare to go to India to teach the Faith. So he prepared by studying Indian culture, languages, etc. But at the last minute, the Master changed his mind and decided to send him to America.

    "But I thought I was going to India," said the Pioneer.

    `Abdu'l-Bahá answered, "So did Columbus."



    Entering Heaven

    Necessary Background: Huqúqu’lláh (literally "the right of God", Arabic حقوق الله) is a voluntary Bahá'í religious wealth tax analogous to the Islamic Zakat. In this joke it is significant mainly for being difficult to spell. A Christian, Muslim, and Bahá'í all die at the same time. They come upon the gates of Heaven, and the angel Gabriel greets them and says "To enter Heaven you must answer one question correctly. If you get it right, you can enter. If you get it wrong, you will fall into a fiery abyss."

    The Christian steps up, and Gabriel asks, "Who is the most recent Manifestation of God on earth?" The Christian confidently responds "Jesus Christ, the Son of God" Suddenly the ground opens and swallows him up.

    The Muslim steps up, and Gabriel asks, "Who is the most recent Manifestation of God on earth?" The Muslim confidently responds "Muhammad, the Apostle of God" Suddenly the ground opens and swallows him up.

    The Bahá'í steps up, and Gabriel asks, "Spell Huqúqu’lláh."



    Sinking Ship

    A Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim were out sailing on a small boat, when they got caught up in a tempest and the boat capsized. The Christian began to pray out loud, "Dear Lord, please send this infernal Muslim to his death and save me." The Muslim also began to pray out loud, "Oh God, grant your favor on me, and let this wretched Christian drown in the sea." When they asked the Jew why he wasn't praying, he responded, "I trust God will answer your prayers."



    Travelling Teachers

    Two Bahá'í travelling teachers were in a small town, looking for a place to stay. The only place for rent was the basement of an old house that had a reputation for being haunted. They took the place and moved in. The neighbors were curious to see how long they would be able to stay in the haunted basement. A week passed, then two. The travelling teachers showed no signs of moving out. Finally, someone came and asked them how they could bear to stay, and weren't they afraid of the ghosts? "Oh no," one of the teachers replied, "We're Bahá'ís." "What does being Bahá'ís have to do with it?" the questioner inquired. "Well, you see, Bahá'u'lláh said, 'Fear not abasement...'"



    The Veteran

    An old WWII vet went to his local watering hole once a week on Fridays and ordered three beers. He did this every week for some years, and became a familiar sight to the bartender. One evening, curiosity got the best of the bartender, and he asked the old man, "why do you come here and get three beers every single Friday?". The old man laughed and said "well, when I was in WWII, my two best buddies and I agreed that wherever we were, we would get three beers every Friday- one for each of us. That way, we always remember one another." The bartender smiled, thanked the old man for the explanation, and said goodbye to him as he left the bar. The next week, the old man walked in as usual, climbed onto his favorite barstool, and said hello to the bartender, who'd already set aside three beers. "Actually, said the veteran, "this week, I will only be needing two beers." The bartender was stunned by the change in routine and stuttered "b-b-but why only two?". With a smile on his face, the old man replied, "because I'm a Baha'i now!" (Remember: Baha'is don't drink)

    This entry is from Wikipedia, the leading user-contributed encyclopedia. It may not have been reviewed by professional editors (see full disclaimer)
     
    Fallen Goddess likes this.
  2. Fallen Goddess

    Fallen Goddess New Member

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    107
    :jester5: I like a religion with a sense of humor.:)
     
  3. Booko

    Booko Deviled Hen

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    18,523
    In Adib Taherzadeh's historical work, "The Revelation of Baha'u'llah", he reports that Baha'u'llah, Founder of the Baha'i Faith, said that one of the attributes of God was "Humorist."

    Although there are other passages in Baha'i Writings that caution against making jokes at someone else's expense. Which would make sense...
     
  4. Booko

    Booko Deviled Hen

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    18,523
    Q: What's a Baha'i fruit?
    A: Cantaloupe

    [note: Baha'is can't get married w/o parental permission.]

    And where is Bruce with his variation on "How many Baha'is does it take to screw in a lightbulb, anyway?

    [note: the answer is always 9, though the reasons vary]

    And the ever popular:

    Q: What is the name of the nightingale in the Tablet of Ahmad? (a prayer)
    A: Lo

    [the prayer begins, "Lo, the nightingale...."]

    While they're hardly authoritative, I do like some of the tales related by Baha'u'llah's barber. Especially the one about Turkish Delight, which Baha'u'llah's brother Mirza Yahyah liked and so they would go around hiding it from him.
     
  5. BruceDLimber

    BruceDLimber New Member

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    5,175
    Sigh.

    Well, since my public demands it . . .

    I must point out, though, that despite her assertion, Booko is about to find out that the answer is not always nine!:


    Q. How many Baha'is does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A. Ten: nine to consult on how to make it a teaching project,
    and one to make the tea.


    Q. How many Baha'is does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A. Baha'is don't do that. They teach the light bulb,
    and if it wants to transform, it'll change itself!


    And I suppose that before she comes back and asks for it next, I'd better relate the anecdote about 'Abdu'l-Baha's taste in refreshments. (He was the son of our Founder, Baha'u'llah, and His apointed successor/interpreter 1892-1921.)

    During his travels in America, the hostess at one event asked 'Abdu'l-Baha whether he'd like tea or coffee.

    'Abdu'l-Baha said,

    "Tea is a very spiritual drink. It uplifts the soul, and prepares one for the Next Life.

    "Coffee, in contrast, is a very material drink, and appeals to the lower nature.

    "I'll have a cup of coffee, please."


    :)

    Bruce
     
  6. Booko

    Booko Deviled Hen

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    18,523
    Well, it should be 9...if one person leaves to make the tea, you still have a quorum...

    And where's the one where some say prayers, someone takes the minutes, and someone else organizes the potluck, or whatever that was???

    Is this Kitab-i-Hearsay, or there a lit cite on this one? :jiggy:
     
  7. BruceDLimber

    BruceDLimber New Member

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    5,175
    Uh, I think the "cook" was supernumerary.

    An excellent question; I'm glad you asked it!

    If there are no further questions, class is dismissed.

    <g, d&r>

    Bruce
     
  8. evearael

    evearael New Member

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    6,106
    This is makes me smile, especially about the coffee! What are some good texts on the Baha'i faith?
     
  9. Booko

    Booko Deviled Hen

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    18,523
    Remind me not to ask you to teach children's classes! :bonk:
     
  10. Booko

    Booko Deviled Hen

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    18,523
    What you don't know is that Bruce is positively fundamentalist in his tea-drinking. :D

    At this website you can download Ocean concordance, which contains not just Baha'i Writings, but the texts from many other religions as well. It's free.

    http://www.bahai-education.org

    Were you looking for a basic introduction, or is there a specific interest?
     
  11. evearael

    evearael New Member

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    6,106
    I prefer the original texts of religions I choose to study. As I am already familiar with Judaism and Christianity, and am about to tackle Islam, it makes sense to add Baha'i to my list. Your message of peace and unity appeals to me.
     
  12. Booko

    Booko Deviled Hen

    Messages:
    18,523
    Probably the Kitab-i-Iqan (Book of Certitude) would be a good place to start. Or anything by Abdu'l-Baha. Or if you like mysticism, I would recommend "The Four Valleys" and "The Seven Valleys." They're even better if you've read any of the Sufi writers, like Rumi.

    Ocean has all of those, plus more. I think it has several translations of the Qu'ran, the Bible, and writings of Eastern religions as well. There are even Zoroastrian texts.

    Even though I prefer having a book in hand most times, the search capabilities across so many religious is mighty handy. I remember the bad old days when my books were filled with little yellow stickies with numerical codes on them so I could find things quickly. :banghead3
     
  13. 9harmony

    9harmony New Member

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    207
    Hi evearael,

    if you prefer having a book in your hands rather than reading online there are several titles by Baha'u'llah that are now available through local bookstores.

    they are...

    The Kitab-i-Iqan (The Book of Certitude) written from an Islamic perspective it addresses the history of religion.

    Gleanings from the Writings of Baha'u'llah

    The Hidden Words

    &

    Selected Writings of Baha'u'llah


    Have a nice evening! :)
     
    Booko likes this.
  14. BruceDLimber

    BruceDLimber New Member

    Messages:
    5,175
    Hi, Evearel!

    I'd like to chime in and also recommend The Book of Certitude (aka Kitab-i-Iqan). It's the primary Baha'i theolotical work and will explain a great deal about what we believe!

    And as to works by 'Abdu'l-Baha (all of which are also Baha'i scripture), I'd especially recommend Some Answered Questions. It explains many different topics in easy-to-read English.

    Good hunting! :)

    Bruce
     
  15. BruceDLimber

    BruceDLimber New Member

    Messages:
    5,175
    Actually, I'd probably prefer pre-youth, or more precisely, middle-school types.

    This is a result of my own experiences back when. I remember being quite bored most of the time in Sunday School: we had a series of lesson books that were 99% drab and consistently boring. (I remember only one lesson from them that was an exception: a fourth-grade one about optimism and pessimism--indeed, this is the ONLY lesson from them that I remember!)

    But in sixth grade our SS teacher basically threw away the book (presumably without the knowledge of those higher up), and under his initiative, every week we had a wonderful free-wheeling discussion on all sorts of thought-provoking topics! I'm sure this expanded our thinking tremendously, and we learned a lot in there.

    So ever since I find discussing great questions with kids that age enjoyable: they're old enough to think and hold opinions, but often haven't necessarily solidified their views yet.

    (And while I'm not yet a trained teacher, that should be in the pipeline one of these days....)

    Bruce
     
  16. oneness

    oneness New Member

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    19
    Regarding how many Bahá’í s it takes to screw in a light bulb, another version is only two. One to actually do it and the other to serve refreshments! (Bahá’ís are known for their hospitality)

    Dear evearael,
    Another possible way to investigate about the Bahá’í faith would be to participate in study circles of a series of courses on spiritual themes from the Bahá’í writings called “Ruhi” which can be easily accomplished by looking-up and contacting Bahá’í s in your locality, or by asking someone here. This will have the added benefit of discussion with other people, not to mention refreshments! :)
     
  17. 9harmony

    9harmony New Member

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    207
    Hi Oneness,

    Welcome!

    It's nice to see so many Baha'i's here. :)

    Have a great day!
     
  18. Popeyesays

    Popeyesays New Member

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    6,768
    My friend here in OKC says he knows exactly how many Baha`i's it takes to change a light bulb because he watched the process at the Little Rock, Arkansas Baha`i Center. In this test of the hypothesis it took four - two engineers, a woman who did not think anyone else could supervise properly, and one man to actually put the bulb in the socket. Refreshments were served afterwards as part of the gathering that was the reason for changing a dead bulb.

    Regards,
    Scott
     
  19. oneness

    oneness New Member

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    19
    Sorry I had missed this. Thank you 9harmony, look forward to fruitful discussions. :)
     
  20. grasor

    grasor New Member

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    1
    Why don't you find any Baha'is in Heaven??

    Because they are all travel teaching in hell...

    Boom Boom.
     
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