Atheist parents/Religious children?

[stemann]

We don't know how 'involved' in her children's lives this mother makes God, but if it is anything less than total domination (for want of a better word) then it is abusing the power of belief in God, and i think- even though I'm not religious- God would not want to be just a comforter.
However, saying that, maybe the children aren't yet old enough to learn all the truth about God and she's just starting them off slowly, like Sunday School. Again this assumes that she wants to continue to teach them about God as they get older which also isn't clear.
But like I just said, to use the idea of God in order to 'comfort' her children is a peculiar way of shielding them from the world, and if I wasn't an atheist, I don't think I would like how she uses God in this way.

 

[cmotdibbler]

This is a somewhat of a painful subject for me. My wife was a pretty devout catholic and I was pretty much agnostic. As we aged she left the RC church and is essentially a strong non-demoninational protestant while I my feelings crystalized to atheism. My two kids (12 and 13) have been raised in the faith but know that I am a non-believer. Both kids are really bright, mature and respected by their peers and I have to admit that the christain doctrine has made them better. So I gently prod them into asking questions regarding their faith and hope to equip them to see that there are alternatives to fundamentalist christianity. Our differences in faith is the thousand pound gorilla in an otherwise good marriage. Anniversaries tend to be awkward since there is always the unasked question "would you still marry me?" and in all honesty if we had the same differences of faith back then that we do now, we would have never dated, let alone get married.

Cranking up the confrontation level with my wife is just not an option, it would doom our marriage. So in some ways being "unequally yoked" is kind of like living with an alcoholic.

 

[Tawn]

Tawn, I'd love to see you marry and have children and then hear how your beliefs (Or non-beliefs?) turn out - the plans I made, the thoughts I put into 'being the best parent I could be' somehow all went out of the window in the event, as they so often do like pre-rehearsed interviews; somehow the 'hey this didn't work the way I thought it would' factor comes into play.

I have no doubt whatsoever that that would be the case! Hence my last comment...

 

[michel]

This is a somewhat of a painful subject for me. My wife was a pretty devout catholic and I was pretty much agnostic. As we aged she left the RC church and is essentially a strong non-demoninational protestant while I my feelings crystalized to atheism. My two kids (12 and 13) have been raised in the faith but know that I am a non-believer. Both kids are really bright, mature and respected by their peers and I have to admit that the christain doctrine has made them better. So I gently prod them into asking questions regarding their faith and hope to equip them to see that there are alternatives to fundamentalist christianity. Our differences in faith is the thousand pound gorilla in an otherwise good marriage. Anniversaries tend to be awkward since there is always the unasked question "would you still marry me?" and in all honesty if we had the same differences of faith back then that we do now, we would have never dated, let alone get married.

Cranking up the confrontation level with my wife is just not an option, it would doom our marriage. So in some ways being "unequally yoked" is kind of like living with an alcoholic.

That is very sad; I'm sorry that you and your wife have to cope with this - it is obviously hard for you (Both?), although it sounds as if you have a 'sort of' understanding. Do you think you can make each other happy despite your differences ?

 

[cmotdibbler]

We do have an understanding but I feel bad for my wife since my status puts her in some awkward situations with her spiritually-inclined friends. Since so much of her energy is devoted to the kids I do worry that this will be directed into her faith once the kids move on.

Attempts at my conversion have resulted in an impressive collection of apologetic literature and we have quite a library of Josh McDowell, Lee Strobal, Michael Behe, and Focus on the Family literature and it is pretty hard to go through. At least my wife is honest enough not to use some of the more typical christian arguements. A few of the "church ladies" have told me if only I had "Faith" then I could be "Saved" but I've found comments promoting doubts in christianity (let alone atheism) are not received well immediately after a service.

Life in a small town....

 

[Lycan]

You can't be taught to think for yourself, you must be able to do it anyway. If someone says 'think for yourself', what if, in thinking for yourself, you decide that they are wrong in telling you to think for yourself?

:sarcastic ....

 

[michel]

We do have an understanding but I feel bad for my wife since my status puts her in some awkward situations with her spiritually-inclined friends. Since so much of her energy is devoted to the kids I do worry that this will be directed into her faith once the kids move on.

Attempts at my conversion have resulted in an impressive collection of apologetic literature and we have quite a library of Josh McDowell, Lee Strobal, Michael Behe, and Focus on the Family literature and it is pretty hard to go through. At least my wife is honest enough not to use some of the more typical christian arguements. A few of the "church ladies" have told me if only I had "Faith" then I could be "Saved" but I've found comments promoting doubts in christianity (let alone atheism) are not received well immediately after a service.

Life in a small town....

That sounds rough especially with church 'Ladies' harassing you - that must feel like a kick somewhere nasty. I'm glad you have though about the 'when the children leave' scenario - that was the first thing I thought about after your last post. I must say, I really feel for you - that's a difficult one.

You must have thought of counselling; Have you discussed it ? there must be a way of not letting this split you up.

 

[cmotdibbler]

That sounds rough especially with church 'Ladies' harassing you - that must feel like a kick somewhere nasty. I'm glad you have though about the 'when the children leave' scenario - that was the first thing I thought about after your last post. I must say, I really feel for you - that's a difficult one.

You must have thought of counselling; Have you discussed it ? there must be a way of not letting this split you up.

Thank you for the concern Michel.

The church ladies have backed off quite a bit and I was writing about things that happened a couple of years ago when we were still new in town. At this point we are more in danger of drifting apart rather than splitting up. We need to have more discussion about the post-children time of our lives. It is hard to say how things would have turned out with the kids had she not moved in this direction. Perhaps the same, since she commits herself 110%.

Being "unequally yoked" puts a certain distance between a couple. How can an Atheist not resent the intense relationship and time commitment that god requires from my family (mostly my wife). How can the theist cope with the fact that the non-believing spouse will spend eternity in a lake of burning fire? There really is no way to reconcile the two viewpoints without converting the other. And no, there is little chance of me becoming a hopeful agnostic and her becoming a more liberal xtain, we are both pretty informed within our "belief" systems to allow for modifications.

Things have been stable for the past couple of years but could change since my wife wants to change churches. My continued limited participation in church activities will strongly depend on where we go. Will keep you posted.