Ask an Asexual

[Ashoka]

Howdy. I am a panromantic asexual (I experience no sexual attraction, but I do experience romantic attraction to all genders). I'm pretty sex-indifferent: I can do without it, but if my partner wants to, it's whatever.

Feel free to ask me things.

 

[VoidCat]

Howdy. I am a panromantic asexual (I experience no sexual attraction, but I do experience romantic attraction to all genders). I'm pretty sex-indifferent: I can do without it, but if my partner wants to, it's whatever.

Feel free to ask me things.

Im asexual aromantic. I dont have any questions regarding asexuality. How's life going?

 

[Ashoka]

Im asexual aromantic. I dont have any questions regarding asexuality. How's life going?

Ups and downs, but overall good. How about you?

 

[VoidCat]

Ups and downs, but overall good. How about you?

It's been a stressful week but on the bright side i finished my major project for my college work.

 

[The Hammer]

Howdy. I am a panromantic asexual (I experience no sexual attraction, but I do experience romantic attraction to all genders). I'm pretty sex-indifferent: I can do without it, but if my partner wants to, it's whatever.

Feel free to ask me things.

What's it like to not have a sex drive, but also want close romantic intimacy?

I accept, but honestly don't understand asexuality.

 

[Curious George]

If there were hormone treatment that increased your feelings of sexual desire and pleasure derived from sexual acts, would you be interested in trying it?

does asexuality feel similar to feeling even-keeled in other emotional situations? That is: does clear rational thinking prevail despite the sexuality to which you are exposed?

 

[Yerda]

I experience no sexual attraction, but I do experience romantic attraction...

What's the difference?

Do asexual people still experience pleasure when they do the deed?

Do asexual people experience sexual jealousy?

Also, hello.

 

[Ashoka]

What's the difference?

Do asexual people still experience pleasure when they do the deed?

Do asexual people experience sexual jealousy?

Also, hello.

Sexual attraction is based upon seeing someone and wanting to have sex with them. Romantic attraction is based upon seeing someone and simply wanting a romantic relationship with them.

Yes absolutely.

I can't speak for all asexuals, but I don't.

Hi!

 

[Ashoka]

What's it like to not have a sex drive, but also want close romantic intimacy?

I accept, but honestly don't understand asexuality.

A common misconception is that asexuals don't have a sex drive. I do. Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, not lack of a sex drive. There are many sex positive asexuals, just as there are sex indifferent and sex averse.

If there were hormone treatment that increased your feelings of sexual desire and pleasure derived from sexual acts, would you be interested in trying it?

does asexuality feel similar to feeling even-keeled in other emotional situations? That is: does clear rational thinking prevail despite the sexuality to which you are exposed?

1. See above.

2. That's a good question. I do think that not experiencing attraction makes it a little easier for me in relationships, because I can focus on other aspects of the person. That's not always easy for the other person, though, and I actually spoke to a friend about this (she's asexual as well). I've had relationships where I have told people I am asexual and it instantly "turns them off" or whatever. Which is fine, to each their own. But one can find a person datable, and even share their life with, someone they aren't sexually attracted to. It's like:

"So you DON'T want to have sex with me?"

"I mean I do, I just don't look at a butt and think, well damn that's a sexy behind. I think, 'eww, poop comes out of butts.' "

(I'm so sorry I'm sophomoric).

 

[dybmh]

How did you discover you were panromantic? Was it confusing?

 

[Ashoka]

How did you discover you were panromantic? Was it confusing?

It was. I thought for a while I was bisexual as well. But growing up, I never really had crushes, not in the sense of looking at someone and thinking "he's so cute/hot/sexy". I fall in love with people because they're people. It's hard to really describe but I can see myself with anyone, of any gender, in a romantic way. And I fall hard romantically.

Actually, this video describes asexuality pretty well I think (the content creator is also aromantic, which I am not, but it's still a good video I think.)

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

Howdy. I am a panromantic asexual (I experience no sexual attraction, but I do experience romantic attraction to all genders). I'm pretty sex-indifferent: I can do without it, but if my partner wants to, it's whatever.

Feel free to ask me things.

Oddly, I have no questions at all about your asexuality, except why not seek out someone equally disinterested for whatever "romance" it is you think you seek.

 

[Curious George]

A common misconception is that asexuals don't have a sex drive. I do. Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, not lack of a sex drive. There are many sex positive asexuals, just as there are sex indifferent and sex averse.



1. See above.

2. That's a good question. I do think that not experiencing attraction makes it a little easier for me in relationships, because I can focus on other aspects of the person. That's not always easy for the other person, though, and I actually spoke to a friend about this (she's asexual as well). I've had relationships where I have told people I am asexual and it instantly "turns them off" or whatever. Which is fine, to each their own. But one can find a person datable, and even share their life with, someone they aren't sexually attracted to. It's like:

"So you DON'T want to have sex with me?"

"I mean I do, I just don't look at a butt and think, well damn that's a sexy behind. I think, 'eww, poop comes out of butts.' "

(I'm so sorry I'm sophomoric).

I am not sure that the above addressed my first question. I recognize that there is an assumption that a person who wasn’t in the throes of sexual desire would not feel the same level of pleasure. But I think sexual desire is sexual attraction, whereas sex drive is one want to experience sexual release. Perhaps I am wrong in my word choice though. So if we were to rework the question, if there was a hormone treatment that would increase your level of sexual attraction and the sexual pleasure you felt from sexual activity, would you be interested in trying it?

I guess the heart of this question is if you could increase sexual attraction, would you? Or do you prefer your feelings to what you perceive others feeling?

 

[Trailblazer]

I accept, but honestly don't understand asexuality.

I accept, but don't understand why sex is such a big deal, other than the physical pleasure derived from it.
As such, I have concluded that the reason sex is such a big deal for people is because they want physical pleasure.
But then I circle right back to "big deal," what is so great about physical pleasure?

I have never been happier than the day I decided that I did not want to be a slave to my physical desires anymore. I felt like a bird who had been released from a cage, the cage of self and desire. Why would I ever want to go back to that way of life, just for a few moments of pleasure? And then you have to do it all over again to get more pleasure. How is that any different from getting high on alcohol or drugs?

 

[The Hammer]

I accept, but don't understand why sex is such a big deal, other than the physical pleasure derived from it.
As such, I have concluded that the reason sex is such a big deal for people is because they want physical pleasure.
But then I circle right back to "big deal," what is so great about physical pleasure?

I have never been happier than the day I decided that I did not want to be a slave to my physical desires anymore. I felt like a bird who had been released from a cage, the cage of self and desire. Why would I ever want to go back to that way of life, just for a few moments of pleasure? It makes no logical sense at all.

Logic isn't everything there is.

Sex is not just about the pleasure, but also bonding with ones partner. Sex releases oxytocin, which creates a bond. (Fun fact: this molecule is also why we are attached to our children Oxytocin and early parent-infant interactions: A systematic review.).
It (sex) also improves cardiovascular health.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

I accept, but don't understand why sex is such a big deal, other than the physical pleasure derived from it.
As such, I have concluded that the reason sex is such a big deal for people is because they want physical pleasure.
But then I circle right back to "big deal," what is so great about physical pleasure?

I have never been happier than the day I decided that I did not want to be a slave to my physical desires anymore. I felt like a bird who had been released from a cage, the cage of self and desire. Why would I ever want to go back to that way of life, just for a few moments of pleasure? And then you have to do it all over again to get more pleasure. How is that any different from getting high on alcohol or drugs?

Do you know why there is an almost universal desire for sex? From itty-bitty critters that crawl in the mud, to fish of every kind, and moose in the rut (that's a thing to see!) and basically every other critter on earth? It's because nature programmed it in -- you know, so that life would keep going.

It's kind of interesting to think about what life would be like on a planet where sexual reproduction was the norm, but arose without interest. I rather suspect that when we got there, there'd be nobody to welcome us.

My own view is that one possible reason that some people are disinterested in sex has a great deal to do with their religion. Abrahamic religions do seem to have something of an antipathy to sex -- or at least to taking pleasure in it. I find that somewhat tragic, frankly. A healthy interest in getting it on with the person you love can be pretty life-affirming, in my view.

 

[Trailblazer]

Sex is not just about the pleasure, but also bonding with ones partner. Sex releases oxytocin, which creates a bond. (Fun fact: this molecule is also why we are attached to our children Oxytocin and early parent-infant interactions: A systematic review.).
It (sex) also improves cardiovascular health.

That's true, and I remember those days, but it just was no longer worth the price I had to pay for the bonding I felt afterward, which did not last long since the oxytocin wore off quickly, and then it was business as usual.

After I gave sex up I found other ways to be bonded, through shared spirituality. Before, when it was only physical, there was no spiritual connection between us.

I can go jogging for my cardiovascular health.

The thing is, it is natural to want sex in youth and middle age, as that is how God designed the body to function, but there is something unnatural about trying to extend those years into old age, and without drugs and hormones it would not be possible to do so.

 

[Trailblazer]

Do you know why there is an almost universal desire for sex? From itty-bitty critters that crawl in the mud, to fish of every kind, and moose in the rut (that's a thing to see!) and basically every other critter on earth? It's because nature programmed it in -- you know, so that life would keep going.

Of course there is a universal desire for sex. God designed it that way to ensure continuation of all the species.

The problem with the sex instinct is that it has been confused with love. Sex is not love and love is not sex. Another problem is that the sex instinct has been abused. All you have to do to know that is watch the true crime dramas I watch constantly. The two reasons for murder are sex and money. If people were satisfied with having monogamous sex with one partner that they love crime would be greatly reduced.

https://www.researchgate.net/figure...ence-by-Victim-Sex-Victim-Type_tbl1_254097424

It's kind of interesting to think about what life would be like on a planet where sexual reproduction was the norm, but arose without interest. I rather suspect that when we got there, there'd be nobody to welcome us.

Of course people and animals would not have sex without a motivation. Sex has to be pleasurable in order to ensure people and animals would want to engage in it.

My own view is that one possible reason that some people are disinterested in sex has a great deal to do with their religion. Abrahamic religions do seem to have something of an antipathy to sex -- or at least to taking pleasure in it. I find that somewhat tragic, frankly. A healthy interest in getting it on with the person you love can be pretty life-affirming, in my view.

That negative view does not come from my religion. Many years ago, on the Planet Baha'i forum, the other Baha'is are all over my case when I said that I don't think that sex is necessary. And it does say in the Baha'i Writings that Baha'i marriage must be a union of both the body and the spirit.

“The true marriage of Bahá’ís is this, that husband and wife should be united both physically and spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God. This is Bahá’í marriage.”
Selections From the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 118

 

[Brickjectivity]

Howdy. I am a panromantic asexual (I experience no sexual attraction, but I do experience romantic attraction to all genders). I'm pretty sex-indifferent: I can do without it, but if my partner wants to, it's whatever.

Feel free to ask me things.

Have you noticed that if you are in an enclosed space with certain people it can affect your adrenaline? I have. I feel all kinds of chemical effects, and I feel my cheeks getting hot. I think it is a facet of sexual attraction but not the entirety of it. Its a signal to me that this person could be compatible.

 

[Ella S.]

Logic isn't everything there is.

...hey, wait, take that back! /jk