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Are you sabotaging your own happiness?

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
Hope you are all well or heading towards being well ...

Here's a psych blog I found - some good advice at least in my humble little opinion -

For a taste -

“Once X happens, only then will I be or feel Y.”

At some point in our lives — we’ve all done this. And as we learn to heal and move the hell on from this divorce, we may still fall into what I call the X-Y Trap. We say to ourselves that it will take a certain external situation (what I call the X) in order for us to achieve an internal state (what I call the Y). While this occurs in everyday situations, the X-Y Trap loves to linger during the divorce process. Do any of these phrases sound familiar?

“Once the papers are signed, then I will be happy.”

“I’ll be happy again when I find a new partner to be with. Somebody who will be so much better than my ex-spouse.”

“When I move out of this house with all its memories and ghosts, I’ll be happy.”

“As soon as I quit feeling so overwhelmed, then I can work on being happy.”

How to Stop Sabotaging Your Own Happiness

If that isn't enough for you - try your favourite search engine ...

Wishing you all the best!

:)
 

BSM1

What? Me worry?
Most folks are convinced that happiness come from without. Happiness comes from within, and is a constant choice. Joy, however, is an external exercise.
 

A Vestigial Mote

Well-Known Member
I try not to have strong expectations going into situations involving other people, or a good number of unknown factors. This helps a long way toward not getting disappointed when the results don't favor what you wanted to have happen. I have witnessed too may friends and family doing exactly what you refer to in the OP - thinking that once a certain thing happens, they will be happier - or plainly stating that they "need" something to look forward to, otherwise they are depressed. It has never seemed emotionally healthy to me, and when I witness something I feel is damaging to the person engaging in the behavior, I usually vow not to behave that way myself.
 
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