Are we not too old for insults?

[Unveiled Artist]

You are mistaken. A lot of people thrive on insults. They live on them. It's their fuel. If they use it in real life they will lose their jobs and social lives so they do it online. There's no age barrier to this phenomenon.

As we age, our mindsets change. As teens we see things different and adults and elders likewise. So, what we take offense is also influenced by our mindsets, experiences, (aka age). Not specific to a number but where you are in life at that age.

There's another factor that the older we get, the more we act like children. Not sure where that ones from but I've seen studies on it even though not all cultures share that perspective.

 

[Heyo]

One person's insult is another person's common sense. It's rare that I see anyone actually intending to insult anyone else, here. Linguistic skills and temperaments vary widely, so "insults" occur and are perceived very often, without intent.

Yep. And sometimes it depends on who is making the remark. You can watch it here on RF when the seniors make deprecating remarks about each other, clearly in jest but formally insults. Within my group of friends the tone is similar and even though I try to be more diplomatic under strangers, I may have insulted someone without meaning it.
On the other hand, I'm not easily insulted myself. When someone says to me "you look like sh!t", my reply may be "I'm feeling like sh!t, very perceptive of you noticing it.".

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Okay? Not sure what my takeaway is supposed to be from this sentence. It seems entirely pointless.

It's an indirect statement to myself saying there is irony in your reply, but I'll just smile regardless my initial feelings about it. Has to do with what you're saying not you as a person.

In my personal opinion, is has to do with younger people not giving a crap because they feel invulnerable to time. And elderly people also stop giving a crap when they realize how very limited their remaining time is.

That's basically the comment of the OP. Everything else, I'm not sure where you're getting at with the negativity.

What is this in reference to? What "gives a better reaction?" "It?" What is "it?"

It's an indirect example. I took the bold and caps off that statement (or one or the other) because it throws my eyes off and it's internet-yelling. I know you meant to emphasis but the point, tone, and emphasis makes it sound accusative.

Emphasis of what? Are you talking about my second use of the word "entirely" here? Yes - it was meant for emphasis.

I spoke to soon. Above.

Implying that something was wrong with my tone from your point of view? Can you tell me what it was in that particular post?

Your whole line of comments are negative tone. Whether you accept that critique or not is up to you. De ja vu.

What? What do you mean by "that?" Was this an attempt to mimic my use of the word "Entirely" as a stand-alone statement? I at least had context to lean on. You only used the word "that." I have no idea what "that" is a stand in for. You know what is probably even more important that "tone?" Being clear in your points. Maybe try it some time. (I am sure you don't like my "tone" here. Does this mean my words don't "work?")

Sounds like you're getting defensive.

I may take issue with the criticism if I feel it unjust... but yes. I have taken my licks when I have been wrong on many occasions. How do you behave under such circumstances?

Which is reasonable. Just watch how you reply back. It sends off wrong signals. Better to take a deep breathe and get something to drink. At least that is what I do. Everyone online should do it when getting into an argument about insults. The OP didn't target any one person.

QUOTE="A Vestigial Mote, post: 6591291, member: 57050"]Only for those who haven't thought about it very deeply. If you think on nothing else in this post from me, please consider this. When a person gets defensive (like I am sort of feeling from you in this reply of yours) to the idea that they are responsible for the hurt that they feel from insults or words, what, exactly, is it that such a person is defending? What is there to be defensive over? Your "right" to be offended? Your "right" to be insulted? Do you want to be insulted? Is that what it is about? If not, then what? What is it that is being defended when a person gets defensive over this idea?[/QUOTE]

like I am sort of feeling from you in this reply of yours to the idea that they are responsible for the hurt that they feel from insults or words, what

Don't take it personal. I just feel it doesn't make sense to say it's the other person's responsibility for their own hurt not the one who insults (I'm paraphrasing). In my opinion, if the person who insults can't accept he hurt the other person and he is to blame for that (his action), then it's not on the victim but the prey.

**Kind of like saying it's your responsibility to accept you're pain and not my fault even though I have the knife. Sometimes victims can't just excuse pain but it can be reconciled when the other knows their actions whether they agree with it or not is irrelevant.**

This is straightforward statement about any person who does this not specific to you.

Of what? That people are going to take offense to my criticisms? You think I didn't entirely realize this as having a high probability? Why on Earth do you think I adopt the "tone" that I do most often? There certainly are reasons you are feeling as you do when you read my words. These words are under my employ, and people fall for them nearly every time. I fall for them myself sometimes... but less often. And there are definite reasons for that.

Sounds like a defensive (rather) comment. Questions and "yous" sets that off.

 

[firedragon]

As we age, our mindsets change. As teens we see things different and adults and elders likewise. So, what we take offense is also influenced by our mindsets, experiences, (aka age). Not specific to a number but where you are in life at that age.

There's another factor that the older we get, the more we act like children. Not sure where that ones from but I've seen studies on it even though not all cultures share that perspective.

All good. But it has not worked. People still thrive on insults even at much older ages.

 

[A Vestigial Mote]

Don't take it personal. I just feel it doesn't make sense to say it's the other person's responsibility for their own hurt not the one who insults (I'm paraphrasing). In my opinion, if the person who insults can't accept he hurt the other person and he is to blame for that (his action), then it's not on the victim but the prey.

Both parties have a responsibility, in my opinion. The person who insults should be ready for the other person to go on the offensive or defensive, however the person being offended is also responsible for their reaction. Entirely responsible for their reaction. This includes how they allow themselves to feel about what has been said.

**Kind of like saying it's your responsibility to accept you're pain and not my fault even though I have the knife. Sometimes victims can't just excuse pain but it can be reconciled when the other knows their actions whether they agree with it or not is irrelevant.**

It is nothing like this. You cannot decide to ignore the damage done by a knife wound. But you had better bet you can ignore the "pain" (so called) from any word spoken by another. You can, definitively. It is within your power not to feel anything, if you so choose, based on anything anyone says. This is a cold, hard fact that really cannot be denied.

Sounds like a dense comment. Questions and "yous" sets that off.

Think as you will. I don't have to even react or respond as it suits me.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Both parties have a responsibility, in my opinion. The person who insults should be ready for the other person to go on the offensive or defensive, however the person being offended is also responsible for their reaction. Entirely responsible for their reaction. This includes how they allow themselves to feel about what has been said.

A person's reaction is natural and part of human nature. They can either confront the person who caused that reaction (victim to his prey) and reconcile it, or to keep his hurt bonded up because the prey doesn't see fault in his own behavior.

I notice a lot of people who take responsibility for their response do so by reconciling their concerns with the person they believed hurt them. Of course, the victim can't assume their prey will understand or even accept what he or she did, but many people/victims do find that's a great way to solve the issue: confront it assertively. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but it does help in incidents the other person is willing to listen.

I know many people think like you, but I never really got it. Morality differences, I guess.

QUOTE="A Vestigial Mote, post: 6591500, member: 57050"]It is nothing like this. You cannot decide to ignore the damage done by a knife wound. But you had better bet you can ignore the "pain" (so called) from any word spoken by another. You can, definitively. It is within your power not to feel anything, if you so choose, based on anything anyone says. This is a cold, hard fact that really cannot be denied.[/QUOTE]

Ignore the pain???

That would mean if I stabbed you with a knife, I'll tell you to deal with it and go on my business???

Think as you will. I don't have to even react or respond as it suits me.

How do you learn if you don't take into consideration other people's response to your actions and speech??

 

[lewisnotmiller]

I guess I have some bias that only "teens" insult each other. Weirdly enough (or is it?), when I see a direct insult on RF, that person is near over 60s (well, most people are here anyhow). Are not we too old for insults?

Sounds like we need to do some scientific testing.

*Cracks knuckles*

You are a poopyhead!

Nah, appears age is no barrier. Case closed.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

I remember having a discussion in another forum, and someone tried to argue that "it's not an insult if it's true." I found it rather lame reasoning, but it did remind me of how a lot of people think. If someone calls someone else an "idiot," they might defend it as a "factual observation" and not opinionated name-calling.

They might, but that person would be an idiot.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

I guess I have some bias that only "teens" insult each other. Weirdly enough (or is it?), when I see a direct insult on RF, that person is near over 60s (well, most people are here anyhow). Are not we too old for insults?

So, for a more serious response...
I've always been fairly calm. My personality here and my personality IRL are not so different, including my charm and humour. Hard to believe, right?

As I've got older, I've thought about things a little differently. Let's say I'm talking to someone and they insult me. My reaction to it speaks directly to how much control that person has over me. If I jump like a marrionette, I'm literally valuing that person's words and opinions over my own.

So sure, things rile me. But it's generally people who fall into three categories.

1) People who I Iove/respect (my wife is a classic example)
2) People who have power over me...mostly that's related to my job, and is very rare, as I've had choice in who I work for over the last 15 years.
3) People causing harm to others (verbal or physical) including animals.

Not many of you guys fall into these categories, sorry, although items 1 and 3 occasionally apply.

 

[Jim]

As usual, the issue of behavior in Internet discussions which I think poisons all of us and the world around us, which I think vandalizes discussions, and which I think is closely intertwined with all the cruelty, violence and oppression in the world, is being systematically buried under clouds of smoke and dust, and attention is being diverted elsewhere by a highly perfected system of mirrors.

 

[Jim]

One of the issues that I see in harmful behavior in Internet discussions, that I think is closely intertwined with all the cruelty, violence and oppression in the world, is people hardening their hearts against other people across faction lines. Another is a growing and spreading lack of internal restraints, where any excuse will do for people to indulge their worst impulses.

I think that discussing that behavior without any effective action against it, can only help perpetuate it.

 

[Jim]

I’m not thinking that harmful online behavior can be stopped, or even diminished, any time soon. I’m not thinking that anything that anyone can do online will ever.be enough, by itself, to stop it. I’m thinking that it will stop some day, and that what people do, and don’t do, now, in Internet discussions, can make a difference in how soon that will happen.

 

[Jim]

Considering that I have no hope for that behavior to stop any time soon, maybe I need to calm down and think more about how to help counteract it. My only idea for now is friendly comments and questions to people when they are targets of it.

 

[gnomon]

I guess I have some bias that only "teens" insult each other. Weirdly enough (or is it?), when I see a direct insult on RF, that person is near over 60s (well, most people are here anyhow). Are not we too old for insults?

Simply no.

I reject your hypothesis. I reject it for its abject ageism and the consideration that members on this forum lack a wit which your thread infers.

But as you said....you are biased.

And check your assumptions.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Simply no.

I reject your hypothesis. I reject it for its abject ageism and the consideration that members on this forum lack a wit which your thread infers.

But as you said....you are biased.

And check your assumptions.

People's state of mind are different as they age. The pattern on RF is interesting sure, nothing big. But in person? I live in a senior/disabled home. They can be a funny type.

It's a state of mind thing rather than a number.

 

[gnomon]

People's state of mind are different as they age. The pattern on RF is interesting sure, nothing big. But in person? I live in a senior/disabled home. They can be a funny type.

It's a state of mind thing rather than a number.

Understood. I'm sorry. But please.....don't say they can be a funny type. It's not a funny type.
I've personally buried five members of my family who suffered from dementia in the end......and they were not a funny type.

The last I buried was my one hundred year old grandmother. She saw me. She was not a funny type.

Alas......you are boring.

Good bye.

 

[Jim]

Now I’m thinking about harmful effects of the behavior, and how to help counteract them. One of the effects I see is that the popularity of insults and personal attacks might be poisoning everyone in the forums, and those poisonous effects might be leaking into our offline relationships with other people and with the world around us. Another effect of the behavior is derailing discussions. It isn’t actually the insults and personal attacks, or even displays of approval and admiration, that derail discussions. What derails discussions is people protesting and arguing against insults and personal attacks. I think that protesting and arguing also adds to the poisonous effects of the insults and personal attacks.

One way I see of counteracting all those effects is with friendly, on-topic comments and questions to targets of insults and personal attacks, on all sides of all divides, without responding in any other way to the insults and personal attacks.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Understood. I'm sorry. But please.....don't say they can be a funny type. It's not a funny type.
I've personally buried five members of my family who suffered from dementia in the end......and they were not a funny type.

The last I buried was my one hundred year old grandmother. She saw me. She was not a funny type.

Alas......you are boring.

Good bye.

Sorry to hear. I lost older loved ones too.

I notice older people can laugh at themselves more. We have people die here once a month. Last month a neighbor of mine passed and we had her a community service in our chapel upstairs. She was always joking with me since we lived next to each other. I'm not young but when I moved here, one lady looked at me and said I make them look young... It's all in jest.

The only negativity I get from them, though, is not something they can help. It's just a generational gap. For example, I visited once a predominate black church before I left christian practice. One of the guys here missed his bus and I told him he could go to the other church. He tells me that's a colored church. He couldn't go there. Threw me off guard. If I grew up differently, it would have been an insult. He was embarrassed but nothing that cost a friendship.

Funny as in amusing rather than crazy.

 

[gnomon]

Sorry to hear. I lost older loved ones too.

I notice older people can laugh at themselves more. We have people die here once a month. Last month a neighbor of mine passed and we had her a community service in our chapel upstairs. She was always joking with me since we lived next to each other. I'm not young but when I moved here, one lady looked at me and said I make them look young... It's all in jest.

The only negativity I get from them, though, is not something they can help. It's just a generational gap. For example, I visited once a predominate black church before I left christian practice. One of the guys here missed his bus and I told him he could go to the other church. He tells me that's a colored church. He couldn't go there. Threw me off guard. If I grew up differently, it would have been an insult. He was embarrassed but nothing that cost a friendship.

Funny as in amusing rather than crazy.

You stay safe and stay strong.

edit: I'm boring as hell.

 

[McBell]

I guess I have some bias that only "teens" insult each other. Weirdly enough (or is it?), when I see a direct insult on RF, that person is near over 60s (well, most people are here anyhow). Are not we too old for insults?

What does age have to do with it?

I understand that many people put magical powers on age, but what does age have to do with it in reality?
At 16 you can get a driver license.
At 18 you are suddenly an adult.
At 21 you can buy alcohol.

I have not seen anything to indicate to me that age is anything other than a number.
Nor have I seen anything that convinces me there is any connection between age and maturity.