Are men scary?

[columbus]

[

I can provide a different perspective...

Like-liking anyone puts yourself at risk. Just because you marry someone, doesn't necessarily mean they won't take out an insurance policy, although the risks at that point are smaller.

Yeah true.
But the risks aren't just "a little smaller". They're vastly smaller for a competent adult.
Not that I'm accusing you of anything.
Tom

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

[

Yeah true.
But the risks aren't just "a little smaller". They're vastly smaller for a competent adult.
Not that I'm accusing you of anything.
Tom

I suppose. Maybe it's wrong that I worry more about getting an STD than an online meetup with one or two people going sour.

 

[Vinayaka]

Students, particularly young girls, were scared of me, and I was often their first male teacher. That usually lasted about a day. My voice, (deep, and can get into 'strict and serious' mode) didn't help.

 

[columbus]

I suppose. Maybe it's wrong that I worry more about getting an STD than an online meetup with one or two people going sour.

I don't understand.
You think an online meet up is less likely to result in an STD?

How about, don't have sex with anybody you don't know very well. And think could at least be solid marriage material.
Note my ETA.
Tom

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Why are you trying to please and apologize to someone you don't know who clearly has some issues?

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Why are you trying to please and apologize to someone you don't know who clearly has some issues?

I'm not trying to please or apologize to that specific person.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

You think an online meet up is less likely to result in an STD?

Same risk.

 

[columbus]

Same risk.

Not if you're a competent adult. Not that I'm accusing you of anything.
Tom

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I'm not trying to please or apologize to that specific person.

I'm kind of at a loss sometimes. I act like a gentleman, and then stuff like this happens.

People are dumb. It doesn't mean men are scary. If it was legit stalker behavior, things would be different, but someone getting scared over default setting push alerts and not understanding things, what loss is there be at?

 

[Quetzal]

So what I'm asking is... are men in general scary enough that one should be extra cautious of them?

Absolutely. By a pure statistical standpoint, the data is pretty damning. This, of course, does not mean all men are violent. However, it does mean that men are statistically more likely to commit violent acts than women. I'll take that into consideration (and I am a man myself).

Or maybe my "acting like a gentleman" and barely saying anything out of politeness and letting her talk, comes off as creepy?

We are dealing with limited information here but let's just address this broadly. It is entirely possible her judgement was compromised by not understanding the app. Or maybe it was the tone in which she read something, I am not sure. I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about it. Give it another go and if other folks tend to give you the same reaction, you can go from there and try to address it directly.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I'll try to take a swing at what @Shadow Wolf might have been asking.

It just goes back to me seeing modern day online dating, and to an extent real dating as well, as a form of video game roleplaying. To understand the game of one woman on a dating site, and yes men and women play games on there, is to understand the games of 50% of women (or men to an extent) on these mildly toxic sites. No one being completely honest on them.

I tried to "be myself" for years on such sites but it led to devastation. Got scammed out of money, my heart broken, etc.

And while I understand it's not politically correct modern day to group people into categories, these dating sites have the toxicity that is somewhere between worser subreddits and 4chan.

So maybe I will be myself. But it will take a few dates. Or it will have to be with a person I know to trust or from a less toxic place than a dating site.

I do have a bar next to my house. But the women there want sex pretty quickly, which leads to getting STDs and even less honest interaction.

And you may ask "How can a forum member help you understand the games?" Well, the games are kind of just a manifestation of normal social roles gone to the absolute extremes.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

And it may sound crude what I'm saying, I do apologize... but I haven't learned that blended in form of taking things at face value and expecting something new from something that looks the same. My mind is too analytical for that.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

But what it comes down to is, I really don't understand dating except for cases where I'm following a book, I understand in cases when it comes to dating itself, but not when it comes to the core social interaction parts.

So I'm willing to even say my description of dating sites might be a little bit hyperbole sounding in the quest to understand things.

 

[ChristineM]

There's this new, popular dating app with a lot of questionable features. One of those features is once you message someone, it will pop up their picture and an alert whenever they come online. Some woman joined the site, seems to have just joined, and started talking to me. I talked pretty dryly to her, was under my best behavior and kept the messages brief. She didn't understand that it was the site doing it, and started to tell me that I was scaring her with all my popups of me. Sometimes I don't feel like explaining everything under the sun, so I logged out, and plan on deleting the app.

In other words, it was the app sending her these notifications. Autosending.

I'm kind of at a loss sometimes. I act like a gentleman, and then stuff like this happens. If instead I act like a clown, whether or not they like me, they'll feel attracted to my vibrations and I'll (usually) get kinder responses.

So what I'm asking is... are men in general scary enough that one should be extra cautious of them?

Or maybe my "acting like a gentleman" and barely saying anything out of politeness and letting her talk, comes off as creepy?

Some men are scary, some just come across as scary but are nice guys really, some are most certainly not scary but the ones to be concerned about are those who come across as good guys and are not.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

I once tried to act macho & scary around women.
It's really deflating when they point & giggle.

Then trust me, it'll be even worse when you try to do it in a gay environment. The odds of your ego surviving I rate very, very poor.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Then trust me, it'll be even worse when you try to do it in a gay environment. The odds of your ego surviving I rate very, very poor.

True. Lol.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

Some men are scary, some just come across as scary but are nice guys really, some are most certainly not scary but the ones to be concerned about are those who come across as good guys and are not.

What's the difference between men and pigs?

Pigs don't get drunk and act like men!

 

[Revoltingest]

Then trust me, it'll be even worse when you try to do it in a gay environment. The odds of your ego surviving I rate very, very poor.

No worries....I'll not attempt it again.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

No worries....I'll not attempt it again.

Hey, I'm 72 -- do you think I'd intentionally get undressed in front of a bunch of gay guys at the gym? My ego couldn't bear that either.

 

[Revoltingest]

Hey, I'm 72 -- do you think I'd intentionally get undressed in front of a bunch of gay guys at the gym? My ego couldn't bear that either.

"Gym".....I once knew the meaning of that word.