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Are dogs more violent than cats?

Stevicus

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
I wish mine took medication like that.

How To Pill a Cat



  1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on each side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


  2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat gently in left arm and repeat process.


  3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, pick up and throw soggy pill away.


  4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.


  5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.


  6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.


  7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill out of foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep up shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set on one side for gluing later.


  8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with a pencil and blow into drinking straw.


  9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.


  10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door just enough so that head is showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with plastic band.


  11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.


  12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.


  13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.


  14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, drop off cat at vet clinic on the way. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home and order new dining table.



How To Pill a Dog



  1. Wrap it in a piece of bacon and toss it.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
How To Pill a Cat



  1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on each side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


  2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat gently in left arm and repeat process.


  3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, pick up and throw soggy pill away.


  4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.


  5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.


  6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.


  7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill out of foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep up shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set on one side for gluing later.


  8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with a pencil and blow into drinking straw.


  9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.


  10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door just enough so that head is showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with plastic band.


  11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.


  12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.


  13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.


  14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, drop off cat at vet clinic on the way. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home and order new dining table.



How To Pill a Dog



  1. Wrap it in a piece of bacon and toss it.

I find cats that were once feral are pretty simple, too. Everything is food to them...

"You want to shove food down my throat? Sure, go ahead! Chewing is so much work."
 

Mock Turtle

Oh my, did I say that!
Premium Member
This guy wouldn't choose a puppy as his preferred form of transport - he's so tough it hurts! :D

putins-*****-miaow.jpg
 

Brickjectivity

Turned to Stone. Now I stretch daily.
Staff member
Premium Member
Since the question of who is more violent is coming up this evening, I thought I'd cut to the chase and ask the question that's been on everyone's mind.
Dogs are more manipulative, because you often can't tell you're being manipulated. With cats its obvious. Cats simply make demands until you give in. You know the cat is manipulating you, but dogs can tell if they make you feel guilty, if they make you feel pity, if they make you angry. They then manipulate you accordingly all the while with brown nosing behavior. We pass off this brown nosing as just something dogs do instinctively, but they know what they are doing.

Consider this if you don't follow the above argument. A dog is dirtier, noisier, eats more. It makes worse messes. It annoys your neighbors more....and yet people consider either getting a cat or a dog. How have dogs managed to retain their pet status? Through superior manipulation.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
Soon friendly. Now hold her over the bathtub.

Suddenly all contracts are null and void!

A dog tho would figure his pal is his pal.

I had a cat that would cry when put in the tub... but then wouldn't get out. She'd walk back and forth to make the water slosh until you made her get out...
 

Heyo

Veteran Member
In between hunts.
Cats don't really hunt, they grab a snack. (They are so good at it that it only takes them about an hour a day to comfortably survive.)
I know because they leave the entrails at my door.
(Are they sharing, or just picky eaters? They don't say.)
Picky eaters. If they wanted to share, they'd leave whole animals.
 
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