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An attempt.

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Father Heathen, Sep 16, 2019.

  1. Father Heathen

    Father Heathen Veteran Member

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    body and blood intertwined
    from forbidden fruit the sweetest wine
    'tis both a sin and salvation
    passing through hell to get to heaven
    wings of velvet and feathers
    take flight into the night
    together through stormy weather
    the lightning struck as they fell
    the thunder rolled as they rose
    something something

    :toilet:
     
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  2. Daemon Sophic

    Daemon Sophic Avatar in flux

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    You might want to put a stanza or two in front of that. Leaping right in with “body and blood....” (unless these are two vampires mating), is a little ..... shocking/blunt.

    How ‘bout some foreplay? ;)
     
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  3. Rival

    Rival The Unicorn Noahide
    Staff Member Premium Member

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    I like this about it.
     
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  4. Labourwave

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    "The first draft of anything is ****." -Ernest Hemingway

    Keep with it :)
     
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  5. AT-AT

    AT-AT Well-Known Member

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    I finally figured out what direction I should go, when I studied the revelations of the Baha'i faith
    I don't know what this poem is trying to convey, so great job - it achieved the same effect as most poetry does for me.
     
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