Am I creepy ladies?

[Spiderman]

I appreciate it and despise how two-faced and narcissistic I have been.

yet I honestly feel powerless over this and do not believe that I can fix this issue.

Staying sober is essential though and I have been failing at that.

 

[Spiderman]

yet I honestly feel powerless over this and do not believe that I can fix this issue.

Staying sober is essential though and I have been failing at that.

Things have been worse though. Yet will power is not enough to rise above this and the first step of AA is admitting our powerlessness

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

You are attracted to self-destructive thoughts and behaviors, and that is "creepy" to most sane, healthy people. You are absurdly narcissistic (as most addicts are) and normal people also find that very "creepy". And sadly, you are quite content being this way, and so refuse any attempts by others to help you change. Which normal healthy people also find very disturbing. So you will never have a normal healthy relationship with women, because no normal healthy women will be foolish enough to take on your dark, narcissistic perversity.

When I was active in AA there was a saying (as there are many, I'm sure you know) that went: "the bottom is attractive". And it took me quite some time to understand and realize just how true that is for the addict mind. It's a saying that often comes to mind when I read your posts. You LOVE "the bottom". You live to wallow in it. And then you expect some normal healthy woman to be willing to wallow in it with you??? How absurdly selfish is THAT?

I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia at age 21. At age 25, in the midst of it, I joined an internet forum and debated with people. I told people about my Schizophrenia and upon them seeing that I changed my opinions quite a bit at the time because I was often presented with better facts in debates, they urged me to talk to my Psychiatrist about it. So I did. He said I am getting better. I went back and told the forum. They told me to get a second opinion. So I did and the second person was actually curious enough to look over some of the threads, both my posts and the comments. He told me to stop going to the forum because such negativity may hold back my progress. So I did.

I think your post isn't very helpful, and that you have a deep fear of new ideas and personalities.

 

[Spiderman]

I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia at age 21. At age 25, in the midst of it, I joined an internet forum and debated with people. I told people about my Schizophrenia and upon them seeing that I changed my opinions quite a bit at the time because I was often presented with better facts in debates, they urged me to talk to my Psychiatrist about it. So I did. He said I am getting better. I went back and told the forum. They told me to get a second opinion. So I did and the second person was actually curious enough to look over some of the threads, both my posts and the comments. He told me to stop going to the forum because such negativity may hold back my progress. So I did.

I think you post isn't very helpful, and that you have a deep fear of new ideas and personalities.

Thank you.

I am diagnosed schizoaffective bipolar. I'm not sure which posts to listen to and how to take the advice, yet I think overall it is good for me to be here.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Thank you.

I am diagnosed schizoaffective bipolar. I'm not sure which posts to listen to and how to take the advice, yet I think overall it is good for me to be here.

I wasn't telling you to leave, just that I feel people here are stealth trying to diagnose you, and that it's not always the right thing for them to do.

 

[Cooky]

I gave the woman I begged to marry me years ago a letter from the heart yesterday, and she returned the letter the next day (today) and told me to show it to my psychotherapist and get help. She stabs my heart with daggers and she feels unsafe around me. When she turned me down years ago I jumped off a building breaking multiple bones. She wasn't the only reason for that action and drugs played the largest role. Women rjection can hurt worse than broken bones lol, but it's all good. I'm not a butcher in need of revenge or control lol. Women reject me because it is a survival instinct that the good lord ingrained in them. I sympathize and understand that.

What would you think if you received a letter like that? Too spooky?

Just being real!

I find your attraction to fascism interesting.

 

[Spiderman]

I wasn't telling you to leave, just that I feel people here are stealth trying to diagnose you, and that it's not always the right thing for them to do.

Yeah, some are very rude, but I think this thread was a good idea because I am a sick individual and need to be more aware of how I come across.

The criticisms are helpful even though hurtful, yet I still feel that exposing what is in my heart was the right approach.

Perhaps my conviction will change in the future. It's complicated.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Yeah, some are very rude, but I think this thread was a good idea because I am a sick individual and need to be more aware of how I come across.

The criticisms are helpful even though hurtful, yet I still feel that exposing what is in my heart was the right approach.

Perhaps my conviction will change in the future. It's complicated.

It's cool. I just had to tell people that those who think that people who have an interest in "dark things" are real menaces, need to get out of the house, maybe go to a few other social network sites. And if this was the only thread where such statements were ever made, I would probably pass them up. But it really isn't.

 

[Spiderman]

I find your attraction to fascism interesting.

Me too, but I do find myself questioning how healthy it is. It was actually the government of Roman Catholicism and the papacy however, and very Christian initially and not racist, so perhaps it is a healthy attraction if it does not turn to hatred or pride.

 

[PureX]

I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia at age 21. At age 25, in the midst of it, I joined an internet forum and debated with people. I told people about my Schizophrenia and upon them seeing that I changed my opinions quite a bit at the time because I was often presented with better facts in debates, they urged me to talk to my Psychiatrist about it. So I did. He said I am getting better. I went back and told the forum. They told me to get a second opinion. So I did and the second person was actually curious enough to look over some of the threads, both my posts and the comments. He told me to stop going to the forum because such negativity may hold back my progress. So I did.

I think your post isn't very helpful, and that you have a deep fear of new ideas and personalities.

Popeadope isn't schizophrenic. He's an addict. And that's something I know something about. If he bothered to go to the places and to be around the people who could help him, he would hear them saying much the same things I am saying.

 

[Spiderman]

Popeadope isn't schizophrenic. He's an addict. And that's something I know something about. If he bothered to go to the places and to be around the people who could help him, he would hear them saying much the same things I am saying.

I'm diagnosed schizoaffective bipolar.

 

[Cooky]

I'll let you in on a little secret. My room is awful. I try to tidy it, but I am so lazy it ends up a mess. Mostly because I have too much crap to fit in my room anyway (at least half of my drawers are filled with DVDs, leaving me limited room for my clothes.) Then all the stupid overpirced nerd merch clogging up my book shelves and dresser with their obnoxious immaturity. But it's cozy and my own, so can't complain.

Having friends with opposing views is healthy. It helps us be well rounded and all that crap.
My father's friends are all truckies, kind of drunk, kind of traditional. Tad overprotective. Often clashing with my more liberal new age tendencies. But as far as I'm concerned, they're family.

For a time, I embraced the concept / ideology of minimalism.

What is Minimalism?

 

[Cooky]

@PureX, often mental illness precedes addiction.

 

[PureX]

I know that is not true, but I appreciate you trying to help. I Want all people to be happy and often do what I can to brighten anothers day.

Yes, I love to put a smile on a person's face or console a suffering person. I like to help out people with handicaps.

But I do admit to being two-faced and sometimes I am a royal prick!

When I drank, I LOVED the whole world. Or so I thought. I was one of those kinds of drunks. And even when I was hung over, I remained absurdly idealistic, though I used that idealism to muster up great resentments against the 'grossly imperfect' reality I was living in. And it was only after some years of recovery that I finally realized this was the mental mechanics of addiction. It was not me, at all. That my brain was constantly conjuring up reasons and excuses for me to drink, by setting me up to expect and to see failure everywhere I went. The grandiosity of my thinking was enormous! I loved the world and hated it simultaneously. I loved and hated the people in it. I wanted only the best for everyone, so that I could see how horribly short of it the "truth of them" was. And thus, go get drunk. Because, well, what else was there for me to do: when God, life, and humanity all seemed to be intent on suffering and self-destruction. Blah, blah, blah. It was all just grandiose bullsh*t. I was incapable of really loving anyone or anything but being drunk, and the absurd pit of despair I so loved to wallow and drink in.

The real you stopped existing when you found and fell in love with drugs. With being 'high'. The person you are now is just a figment of your addict brain, invented to keep you running for the next high. And you aren't going to get the real you back until you're willing to let go of this grandiose bullsh*ter that you think is you, now. And until you're willing to do that, your life is just going to keep getting worse. More absurd, more destructive, more lonely, and more pointless. The bottom is attractive ... until you finally hit it. Then it hurts like hell! Because the bottom is where there's nowhere else to hide from the truth of what you've become.

 

[PureX]

@PureX, often mental illness precedes addiction.

Addiction IS mental illness.

 

[Cooky]

Addiction IS mental illness.

So every cigarette smoker is mentally ill?

 

[PureX]

If you know about it, you need to work on how you act upon that knowledge. Support groups are candid, yes, but not in the confrontational nature you’re bringing to the table.

Addiction is fundamentally a deep-rooted delusion. The antidote is rigorous honesty, not "support".

 

[PureX]

So every cigarette smoker is mentally ill?

Yes.

 

[Cooky]

Yes.

It's not true. The truth is, with human brain realizes that repitition is required for survival, which stems from eating meals 3 times a day.

...that part of the brain sometimes miatakes other things as necessary for survival.

But were all addicted to food. We're all born addicts.

 

[PureX]

It's not true. The truth is, with human brain realizes that repitition is required for survival, which stems from eating meals 3 times a day.

...that part of the brain sometimes miatakes other things as necessary for survival.

But were all addicted to food. We're all born addicts.

That's not what defines addiction. What defines addiction is the inability to stop doing something even when we know that what we are doing is seriously harming us. And that's a clear example of insanity. The delusions come when we try to rationalize and justify our self-harming behaviors instead of facing the fact that we have become insanely addicted to them.