Alone

[Trailblazer]

Same here!

The feels is so strong here lol! Well at least we know we are not alone completely!

No, we are not alone, thanks to these forums.
I am glad people post threads like these, we need more of them.

 

[Enoch07]

No, we are not alone, thanks to these forums.
I am glad people post threads like these, we need more of them.

I agree just on general basis. I think if people focused more on what they have in common vs what they don't. The whole world would be at the very least slightly better.

But especially during the holidays and winter months when a lot people struggle with loss, seasonal depression, cabin fever, PTSD, etc.

 

[Trailblazer]

I agree just on general basis. I think if people focused more on what they have in common vs what they don't. The whole world would be at the very least slightly better.

As a Baha'i it is just second nature to me to focus on what we have in common rather than differences.
That is most difficult for me in my work situation but I still try. It is not their fault they have a life and I don't, I finally came to realize that. And the amount of stress I have is over the top. People at work even tell me there is no way they could endure the stress that I have...

But especially during the holidays and winter months when a lot people struggle with loss, seasonal depression, cabin fever, PTSD, etc.

I suffer with that stuff year round. Spring is the worst season for me because I do not have any time off of work after my vacation season ends on March 8.

 

[Enoch07]

I suffer with that stuff year round. Spring is the worst season for me because I do not have any time off of work after my vacation season ends on March 8.

I'm actually fairly functional during most of the year!

November is the start of my decline. Slowly but surely.

December gets worse on a day by day basis.

January I eek by barely.

February finishes me off. Not just V-Day, but it is a major contributing factor.

March is my birthday month. So now life is just kicking my dead corpse in the teeth for shiz and giggles.

Then April I slowly resurrect, May I become a bit livlier, and by June I am back in full swing loving life and having a great time until November strikes again!

It's been this way my whole life, but it's only gotten worse each year basically. Save about a 5 year stretch when I *thought* had a loving family. So, as I thought. This being my first year alone after having my love and trust betrayed, and then my health failing. It has been extra hard.

It will be nothing short of a miracle if I am still here come spring time 2019. I'm not planning anything mind you, I just know the next few months will be extremely difficult if I don't figure out how to deal with it.

 

[Trailblazer]

I'm actually fairly functional during most of the year!

November is the start of my decline. Slowly but surely.

December gets worse on a day by day basis.

January I eek by barely.

February finishes me off. Not just V-Day, but it is a major contributing factor.

March is my birthday month. So now life is just kicking my dead corpse in the teeth for shiz and giggles.

Then April I slowly resurrect, May I become a bit livlier, and by June I am back in full swing loving life and having a great time until November strikes again!

It's been this way my whole life, but it's only gotten worse each year basically. Save about a 5 year stretch when I *thought* had a loving family. So, as I thought. This being my first year alone after having my love and trust betrayed, and then my health failing. It has been extra hard.

It will be nothing short of a miracle if I am still here come spring time 2019. I'm not planning anything mind you, I just know the next few months will be extremely difficult if I don't figure out how to deal with it.

It is the opposite for me. September is the start of the holiday season and football season so I start on the upswing, also because I know the holidays are coming which means extra time off work. November and December are the holiday season so I get a lot of time off.

January and February I have about five weeks off work and I do not go anywhere so it is just quiet and I do what I want at home... Then March comes and I have to go back to work, which can be difficult since I have no more time off work for a long time. Then there are taxes and property taxes to pay. Usually by June I am feeling a little better and I get through July and August, which is my busiest time of year at work and also the months with the warmest weather.

This is the usual scenario except for the last two years since I have been having problems with one of the rental houses and the tenant that lived there. My whole life has been turned upside down by major water damage at that house and a tenant who has been harassing me and threatening me since He moved in. He moved out at the end of November but now he is trying to sue me. He has an attorney and I don’t and I do not want to hire an attorney and pay big bucks to defend against his false accusations. I have a Legal Shield attorney that has helped me so far for free because I am a member but I won’t get any more help without paying a retainer and an hourly fee. I reported it to my insurance company last week so I hope they pick it up because that will settle it since they have good attorneys who can blow that tenant out of the water.

I also have to go to court for a lot of past due rent owed by previous tenants if they won’t contact me and agree to pay me on a payment schedule. I cannot just let that go as I have done in the past; that is unjust for them to get away with lying to me and then trying to elude me.

On top of all that, the week of Thanksgiving the furnace at my other rental burned up so I need to get a new furnace, but the house has an electrical problem so I have to figure that out first. The inspection will be on Jan. 3 so I will know more then. That tenant is about two months behind on his rent so he cannot complain about heat.

Then I miscalculated my mortgage so I realized last September that it was not paid off as I thought it would be this Sept 2018; that is what I remembered and I never looked at my statements, so it came as a complete shock when I realized I was wrong because that was tied my ability to retire any time after that was paid off. So now I think the payoff date is Sept. 2020 but I do not even know that for certain because I cannot bear to look at the mortgage statements, with all these other problems I have. But the payments will be automatically deducted from my checking account so I will never be late.

I have never had *family problems* since I never had a family. I have just had off and on fights with my husband, but usually only when the stress is so bad I cannot take it anymore. The cats are a lot of stress too even though we love them because if they get sick or worse I feel like my life is over. That is cyclical but right now they are all stable.

I have never had any health problems yet but my husband has severe asthma. Most of my problems are related to the three houses we have but it is not as easy as one-two-three to be rid of them, as so many people think. We have to live somewhere and our own house and yard has been neglected for many years because of the rental homes.

About 20 years ago, I hoped to have a second career as a counselor/homeopath but that never got off the ground due to problems I was having after I got my degrees in counseling psychology and homeopathy. I have been a client in counseling and a patient of homeopathy for over 15 years and I attended 12 step programs for many years, so I have done a lot of inner healing work. Nevertheless, I have genetic predisposition to depression and anxiety and I have PTSD from the sudden death of my father when I was 12, so I still struggle with emotional issues I have to manage.

If you need someone to talk to about what is going on you can send me a Conversation. I am very familiar with mental health issues and I like helping people whenever I can.

 

[Enoch07]

*Enoch07 has received a critical hit from "a wall of text* for 2,000 hps damage!*

I feel ya.

I just bought this house a few months ago and my homeowners insurance just sent me a letter saying that they would keep me on their insurance for this year since it's already paid up due to my escrow. But if I didn't have some foundation cracks repaired and a dry rotted post in the carport repaired they would not re-insure me. The carport repair I can do myself in one day with trip to home Depot so not sure big deal. But the contractor I called to give me an estimate on the foundation wants $12-$15,000 for the repairs. Which I need to shop around a little more, but it's daunting to say the least. I do not want to take out a home equity loan already just to repair something that should have been pointed out in inspections. So now I'm weighing out should I put off foundation repair and get another insurance company or just take the equity loan. Luckily I got the house for $22,000 less than it's worth so I automatically have that in equity already, but $#@&$ it's a giant pain in the butt!

Not to mention my stable guberment job is being a giant pain in the butt right now as well. I've looked into going into the private sector with my skills, licenses, and experience but the privare sector usually know for compensating better than a municipality has decided to start being cheapo and want to offer me $25,000 a year entry level which I haven't earned since I was a 18, year old kid. If I can't get at least $45,000 then there is no point going anywhere. $25,000 my butt that's an insult! This ain't WalMart fools! Pay me!

 

[Enoch07]

If you need someone to talk to about what is going on you can send me a Conversation. I am very familiar with mental health issues and I like helping people whenever I can.

I appreciate that, and I may contact you if I feel the need to. This year just a lot has happened.

This time last year.

Relatively healthy. Overweight yes, but as far as blood pressure and all other vitals concerned. Healthy as a mule.

Had a loving family, a daughter that was the center of my universe.

Finances in order was raising my credit score by 20-30 points per month some months.

And I was perfectly happy with my career, everything rolling along smoothly.

So I decided to quit smoking in March 2018. And this is where the spiral started.

April&May a lot of family fighting. And I had to move out and separate myself from the toxicity.

By June I was renting a bedroom from my cousin.

But I recovered, determined to move forward, sad, and having trouble coping, but moving ahead regardless.

Then in August I bought my first house.

Then in September I bought myself a new Mustang. Life was rolling along smoothly.

Then in October I awoke with diplopia, dizziness, headaches, fatigue and it's been a p00p show ever since with doctors, insurance Co, Imaging centers, and MRI machines switch ups and blah. Just disgusting.

Job turned p00py. Finances is ok, my bills is paid, but the looming foundation repair is scary.

So yeah now we get to the wonderful time of the year when old dysfunctional family (my origin/biological family) memories of abuse and terror get drudged up. And I have to fight it alone this year to boot on top of everything else.

TBH I don't know what to do anymore. I try to stay positive. Try to help out folks when I can. Trying to not give up like I so badly want to. Half deaf, half blind, no family, and somehow I'm still here.

 

[ChristineM]

So my chosen lifestyle pretty much means I do stuff by myself.

I walked into a restaurant last Sunday and since there were no counter seats available, I gave my name. When a place finally opened, the hostess said, Scott - party of one. I got a few chuckles when I got up and said, "And quite a memorable party it shall be."

I occasionally get odd looks when I dine alone or go to a theater alone. It doesn't bother me in the slightest, but it does leave me to wonder what others are thinking when they pass their judgment. What are you thinking when you see someone living in solitude?

I don't really consider it because they are doing what they need to do.

 

[Trailblazer]

*Enoch07 has received a critical hit from "a wall of text* for 2,000 hps damage!*

I feel ya.

I just bought this house a few months ago and my homeowners insurance just sent me a letter saying that they would keep me on their insurance for this year since it's already paid up due to my escrow. But if I didn't have some foundation cracks repaired and a dry rotted post in the carport repaired they would not re-insure me. The carport repair I can do myself in one day with trip to home Depot so not sure big deal. But the contractor I called to give me an estimate on the foundation wants $12-$15,000 for the repairs. Which I need to shop around a little more, but it's daunting to say the least. I do not want to take out a home equity loan already just to repair something that should have been pointed out in inspections. So now I'm weighing out should I put off foundation repair and get another insurance company or just take the equity loan. Luckily I got the house for $22,000 less than it's worth so I automatically have that in equity already, but $#@&$ it's a giant pain in the butt!

Not to mention my stable guberment job is being a giant pain in the butt right now as well. I've looked into going into the private sector with my skills, licenses, and experience but the privare sector usually know for compensating better than a municipality has decided to start being cheapo and want to offer me $25,000 a year entry level which I haven't earned since I was a 18, year old kid. If I can't get at least $45,000 then there is no point going anywhere. $25,000 my butt that's an insult! This ain't WalMart fools! Pay me!

I am sorry to hear all that is going on with your house and your job...

My houses are my biggest problems in my life, but my job is one of the best things in my life.

One house would be enough to make my life stressful, but I have three, and two with tenants.... Actually I only have one with a tenant right now, so I have to find a tenant for the other house, more stress.

 

[Trailblazer]

I appreciate that, and I may contact you if I feel the need to. This year just a lot has happened.

This time last year.

Relatively healthy. Overweight yes, but as far as blood pressure and all other vitals concerned. Healthy as a mule.

Had a loving family, a daughter that was the center of my universe.

Finances in order was raising my credit score by 20-30 points per month some months.

And I was perfectly happy with my career, everything rolling along smoothly.

So I decided to quit smoking in March 2018. And this is where the spiral started.

April&May a lot of family fighting. And I had to move out and separate myself from the toxicity.

By June I was renting a bedroom from my cousin.

But I recovered, determined to move forward, sad, and having trouble coping, but moving ahead regardless.

Then in August I bought my first house.

Then in September I bought myself a new Mustang. Life was rolling along smoothly.

Then in October I awoke with diplopia, dizziness, headaches, fatigue and it's been a p00p show ever since with doctors, insurance Co, Imaging centers, and MRI machines switch ups and blah. Just disgusting.

Job turned p00py. Finances is ok, my bills is paid, but the looming foundation repair is scary.

So yeah now we get to the wonderful time of the year when old dysfunctional family (my origin/biological family) memories of abuse and terror get drudged up. And I have to fight it alone this year to boot on top of everything else.

TBH I don't know what to do anymore. I try to stay positive. Try to help out folks when I can. Trying to not give up like I so badly want to. Half deaf, half blind, no family, and somehow I'm still here.

It is funny how life can turn on a dime, well not always so funny when it actually happens. I was getting along fine last December till I got the e-mail from my long-term tenant that she was vacating, and then a week later I got the phone call that as she was moving her things out the ceiling collapsed and water was pouring down..... That stupid woman should have flipped the switch to the well at the circuit breaker box but instead all she did was scream, as if it was her house.... by the time my husband got over there to flip the switch the damage was done, and my life has been a holy living hell ever since, with the tenant who followed her harassing me and threatening me with a lawsuit... That woman who vacated a year ago owes me $6750 in back rent and I am going to sue her in court if she does not agree to a stipulation agreement to pay. I am so angry at her right now, have been all year, but I have been too busy and stressed to contact her. I am tired of no-pay tenants; I am not running a shelter offering free rent.

Money-related issues and human relationships probably cause the most stress in life... I am okay in my relationships but the money issues are a bear.

 

[Enoch07]

It is funny how life can turn on a dime, well not always so funny when it actually happens. I was getting along fine last December till I got the e-mail from my long-term tenant that she was vacating, and then a week later I got the phone call that as she was moving her things out the ceiling collapsed and water was pouring down..... That stupid woman should have flipped the switch to the well at the circuit breaker box but instead all she did was scream, as if it was her house.... by the time my husband got over there to flip the switch the damage was done, and my life has been a holy living hell ever since, with the tenant who followed her harassing me and threatening me with a lawsuit... That woman who vacated a year ago owes me $6750 in back rent and I am going to sue her in court if she does not agree to a stipulation agreement to pay. I am so angry at her right now, have been all year, but I have been too busy and stressed to contact her. I am tired of no-pay tenants; I am not running a shelter offering free rent.

Money-related issues and human relationships probably cause the most stress in life... I am okay in my relationships but the money issues are a bear.

I understand. That's the reason I refuse to rent out my spare bedroom. Just don't want to deal with any possible bum roommates that don't want to pony up when rent is due. I think I'll go ahead and get the equity loan and renovate the foundation and go ahead and finish it off and make it a full basement (technically it's a crawl space because it's a dirt floor, but it's 9ft from the subfloor to the ground. So should be easy to concrete in the floor to finish the basement, which will add square footage, repair the foundation and increase my equity for a re-sale in a few years.

Now if I could handle my emotions like my finances I would be alright! LoL

 

[Trailblazer]

I understand. That's the reason I refuse to rent out my spare bedroom. Just don't want to deal with any possible bum roommates that don't want to pony up when rent is due. I think I'll go ahead and get the equity loan and renovate the foundation and go ahead and finish it off and make it a full basement (technically it's a crawl space because it's a dirt floor, but it's 9ft from the subfloor to the ground. So should be easy to concrete in the floor to finish the basement, which will add square footage, repair the foundation and increase my equity for a re-sale in a few years.

I would go ahead and get that loan and get busy working, that will help take your mind off the other problems and give you a feeling of accomplishment.

"easy to concrete in the floor to finish the basement?" My husband cannot lift a hammer and the only tool he has is a screwdriver... and we have three houses to take care of.... Do you understand the problem?
He stopped doing yard work three years ago, after he retired, so we no longer have a yard, just a field, with trees and bushes that are growing into the house...
I think I married the wrong guy.

Now if I could handle my emotions like my finances I would be alright! LoL

That is easy compared to home repairs....