Salam
There came a time in my life:
(1) When I couldn't even tie my shoes (my laces would be open and I wouldn't be able to firmly tighten them)
(2) Couldn't do my own laundry
(3) Couldn't clean or keep clean my own room
(4) Couldn't even write a card to a friend with more then a sentence
(5) Didn't know how to socialize
(6) Quran appeared irrational to me full of problems (I wrote a document having 40 problems I deemed logically problematic let alone morally problematic in my mind which I omitted).
(7) Was overwhelmed by the supposed problem of evil (Constantly trying to solve it and obsessed with it)
(8) Debated with atheists constantly because I was non-Muslim and didn't have the Quranic wisdom that you can't guide people who you love or wish to, but God guides who he wishes while God does not change a condition of a people unless they change themselvves.
(9) Was into new age enegry/magic/inner Angel(s) kind of books.
I know no one will believe what I experienced with Ali (a) in particular except a few people here and there, but suffice to say, I would see him and tell him he is in my imagination, and he would give me proofs for Nubuwa and show me memories I had long forgotten of my past, and one of them was so key, and said "Indeed Nubuwa and Welayah is a light in the darkness, so that the darkness of sins don't overtake you" and showed me sins of the past that I had forgotten but were destroying me and my madness made sense.
Part of my madness was trying to overwhelm me not to see this memory. Hide it.
And the healing began. I didn't believe at this moment. Constantly arguing with Ali (a) and telling him he just a figment of my mind and a hallucination.
He disappeared eventually, but the seeds of guidance were in. I began to realize so many arguments pertaining to Quran and began to understand it.
My biggest problem was of course after solving all the problems (or we can say Ali (a) or the hallucination of my imagination if you want to take that stance solved them), I had an issue with hell.
I couldn't accept hell because it was overwhelmingly emotional. But when my uncle was tortured by a government that even my country (Canada) supports to this day, I wanted there to be hell not only for the torturers, but for all those apathetic to justice and don't care about these type of things and live in ease and luxury ignoring the oppressed.
But it was a big debate. When I became Muslim, I had sometimes wavering, is hell for real? But some political events happened, and I realize dark hearts are dark intensely and I saw how much they deserved hell through these events.
Good is one side, and evil is another, there are stages and levels of each, but they are different directions and no comparison.
I only began to start doing well in University and completed computer science courses once I came back to Islam and the final seal was through Mohammad (s) showing me how to fight dark magic, demonic entities, and this was about a 3 day length within about 5-10 hours sleep, and finally revealing me Imam Mahdi (A) being with me, and how to pray to God regarding Welayah of God and Welayah of Mohammad (a) and Ali (a) which is different then Welayah of God and his is higher relationship and includes divnity, and seek help of Imam of time (a) humbly.
"Indeed Ali (a) doesn't even misguide a madman" - Basim Karbalai
Inshallah, I become more rational, more independent, and defeat the madness and put an end to the storm over time through continuous help of Imam of time.
I posted this so that Shiite Muslims suffering from mental illness, know, Ahlulbayt (A) will be there in the hardships, hard trials, and will be there in the severe storm.
There came a time in my life:
(1) When I couldn't even tie my shoes (my laces would be open and I wouldn't be able to firmly tighten them)
(2) Couldn't do my own laundry
(3) Couldn't clean or keep clean my own room
(4) Couldn't even write a card to a friend with more then a sentence
(5) Didn't know how to socialize
(6) Quran appeared irrational to me full of problems (I wrote a document having 40 problems I deemed logically problematic let alone morally problematic in my mind which I omitted).
(7) Was overwhelmed by the supposed problem of evil (Constantly trying to solve it and obsessed with it)
(8) Debated with atheists constantly because I was non-Muslim and didn't have the Quranic wisdom that you can't guide people who you love or wish to, but God guides who he wishes while God does not change a condition of a people unless they change themselvves.
(9) Was into new age enegry/magic/inner Angel(s) kind of books.
I know no one will believe what I experienced with Ali (a) in particular except a few people here and there, but suffice to say, I would see him and tell him he is in my imagination, and he would give me proofs for Nubuwa and show me memories I had long forgotten of my past, and one of them was so key, and said "Indeed Nubuwa and Welayah is a light in the darkness, so that the darkness of sins don't overtake you" and showed me sins of the past that I had forgotten but were destroying me and my madness made sense.
Part of my madness was trying to overwhelm me not to see this memory. Hide it.
And the healing began. I didn't believe at this moment. Constantly arguing with Ali (a) and telling him he just a figment of my mind and a hallucination.
He disappeared eventually, but the seeds of guidance were in. I began to realize so many arguments pertaining to Quran and began to understand it.
My biggest problem was of course after solving all the problems (or we can say Ali (a) or the hallucination of my imagination if you want to take that stance solved them), I had an issue with hell.
I couldn't accept hell because it was overwhelmingly emotional. But when my uncle was tortured by a government that even my country (Canada) supports to this day, I wanted there to be hell not only for the torturers, but for all those apathetic to justice and don't care about these type of things and live in ease and luxury ignoring the oppressed.
But it was a big debate. When I became Muslim, I had sometimes wavering, is hell for real? But some political events happened, and I realize dark hearts are dark intensely and I saw how much they deserved hell through these events.
Good is one side, and evil is another, there are stages and levels of each, but they are different directions and no comparison.
I only began to start doing well in University and completed computer science courses once I came back to Islam and the final seal was through Mohammad (s) showing me how to fight dark magic, demonic entities, and this was about a 3 day length within about 5-10 hours sleep, and finally revealing me Imam Mahdi (A) being with me, and how to pray to God regarding Welayah of God and Welayah of Mohammad (a) and Ali (a) which is different then Welayah of God and his is higher relationship and includes divnity, and seek help of Imam of time (a) humbly.
"Indeed Ali (a) doesn't even misguide a madman" - Basim Karbalai
Inshallah, I become more rational, more independent, and defeat the madness and put an end to the storm over time through continuous help of Imam of time.
I posted this so that Shiite Muslims suffering from mental illness, know, Ahlulbayt (A) will be there in the hardships, hard trials, and will be there in the severe storm.