Advice and Questions

[Zeroa]

This seems relevant to being a seeker (or a Seeker, if it's your full-time gig )...

It has been my experience that when you're not on a specific path, or when you've gone down a path that people around you might disagree with, some people will begin to offer advice. How do you deal with unsolicited advice about your religious/spiritual life?

For my part, I've gotten really good at minimizing the situation and then changing the subject, for the most part. Mostly this happens for me with Christian relatives who aren't really interested in understanding why I am not a Christian, so I find it best in those situations to make family unity and happiness my priority.

And then there are times that you meet someone on a path that you might want to learn more about, but they don't bring it up. How do you approach that?

If they've seemed pretty open in the past about it, I might ask if we can talk about it, but for the most part, I just wait around for it to come up in conversation. I am really bad at asking questions. It feels too aggressive to me, no matter what soft approch I try. (People don't react badly, but I am uncomfortable with leading in a conversation, if that makes any sense.)

 

[Tarheeler]

This seems relevant to being a seeker (or a Seeker, if it's your full-time gig )...

It has been my experience that when you're not on a specific path, or when you've gone down a path that people around you might disagree with, some people will begin to offer advice. How do you deal with unsolicited advice about your religious/spiritual life?

For my part, I've gotten really good at minimizing the situation and then changing the subject, for the most part. Mostly this happens for me with Christian relatives who aren't really interested in understanding why I am not a Christian, so I find it best in those situations to make family unity and happiness my priority.

And then there are times that you meet someone on a path that you might want to learn more about, but they don't bring it up. How do you approach that?

If they've seemed pretty open in the past about it, I might ask if we can talk about it, but for the most part, I just wait around for it to come up in conversation. I am really bad at asking questions. It feels too aggressive to me, no matter what soft approch I try. (People don't react badly, but I am uncomfortable with leading in a conversation, if that makes any sense.)

I really like to debate and discuss ideas (particularly religion and politics), so as long as that's what the other guy wants to do, I'm all for it. If, on the other hand, they want to berate and "convert" me, it gets messy. I won't back down and tend to get mean about it (this recently happen with my boss when he found out I was thinking of converting to Judaism). It's a character flaw :sorry1:.

As for those others, I'll ask questions without being pushy. If they don't want to talk about it, that's all they have to say.

 

[WayFarer]

How do you deal with unsolicited advice about your religious/spiritual life?

I would say that depends on your relationship with the person who asked. A quick answer could be 'Thanks you for your advice.' you may add 'I will bear that in mind while continuing to seek spiritual wisdom wherever it may be found.' That may get you some looks, but it a way to say 'thanks, but no thanks' nicely.

...And then there are times that you meet someone on a path that you might want to learn more about, but they don't bring it up. How do you approach that?

This one is also tough. It depends on how much time (frequency) you will get to spend with the individual as well as your relationship. If you see them all the time you could talk about an interesting spiritual(ish) movie and ask their opinions about some of the subjects. If your time with them is short it could be difficult. Is there anyone specific or just "someone" in general? (If specific additional details may be helpful for developing a plan.)

 

[xkatz]

How do you deal with unsolicited advice about your religious/spiritual life?

Not many people know I am a seeker IRL (just my immediate family I think). I say only the individual seeker can judge the info for his/herself. When people give you info, think about it. If it favor's one religion, I would be suspect of it. Otherwise, most other advice is fine. Also, making sure you understand the advice as intended by the advice giver is important.

 

[Zeroa]

I think I've been lucky in having open and tolerant friends, for the most part. Some of them are not friendly to the idea of religion, but we generally have plenty of other things to talk about. It's family that's overflowing with advice, for me.

My mother in particular is very stubborn in giving advice. She's a Christian, specifically a Methodist. I would just avoid the whole topic with her, but she's very pushy about it, and particularly about wanting to get my kids into church. I worry about how she'll react if I find something I really want to commit to, if it isn't something she can agree with. I wonder sometimes if this isn't subconciously keeping me a seeker. I am an adult and it doesn't really matter what she thinks, but my relationship with her is important to me and I don't want to damage it.

It's sometimes amusing to listen to her, because over time she's started a sentence with "I don't have any problems with other religions, except..." And then she goes on to mention various religions and her gripes with them. Baptists and Catholics are both just *wrong*. She believes Islam is evil and makes people violent. (She was not happy when I was looking at Islam.) Her tolerance for anyone else's thought actually only extends as far as they agree with her.

She's unhappy about my brother being Catholic, so me not being a Christian is a hard pill for her to swallow, and she's always trying to suggest to me reasons why I should be not only a Christian, but a Methodist. I've tried being honest (in a gentle, matter-of-fact way) and she still gets really upset.

 

[Luminous]

Simple minded people usually respond to Pardoner's tales:

All the philosophers, divines, and doctors of the law were assembled in court for the trial of Mullah Nasruddin. The accusation was a serious one; he had been going from town to town saying, “Your so-called religious leaders are ignorant and confused!” So he was charged with heresy, the penalty for which was death.
“You may speak first,” said the Caliph.
The Mullah was perfectly self-possessed. “Have paper and pens brought in,” he said, “and give them to the ten wisest men in this august assembly.”
To Nasruddin’s amusement, a great squabble broke out among the holy men as to who was the wisest among them. When the contention died down and each of the chosen ten was equipped with paper and pen, the Mullah said,”Have each of them write down the answer to the following question: WHAT IS MATTER MADE OF?”
The answers were written down and handed to the Caliph who read them out. One said, “it is made of nothing.” Another said, “Molecules.” Yet another, “Energy.” Others, “Light,” “I do not know,” “Metaphysical Being” and so on.
Said Nasruddin to the Caliph, “When they come to an agreement on what matter is, they will be fit to judge questions of the spirit. Is it not strange that they cannot agree on something that they themselves are made of, yet they shall be unanimous in their verdict that I am a heretic?”

-It is not the diversity of our dogmas
But our dogmatism itself
That does the damage.
Thus, if each of us did what we are firmly persuaded
Is the will of God
The result would be utter chaos.
Certainty is the culprit.
The spiritual person knows uncertainty-
A state of mind unknown to the religious fanatic.

You can replace the various titles and positions with more appropriet terminology for those that seek offence from titles and positions.

 

[Dena]

It has been my experience that when you're not on a specific path, or when you've gone down a path that people around you might disagree with, some people will begin to offer advice. How do you deal with unsolicited advice about your religious/spiritual life?

It depends on the situation and the advice. I have a friend who wouldn't leave me alone about visiting a Messianic Church. I kept telling her I was not interested in that sort of thing. Then she got nasty and accused me of hating Jews (which I found absurd given the position I have put myself in these days). There wasn't much I could say to someone who would be so hurtful. But most of my friends and family are unaware so I don't know what type of situations I'll face in the future.

I have practiced what I could say in particular situations but most likely I'll either shut down and refuse to speak about it - or I'll get really mean. I don't like to be confronted about anything whether it's religion, politics or my thoughts on health. For a while I was writing up answers to questions I was asked or thought I might be asked but they seemed more and more like something that would just cause the person to be offended. So...I don't know how I will deal with it when the time comes.