A year ago tomorrow

[Polymath257]

I met her a year ago tomorrow. She changed my life.

We were (are) both married, but in open relationships. We met on an online dating site. The first time we met in person, I was expecting to have lunch and stay an hour. I ended up having dinner and staying for 8 hours.

She taught me about *real* Szechuan food: hotpot, dry spicy chicken. We met in her VRBO, a land apart from the world. We dined and played and reveled in our togetherness.

Last summer, she invited me to go to Europe with her. She just got tenure and was going to a conference. We met afterwards in France.

At first, things were good. But in our tour of France, things became sour. We bickered and explored our destinations separately. We slept in separate beds. Finally, in Marseilles, prior to her going back home, she told me she didn't want to date any longer.

I have not seen her in almost 4 months.

She opened me up to a new cuisine, a new language, and encouraged me to accept a job teaching in China over the summer. I am a different person now than I was last year this time.

I miss her.

 

[Rival]

I am very sorry to hear this and hope you can find healthy ways to deal with your loss. Sending blessings thy way, mon ami.

 

[Sunstone]

A huge myth is that love -- or at least relationships -- must endure forever for them to be of any value. That is nonsense. It amounts to the view that quantity is more important than quality. Sounds to me like you had a high quality love.

 

[lostwanderingsoul]

People do not seem to realize there is usually a price to pay when married people play around. Why be married if you are not committed to the marriage?

 

[ChristineM]

People do not seem to realize there is usually a price to pay when married people play around. Why be married if you are not committed to the marriage?

Did you not read the term "open relationship"? So what price? Open or closed relationships too often end. Its a sad fact.

 

[ChristineM]

I met her a year ago tomorrow. She changed my life.

We were (are) both married, but in open relationships. We met on an online dating site. The first time we met in person, I was expecting to have lunch and stay an hour. I ended up having dinner and staying for 8 hours.

She taught me about *real* Szechuan food: hotpot, dry spicy chicken. We met in her VRBO, a land apart from the world. We dined and played and reveled in our togetherness.

Last summer, she invited me to go to Europe with her. She just got tenure and was going to a conference. We met afterwards in France.

At first, things were good. But in our tour of France, things became sour. We bickered and explored our destinations separately. We slept in separate beds. Finally, in Marseilles, prior to her going back home, she told me she didn't want to date any longer.

I have not seen her in almost 4 months.

She opened me up to a new cuisine, a new language, and encouraged me to accept a job teaching in China over the summer. I am a different person now than I was last year this time.

I miss her.

Very touching post, you both enjoyed what you had, be happy about that.

 

[Polymath257]

People do not seem to realize there is usually a price to pay when married people play around. Why be married if you are not committed to the marriage?

I don't see the 'price' as being anything different than if I wasn't married. Either way, we would have broken up. Neither of our marriages was adversely affected. In fact, both of our spouses supported our being together.

It hurts when a relationship ends, whether you are in another relationship or not.

Also, who said I am not committed to my marriage???

I don't see monogamy as showing commitment any more than I see non-monogamy as showing a lack thereof. What shows commitment is the day-to-day expressions of caring and support. And you can ask my wife if I fail at that. I can assure you she is someone who would let *me* know if I did.

 

[Polymath257]

Very touching post, you both enjoyed what you had, be happy about that.

It was very good while it lasted. It changed me in positive ways. What more can I ask for?

 

[ChristineM]

It was very good while it lasted. It changed me in positive ways. What more can I ask for?

Been there, done that. You can ask for nothing more. Just keep the memories and reflect when you need to

 

[Sunstone]

What shows commitment is the day-to-day expressions of caring and support.

HEAR! HEAR! I have seen far and away too many couples who are committed to sticking it out until death, but who make each other so miserable you wonder what their point of sticking it out is. Much, much better to focus one day-to-day expressions of caring, etc than to focus on duration of relationships. The latter should never be the most important thing to you.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

People do not seem to realize there is usually a price to pay when married people play around. Why be married if you are not committed to the marriage?

My wife and I have been open for over a decade (long before we were married) and we wouldn't change anything.

As Sunstone stated, love is a dynamic thing.

Thanks for sharing your story, Polymath!

 

[Polymath257]

An update.

I wrote to her thanking her for the time we were together and the effect her friendship had on my life.

She wrote me back, saying she had wondered how I was doing.

We exchanged some emails.

Today, we went o a movie, then to her place and talk and talked. We went to 'our' Szechaun place for dinner and talked more. When I dropped her off at her home, she gave me a friendly kiss. Just a peck.

I have my friend back.

I am overwhelmed.