A Proposed Pastafarian Prayer

[It Aint Necessarily So]

Pastafarian pastor wears colander, leads prayer at government meeting

"A pastor wearing a colander on his head offered the opening prayer on behalf of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to open a local government meeting in Alaska, the latest blessing from a nontraditional church since a court ruling."

I didn't care for his prayer:

“So, I’m called to invoke the power of the true inebriated creator of the universe, the drunken tolerator (sic) of the all lesser and more recent gods, and maintainer of gravity here on earth. May the great Flying Spaghetti Monster rouse himself from his stupor and let his noodly appendages ground each assembly member in their seats,"

How about this instead?

Blessed be the Flying Spaghetti Monster, born of extra virgin olive oil, delivered by Little Caesarian (in 30 minutes or less) and cast out of the Olive Garden carrying the Ten Condiments, who has come for our salivation. Killed by the Antipasto as foretold in the book of Romanos, Our Savory was snagged by a giant twirling fork, placed on a plate and hurled onto a wall, where He stuck and dried for our sins. Cheese's Crust, how grated thou art! May there be pizza on earth and gouda will toward men.

 

[viole]

Pastafarian pastor wears colander, leads prayer at government meeting

"A pastor wearing a colander on his head offered the opening prayer on behalf of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to open a local government meeting in Alaska, the latest blessing from a nontraditional church since a court ruling."

I didn't care for his prayer:

“So, I’m called to invoke the power of the true inebriated creator of the universe, the drunken tolerator (sic) of the all lesser and more recent gods, and maintainer of gravity here on earth. May the great Flying Spaghetti Monster rouse himself from his stupor and let his noodly appendages ground each assembly member in their seats,"

How about this instead?

Blessed be the Flying Spaghetti Monster, born of extra virgin olive oil, delivered by Little Caesarian (in 30 minutes or less) and cast out of the Olive Garden carrying the Ten Condiments, who has come for our salivation. Killed by the Antipasto as foretold in the book of Romanos, Our Savory was snagged by a giant twirling fork, placed on a plate and hurled onto a wall, where He stuck and dried for our sins. Cheese's Crust, how grated thou art! May there be pizza on earth and gouda will toward men.

I thought there was a rule agains proselytizing.

And we should be careful, since the FSM is actually the most plausible divinity out there, if we think about it. Those little vibrating things we observe in string theory, for instance, are actually the spaghetti appendages of this divinity. Some think they are actually linguine, but that is broadly considered as heresy.

Some modern spaghetthologists believe they are actually lasagne, on account of brane theory, but that is also intensely debated. However, the presence of meat (balls) seems to be uncontroversial, and that is why, despite spaghettological or lasagnological differences, they can all still qualify as Pastafarians, despite the many different denominations.

And that is why religion and science are so connected. Only atheists think it is not, but they are spiritually blind, and refuse to acknowledge the obvious.

Namely, that the connection between the eigenvalues of those vibrating fundamental strings (branes), the whole physical existence is based upon, and the metaphysical and spiritual beauty of His spaghetti (lasagne) appendages, provide clear evidence of the intimate contact between the material and the spiritual.

Just my two cents

Ciao

- viole

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

Pastafarian pastor wears colander, leads prayer at government meeting

"A pastor wearing a colander on his head offered the opening prayer on behalf of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to open a local government meeting in Alaska, the latest blessing from a nontraditional church since a court ruling."

I didn't care for his prayer:

“So, I’m called to invoke the power of the true inebriated creator of the universe, the drunken tolerator (sic) of the all lesser and more recent gods, and maintainer of gravity here on earth. May the great Flying Spaghetti Monster rouse himself from his stupor and let his noodly appendages ground each assembly member in their seats,"

How about this instead?

Blessed be the Flying Spaghetti Monster, born of extra virgin olive oil, delivered by Little Caesarian (in 30 minutes or less) and cast out of the Olive Garden carrying the Ten Condiments, who has come for our salivation. Killed by the Antipasto as foretold in the book of Romanos, Our Savory was snagged by a giant twirling fork, placed on a plate and hurled onto a wall, where He stuck and dried for our sins. Cheese's Crust, how grated thou art! May there be pizza on earth and gouda will toward men.

Clearly, a member of the schismatic heretic Lambrusco Church of the Drunken Noodle, and not the one true pure Church of the Al Fresco FSM

 

[ChristineM]

Pastafarian pastor wears colander, leads prayer at government meeting

"A pastor wearing a colander on his head offered the opening prayer on behalf of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to open a local government meeting in Alaska, the latest blessing from a nontraditional church since a court ruling."

I didn't care for his prayer:

“So, I’m called to invoke the power of the true inebriated creator of the universe, the drunken tolerator (sic) of the all lesser and more recent gods, and maintainer of gravity here on earth. May the great Flying Spaghetti Monster rouse himself from his stupor and let his noodly appendages ground each assembly member in their seats,"

How about this instead?

Blessed be the Flying Spaghetti Monster, born of extra virgin olive oil, delivered by Little Caesarian (in 30 minutes or less) and cast out of the Olive Garden carrying the Ten Condiments, who has come for our salivation. Killed by the Antipasto as foretold in the book of Romanos, Our Savory was snagged by a giant twirling fork, placed on a plate and hurled onto a wall, where He stuck and dried for our sins. Cheese's Crust, how grated thou art! May there be pizza on earth and gouda will toward men.

Mine would be far simpler and shorter

Blessed is the Flying Spaghetti Monster that we may all eat tonight.

 

[dybmh]

Is there an appropriate prayer or ritual to absolve the transgression of using canned sauce?

 

[ChristineM]

Is there an appropriate prayer or ritual to absolve the transgression of using canned sauce?

There is such an abomination as "canned sauce"??? My heart shudders at the thought

 

[dybmh]

There is such an abomination as "canned sauce"??? My heart shudders at the thought

Yup. I disguise it with fresh garlic and onions.

But.

I've been living a lie. My family has been eating canned sauce.

 

[ChristineM]

Yup. I disguise it with fresh garlic and onions.

But.

I've been living a lie. My family has been eating canned sauce.

Oh, my, may the worshipful Pasta be merciful on you

Actually (please dont tell anyone) i use canned tomatoes and dried oregano when I can't get fresh. But the other ingredients really are fresh.

 

[crossfire]

Pastafarian pastor wears colander, leads prayer at government meeting

"A pastor wearing a colander on his head offered the opening prayer on behalf of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to open a local government meeting in Alaska, the latest blessing from a nontraditional church since a court ruling."

I didn't care for his prayer:

“So, I’m called to invoke the power of the true inebriated creator of the universe, the drunken tolerator (sic) of the all lesser and more recent gods, and maintainer of gravity here on earth. May the great Flying Spaghetti Monster rouse himself from his stupor and let his noodly appendages ground each assembly member in their seats,"

How about this instead?

Blessed be the Flying Spaghetti Monster, born of extra virgin olive oil, delivered by Little Caesarian (in 30 minutes or less) and cast out of the Olive Garden carrying the Ten Condiments, who has come for our salivation. Killed by the Antipasto as foretold in the book of Romanos, Our Savory was snagged by a giant twirling fork, placed on a plate and hurled onto a wall, where He stuck and dried for our sins. Cheese's Crust, how grated thou art! May there be pizza on earth and gouda will toward men.

One small problem: There are only Eight Condiments, not Ten.
The Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts

 

[Brickjectivity]

I view your religion as mere entertainment. It was declared to not be a religion in federal court, but that doesn't make it real.

 

[crossfire]

I view your religion as mere entertainment. It was declared to not be a religion in federal court, but that doesn't make it real.

It's an incarnation of the Sacred Clown Tradition--those who speak Truth to Power, often through satire and humor.

 

[Stevicus]

There is such an abomination as "canned sauce"??? My heart shudders at the thought

Not only that, but there's canned spaghetti, too.

I'm not sure if Orthodox Pastafarians view Chef Boyardee as some kind of heretic.

 

[It Aint Necessarily So]

I view your religion as mere entertainment.

It's not a religion. It's satire. As such, yes, it is entertainment.

 

[Brickjectivity]

It's not a religion. It's satire. As such, yes, it is entertainment.

I guess my wording in my post was unclear. Did you not think it ironic that a court has declared it to not be a religion? What does this mean? Is my sense of humor really that difficult to follow?

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

Not only that, but there's canned spaghetti, too.

I'm not sure if Orthodox Pastafarians view Chef Boyardee as some kind of heretic.

That is the worst kind of obscene sacrilege you can possibly make...to call it 'heretical' is just barely beginning...

 

[Stevicus]

That is the worst kind of obscene sacrilege you can possibly make...to call it 'heretical' is just barely beginning...

I suppose so, but on the other hand, the followers of Chef Boyardee are only really punishing themselves by eating that horrible dreck.

Once you get caught up in the deep, dark underworld of the canned spaghetti cult, it's tough to get out. I recall that Spaghetti-O incident last year.

 

[Valjean]

LOL -- I wore "full pirate regalia," colander, a FSM medallion and carried a copy of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to our annual Halloween party.

I now have three acolytes outside doing yard work....

 

[ChristineM]

Not only that, but there's canned spaghetti, too.

I'm not sure if Orthodox Pastafarians view Chef Boyardee as some kind of heretic.

I do consider it heresy, as a student i have been "forced" to eat the heinz version.

Spoiler: To be honest

i am not truly a Pastafarian. I only worship the great noodly deity 2 or 3 times a week and i im not sure if lasagna actually counts as worship

 

[Stevicus]

I do consider it heresy, as a student i have been "forced" to eat the heinz version.

Spoiler: To be honest

i am not truly a Pastafarian. I only worship the great noodly deity 2 or 3 times a week and i im not sure if lasagna actually counts as worship

I've always been more of a meat and potatoes guy myself.

I suppose one could invent an entire pantheon of deities based on different types of food. If so, then I would say the God of Asparagus is an evil deity.

 

[Brickjectivity]

That is the worst kind of obscene sacrilege you can possibly make...to call it 'heretical' is just barely beginning...

Chicken Noodle. I'm just saying that to scare you.