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A bit of reflection.

Lorgar-Aurelian

Active Member
I often stop and try to reflect on the things I do, the things I think, and the things I want or intend to do.

It's occurred to me that this whole searching for faith thing goes in a big cycle. Every few months I try to take a crack at it hoping I will find something that will make the meaningless feel meaningful. Thus far I have been completely and totally unsuccessful. Every time I think I've finally found something I can get behind and start feeling less terrible I find myself picking it apart.

I'll think about it all day and all night. I'll get so irritated thinking about all of this that eventually communication breaks down. Where I once was calm and at least trying to be understanding I would suddenly become downright spiteful. I suddenly turn to mocking people rather than listening and I am aware I do this. Any answer from me that would actually be truthful comes with the caveat of smugness or just being a general ***.

I don't generally mean to do this, I just find myself getting so fed up with nothing satisfying me. It's not just religion but it turns into these long periods where I can do little but be miserable. Of course they are not always that long. Sometimes it's a few days other times it's weeks at a time.

There is also the other side to this. Sometimes I will just be so happy I could burst for seemingly no reason. I just wake up feeling good and go to bed feeling pretty good. I do also sometimes manage to find peace in meditation or prayer. At least the attempt of prayer I should say.

Everyone has their ups and downs the simply severity of my ups and downs is what troubles me. I can't remember the last time I was just at peace for more than a day or three. All I want is to come to terms with whatever it Is I'm feeling and relax for a bit without constant cynicism penetrating everything I do. I would like to be able to avoid being so damn negative all the time if I am capable of doing so.

I would also like to apologize for being rude to people. I don't like being rude but sometimes it just kind of comes out. I would delete some of those comments or post in threads but well I did type them out so you know it would feel dishonest if I just deleted them you know?

I do find that I have a certain liking to Buddhism and Zoroastrianism. I'm hoping maybe I can find something there or even in the mystic path.

All I know is I want to find the truth and be happy with it. But it seems like too much to ask.
 

jonathan180iq

Well-Known Member
"The process of belief is an elixir when you're weak - and I must confess at times I indulge it on the sneak - but generally my outlook's not so bleak. I'm a materialist."
 

jonathan180iq

Well-Known Member
I often stop and try to reflect on the things I do, the things I think, and the things I want or intend to do.

It's occurred to me that this whole searching for faith thing goes in a big cycle. Every few months I try to take a crack at it hoping I will find something that will make the meaningless feel meaningful. Thus far I have been completely and totally unsuccessful. Every time I think I've finally found something I can get behind and start feeling less terrible I find myself picking it apart.

I'll think about it all day and all night. I'll get so irritated thinking about all of this that eventually communication breaks down. Where I once was calm and at least trying to be understanding I would suddenly become downright spiteful. I suddenly turn to mocking people rather than listening and I am aware I do this. Any answer from me that would actually be truthful comes with the caveat of smugness or just being a general ***.

I don't generally mean to do this, I just find myself getting so fed up with nothing satisfying me. It's not just religion but it turns into these long periods where I can do little but be miserable. Of course they are not always that long. Sometimes it's a few days other times it's weeks at a time.

There is also the other side to this. Sometimes I will just be so happy I could burst for seemingly no reason. I just wake up feeling good and go to bed feeling pretty good. I do also sometimes manage to find peace in meditation or prayer. At least the attempt of prayer I should say.

Everyone has their ups and downs the simply severity of my ups and downs is what troubles me. I can't remember the last time I was just at peace for more than a day or three. All I want is to come to terms with whatever it Is I'm feeling and relax for a bit without constant cynicism penetrating everything I do. I would like to be able to avoid being so damn negative all the time if I am capable of doing so.

I would also like to apologize for being rude to people. I don't like being rude but sometimes it just kind of comes out. I would delete some of those comments or post in threads but well I did type them out so you know it would feel dishonest if I just deleted them you know?

I do find that I have a certain liking to Buddhism and Zoroastrianism. I'm hoping maybe I can find something there or even in the mystic path.

All I know is I want to find the truth and be happy with it. But it seems like too much to ask.
Changing you habits can change your life.

What is truth, other than a certainty we have convinced ourselves of?

Finding truth is as simple as dedicating yourself to its pursuit, regardless of the opinions and distractions of anything and anyone else. Learn to argue - learn to debate - learn to persuade - learn to hold yourself accountable to others as well as yourself. Be intellectually honest. Admit your faults and shortcomings. Own defeats and relish victories. Make a list of your abilities and take pride in your accomplishments. Figure out who you are currently, and grow from that position, as it's the only one you can actually work from. Only aim for honestly attainable goals in the short term, while silently planning long-term goals in the interim.

If you do a handful of those things, you'll literally craft yourself into a different and better person.

Your work will never stop and your obligations will never cease. Accept that ahead of time. Good luck
 

A Vestigial Mote

Well-Known Member
I actually never truly "tried out" any particular belief system. I've been to Christian churches under obligatory circumstances, but never found myself believing any of it. I've delved and dabbled a little here and there with literature, but on the whole I mostly decided to just think things through for myself, not worry about having "a home" or whether or not I could find anyone "of my kind." I chucked all labels - generally only hailing under the ambiguous moniker of "atheist." I'm nothing in particular, and it suits me fine. I have nothing to question except myself when my beliefs fall down, and I simply amend them - the "doctrine" belongs to no one but me, after all.

I guess I am trying to say that, whether we like it or not, or admit to it or not, we really all sort of believe different things, even if groups of us pledge our allegiance to the same deity or religion. Can any of us truly say that even our concept of existence is EXACTLY the same? How could it ever be, when our experiences and physical self - therefore perception of self, emotional state, chemical balances, etc. etc. etc. are all unique? From my point of view we only ever pretend to believe in the same things - and even then the exacting similarities will only go so far. I accept that I believe in a unique set of things, I'll never get anyone's wholesale stamp of "okay" on it... so why worry about adhering to anyone else's standards on ANY of it?
 

Spiderman

Veteran Member
I'm sorry that God is so cruel! Some day your spirit will be set free. God is just being a slow-poke for now and playing cruel games. I wish he wouldn't do that.
 

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
Me again ...

I highly recommend "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. It is nowhere near as depressing as the title may suggest. :)

For a sample of her advice try this site -

Articles

Hope that helps!
 

littlefire

You can call me Fio
Hey buddy,

This is a bit of a stretch and I don't know what it feels like for you, but coming from someone who's struggled with their mental health in a religious context, know you're not alone and I'm game to talk about ups and downs in a mental health-type context anytime. Still working on how the spiritual part sorts itself out. I wish spiritual journeys didn't have to suck this much lol.

Peace bro.
 

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
I wish spiritual journeys didn't have to suck this much lol.

Unfortunately the "journey" almost inevitably involves a period of darkness and confusion before things get better.

But it is well-worth it in the end - hard as that may be 2 believe at times!

Cheers
 
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