Badran

Would you be up for a chat today?

Once again, my dear Badran, I am in awe of your discerning taste in women! The charms of Terry Packhouser cannot be sung enough among those who are cognizant of them. Which, at last count, numbered no less than 2356 men -- for besides being a remarkably competent midget wrestler, she is renown in Tijuana as a highly accomplished suck artist! The fact that you at once zeroed in on her speaks volumes about your estimable tastes! I am humbled by your wisdom in womenfolks!

I'm absolutely astonished that you appear to know nothing -- nothing at all -- of the five winsome women who are madly in love with you! I thought until now that everyone, including you, has seen the billboards they've been putting up all over America declaring their undying devotion to "That Zany Egyptian Prince of the Dunes, Badran the Ninja". Could that be someone other than you? For your information, the women have been listing themselves as:

1) Florence "Flo" Gallstones, a sightless grandmother of 20 and great-grandmother of 5.

2) Terry "Little Stuff" Packhouser, a midget wrestler from Tijuana, Mexico.

3) "Princess Sparkling Pony", a precocious six year old aspiring child actress from California.

4) Sister Amy -- an Evangelical preacher from Alabama.

5) Wanda Twinnose, the last surviving inmate of a famous Hawaiian leper colony.

So, you see, there is absolutely no reason for your depression, old friend! Those women are madly in love with you. Madly, I say!

I felt blah all day long. No explanation for it -- just feeling blah. And then, I suddenly realized I had not yelled at any young children today. What an oversight! So, I opened my door and screamed a couple five year olds, "Quite playing on my lawn!" Felt my old self afterwards.

So how are you doing?

Oh, ok, thanks. For a moment I thought something else as you said it would be hard to read an intelligent post. As if the pic was funny or something lol Now I'm blushing and all.

I'm almost afraid to ask what you meant by that given that my avatar is my picture now.

You dirty little boy!! Now I know who to call on to edit my next erotic novel.
Thanks for the frubie.

I would be more than pleased and honored if you would consider staying at my humble cottage. And don't worry about bringing your womenfolk along too! Nothing shall prevent me from extending the full length of my throbbing hospitality to them! I am absolutely certain you'd do the same for me.

It's absolutely shameful the way Mad Mike and Betty Sue treated you! To think they've been my neighbors for two years now and they would treat a friend of mine like common trash. It's almost as if their $300/day meth habit has affected their minds! I simply don't understand it!

Finally experiment with your passion? After having not cooked a thing since the age of three? And now you want to cook for me????

Ooops! Are you sure you have my right address? I'm not really in the yellow cottage that I can see you standing outside of with your trustworthy camel and harem of six goats. I'm actually in that house down the street. The blue one. Yeah, knock there. I'm sure they...I mean, I'm sure I will welcome you with open arms! By the way, the emergency number for poisonings here is 911. Simply dial it and pray.

Of course I don't mind! I have longed for the day someone described my culinary efforts as "cooking", rather than the more common and sometime frightening terms people in fact do use. "Poisoning". "Massacring my guests". "Butchering a good meal". "Wanton Destruction of Life and Property". "Rendering even simple foods as impalpable as concrete". "Murder by turkey breast". And other shameful terms that, I assure you, my cookery does not deserve. Well, at least does not deserve the more extreme comments. I myself describe my cookery as "Challenging", "a departure from the routine and expected", "experimental", and -- best of all -- "for the adventurer in all of us". So, by all means, I would be honored to be described as a cooking man. It is far and away better than the epitaphs those who dine with me are so inexplicably want to spit out between courses.

P.S. Sorry to hear your mother couldn't make the trip with you. But then, not everyone is as attracted as you are to my cuisine.

Knuckle sandwiches? You came all the way from Egypt just for my knuckle sandwiches? Do you fully realize you're the first person (besides myself) who has been willing to travel more than six yards for my cookery in over three decades? Not even my mother would do that! Which some people say explains why she's still alive at the age of 95. I'm thrilled! Positively thrilled you would come all this way for my good home cooking!

Thanks for such an encouraging frubal comment!

Thanks! I do think it's interesting, to say the least.

Thanks for the Froob Badran!!

Man, you are cracking me up in Becky's thread. I've honestly been laughing till my belly shakes. Too bad I don't have any frubals at the moment. But then, that's just your luck.

Thanks for the frubie!

Thank you. There are times when I feel the inadequacy of text-based forums to express what needs to be expressed. It can become formulaic and Pavlovian. I appreciate that you sense that this is not a superficial issue to me.

Thanks for the frubal, Badran.