Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal

Well today I watched another famous biography movie. A Beautiful Mind which is about John Nash, a famous scientist and math teacher.

He was schizophrenic in the 1950s and '60s where he had to be hospitalized against his will in mental wards. So I like this movie because it concerns people who are mentally ill.

They used electric shock therapy on him and it was harsh on. The way that psychiatric profession ran it's been awards in the 70s and earlier was very ignorant and really in the eighties too.

I know because I was abandoned and then when I was a teenager in the eighties.
Anyways he did a lot to get rid of the stereotypes of the mentally ill.

Hey hallucinated a lot and thought he was a spy.
When you get on medications they had back then it was able to go home but he could not work. He also could not have sex with his wife on the meds.

So he had to deal with being bored a lot and not being able to be constructive.

Yes I'm being treated from the illness that I have the same problem.
So I relate with him but he could teach and of course I cannot teach.


But I'm happy that he got to go back to teaching and one an award I think it was a Nobel Peace prize or something else some kind of an award for his work.

His wife helped him a lot by keeping him at home instead of the hospital. He learned to exercise ride his bicycle a lot. He got out and socialized with his colleagues at the University.

So socializing and getting out with people in the daytime helps a lot for people like us who are mentally ill. But it was a really good movie I would recommend it to anyone.

FYI on the topic of John Denver albums. My parents had reasonable expectations for music.

My sisters sometimes sang Christian music for the church. My sister played the piano for the church.

But we also listen to secular music as well.
My mother and father didn't want to be in such a strict environment that all we would do is listen to Christian music some Christians did that but my parents did not.

At the same time, they wanted us to listen to good music pop music that was positive and not negative. They wanted something that would be appropriate for kids and teenagers our age.

For instance, we have that 45 record Dyer Maker by Led Zeppelin but Zeppelin was too intense to sexual for our taste so no we didn't really listen to a lot of Led Zeppelin.

My mom was talking to a lady at the grocery store when my sister Kathy was 10 years old. She told her she had a 10 year
Old daughter. She said my daughter is 10 also can I ask you a question?

What pop groups are out that are appropriate for 10-year-olds to listen to?

She said well my girls listen to The Osmonds. So my sisters started listening to the Osmonds. They also listened to The Carpenters and the Jackson 5.

That music was good pop music without being you know too intense or sexual or anything like that.

So when I was between the ages of 6 and 11 my parents got me Barbra Streisand albums, Barry manilow and John Denver. I also listen to The Osmonds, The Carpenters, and the Jackson 5.

So I just say that because some Christians let their kids only listen to Christian music and they thinkbecause we were raised Baptist, we were like that too.

Well now we weren't that strict but my parents did want something appropriate for our age range so I think they did a pretty good job.

Okay I won't write much now because I'm on my cell phone. I can't make many mistakes because I can't fix them with my app I have downloaded on my computer.

It cleans up all my English mistakes that type of thing. Grammerly is the name of it.

So I'll clean it up later tonight. I just wanted to say that I'm going to talk about the Carpenters next.

Richard Carpenter is a recovering drug addict and Karen Carpenter was an anorexic. I think she was the first entertainer to be known to have anorexia in the 70s and 80s.

Southland both of them very interesting.
Anorexics have things in common with overeaters because we're all obsessed with food.

So I will be back to talk about the Carpenters and especially Karen Carpenter.

So the topic of the Carpenters, I'll start with that. I was born in 1967. I think they came out with their first hit like in 69 which was the valid version of Ticket To Ride.

In the mid-70s they were still popular, my sister used to play their music on the piano on the weekends and I loved it.

When I was a kid we used to listen to a radio station called kvil, they had a contest you could sing the best pop song, and get paid, and I made a tape of myself singing Superstar by The Carpenters I got a free t-shirt for it.

I loved that song, but I like a lot of their music.

But I like watching the movie about Karen Carpenter's life plus I've seen a couple of specials with Richard Carpenter talking about their life.

Richard Carpenter had to take play leads to get himself to sleep at night because they were on the road all the time. A lot of touring artists did that including Elvis Presley

And just like a lot of other artists he got hooked on them addicted and became a drug addict. It's a dysfunctional job, they require a lot from, they required them to move around all the time and always be on the road and I know that that's probably really hard.

So I can see where addiction would come in and play a role.

I know Karen Carpenter had family problems she and her brother were probably codependent on each other.

She also had a really hard time with the criticism given out about her and magazines and reporters who reported about her concerts like that. Hollywood is very cruel and they can be very critical.

I know there was one comment made about her being chubby in the beginning.
That kind of drove her crazy.

But there was also another magazine that said Karen Carpenter is not fabulous but at least she tries.
That's a very hurtful thing to say and I would not want to be in a position to be scrutinized and criticized over everything that I wore and the way I looked all the time. That would drive me crazy too.

So I can see where she would feel pressured to the point of developing anorexia.

Unfortunately for Karen, they didn't have as much information about it in the 70s and 80s and so they didn't have as many treatment centers around so she didn't have as much support as she should have ole she would have today.

I don't think there were a whole lot of eating disorders centers or the patients lived in.

But her voice was beautiful it was like silk it was perfect. She probably didn't even realize how beautiful her voice was.

But her music today still lives on and it's really beautiful, I love to hear her voice.


Her life is an inspiration to other anorexics and also anyone with an eating disorder like me. I'm obese but all eating disorders have things in common with each other.
So I get a lot out of hearing about her story.

Well, I said I was going to go on a sugar-free diet and cut out all my sweets about a week or so ago.

I tried it for a day and it was terrible I couldn't do it.
I have put on weight in the last few weeks, about six or seven pounds.

But today I stayed on my food plan and I used a new one.

Now instead of staying away from sweets, I allow myself one Coke a day plus two ice cream treats.
But I get weight watchers or carb smarts with the lower carbs and low fat.

This week I have weight watchers ice cream cookies and weight watchers giant fudge bar.

The two of those together are 300 calories plus one Coke is another 150.

So it's 450 calories for the whole day three snacks three meals and about 800 calories for the rest of my day so comes up to being about 1200 calories.

So that's not bad calorie-wise and my fat grams are still low.

We'll see how I do on this new plan on way in a few days.

I had 1600 calories today so I had two too many ice creams. However my calories and fat are still good.

So if I can keep on my plan tomorrow and only have two ice creams it should still be working.

I have been watching hoarding lately.
My sisters used to say that I was a hoarder because I had all that poo in my house that Venus did.

I did not feel well enough to take her outside in the beginning I did but in the end, I did not.

So that's one reason why I had to leave the house and that's one reason why I had possums was because of the poo and my mom's room and the poo underneath the dining room table that she had put there.

This is why when my sister said to her husband: Cali needs to stay with me because she knows me and feels safe with me:

He said I don't want to do it unless you'll be responsible for the litter.

So my sister comes by every couple of days to change the litter and to feed and water her. But I feed her and water her in between the days that she doesn't come.

I don't have a problem with watering her or feeding her, but bending over to pick up the litter box might be too heavy for my back.

So yes I am grateful to my sister for doing that. My home health aide would do it if I asked her.

But outside of that I can feed her and water her and take care of her and be with her and pet her baby her which I do all the time.

But back to hoarders yes there are some people who have the same problem that I did who have dog poo all over and cat poo and rat poo and mice poo and who knows.

But mine was not near the big horde that theirs are in. In fact, I had the EMS come pick me up at least once or twice after the house got into that mess for something but I can't remember.

But the fire department was there and they saw it so they said nothing.

Technically I was in an apartment 11 years ago that I had to move out of because they kicked me out for letting it get dirty and nasty.

But the city told me that they can't do that because it has to get into a really bad situation like the people on that order show.

So I already knew that they wouldn't throw me out over it by the city but my sister owned the house.

And the people who came over to see about exterminating my possums told me that my sister needed to have the holes in the house on the outside plugged up first before anybody could do it.

So my other sister told me privately that she thought that Kathy could get in trouble with the city.

It would be for having holes on the outside of my house where rats and possums could get in and not fixing it.

I have no idea if there was any truth to that.
My sister denies that they really had any holes in the outside of the house.

She says it was just crawling spaces.
I have no idea.

But anyways the hoarders, some of them are Christian and holier than now. It would seem that there's an issue because there's no Bible scripture scripture that says hoarding is a sin.

But I would think that the scripture that says cleanliness is next to godliness would cover that.

Also, a lot of them are shopping addicts who are addicted to shopping, there's the 23rd Psalm that says the Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.

So lusting after physical things should be covered by that.

I think there's also a scripture about making your body the temple of God isn't there?

So endangering yourself should be against the Bible. It's just that some of these people are older and they don't know

Some were told when they were younger not to throw any food away it was waste,

especially if they were raised in a time when they were being hungry.

I know my mom at times would let food go rotten and still say it was good like with the pickles.

She used to say they never go bad and she would wash off the white junk on it, gross.

For the most part, she didn't have that much of a problem with rotten foods.

Some of them are disabled and have to live there because their relative is the one who's doing the hoarding which is sad.

It's an interesting show I'll write more about it next time.

Some folks here have said I am wrong in eating so many processed types of meat and processed foods.

They eat more vegetables than anything

My sister use to be that way, she claimed her family was vegan even though they had chicken broth and small amounts of turkey from time to time.

But she did eat more vegetables and fruits another stuff and she was on a holistic lifestyle diet.

She believed in eating only natural stuff as well.
Her daughter Alex is obese.
I was on weight watchers and losing weight for a while and she asked me why her holistic diet wasn't losing weight for Alex and for her.

I told her she needed to be counting calories or eating small portioned meals three times a day . I told her I counted my fat grams and my points.

Her family never used small portions nor counting of calories or the points or anything.

Seen her and her husband considered and still do consider fruit juice as being a healthy alternative to Coke.
My niece is allowed to have all the fruit juice she wants.

They also consider raw honey to be extremely healthy. And they let their girls have all the raw honey they wanted and they added it to cocoa and other stuff and made desserts out of it.

They also ate raw organic peanuts and made them into peanut butter they ate too much of too.
So their healthy holistic lifestyle did not work for them.
Quite often I think they do this, vegans and vegetarians have an all-you-can-eat attitude about their diets.

The only free food that you can pig out on and still lose weight is raw
vegetables. Weight Watchers also includes fruit but not fruit juice.

Fruit juice has a ton of carbs. They say it's just like Coke.

So it's a setup, if she thinks stuff like that is healthy, but you can still get fat off of it.

So I don't trust the naturalists on here when they tell me to eat more vegetables and that will cure my diet habits.

I believe very strongly in calorie counting or point counting or using three small meals.

You don't have to count your calories or points if you're using three small plates for three small meals. I usually know what one meal or one entree is.

For instance, I have bean burritos I got from Taco Bell in the refrigerator for lunch.

It's 350 calories per burrito so one serving is a burrito.
Anyway, this is why I don't get into the whole naturalistic holistic lifestyle thing plus I'm not crazy about vegetables.

The only vegetables I eat are mushrooms, onions, bell peppers, and celery.

Stir fry it's okay if I'm cutting up vegetables in a steak or a piece of chicken.

I need to get back to where I'm cooking on the stove. It's healthier than ordering frozen foods. But again I have weight loss this year because I've been counting my calories using small portions.

Well I'm on my 5th day of staying on my food plan. I have to admit I've been eating about four desserts a day though.

This is my fifth day and my sweets are gone. I had 12 to start out with.
But it's a lot better than what I usually do.

I think having the weight watchers and the skinny cow brand named on my sweets helps me to remember to not pig out on them.

I got a box of weight watchers chocolate peanut butter bars coming tonight.

But I'm still keeping my calories down to about 1200 to 1500 calories.

I will weigh myself tomorrow morning.

We shall see if I've lost or gained, hopefully, I'll have a loss.

It's hard not to buy food when you have money. I just had a bigger amount come in this month than I was expecting.

I always want to go to amazon.com and get a big bunch of junk to pig out on.
mostly I get sweets.
I will get a box of cinnamon coffee cakes, a 7-Up cake from Amazon, a butter pound cake etc etc.

I can spend 40 or 50 bucks just like that on sweets.

Well we shall see what happens tomorrow and I will report back.

OK, I weighed early this morning. I am down to 297 yay me! 5 pounds of weight loss! I also got a job, which only pays about 100 a month, reading books and giving reviews.

But I have not filled in the info for my profile at Amazon and the directions on it. Sometimes when I have to take in a bunch of directions for job information I get confused. So we will see how that works if it does ok if not ok.

But that would be nice to take in an extra 100 a month.

But back to my weight. It is working for now. Keeping my calories and fat grams down really works.

I use brand names that are associated with low-fat and or low-carb products for my sweet snacks. It does really help for keeping calories and fat down. So. For now I will keep doing that. YAY!

Well, unfortunately, my sister brought me a huge piece of my niece's birthday cake and I ate it and pigged out on parmesan cheese.

However I had a 5-pound weight loss, I should still have 1 or 2, or 3 pounds off. So I will be back on it tonight.

I am so tired tonight. I went over all the directions for my job. I got my first days worth done. I read about half of a book and I reviewed it.

I'll have it up by tomorrow. They want us to do about 10 a week.

If I can do that much I'll get about 120 a month. That's a good thing for me.
It's not enough for most people but for me it'll help.

I will need some clothes for Christmas and a jacket for winter.
So it should work.

I'm back on my food plan. It's hard for me not to just want to pick out on those ice cream treats. But I am not.

I had tea today were 300 calories for both of them and one Coke so all together it's 450 calories worth of sweets.

It'll be about 1100 calories for my whole day.

Anyways I'm tired from my job so I'm going to bed.

So, I am writing again. So I needed a job to kick my rear end to get busy in the daytime. So the busier I am the less likely I will be to eat, it's just a writing gig again, but they say it may be permanent.

I just found a group through youtube that has a morning ritual and devotion for Hare Krishna. They're supposed to contact me tomorrow. It sounds like fun, but if I do this, I will also still be interested in Zen meditation and Yoga meditation.

If it's too strict I will drop out. Wow just like that I clicked on a chanting and meditation youtube video for Hare Krishna and they had this website link.

I might not be able to wake up early enough we will see.

Well I got no results with the Hary Krishna's. They said they would contact me this morning and they never did email me so.

I'm not going to bother with it now. I just thought it would be interesting to see what their rituals are in the morning.

It would have been fun but oh well.

Well, my job's going okay. In order to get the 120 a month I have to read and review 10 books a week. So we'll see how that goes. I will hopefully have enough time for it.

I'm back on my food plan which is good.


I ate whole wheat pasta with low-carb pasta sauce it was good.

I get that skinny cow ice cream ice cream treats they're pretty good. I will write more tomorrow.

So how disasters can a day be. It was unbelievable. I
had stayed up all night because of my restless legs sitting room and up all day .I couldn't sleep until about 12:00 noon.


Then I found out my charger is not working for my phone or computer. How badly can a day be it sucks.

If I lose this phone in computer I'll be stuck up here with no way to communicate which could be very scary.

However I found out that the charger will keep my phone plugged in and keep the number from the battery like right now it's at 50%. It keeps it from going down.

So even though it doesn't feed itself the battery like it should do it does keep it from going down.

So I guess if I keep it plugged in all the time I should be okay. I'll just take it down a few minutes at a time when I use it or else learn to sit on my Walker next to the phone.

I called T-Mobile they don't have any chargers for another two or three weeks.

As long as I can keep using this phone I'll be okay though.

So I might not post as much as I usually do but I'll still come here and write my journal every night. Hopefully I won't have to wait too long to get my charger.

I am back. So I had several things I wanted to talk about. Right now for some reason the issue of fallen Pasters and the difference between them and a rock star.

Since I have been speaking about John Denver let's just use it as an example.
Ok on other debate groups, I have been accused of pointing a finger at people like Carl Lentz who had an affair with his wife, and not having that same attitude toward rock stars.

Here's the problem. Yes, John Denver drank too much, I am not sure he was an alcoholic and he slept around with the women available to him.

I said before I think he's only a human and makes mistakes, and with what he had to deal with at the time, he did his best.
I know I have a laid-back attitude toward music stars.

However, Carl Lentz and other Pastors like him did not just party too much and had affairs. There is way more going on.

Carl Lentz not only preached hellfire and brimstone against committing sexual sins, but he started new dating rules for the church that was too strict where sex was concerned.

He made it a rule that they could not kiss till they got engaged and could not say I love you till the wedding night. They also interviewed a woman who said when the church asked if anyone had committed sins they needed to repent for, she and her boyfriend went to the alter and was taken backstage with Carl Lentz.

He shamed them for sexual sins and broke them up and kicked them off of the worship team. So it's not that
one attitude towards a celebrity who has sexual sins and a different one for Pastors who fall, it's just that they have behaviors that are hypocritical and they quite often shame people in their flock for the same behaviors they have.

So thats why.

Well, I'm exhausted. I didn't sleep for a couple of days because of my restless leg syndrome it was hurting my legs bad.

My sister and brother-in-law have built the sidewalk in front of my back door so I can walk to her house pretty easily with my Walker.

I have not been out of this apartment yet but I'm scheduled to go for Thursday Thanksgiving.

I fell back and had a really big binge this weekend. I got to get back on my food plan.
It's just hard dealing with this pain and my food addiction too. But somehow I'm going to be back on it tomorrow.

I got to throw away a lot of food tonight including my beloved fruity pebbles.

So I'm going back to the same big planners on last week where I lost 5 lb of probably gained it back.

Wish me luck or say a prayer for me if you pray thanks.

Okay this will be short. I'm just making a gratitude list for Thanksgiving. I am grateful for my sister's, my family, for God, my brand new apartment, my cat Cali, the program of overeaters Anonymous, for my food I eat when I'm on my food plan, music, my cell phone, my computer, my weight loss even though it's a small amount now, and the air I breathe.

I'm also grateful for the meditation groups I go to on the internet. I'm grateful for my TV set along with the movies and everything I get to watch. That's it for now if I think of something else I'll put it up.

So I was talking to my sister about John Denver and his sexual issues. We were discussing Hollywood and rock and roll and going on tour with any band regardless of whether it was rock or country or whatever.

She said does it really ever work out for any of the marriages in Hollywood or rock and roll when people have to leave their spouses.

For pop stars who have to go on the road without their partner it's just self-centered they're doing it for themselves.

It's almost like she's saying they don't have any choice but to have affairs because if you go out on the road for a long time you're going to be lonely.

I don't know what the answer to that is I don't know if some people do all right and others don't.

But just to lighten things up here and to get me into a better attitude: I will list two rock and roll performers who have had a relationship or marriage to one person for a very long period.

The first one is Gene Simmons from kISS.
His wife said that whenever he talks about all the women he slept with that he's making it up to make himself look sexy.

It's kind of comical but she does a good job at defending their marriage and so does he I mean I've just got their own thing but they seem to be really happy.

The other one is Ozzy Osbourne. He definitely looks really happy with Sharon and I think they've been together for a long time.

I've heard Sharon talk many times until stories about the olden days when he was young so they obviously haven't had any real issues either. He seems to be in love with her.

I'm going to get some music and then maybe I'll put some more up tomorrow night.

Continued from the above post.
So thinking of great actors, saw the bio of Patric Swazee, He and his wife stayed together forever.

She was on the set of Dirty Dancing, and she taught Jennifer Grey some of the lifts, mainly the hard one. She was with him I think at least on a few of his sets. I think that's great and hey it worked for them.

Here's another rockin' roll couple who stayed together: Linda and Paul Mccartney.