Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal

So I think that some people including me make the mistake of confusing the notion of finding romance with a man with finding religion.

I mean when I was in the Pentecostal church we all claimed to be a family and called each other Brother and Sister. My name is Elizabeth and they would call me sister Elizabeth.

So a spiritual home does replace the family if you don´t have one and so does having a romance. A nice man and a home with my cat and a white picket fence.

Itś a dream. My Dad was a wimp, my Mom beat him up when she was drunk and verbally abused him for a while after she sobered up, So I was not close to him for a long time.

He also did not show up to visit me while I was in the psych wards, I missed out on having a Father for almost 3 years in the psych wards.

So I have a tendency to turn any man who is in a romance with me into a father figure.

So any relationship I could have would turn toxic. I will not allow myself to get into a relationship until I have had some counseling.
But back to the topic, yes I believe we who want a relationship and can find one do get desperate. I have seen too many Dr. Phil's shows on catfishing with women who just do not want to face the truth. I just think after my relationship with God gets better too I will have God as my father figure.

It is sad about scamfishing.

I am taking a break from doing stuff tonight but tomorrow I need to walk for 4 minutes. I ate too much today. I am going to hang on and stay on my food plan for the next four days to see if I can lose a couple of pounds anyways.

I can lose weight if I have steak with a baked potato. I might order from a steak place tomorrow night.
I am watching the episode with Roberts's story on My 600 Pound Life, he dies at the end of it.

His family made a statement to our fan club for My 600 Pound Life that Dr. Now was responsible for his death along with that hospital.

This movie is the one I watched tonight it was good.

Well I walked 4 minutes today. It knocked my breath out and my back is hurting. I think this week I'll make 1 more walk 4 and a half minutes and then try walking in the garage.
I want to walk to a car and go to church by November . If I decide I don't like the United Methodist church my sister says she'll take me to OA meetings.

My wound is better but it still may take another month before it closes

I tried out Delimex Beef Taquitos they're new on the market. 7 grams of fat low in calories they were pretty good.

well, my goal is to get on my feet and be able to go to my sister's house in October, and by November or December be able to go to church. After my Mom died her favorite book store in Mesquite went under and she bought it.

They got rid of the tarot cards they use to sell horror books because they felt like they were glorifying Satan. I can see getting rid of tarot cards but getting rid of books is something I don agree with,

However, she says it´s still secular not Christian. She says she still has all the mystery books. My Mom was a big mystery book reader so I am glad she kept those.

She says she will let me have a game night where I can sit at a table and lead games once a week. I¨d like to have a volunteer job once a week. But they won´t open for a few months.

This is a clip from the Alex Cross series movies, this is what my Mom use to read. I like this movie.

So I have been taking surveys with a couple of survey places that are advertised on craigslist. So far I am supposed to have 8 dollars made in one over the past week. The other one is only 1 dollar or so.


If the 8-dollar one keeps up I may have 30 to 35 bucks at the end of the month which is nothing to most folks. But they give me an option of getting it on PayPal or some other gift card or an Amazon gift card which is what I want.

I have heard some are scams, I shall see what I get out of it at the end of the month so. If I could get 30 or 40 a month in Amazon gift cards it would be nice. I will let you know.

I have been lazy and over-eating the past 2 days. Carbs are driving me crazy.I am going to try to start over tomorrow.

So I am back on my food plan. I got Subway sandwiches last night I was so disappointed. I got Steak and cheese melt 12 inches and a steak and cheese 12 inches and there was not one bite of cheese on any of it. I think I'm gonna throw them away and eat what's here. I got another rotisserie chicken 12 inches I might eat it.

I have too much food in my house. I go out too much too. But if I can last a week on my food plan maybe I'd take off a few pounds we will see.

I got to walk for 4 and a half minutes tomorrow. I am going walking Saturday or Sunday in the garage. So hopefully by mid-October when my niece has her baby shower maybe I can attend in the house and socialize.

I am a little worried about Covid when I plan on going to church or OA meetings in November or December. I have not had the new vaccine. I wonder how dangerous the new covid virus is.

If I ever get married I want to walk down my aisle to this song

This is a better version

So I let myself down again today. I pigged out on sweets from the cracker barrel. They are delicious, I got moon pies Coca-Cola chocolate cake, and cinnamon biscuits yummy.

Ok I have to get up this weekend and put my cat, Cali, into her carrier, I hope it´s not very hard to do, I will use food to entice her, then use my walker to walk out into the garage and walk for 4 minutes.

It was way too hot last time I went into the garage, I hope itś not that hot this weekend.

I think the reason we are having abnormally hot summers is because of global warming. I hope we have a nice winter. I have been bored this may be one reason, I have been overeating.

I have 2 jobs filling surveys on the net, I already have almost 10 dollars from one. I started with them a week ago so I figure I will get 30 dollars from them at the end of the month.

I may get another 1 or 2 survey jobs it will keep me busier. I also want to go to some religious services on the internet during the week, maybe some more online meditation groups.

If I learn more about religion that should keep me busy and also doing more stuff with my OA program.

Itś Halloween next month!

So I sometimes watch catfished on youtube, it's a series on people who got catfished through dating web sights. There are people who went broke sold their houses and gave the money to their catfish who promises the money will get them to America and home to them.

I think I get obsessed with this because at one time I could have been catfished spending time on dating web sights. But I figured it out, the first catfish pretended to be raised in America, After emailing him, I noticed he could not be American because he was writing in broken English.

I told him there is no way that English is his first language. He got mad.

But for crying out loud to spend your whole life savings and sell your house? They are looking for love in the wrong places, they need a higher power or God, and they also need to look to themselves as the inner God. No man is worth that.

They can go to church or another religious service to meet men and also to fulfill their spiritual life. that is a lot better than turning to dating websites.

I feel like crap, I have a bunch of drainages bad sore throat. I am seeing my dr. tomorrow. I have pain and it's impossible for me to stay on my food plan, so I am binging right now.

When I get in one of these moods I just want something edgy and dark on my tv. I am watching Twin Peaks, the first season, just love it! All I need is a clean place reasonably priced!
Heres a clip.

This is the theme song from Twin Peaks, it is beautiful.
..

Well, I have been sick as a dog the past 4 days. I am on zpack antibiotic, so I am starting to feel a little better. MY throat and ears are still sore though. I hope I am better tomorrow. I have not been able to take my walk in the garage yet but I'm going to try tomorrow.

I also need to weigh tomorrow. I ate a lot last week but also was on my food plan for a few days. I binged the past 3 days, trying to deal with my pain but it´s hard. I did get back on my moderate eating plan today.

It´s got too much fat and bad carbs. But I had 3 small meals, vanilla yogurt for breakfast, a frozen burrito for lunch, and for dinner. The calories in the burrito for both are 700 and the yogurt is 90 calories
and one can of coke 150 and a sugar-free pudding 60 calories. It comes up to about 1000 calories. So that's not bad.

I will report my weight regardless if I have gained or
not tomorrow.

I had a crush on this band and they were my favorite at 15 only for about 6 months, that´s why I don´t mention them a lot but they were a great 80s band.

Ok I stayed on my food plan today. But I still feel like crap, drainage sneezing sore throat and ears etc.

But I did weigh. I am back up to 296 so I gained 3 pounds back. So I have to get on the ball and lose weight this week.I'm really tired so I am going to bed, good night.

I do not listen to a lot of Christian music but sometimes I do, all religious music is uplifting. This hard rock Christian group was popular in the nineties. I use to listen to a lot of their stuff.

I have been up and down with my food plan but hope to get rid of all junk tonight and start over tomorrow. I found a new group that meets on the net from meetup that is a group that chants and meditates and is from the Hindu beliefs.

I might try to join another group too, the more religious meets I make the better. I am watching Twin Peaks, saw my favorite scene with an 18-year-old Audrey Horn trying to seduce Agent Cooper. He was gorgeous, he´s old now but I bet heś still handsome.

There were another Twin Peaks that came out in 2017 I might look at it tomorrow.

Here's a picture. ¨ That´ś´ dam good black coffee!
agent cooper twin peaks - Saferbrowser Image Search Results

So I started out eating right. I didn't eat much today because I was going to order tonight healthy. My plan was to order Gengas Grill again. But after I ordered it and waited for them to deliver it they canceled the order I guess because they were busy.

So I started all over and ordered steak and grilled shrimp. It took a while to get out here. Then when it did my sister could not bring it to me for a while because she was doing other stuff.

I was supposed to go to meditation with a new group at 8 and I finally got my food at 10 minutes till 8. I ended up binging on my Oreos left over from yesterday. But it was a small binge,

I went to a kirtan yoga class and it was all guitar playing singing Hare Krishna and the names of Gods. It was pretty though and I really liked it. I will probably go next week,

Yes, I get lonely living alone, but I am not completely alone. I have my cat Cali she is sweet and at least once or twice a day she gets in my lap and stays a few minutes.

But yes it would be nice to have a man at least for a lover. But I can fulfill my loneliness with God and spirituality and I love music. It helps to be able to dial into an Over Eaters Anonymous meeting on the phone all night.

If I get really lonely I can also go to Zoom meetings and Zoom meditation meetings, like the one I had last night through meetup.com the Kirtan service. I do miss my dog Venice though.

But tomorrow I am going to try and walk in the garage for 4 minutes and then in 2 weeks walk to my sister's back of the house door and go to my niece's baby shower. Hopefully, by December, I will be able to attend church meetings.

So I tried to walk today but my sister was out for a couple of hours and did not get to go. I am going to try again tomorrow.

Sometime this week, mark my words we will take a walk in the garage even if I have to get my home health aid to do it. I have been on my food plan for 2 days except I had 2 20 oz cokes today, however, that's less than what I used to drink so I am still ok with it.

I ordered healthy from Genghis grill. I ordered ribeye steak and baked potato the night before last night for healthy but it just did not so much for my taste buds.

I would like to think I could meet a nice older single guy at the United Methodist church but I am betting there are none.

Trying to meet men in person is different than on the internet, I
I do not think God has a man for me but he could surprise me who knows. Anyone I could marry has to face the fact that I can´t clean the house, I have to have my home health aid help me with that kind of stuff.

When I drop weight I can cook some though I am not good at cooking I can cook some. But that is it, I have to have help for the rest of it. Most men want a woman who can cook and clean.

I have some limitations with sex too, because of my past, I will
not be catching any man on my hook any time soon.

My sister says I should learn how to bond with women more, I told her that is my plan this year with OA women.

She said I should go to the bible study group of this woman
we knew from our old Southern Baptist church but now she
is with a nondenominational church.

Nondenom churches out here are Evangelical Christian churches, I have no intentions of going, knowing she would probably use it to get me into her church

Well, I have not spoken to my sister about it sense, I just hope it drops and she forgets about it. The conversation about binding with women over a bible study with a woman from our old church. The conversation I put up in the last post.

Anyways, I have 15 bucks that I earned and did not get back that is supposed to be in an Amazon gift card. Itś not there. There is another 5-dollar gift certificate I got this morning from taking surveys, I seem to be able to pick up about 5 bucks a week from them.

Maybe if I push myself harder I could pick up 30 or 40 a month from them. I am going to focus on them from now on.

I also get 60 to 80 this month for a product review job. But they do not usually last forever. I just hope I can keep them for a couple of more months.

I got a one-time job getting my long hair cut and selling my hair to a hairdresser. I am waiting to hear from her.

There are lots of one-day one-time jobs under gigs on craigslist. So I just keep my eye out on craigslist. Also, they have a lot of jobs like that at jobs etc.......... on Craigslist.

You may wonder why I want to work so badly. I don´t need the money. But my self-esteem is low and I get bored easily. Having a little job to do gives me some structure for my day, helps me set goals, and keeps me busy.

When I am too bored I overeat. People who have addictions need jobs to help them find self-esteem and worth and it keeps us busy and out of trouble. The Bible says idle hands are the devil's workshop.

Back to my loneliness. I hope that going to church and being able to go to monthly libertarian meetings will comfort me enough that I will not need a man. There are some singles groups through meetup.com, maybe eventually I might go to some of them.

One answer to not being able to get married with my circumstances also could be to find someone who is just happy to date without getting married. We shall see. in the meantime I do intend on bonding with women in OA this year.

I guess I do not need to worry about dating men right now. I need to focus on myself and get to know myself. it´s just hard. I get lonely. I need to go back to my religion chat room. I am never going back to dating web sights there are too many scam artists crawling around.

I need to be in more OA meetings too, that also helps with loneliness. I do not want to end up like the ladies on Dr. Phil who get scammed to the point they are out on the street.

Although I do not have the money to do that with. My arm is sore from doing too many surveys, so i am saying good night for now.