I am mad

VoidCat · Jun 30, 2022

So I live in a group home for disabled folk as you all know. My dad got me a shirt. It say I'm a Ray of ****ing Sunshine on it. Problem is higher ups do not want me to wear it. Said I am not allowed to. This pissed me off. I am not working here. I am a resident. I am not about to go to work anywhere. Im wearing it on my downtime. Nondisabled folk on their downtime get to wear whatever language they like on their shirts. Just cuz I am disabled and live in a group home doesn't mean i shouldn't wear whatever language I like on my shirt when relaxing on my downtime. To me it is terribly infantalizing and offensive they want me to change my shirt. I am not a child. I should not be treated like one. It may seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But stuff like this happens all the time in my life where just cuz I'm disabled im treated like a child. I've heard countless times people using a baby voice on me. I've even had folk pat me on the head(not at the group home tho some the staff have used the baby voice). I've been told by folk I shouldnt cuss when they never say that to nondisabled folk and sometimes cuss themselves. I've had folk implied not at the group home but outside of it that I am somehow unable to consent to sex just cuz I'm disabled. For once dont infantalise me. Just let me wear a whatever shirt i want on my down time. Like every adult that isnt disabled. I am not hurting anyone. I told them I won't be taking the shirt off unless they plan on kicking me out for it and they said theyll have me talk to the supervisor on the 5th.

JustGeorge · Jun 30, 2022

RayofLight said:
So I live in a group home for disabled folk as you all know. My dad got me a shirt. It say I'm a Ray of ****ing Sunshine on it. Problem is higher ups do not want me to wear it. Said I am not allowed to. This pissed me off. I am not working here. I am a resident. I am not about to go to work anywhere. Im wearing it on my downtime. Nondisabled folk on their downtime get to wear whatever language they like on their shirts. Just cuz I am disabled and live in a group home doesn't mean i shouldn't wear whatever language I like on my shirt when relaxing on my downtime. To me it is terribly infantalizing and offensive they want me to change my shirt. I am not a child. I should not be treated like one. It may seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But stuff like this happens all the time in my life where just cuz I'm disabled im treated like a child. I've heard countless times people using a baby voice on me. I've even had folk pat me on the head(not at the group home tho some the staff have used the baby voice). I've been told by folk I shouldnt cuss when they never say that to nondisabled folk and sometimes cuss themselves. I've had folk implied not at the group home but outside of it that I am somehow unable to consent to sex just cuz I'm disabled. For once dont infantalise me. Just let me wear a whatever shirt i want on my down time. Like every adult that isnt disabled. I am not hurting anyone. I told them I won't be taking the shirt off unless they plan on kicking me out for it and they said theyll have me talk to the supervisor on the 5th.

Can you have your dad call and vocalize his opinion?

Having worked in places like that for over 10 years, I know the wishes of a parent go a long way...

You shouldn't have to, though. You're not a child.

Hell, in your place I'd probably call the supervisor myself... And I doubt I'd wait for the 5th.

In most group homes, there are rules against treating clients in non age appropriate ways.

England my lionheart · Jun 30, 2022

RayofLight said:
So I live in a group home for disabled folk as you all know. My dad got me a shirt. It say I'm a Ray of ****ing Sunshine on it. Problem is higher ups do not want me to wear it. Said I am not allowed to. This pissed me off. I am not working here. I am a resident. I am not about to go to work anywhere. Im wearing it on my downtime. Nondisabled folk on their downtime get to wear whatever language they like on their shirts. Just cuz I am disabled and live in a group home doesn't mean i shouldn't wear whatever language I like on my shirt when relaxing on my downtime. To me it is terribly infantalizing and offensive they want me to change my shirt. I am not a child. I should not be treated like one. It may seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But stuff like this happens all the time in my life where just cuz I'm disabled im treated like a child. I've heard countless times people using a baby voice on me. I've even had folk pat me on the head(not at the group home tho some the staff have used the baby voice). I've been told by folk I shouldnt cuss when they never say that to nondisabled folk and sometimes cuss themselves. I've had folk implied not at the group home but outside of it that I am somehow unable to consent to sex just cuz I'm disabled. For once dont infantalise me. Just let me wear a whatever shirt i want on my down time. Like every adult that isnt disabled. I am not hurting anyone. I told them I won't be taking the shirt off unless they plan on kicking me out for it and they said theyll have me talk to the supervisor on the 5th.

My opinion is to tell them to **** off,stand your ground.

InChrist · Jun 30, 2022

RayofLight said:
So I live in a group home for disabled folk as you all know. My dad got me a shirt. It say I'm a Ray of ****ing Sunshine on it. Problem is higher ups do not want me to wear it. Said I am not allowed to. This pissed me off. I am not working here. I am a resident. I am not about to go to work anywhere. Im wearing it on my downtime. Nondisabled folk on their downtime get to wear whatever language they like on their shirts. Just cuz I am disabled and live in a group home doesn't mean i shouldn't wear whatever language I like on my shirt when relaxing on my downtime. To me it is terribly infantalizing and offensive they want me to change my shirt. I am not a child. I should not be treated like one. It may seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But stuff like this happens all the time in my life where just cuz I'm disabled im treated like a child. I've heard countless times people using a baby voice on me. I've even had folk pat me on the head(not at the group home tho some the staff have used the baby voice). I've been told by folk I shouldnt cuss when they never say that to nondisabled folk and sometimes cuss themselves. I've had folk implied not at the group home but outside of it that I am somehow unable to consent to sex just cuz I'm disabled. For once dont infantalise me. Just let me wear a whatever shirt i want on my down time. Like every adult that isnt disabled. I am not hurting anyone. I told them I won't be taking the shirt off unless they plan on kicking me out for it and they said theyll have me talk to the supervisor on the 5th.

Why would you want to wear a shirt with an obscenity on it anyway? Do you care if it offends anyone?

VoidCat · Jun 30, 2022

JustGeorge said:
Can you have your dad call and vocalize his opinion?

Having worked in places like that for over 10 years, I know the wishes of a parent go a long way...

You shouldn't have to, though. You're not a child.

Hell, in your place I'd probably call the supervisor myself... And I doubt I'd wait for the 5th.

In most group homes, there are rules against treating clients in non age appropriate ways.

Oh let me see if my dad would want to call.

England my lionheart said:
My opinion is to tell them to **** off,stand your ground.

Plan on it

VoidCat · Jun 30, 2022

InChrist said:
Why would you want to wear a shirt with an obscenity on it anyway? Do you care if it offends anyone?

Cuz i like the shirt. As for offending anyone it doesn't matter. Nondisabled adults are allowed to wear whatever they want on their downtime. Just cuz im disabled and live in a group home doesn't change the fact I am an adult.

Jayhawker Soule · Jun 30, 2022

I'm sorry that you have to deal with such stuff. At the same time, I'd be curious to know (a) what kind of group home, and (b) the grounds upon which its administration is making such demands.

VoidCat · Jun 30, 2022

Jayhawker Soule said:
I'm sorry that you have to deal with such stuff. At the same time, I'd be curious to know (a) what kind of group home, and (b) the grounds upon which its administration is making such demands.

I live in a group home for the developmentally and intellectually disabled. Adults only not kids. As for why they are making that demand I do not know but I'll be finding out

Jayhawker Soule · Jun 30, 2022

RayofLight said:
I live in a group home for the developmentally and intellectually disabled. Adults only not kids. As for why they are making that demand I do not know but I'll be finding out

Thank you.

Is the home state and/or federally funded?

VoidCat · Jun 30, 2022

Jayhawker Soule said:
Thank you.

Is the home state and/or federally funded?

It's ran by an organization called Monarch. They receive funding from the state but are not a state agency and are a private organization.

VoidCat · Jun 30, 2022

RayofLight said:
private organization.

More specifically a private 501(c)3 organization

Subduction Zone · Jun 30, 2022

InChrist said:
Why would you want to wear a shirt with an obscenity on it anyway? Do you care if it offends anyone?

Have you ever thought that sometimes when a person is offended it is that own person's fault?

InChrist · Jun 30, 2022

RayofLight said:
Cuz i like the shirt. As for offending anyone it doesn't matter. Nondisabled adults are allowed to wear whatever they want on their downtime. Just cuz im disabled and live in a group home doesn't change the fact I am an adult.

I am not insinuating you aren’t an adult. I just think it’s considerate to care about others. That is an indication of maturity and kindness.

InChrist · Jun 30, 2022

Subduction Zone said:
Have you ever thought that sometimes when a person is offended it is that own person's fault?

Yes, that may sometimes be the case, but I usually try to consider others and avoid being deliberately offensive.

The Hammer · Jun 30, 2022

Unfortunately, as I see it. You are living under their "house" and therefore have to follow their rules and wishes.

I've had similar requirements will in an IOP program. As well as in the military (even in down time).

If you lived on your own no one would care. It's not really about your disability, so much as where you are. Other residents may not like the message on your shirt, and while that could be construed as "their" problem, it also makes it the Staff's problem too.

Subduction Zone · Jun 30, 2022

InChrist said:
Yes, that may sometimes be the case, but I usually try to consider others and avoid being deliberately offensive.

@RayofLight is not being deliberately offensive.

That word can be offensive when it is aimed at others. I can understand that. But used in a light hearted and endearing way to oneself it is not offensive. The problem lies with the person that is offended, not the other way around.

Sand Dancer · Jun 30, 2022

RayofLight said:
So I live in a group home for disabled folk as you all know. My dad got me a shirt. It say I'm a Ray of ****ing Sunshine on it. Problem is higher ups do not want me to wear it. Said I am not allowed to. This pissed me off. I am not working here. I am a resident. I am not about to go to work anywhere. Im wearing it on my downtime. Nondisabled folk on their downtime get to wear whatever language they like on their shirts. Just cuz I am disabled and live in a group home doesn't mean i shouldn't wear whatever language I like on my shirt when relaxing on my downtime. To me it is terribly infantalizing and offensive they want me to change my shirt. I am not a child. I should not be treated like one. It may seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But stuff like this happens all the time in my life where just cuz I'm disabled im treated like a child. I've heard countless times people using a baby voice on me. I've even had folk pat me on the head(not at the group home tho some the staff have used the baby voice). I've been told by folk I shouldnt cuss when they never say that to nondisabled folk and sometimes cuss themselves. I've had folk implied not at the group home but outside of it that I am somehow unable to consent to sex just cuz I'm disabled. For once dont infantalise me. Just let me wear a whatever shirt i want on my down time. Like every adult that isnt disabled. I am not hurting anyone. I told them I won't be taking the shirt off unless they plan on kicking me out for it and they said theyll have me talk to the supervisor on the 5th.

I am not a fan of that word, especially when children may see it, but then I wonder why we have cuss words anyway, and who decides what is a cuss and what isn't. It's pretty silly, and my view is sort of irrational, but since you're in your own place, and the phrase is kind of funny, not like you're telling someone to **** off or something, I think you should get to wear it.

Nimos · Jun 30, 2022

RayofLight said:
So I live in a group home for disabled folk as you all know. My dad got me a shirt. It say I'm a Ray of ****ing Sunshine on it. Problem is higher ups do not want me to wear it. Said I am not allowed to. This pissed me off. I am not working here. I am a resident. I am not about to go to work anywhere. Im wearing it on my downtime. Nondisabled folk on their downtime get to wear whatever language they like on their shirts. Just cuz I am disabled and live in a group home doesn't mean i shouldn't wear whatever language I like on my shirt when relaxing on my downtime. To me it is terribly infantalizing and offensive they want me to change my shirt. I am not a child. I should not be treated like one. It may seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But stuff like this happens all the time in my life where just cuz I'm disabled im treated like a child. I've heard countless times people using a baby voice on me. I've even had folk pat me on the head(not at the group home tho some the staff have used the baby voice). I've been told by folk I shouldnt cuss when they never say that to nondisabled folk and sometimes cuss themselves. I've had folk implied not at the group home but outside of it that I am somehow unable to consent to sex just cuz I'm disabled. For once dont infantalise me. Just let me wear a whatever shirt i want on my down time. Like every adult that isnt disabled. I am not hurting anyone. I told them I won't be taking the shirt off unless they plan on kicking me out for it and they said theyll have me talk to the supervisor on the 5th.

I agree with you. As long as its not something that is directly offensive, like racist etc. then you should be able to wear what you want and can only imagine how annoying it might be to be spoken to like that, you should speak back to them in the same way as they do to you, give them a taste of their own medicine

Jayhawker Soule · Jun 30, 2022

I notice that the Monarch Rights Handbook contains multiple references to respecting the rights of others. Is it possible that others might reasonably consider your attire disrespectful of themselves or their guests?

InChrist · Jun 30, 2022

Subduction Zone said:
@RayofLight is not being deliberately offensive.

That word can be offensive when it is aimed at others. I can understand that. But used in a light hearted and endearing way to oneself it is not offensive. The problem lies with the person that is offended, not the other way around.

Thanks for your opinion. You are free to have it and are certainly in agreement with the majority of society now. I think the word, as well as other obscenities are crude and offensive however and whenever used. But it really doesn’t make a difference what I think because such obscene language is prolific everyday, everywhere now.

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