Have at it. 
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I love puns ... the worse the better
- Thread starter Jainarayan
- Start date
I'm a pacifist, but if you keep making fruit puns, someone will end up beating you to a pulp.
Breaking news! After a series of bakery robberies, the 'Cake Bandit' has finally been arrested. The Chief of Police says 'he will soon get his just deserts.'
Can February March?
I don't know...but April May
I don't know...but April May
As a child I used to wonder why games were called bored games.
What is every soccer players favourite drink? Penal-tea.
How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?Have at it.
A fsh,
*
A group of chess-masters were standing in the hotel lobby discussing their victories.
The manager told them to disperse.
'Why?' they asked.
'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
*
The Invisible Man married the Invisible Woman.
The kids were nothing to look at.
*
'I've got this photo of Juan but I wish I had a photo of Ahmal.'
'They're twins ─ you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
*
'Doctor, doctor! I can't feel my legs!'
'I know. I amputated your arms.'
Gargovic Malkav
Well-Known Member
Photons have mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic...
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
I didn't even know they were Catholic...
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
BREAKING TRAFFIC NEWS: A lorry carrying snooker equipment has crashed on the M62. The driver is under a rest and the cues go back for miles.
My biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab. The results speak for themselves.
I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are £1 and that one's £5?" He said, "That's Madeira Cake."
Two cats watching tennis. One says to the other: 'I didn't know you were interested in tennis.' The other cat replies 'I'm not, really, but my father's in the racquet'.
I went on a date with a girl from the Stock Exchange. I knew it was going well when she started playing FTSE with me under the table!
A man was found shot with a starting pistol. Police believe it's race related.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I used to think I had a Japanese friend. But it was just my imagine Asian.
The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge.
I used to feed Gorillas at the Zoo from a distance using a golf club. I drove them bananas.
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
Me and the wife went rabbiting tonight. We were supposed to be dogging, but Chas and Dave turned up.
Last night, I gave my wife a medieval battle uniform to polish whilst I went to the pub. She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
Polce toay have sa they are nvestgatng a strng of ID thefts.
I saw an Irish dancing show today called ‘Streamdance’. It’s not quite as good as ‘Riverdance’, but then it is only a tributary act.
I just rang the council to get permission to have a skip outside my house. She said, go for it fatty, you could do with the exercise.
My obese parrot has died. It was sad, but still a huge weight off my shoulders.
I was bored, so my wife said, "Why don't you make a bird table?". Now she's not speaking to me because I put her in fifth place.
I can’t believe how rude the suppository helpline was.
Must have taken me several minutes stealing this lot - many from Tim Vine.
My biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab. The results speak for themselves.
I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are £1 and that one's £5?" He said, "That's Madeira Cake."
Two cats watching tennis. One says to the other: 'I didn't know you were interested in tennis.' The other cat replies 'I'm not, really, but my father's in the racquet'.
I went on a date with a girl from the Stock Exchange. I knew it was going well when she started playing FTSE with me under the table!
A man was found shot with a starting pistol. Police believe it's race related.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I used to think I had a Japanese friend. But it was just my imagine Asian.
The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge.
I used to feed Gorillas at the Zoo from a distance using a golf club. I drove them bananas.
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
Me and the wife went rabbiting tonight. We were supposed to be dogging, but Chas and Dave turned up.
Last night, I gave my wife a medieval battle uniform to polish whilst I went to the pub. She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
Polce toay have sa they are nvestgatng a strng of ID thefts.
I saw an Irish dancing show today called ‘Streamdance’. It’s not quite as good as ‘Riverdance’, but then it is only a tributary act.
I just rang the council to get permission to have a skip outside my house. She said, go for it fatty, you could do with the exercise.
My obese parrot has died. It was sad, but still a huge weight off my shoulders.
I was bored, so my wife said, "Why don't you make a bird table?". Now she's not speaking to me because I put her in fifth place.
I can’t believe how rude the suppository helpline was.
Must have taken me several minutes stealing this lot - many from Tim Vine.
Aupmanyav
Be your own guru
But the background music is good.Have at it.
The stone and pebbles are wind and temperature chiselled and not water chiselled. No round pebbles.
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Did someone say something about olive puns?
Two cannibals having dinner:
“I can’t stomach my mother-in-law, she never agrees with me”.
“Then just eat the potatoes”.
Did any of them wine about this?