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How to answer when a friend ask about your sexual prefrences

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
This thread has been on my mind for some time, because a friend of mine was maybe a bit open in his questions toward me :oops:, He had heard some rumors about Ace or A-sexual persons and asked me maybe a bit blunt..." Are you A-sexual and have no interest in sex with woman " :confused:
That question took me with surprise because mostly everyone who know me in person know I am careful about speaking of this topic.
But I realized I had to answer him, and asked for some time to prepare an answer that was not just about me, but about Ace in a more general sense. And some of it, I would like to share in RF :)
And yes I did get a bit of help from our dear internet to give this answer :)

Some people don’t experience sexual attraction at all


Some asexual people don’t experience any sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean that they can’t experience other forms of attraction, though.

Aside from sexual attraction, you can also experience:

  • Romantic attraction: desiring a romantic relationship with someone
  • Aesthetic attraction: being attracted to someone based on how they look
  • Sensual or physical attraction: wanting to touch, hold, or cuddle someone
  • Platonic attraction: wanting to be friends with someone
  • Emotional attraction: wanting an emotional connection with someone
It’s possible for asexual people to experience all these forms of attraction.

Others may only experience sexual attraction in certain circumstances

Some people might only experience sexual attraction in very limited circumstances.

For example, someone who is demisexual — which some say falls under the asexual umbrella — experiences sexual attraction only when they have a deep connection to a person.

In other words, they might only feel sexually attracted to people they have deep romantic relationships with.

They have a libido or sexual desire, but it’s void of sexual attraction

There’s a difference between libido, sexual desire, and sexual attraction.

  • Libido. Also known as your sex drive, this is about wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it’s a little like wanting to scratch an itch.
  • Sexual desire. This is the desire to have sex, whether it’s for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else.
  • Sexual attraction. This involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them.
Plenty of people who aren’t asexual have a low libido, or they might not desire sex.

Similarly, many asexual people still have a libido and might experience sexual desire. So, asexual people might still masturbate or have sex.

One thing’s for sure: It isn’t the same thing as celibacy or abstinence

Many people falsely think that asexuality is the same thing as celibacy or abstinence.

Abstinence is about deciding not to have sex. This is usually temporary.

For example, someone may decide to abstain from sex until they get married, or someone might decide to abstain from sex during a difficult period in their life.

Celibacy is about deciding to abstain from sex, and possibly marriage. This could be for religious, cultural, or personal reasons. It’s often a lifelong commitment.

Abstinence and celibacy are choices — asexuality isn’t.

What’s more, asexual people might not actually abstain from sex at all. As mentioned earlier, some asexual people do have sex.

Despite what you may have heard, it isn’t a medical concern

Many people think there is something “wrong” with asexual people.

The world seems to assume that everyone feels sexual attraction — so asexual people might worry that there’s something wrong with themselves, too.

Asexuality isn’t a medical concern. It’s not something that needs to be fixed.

It should go without saying, but being asexual isn’t the same thing as experiencing:

Anyone can develop one or more of these conditions, regardless of their sexual orientation.

The information was collected from this website What Does It Mean to Be Asexual? 18 Things You Should Know (healthline.com)

For me @Conscious thoughts I have non or if any, very little sexual attraction to anyone (at this stage in my life) I have not been in a romantic relationship or any relationship for that matter after I realized that I had become an Ace. The thing is, I think I have been an ace all my life, but due to certain " expectations" from family and friends I tried for a long time to live as a normal Heterosexual man, but I did have some issues I could not explain when I was in relationships.
In my current lifestyle, I am most happy on my own :) But who knows what the future brings? maybe I do meet someone who I become attracted to in a non sexual way and she might see it the same way?

I know this thread might raise some questions, and I am open to answer to the best of my ability.
 

SalixIncendium

अग्निविलोवनन्दः
Staff member
Premium Member
Personally, I have no interest whatsoever in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship. I have no interest in meeting someone to form any kind of exclusive relationship. I'm still attracted to some women, but it's more an appreciation of their beauty more than any kind of sexual arousal.

That said, I still consider myself to be heterosexual. I guess just not actively heterosexual. :D

As far as how I would answer if asked, I guess that's pretty much what I'd say in a nutshell.
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
Personally, I have no interest whatsoever in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship. I have no interest in meeting someone to form any kind of exclusive relationship. I'm still attracted to some women, but it's more an appreciation of their beauty more than any kind of sexual arousal.

That said, I still consider myself to be heterosexual. I guess just not actively heterosexual. :D

As far as how I would answer if asked, I guess that's pretty much what I'd say in a nutshell.
I think your answer is very good @SalixIncendium :) nd your answer is probably very similar to what many people who are nonsexual active (at the moment) would answer.
 

VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
Im open about sexuality despite being on the asexual spectrum and being greyasexual
 

VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
What I find annoying is how someone folks assume as a person whose on asexual sperctrum Im just an innocent not very dirty minded person. Sure I don't experience attraction much but I'm can be pretty dirty minded and I sometimes make dirty jokes. And when I do folks get horrified and go you can't say that you are too pure and innocent to say that. Me: im an adult. I might not experience attraction often but Im an adult. I know what sex is. But they are like nooooo. You cant make sex jokes and they must not talk about the topic cuz you too innocent. Others assume that I must not be very likely to have sex when I like keeping my options open. I might not feel attraction often and when I do it's mild but who knows? Maybe I might have sex with someone outta curiosity what it'd feel like. Maybe I might cuz a person I date does experience attraction. Hell maybe I might get involved in the porn industry. It's unlikely I'd have sex but I don't know what the future holds.
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
Im open about sexuality despite being on the asexual spectrum and being greyasexual
It is kind of a strange feeling for me, due to the fact that there is no sexual attraction to be found within me toward other people :oops: if I should describe a feeling or attraction it would be that how people are as humans attract me more then thinking of them as a sexual partner :oops:
 

VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
It is kind of a strange feeling for me, due to the fact that there is no sexual attraction to be found within me toward other people :oops: if I should describe a feeling or attraction it would be that how people are as humans attract me more then thinking of them as a sexual partner :oops:
Im not even sure I experience attraction but if I do it's rare and too mild for me to want to act on it
 

VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
What I find annoying is how someone folks assume as a person whose on asexual sperctrum Im just an innocent not very dirty minded person. Sure I don't experience attraction much but I'm can be pretty dirty minded and I sometimes make dirty jokes. And when I do folks get horrified and go you can't say that you are too pure and innocent to say that. Me: im an adult. I might not experience attraction often but Im an adult. I know what sex is. But they are like nooooo. You cant make sex jokes and they must not talk about the topic cuz you too innocent. Others assume that I must not be very likely to have sex when I like keeping my options open. I might not feel attraction often and when I do it's mild but who knows? Maybe I might have sex with someone outta curiosity what it'd feel like. Maybe I might cuz a person I date does experience attraction. Hell maybe I might get involved in the porn industry. It's unlikely I'd have sex but I don't know what the future holds.
Thens there's the folks who assume I judge everyone who has sex. ***** I don't care. Sleep or dont sleep with you like in whatever way you like as long as there's consent. Have fun I don't really care. It might not be for me but just have fun.


I do like your thread. As someone who spends a lot of time on Asexuality Education and visibility network helping folk figure their orientation out cuz they asked online for help, and explaining to allosexuals how they don't have to break up with their partner cuz their partner is ace, and then joking around in the offtopic section this is very accurate.
 

Unveiled Artist

Veteran Member
This thread has been on my mind for some time, because a friend of mine was maybe a bit open in his questions toward me :oops:, He had heard some rumors about Ace or A-sexual persons and asked me maybe a bit blunt..." Are you A-sexual and have no interest in sex with woman " :confused:
That question took me with surprise because mostly everyone who know me in person know I am careful about speaking of this topic.
But I realized I had to answer him, and asked for some time to prepare an answer that was not just about me, but about Ace in a more general sense. And some of it, I would like to share in RF :)
And yes I did get a bit of help from our dear internet to give this answer :)

Some people don’t experience sexual attraction at all


Some asexual people don’t experience any sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean that they can’t experience other forms of attraction, though.

Aside from sexual attraction, you can also experience:

  • Romantic attraction: desiring a romantic relationship with someone
  • Aesthetic attraction: being attracted to someone based on how they look
  • Sensual or physical attraction: wanting to touch, hold, or cuddle someone
  • Platonic attraction: wanting to be friends with someone
  • Emotional attraction: wanting an emotional connection with someone
It’s possible for asexual people to experience all these forms of attraction.

Others may only experience sexual attraction in certain circumstances

Some people might only experience sexual attraction in very limited circumstances.

For example, someone who is demisexual — which some say falls under the asexual umbrella — experiences sexual attraction only when they have a deep connection to a person.

In other words, they might only feel sexually attracted to people they have deep romantic relationships with.

They have a libido or sexual desire, but it’s void of sexual attraction

There’s a difference between libido, sexual desire, and sexual attraction.

  • Libido. Also known as your sex drive, this is about wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it’s a little like wanting to scratch an itch.
  • Sexual desire. This is the desire to have sex, whether it’s for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else.
  • Sexual attraction. This involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them.
Plenty of people who aren’t asexual have a low libido, or they might not desire sex.

Similarly, many asexual people still have a libido and might experience sexual desire. So, asexual people might still masturbate or have sex.

One thing’s for sure: It isn’t the same thing as celibacy or abstinence

Many people falsely think that asexuality is the same thing as celibacy or abstinence.

Abstinence is about deciding not to have sex. This is usually temporary.

For example, someone may decide to abstain from sex until they get married, or someone might decide to abstain from sex during a difficult period in their life.

Celibacy is about deciding to abstain from sex, and possibly marriage. This could be for religious, cultural, or personal reasons. It’s often a lifelong commitment.

Abstinence and celibacy are choices — asexuality isn’t.

What’s more, asexual people might not actually abstain from sex at all. As mentioned earlier, some asexual people do have sex.

Despite what you may have heard, it isn’t a medical concern

Many people think there is something “wrong” with asexual people.

The world seems to assume that everyone feels sexual attraction — so asexual people might worry that there’s something wrong with themselves, too.

Asexuality isn’t a medical concern. It’s not something that needs to be fixed.

It should go without saying, but being asexual isn’t the same thing as experiencing:

Anyone can develop one or more of these conditions, regardless of their sexual orientation.

The information was collected from this website What Does It Mean to Be Asexual? 18 Things You Should Know (healthline.com)

For me @Conscious thoughts I have non or if any, very little sexual attraction to anyone (at this stage in my life) I have not been in a romantic relationship or any relationship for that matter after I realized that I had become an Ace. The thing is, I think I have been an ace all my life, but due to certain " expectations" from family and friends I tried for a long time to live as a normal Heterosexual man, but I did have some issues I could not explain when I was in relationships.
In my current lifestyle, I am most happy on my own :) But who knows what the future brings? maybe I do meet someone who I become attracted to in a non sexual way and she might see it the same way?

I know this thread might raise some questions, and I am open to answer to the best of my ability.

Can you say many people rather have a platonic relationship (or others you mentioned) without sexual interest involved without saying anything about how you interpret asexuality (since everyone is unique)?
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
Can you say many people rather have a platonic relationship (or others you mentioned) without sexual interest involved without saying anything about how you interpret asexuality (since everyone is unique)?
I can not say what other people should or should not identify with. The texts in the OP were mainly from the website I linked to, so it is not my direct words, even I do agree with its content.
But if someone does not wish to identify as Asexual that is of course no problem to one who does use that phrase
 

Unveiled Artist

Veteran Member
I can not say what other people should or should not identify with. The texts in the OP were mainly from the website I linked to, so it is not my direct words, even I do agree with its content.
But if someone does not wish to identify as Asexual that is of course no problem to one who does use that phrase


Your OP gave a general outline of what others may or may not see attraction and relationship. Listing those doesn't mean you're telling people how they identify. It just means there is a spectrum in how people do and each person is unique.

My response was a short version of it.
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
Your OP gave a general outline of what others may or may not see attraction and relationship. Listing those doesn't mean you're telling people how they identify. It just means there is a spectrum in how people do and each person is unique.

My response was a short version of it.
ah I see
 

Nakosis

Non-Binary Physicalist
Premium Member
This thread has been on my mind for some time, because a friend of mine was maybe a bit open in his questions toward me :oops:, He had heard some rumors about Ace or A-sexual persons and asked me maybe a bit blunt..." Are you A-sexual and have no interest in sex with woman " :confused:
That question took me with surprise because mostly everyone who know me in person know I am careful about speaking of this topic.
But I realized I had to answer him, and asked for some time to prepare an answer that was not just about me, but about Ace in a more general sense. And some of it, I would like to share in RF :)
And yes I did get a bit of help from our dear internet to give this answer :)

Some people don’t experience sexual attraction at all


Some asexual people don’t experience any sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean that they can’t experience other forms of attraction, though.

Aside from sexual attraction, you can also experience:

  • Romantic attraction: desiring a romantic relationship with someone
  • Aesthetic attraction: being attracted to someone based on how they look
  • Sensual or physical attraction: wanting to touch, hold, or cuddle someone
  • Platonic attraction: wanting to be friends with someone
  • Emotional attraction: wanting an emotional connection with someone
It’s possible for asexual people to experience all these forms of attraction.

Others may only experience sexual attraction in certain circumstances

Some people might only experience sexual attraction in very limited circumstances.

For example, someone who is demisexual — which some say falls under the asexual umbrella — experiences sexual attraction only when they have a deep connection to a person.

In other words, they might only feel sexually attracted to people they have deep romantic relationships with.

They have a libido or sexual desire, but it’s void of sexual attraction

There’s a difference between libido, sexual desire, and sexual attraction.

  • Libido. Also known as your sex drive, this is about wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it’s a little like wanting to scratch an itch.
  • Sexual desire. This is the desire to have sex, whether it’s for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else.
  • Sexual attraction. This involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them.
Plenty of people who aren’t asexual have a low libido, or they might not desire sex.

Similarly, many asexual people still have a libido and might experience sexual desire. So, asexual people might still masturbate or have sex.

One thing’s for sure: It isn’t the same thing as celibacy or abstinence

Many people falsely think that asexuality is the same thing as celibacy or abstinence.

Abstinence is about deciding not to have sex. This is usually temporary.

For example, someone may decide to abstain from sex until they get married, or someone might decide to abstain from sex during a difficult period in their life.

Celibacy is about deciding to abstain from sex, and possibly marriage. This could be for religious, cultural, or personal reasons. It’s often a lifelong commitment.

Abstinence and celibacy are choices — asexuality isn’t.

What’s more, asexual people might not actually abstain from sex at all. As mentioned earlier, some asexual people do have sex.

Despite what you may have heard, it isn’t a medical concern

Many people think there is something “wrong” with asexual people.

The world seems to assume that everyone feels sexual attraction — so asexual people might worry that there’s something wrong with themselves, too.

Asexuality isn’t a medical concern. It’s not something that needs to be fixed.

It should go without saying, but being asexual isn’t the same thing as experiencing:

Anyone can develop one or more of these conditions, regardless of their sexual orientation.

The information was collected from this website What Does It Mean to Be Asexual? 18 Things You Should Know (healthline.com)

For me @Conscious thoughts I have non or if any, very little sexual attraction to anyone (at this stage in my life) I have not been in a romantic relationship or any relationship for that matter after I realized that I had become an Ace. The thing is, I think I have been an ace all my life, but due to certain " expectations" from family and friends I tried for a long time to live as a normal Heterosexual man, but I did have some issues I could not explain when I was in relationships.
In my current lifestyle, I am most happy on my own :) But who knows what the future brings? maybe I do meet someone who I become attracted to in a non sexual way and she might see it the same way?

I know this thread might raise some questions, and I am open to answer to the best of my ability.

"None of your business"
It's more exciting to remain a person of mystery. :D
 

Nakosis

Non-Binary Physicalist
Premium Member
To me, to say "non of your business" even on topics I do not speak of would be to be unfriendly :)
I think people (in real) do see me as enough mystery as it is already :)

Ok, but then why is it their business?
Do you feel an obligation to answer every question asked of you?

If you want to, great. If you don't. Shouldn't feel an obligation to, friend or not. Real friends I think would understand.
 

Subduction Zone

Veteran Member
This thread has been on my mind for some time, because a friend of mine was maybe a bit open in his questions toward me :oops:, He had heard some rumors about Ace or A-sexual persons and asked me maybe a bit blunt..." Are you A-sexual and have no interest in sex with woman " :confused:
That question took me with surprise because mostly everyone who know me in person know I am careful about speaking of this topic.
But I realized I had to answer him, and asked for some time to prepare an answer that was not just about me, but about Ace in a more general sense. And some of it, I would like to share in RF :)
And yes I did get a bit of help from our dear internet to give this answer :)

Some people don’t experience sexual attraction at all


Some asexual people don’t experience any sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean that they can’t experience other forms of attraction, though.

Aside from sexual attraction, you can also experience:

  • Romantic attraction: desiring a romantic relationship with someone
  • Aesthetic attraction: being attracted to someone based on how they look
  • Sensual or physical attraction: wanting to touch, hold, or cuddle someone
  • Platonic attraction: wanting to be friends with someone
  • Emotional attraction: wanting an emotional connection with someone
It’s possible for asexual people to experience all these forms of attraction.

Others may only experience sexual attraction in certain circumstances

Some people might only experience sexual attraction in very limited circumstances.

For example, someone who is demisexual — which some say falls under the asexual umbrella — experiences sexual attraction only when they have a deep connection to a person.

In other words, they might only feel sexually attracted to people they have deep romantic relationships with.

They have a libido or sexual desire, but it’s void of sexual attraction

There’s a difference between libido, sexual desire, and sexual attraction.

  • Libido. Also known as your sex drive, this is about wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it’s a little like wanting to scratch an itch.
  • Sexual desire. This is the desire to have sex, whether it’s for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else.
  • Sexual attraction. This involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them.
Plenty of people who aren’t asexual have a low libido, or they might not desire sex.

Similarly, many asexual people still have a libido and might experience sexual desire. So, asexual people might still masturbate or have sex.

One thing’s for sure: It isn’t the same thing as celibacy or abstinence

Many people falsely think that asexuality is the same thing as celibacy or abstinence.

Abstinence is about deciding not to have sex. This is usually temporary.

For example, someone may decide to abstain from sex until they get married, or someone might decide to abstain from sex during a difficult period in their life.

Celibacy is about deciding to abstain from sex, and possibly marriage. This could be for religious, cultural, or personal reasons. It’s often a lifelong commitment.

Abstinence and celibacy are choices — asexuality isn’t.

What’s more, asexual people might not actually abstain from sex at all. As mentioned earlier, some asexual people do have sex.

Despite what you may have heard, it isn’t a medical concern

Many people think there is something “wrong” with asexual people.

The world seems to assume that everyone feels sexual attraction — so asexual people might worry that there’s something wrong with themselves, too.

Asexuality isn’t a medical concern. It’s not something that needs to be fixed.

It should go without saying, but being asexual isn’t the same thing as experiencing:

Anyone can develop one or more of these conditions, regardless of their sexual orientation.

The information was collected from this website What Does It Mean to Be Asexual? 18 Things You Should Know (healthline.com)

For me @Conscious thoughts I have non or if any, very little sexual attraction to anyone (at this stage in my life) I have not been in a romantic relationship or any relationship for that matter after I realized that I had become an Ace. The thing is, I think I have been an ace all my life, but due to certain " expectations" from family and friends I tried for a long time to live as a normal Heterosexual man, but I did have some issues I could not explain when I was in relationships.
In my current lifestyle, I am most happy on my own :) But who knows what the future brings? maybe I do meet someone who I become attracted to in a non sexual way and she might see it the same way?

I know this thread might raise some questions, and I am open to answer to the best of my ability.
You could have some fun with them for prying. Simply start out saying:

"I like big butts!"


And then sing this for thenm:

 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
Ok, but then why is it their business?
Do you feel an obligation to answer every question asked of you?

If you want to, great. If you don't. Shouldn't feel an obligation to, friend or not. Real friends I think would understand.
I would not call it an obligation to answer every question asked, especially if they are asked to harm or hurt. But if a question is asked out of curiosity and to learn, then if I can I will give an answer according to my ability to answer yes.
 

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
"None of your business"
It's more exciting to remain a person of mystery. :D
That would be my answer as well. Since I don't go around prodding into personal matters of others, I see no reason I should share. There are certain topics that are just rude. Do I ask a woman her weight, or anybody how much money they have in their bank account?
 
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