Removing urine from the swimming pool!

It is not healthy that a woman I asked to marry me, who I haven't talked to for years, who I jumped off a building over, who I went to jail over, still occupies an enormous percentage of my thoughts each day, possibly for the rest of my life.

Most of my thoughts about her are that I hope she heals from the damage I did, I hope she doesn't go through this again, I hope and pray that she becomes a virtuous Angelic Saintly woman, or rather, I hope she finds happiness and makes good choices and has a bright future.

But every day I still feel there were many signs that she was the woman I was called to have matrimony (marriage) with.

I feel strongly she was the one, and there is an unbreakable bond, we are connected, and I am reminded of her from the pain of the broken bones, as well as Psychological pain, every day for the rest of my life.

I think about her pain too.

Trying to remove this woman from my mind is like trying to get urine out of a swimming pool. How do you get urine out of swimming pool water if you don't get any new water to work with??

The swimming pool is my brain and my soul in this analogy.

Why can't you get new water to work with?

I'd suggest a total pool cleansing at this point...

Spiderman said:

I feel strongly she was the one,

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There is never just One. Always Many. I promise.

JustGeorge said:

Why can't you get new water to work with?

I'd suggest a total pool cleansing at this point...

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If I discover new water to replace the old, I'll let you know.

I'm kinda stuck with this brain. I'm trying to remove her from my thoughts. The conviction is simply there and unshakable. There were so many signs and coincidences.

If I was just drawn to her because she gave me butterflies in the stomach and made me horny, I would have moved on, because we haven't spoken in years. If she was just simply nice and sweet, I would have moved on as well. There are lots of nice and sweet women. It is something more than that. There is a strong spiritual bond. She has become a part of everything I do and a part of me.

I was born to love her. She was my destiny and influenced me more than anyone. I have invested a lot into her.

I dream about her. I wake up thinking about her and offering up my suffering for her. She's in my prayers. She's everywhere to me and in all things practically. I'm reminded of her from the physical pain I endure each day as well as the psychological pain. I was butchered and crucified as a result of meeting her, whether she meant to hurt me or not.

I have never had a fraction of the love for any woman or person that I have for her.

Yes, a total pool cleansing would be nice. If that is possible.

Spiderman said:

If I discover new water to replace the old, I'll let you know.

I'm kinda stuck with this brain. I'm trying to remove her from my thoughts. The conviction is simply there and unshakable. There were so many signs and coincidences.

If I was just drawn to her because she gave me butterflies in the stomach and made me horny, I would have moved on, because we haven't spoken in years. If she was just simply nice and sweet, I would have moved on as well. There are lots of nice and sweet women. It is something more than that. There is a strong spiritual bond. She has become a part of everything I do and a part of me.

I was born to love her. She was my destiny and influenced me more than anyone. I have invested a lot into her.

I dream about her. I wake up thinking about her and offering up my suffering for her. She's in my prayers. She's everywhere to me and in all things practically. I'm reminded of her from the physical pain I endure each day as well as the psychological pain. I was butchered and crucified as a result of meeting her, whether she meant to hurt me or not.

I have never had a fraction of the love for any woman or person that I have for her.

Yes, a total pool cleansing would be nice. If that is possible.

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How many years has it been since you spoke?

JustGeorge said:

How many years has it been since you spoke?

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We last spoke 11/04/2019

JustGeorge said:

How many years has it been since you spoke?

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Oh, I guess it's been almost two.

I was thinking it had been longer. It seems like it's been longer lol

Spiderman said:

I'm kinda stuck with this brain. I'm trying to remove her from my thoughts. The conviction is simply there and unshakable. There were so many signs and coincidences.

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You are kinda stuck with your brain. You can develop healthier ways of using it, though, and it sounds like you're trying to do so. I know how much signs and coincidences mean to you, though, and I'm sure that's very hard to move past.

Spiderman said:

If I was just drawn to her because she gave me butterflies in the stomach and made me horny, I would have moved on, because we haven't spoken in years. If she was just simply nice and sweet, I would have moved on as well. There are lots of nice and sweet women. It is something more than that. There is a strong spiritual bond. She has become a part of everything I do and a part of me.

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Its understandable that it would be extraordinarily difficult for you to get over being with a person like that, but... do you have an idea of who you are as a person without her? Undoubtedly, she's left an influence on you that affects your experiences of the world, but are you aware of where she ends and you begin?

Spiderman said:

I was born to love her. She was my destiny and influenced me more than anyone. I have invested a lot into her.

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Even if you are not together anymore, any positive experiences you had together can still enrich her life. You can still love her if you are not together as well, but for your own mental health and healing, it might be helpful to envision a new destiny.

Spiderman said:

Yes, a total pool cleansing would be nice. If that is possible.

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I hope it is. Maybe its time for some new pool cleaning tools...

Spiderman said:

Oh, I guess it's been almost two.

I was thinking it had been longer. It seems like it's been longer lol

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Did you part well?

JustGeorge said:

You are kinda stuck with your brain. You can develop healthier ways of using it, though, and it sounds like you're trying to do so. I know how much signs and coincidences mean to you, though, and I'm sure that's very hard to move past.



Its understandable that it would be extraordinarily difficult for you to get over being with a person like that, but... do you have an idea of who you are as a person without her? Undoubtedly, she's left an influence on you that affects your experiences of the world, but are you aware of where she ends and you begin?



Even if you are not together anymore, any positive experiences you had together can still enrich her life. You can still love her if you are not together as well, but for your own mental health and healing, it might be helpful to envision a new destiny.



I hope it is. Maybe its time for some new pool cleaning tools...



Did you part well?

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We parted with me telling her that the only reason I don't jump off a building again is I'm too scared I'll wind up back in a wheel chair, her calling the police, and a restraining order.

Yes, to envision a new destiny is best. Not sure if that is possible.

Spiderman said:

We parted with me telling her that the only reason I don't jump off a building again is I'm too scared I'll wind up back in a wheel chair, her calling the police, and a restraining order.

Yes, to envision a new destiny is best. Not sure if that is possible.

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It takes time, for sure. And new experiences.

Spiderman said:

Trying to remove this woman from my mind is like trying to get urine out of a swimming pool. How do you get urine out of swimming pool water if you don't get any new water to work with??

The swimming pool is my brain and my soul in this analogy.

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Get the help of a professional. It's time to put this to rest, and move on.

Time, distraction, and healing.

Chlorine and filters will eventually alter the urine's chemistry (chorine converts urine to cyanogen chloride), but the process takes time.

She is in your head, and will continue to be for some time, until the chlorine and filters (healing and distractions) slowly diminish the obsession with her. Over time, as you forgive yourself for your responsibility in her pain, she will be in your thoughts less and less.

PureX said:

Get the help of a professional. It's time to put this to rest, and move on.

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If you bothered to learn anything about @Spiderman, you'd be aware of how lazy and dismissive your response to the OP is.

If you can't be bothered by someone baring their soul and reaching out for help, why bother participating in their thread?

SalixIncendium said:

Time, distraction, and healing.

Chlorine and filters will eventually alter the urine's chemistry (chorine converts urine to cyanogen chloride), but the process takes time.

She is in your head, and will continue to be for some time, until the chlorine and filters (healing and distractions) slowly diminish the obsession with her. Over time, as you forgive yourself for your responsibility in her pain, she will be in your thoughts less and less.

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Excellent answer!

PureX said:

Get the help of a professional. It's time to put this to rest, and move on.

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I'm working with a professional. Multiple of them. This is our most difficult task to deal with at the moment.

I'm trying to move on but there is a bond. Also, I'm not in control of some of my convictions.

Spiderman said:

I'm working with a professional. Multiple of them. This is our most difficult task to deal with at the moment.

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I understand. And I sympathize. But nevertheless, it has to be done. I think you know that.

I met a young woman who was recovering from drug and alcohol addiction years ago who was also dealing with a very, very difficult past. Her story was horrific beyond belief. And she'd been at it for some years. If any human being on this planet had a right to be enraged over what had been done to her, this woman did. And yet the thing she held on to that kept her working at recovering, was the understanding that to allow herself to hold onto all that rage and resentment and guilt and so on is that it would eat her alive. Doing that would finish the job that others had started when she was just a child. She said she would remember horrific incidents that had been buried for years, and she'd go work through them with her psychotherapist. And then she'd feel ok for a month or so, until a new wave of horrific memories would come up. And then she'd deal with them. And then some peace for a time, and another new wave of them would come.

This was her life, in her through her 20s: staying off drugs and alcohol, and dealing with wave after wave of truly horrible traumas from her childhood. A hell of a thing for a young woman to have to deal with. But she was happy for the peaceful times in between. And she knew that someday those shocking memories would stop coming up, and she'd finally be rid of them.

I met that woman many years ago, and I've never forgotten her courage, and persistence. She wanted a life. A real one free of drugs and abuse and she was willing to do whatever it took to get one. She really helped me to understand the hard reality of recovery. And the very real prize to be gained if I stuck with it. (Also what would be forfeited if I didn't.)

Spiderman said:

I'm trying to move on but there is a bond. Also, I'm not in control of some of my convictions.

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One step at a time. Look at the AMAZING things you've already accomplished!