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A man is coming onto me, and I need to establish boundaries!

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
So, there is this likeable Cambodian immigrant who lives with me who often approaches me and wants to always go on walks with me, interrupt me while I'm praying or meditating or on the computer.

When we went for a walk today he said, "We should hold hands".

I laughed and told him "no, I'm not into holding guys hands".

I actually don't technically know if the man is gay. It seems clear he is at least bisexual, but I don't feel like asking him.

Bottom line is, I know what rejection feels like. It hurts. I don't want to put him through that kind of pain.

But I need to establish healthy boundaries. He keeps talking about how he wants to take me places when we get out.

It does make me uncomfortable.

I do actually have street smarts, and am not naïve. I'm actually quite cynical when it comes to friendly people, and don't trust them.

At the same time, I ask myself "What would Mother Teresa, Buddha, Gandhi, Saint Francis of Assisi, or Jesus do"? I also need to be conscious of not hurting people, and sometimes you have to be nice/charitable, even when being nice has consequences.

I'm sure when people see me hanging out with this guy a lot, they already probably wonder if we are doing something gay. I really could care less what they think.


I feel he is a suffering person and to a certain extent I'm supposed to relieve his suffering to please the Kami, because he says it makes him very happy hanging out with me. Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.

But I need to establish boundaries as well. Let me know if you have any thoughts. Thanks! :)
My advice....
Use protection so you don't get pregnant.
 

syo

Well-Known Member
He is a recovering drug addict in rehab who hasn't been sober very long and he says he is suffering and appears to be... END OF STORY!

And I can see his face change and he looks more happy when we hang out.
Good luck. You'll need it.
 

VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
Boundaries are always good. Set small ones. If they can't follow a simple boundary such as no holding hands then don't allow them around you. Folks who can't obey simple boundaries like that that are easy and hurt no one wont obey big ones. They show they don't care about you or how you feel. Thus if they dont obey these small boundaries after talking with them several times and come up with excuses that aren't reasonable you should reject their friendship. Be kind but tell them until they respect you and your boundaries they are not to be in your life. I know it may seem extreme but if someone can't follow simple boundaries that are easy then they don't care about you. They won't respect big boundaries that are very important and needed for your health. End of story. They might even be dangerous. I wouldn't hang with folk like that
 

Twilight Hue

Twilight, not bright nor dark, good nor bad.
So, there is this likeable Cambodian immigrant who lives with me who often approaches me and wants to always go on walks with me, interrupt me while I'm praying or meditating or on the computer.

When we went for a walk today he said, "We should hold hands".

I laughed and told him "no, I'm not into holding guys hands".

I actually don't technically know if the man is gay. It seems clear he is at least bisexual, but I don't feel like asking him.

Bottom line is, I know what rejection feels like. It hurts. I don't want to put him through that kind of pain.

But I need to establish healthy boundaries. He keeps talking about how he wants to take me places when we get out.

It does make me uncomfortable.

I do actually have street smarts, and am not naïve. I'm actually quite cynical when it comes to friendly people, and don't trust them.

At the same time, I ask myself "What would Mother Teresa, Buddha, Gandhi, Saint Francis of Assisi, or Jesus do"? I also need to be conscious of not hurting people, and sometimes you have to be nice/charitable, even when being nice has consequences.

I'm sure when people see me hanging out with this guy a lot, they already probably wonder if we are doing something gay. I really could care less what they think.


I feel he is a suffering person and to a certain extent I'm supposed to relieve his suffering to please the Kami, because he says it makes him very happy hanging out with me. Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.

But I need to establish boundaries as well. Let me know if you have any thoughts. Thanks! :)
Tell him you have this disease ......
 

Secret Chief

nirvana is samsara
You know that buddha and jesus and gandi and teresa are the law right? if i speak openly to send them to hell people can sent me to court right? or fanatics kill me right?
None of that. Simply that your opinions are only your opinions. You are not speaking on behalf of others; whether that be concerning Jesus, Tom Hanks or lemon meringue pie.
 

Spiderman

Veteran Member
Good luck. You'll need it.
When I was in jail in 2015, there was a man everyone hated because he harmed a child.

The man was miserable and something bad happened to him when he was a child, and he wanted others to feel his misery.

The man hated himself and feels terrible about what he did and is made fun of and will be harassed, despised, beaten, and antagonized in prison most likely. He got 8 years. After prison he will have no one, live in a homeless shelter, have to register as an offender. He will be unable to get most jobs, he will be haunted with guilt, and is an all-around tortured soul.

The ways people tortured him were just sad.

I decided to be his friend against the advice of other inmates who warned me never to hang out with him. I went against their advice. Before he went to prison he pulled me aside and said "Matt, you were the only friend I had here. I won't forget it. You meant a lot to me".

I don't regret being his friend.

I hate what he did to a child. I hate any type of abuse of anyone. I don't hate him. I hate the fact that he felt so miserable, he thought he needed someone else to experience his agony.

By continuing to torture a tortured soul, you increase the likelihood of them torturing more people, kind of like abusing an unloved dog. It becomes vicious.

But you are right in saying I'll need "Good luck".

Wish me luck! And please pray to your Deity for me. :)
 

Spiderman

Veteran Member
Boundaries are always good. Set small ones. If they can't follow a simple boundary such as no holding hands then don't allow them around you. Folks who can't obey simple boundaries like that that are easy and hurt no one wont obey big ones. They show they don't care about you or how you feel. Thus if they dont obey these small boundaries after talking with them several times and come up with excuses that aren't reasonable you should reject their friendship. Be kind but tell them until they respect you and your boundaries they are not to be in your life. I know it may seem extreme but if someone can't follow simple boundaries that are easy then they don't care about you. They won't respect big boundaries that are very important and needed for your health. End of story. They might even be dangerous. I wouldn't hang with folk like that

If he starts invading physical boundaries after I ask him not to, he's gonna get hit.

Tough love.
 

The Hammer

[REDACTED]
Premium Member
So, there is this likeable Cambodian immigrant who lives with me who often approaches me and wants to always go on walks with me, interrupt me while I'm praying or meditating or on the computer.

When we went for a walk today he said, "We should hold hands".

I laughed and told him "no, I'm not into holding guys hands".

I actually don't technically know if the man is gay. It seems clear he is at least bisexual, but I don't feel like asking him.

Bottom line is, I know what rejection feels like. It hurts. I don't want to put him through that kind of pain.

But I need to establish healthy boundaries. He keeps talking about how he wants to take me places when we get out.

It does make me uncomfortable.

I do actually have street smarts, and am not naïve. I'm actually quite cynical when it comes to friendly people, and don't trust them.

At the same time, I ask myself "What would Mother Teresa, Buddha, Gandhi, Saint Francis of Assisi, or Jesus do"? I also need to be conscious of not hurting people, and sometimes you have to be nice/charitable, even when being nice has consequences.

I'm sure when people see me hanging out with this guy a lot, they already probably wonder if we are doing something gay. I really could care less what they think.


I feel he is a suffering person and to a certain extent I'm supposed to relieve his suffering to please the Kami, because he says it makes him very happy hanging out with me. Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.

But I need to establish boundaries as well. Let me know if you have any thoughts. Thanks! :)

If he is honestly interested in you, just explain that the feelings aren't mutual. That you'd prefer friendship over anything else.
 
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