Getting away from home schooling and thus out of the insulated bubble was tremendously helpful. But so was nothing ever really getting better. All the problems I was having, being constantly reminded of Jesus' love and promises, a life of mental and physical anguishes that had spiritual and existential torments as well, but being told we all have our crosses to bear. I started to have a crisis of faith, and when I needed Jehovah and guidance the most I turned to the Bible, where I found not love and healing but tyranny and destruction. All over and throughout, not a lot of good going on.
I was also fortunately receptive to information. Not only did I learn things like Gilgamesh being older than Noah, how languages did branch out and develop, and that Christians played a role in the collapse of Rome, I learned more importantly the world isn't out to get Christians, the prohibitions on Merry Christmas or praying in school don't exist, I even saw Catholics openingly running around what was supposed to be this den of evil with ash crosses on their foreheads. And all those realizations did leave me feeling lied to.
I tried to cling on and hold on to it, tried to justify it anyway I could, but eventually I learned a lot of the OT was taken from other cultures, and even rejected it due to the general wickedness and cruelty of Abraham's God, but eventually the irreconcilable fact that without an OT there is no point or purpose for the NT, it's all nothing, and that tower collapsed and fell hard, causing this former teenaged "super Christian" to begin a second life, a new life as Old Me. I still remember the look on one of my friend's face, a look of puzzlement and confusion, and he said it's weird hearing me cuss. Because that Christian Me never would have even said damn or s***, and I was even further away from the gutter than Wu.
Being someone who managed to escape that cult, however, left me with a lot of holes and questions in life I still haven't quite answers. Like, I spend my youth cultivating and interest and knowledge in something that was toxic to me, even planning a "career" in it despite it breaking me down psychologically. I didn't even realize I'm pretty smart and intelligent until I started doing well in at university (rather than community college). And that was only about seven years ago. Of course other factors messed me up as well, but the beliefs of a religion that can leave a child terrified of an angry god, no will or drive to live and suicidal, in so many ways it is disabling to be fed very bad information and not taught how to process it, and emphasizing an angry god and eternal torment so much a child cries herself to sleep at night and then has nightmares of anguish from being separated from god and the pains of feeling the fires of hell.
But the process itself was very coarse. The
Nine Inch Nails song Terrible Lie strongly resonates with the process. However, I was very lucky in once I was done I was done with it, no regrets, no doubts, no looking back, no crawling back (such things are common among those of us fortunate enough to be pulled out). I also find it very irksome when people claim it's hopeless to try to get people out because of a belief that it doesn't happen.