PoetPhilosopher
Veteran Member
I don't interact with my family in a deep fashion. They exist, they try to help me in a lot of ways, but they don't want to go down that rabbit-hole of deep conversation. Subjects like gender, dating, and many other subjects, are considered taboo and off-limits to speak with them about. Subjects that are okay are religion, but only if it's their religion of Christianity, food, education, the weather, etc - the safer subjects.
I like posting on RF because I feel I get to talk about a great deal more. Lately, RF has made me a little lonely, though. You'd think that being on a public forum with public interaction would fill the emotional need for people. But it doesn't. The public debates, the fun banter in the Games forum, it just doesn't do much for me where I'd classify it as personal relationships and "social interaction". My self esteem is a little low and I've been looking for real friends who care about what I have to say, and not because it's presented in a fast-moving smorgasbord of posts to address and gets addressed as a result of being part of the queue. Making friendship is a bit difficult for me as well, because I have mood swings sometimes, though I don't mean anything by them, and I can often appear distant at first as a form of testing the waters. In regards to me testing the waters, I don't always do it completely on purpose, I think I'm just a little insecure and am testing out whether me and them are on the same page. And keeping my guard up.
I've thought of joining a real life support group. But there's a problem there. I'm not feeling real good about myself and getting out in the public right now, due to me being insecure about how androgynous I sometimes look right now as I'm in the middle of transitioning.
Something I have noticed though, is that it's possible, and I'm not saying for sure - that public RF posting makes me a bit lonelier. The Debates drain my energy, without me feeling a sense of satisfaction from them due to all the misinterpretations that happen, even in cases where other people, and myself, seem to be making candid posts explaining things. It's just like things kind of end up a bigger mess than they started, by the end of the Debate.
As for the Games forum, there is some friendliness to be had, but I'm not a huge fan of banter. I actually do use it, but it's more something I learned after I started RF and read the room and followed suit, rather than something I had prior to the forums. So I just have mixed feelings about it. Maybe I do like banter and one-two-punch humor, maybe I don't.
I like posting on RF because I feel I get to talk about a great deal more. Lately, RF has made me a little lonely, though. You'd think that being on a public forum with public interaction would fill the emotional need for people. But it doesn't. The public debates, the fun banter in the Games forum, it just doesn't do much for me where I'd classify it as personal relationships and "social interaction". My self esteem is a little low and I've been looking for real friends who care about what I have to say, and not because it's presented in a fast-moving smorgasbord of posts to address and gets addressed as a result of being part of the queue. Making friendship is a bit difficult for me as well, because I have mood swings sometimes, though I don't mean anything by them, and I can often appear distant at first as a form of testing the waters. In regards to me testing the waters, I don't always do it completely on purpose, I think I'm just a little insecure and am testing out whether me and them are on the same page. And keeping my guard up.
I've thought of joining a real life support group. But there's a problem there. I'm not feeling real good about myself and getting out in the public right now, due to me being insecure about how androgynous I sometimes look right now as I'm in the middle of transitioning.
Something I have noticed though, is that it's possible, and I'm not saying for sure - that public RF posting makes me a bit lonelier. The Debates drain my energy, without me feeling a sense of satisfaction from them due to all the misinterpretations that happen, even in cases where other people, and myself, seem to be making candid posts explaining things. It's just like things kind of end up a bigger mess than they started, by the end of the Debate.
As for the Games forum, there is some friendliness to be had, but I'm not a huge fan of banter. I actually do use it, but it's more something I learned after I started RF and read the room and followed suit, rather than something I had prior to the forums. So I just have mixed feelings about it. Maybe I do like banter and one-two-punch humor, maybe I don't.
We’re all like this, to some level. I used to be addicted, even to this forum when I first joined. My grandmother died then, I was serial dating. The forum soothed my soul for a while until it didn’t. Then I had to get real with what I wanted out of life and all that fun stuff. But what I DO love about RF and social media is the ability to relate to people in a way that is meaningful in ways that offline conversations don’t offer. Not going to walk up to a stranger and say hey, want to have a debate about existentialism? Suppose I could, but...
