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I don't get why some people make fun of others like me for this.

J

Jos

Well-Known Member
I'm a young guy in his 20s, I've never been on a date, I've never kissed a woman/been kissed, I've never known/been with a woman intimately. When people find out about this, they usually make fun of people like me for it. I've kinda experienced that, but rather in the sense that people have assumed that about me and made me feel small about it and I've never understood why some people feel the need to make fun of others for that especially when they are a man. I guess they feel superior to those who haven't done those things but so what? That's a dumb thing to feel superior to someone about. They're not worth more than me as a human being because of that. Maybe, it has something to do with evolution, maybe by kissing someone, being in a romantic relationship etc, you're one step closer to the evolutionary goal of passing on your genes so you feel more accomplished and thus better than those who haven't done those things. Does that make sense? What are you guys' thoughts?
 
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PoetPhilosopher

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
Jos said:
I'm a young guy in his 20s, I've never been on a date, I've never kissed a woman/been kissed, I've never known a woman intimately. When people find out about this, they usually make fun of people like me for it. I've kinda experienced that, but rather in the sense that people have assumed that about me and made me feel small about it and I've never understood why some people feel the need to make fun of others for that especially when they are a man. I guess they feel superior to those who haven't done those things but so what? That's a dumb thing to feel superior to someone about. They're not worth more than me as a human being because of that. Maybe, it has something to do with evolution, maybe by kissing someone, being in a romantic relationship etc, you're one step closer to the evolutionary goal of passing on your genes so you feel more accomplished and thus better than those who haven't done those things. Does that make sense? What are you guys' thoughts?
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People act different sometimes when one brings up sex or their history. I'm used to things like that, myself. You might not want to tell too many people if you can avoid it, as I've known stories of some more extroverted girls who, when hearing someone's never been kissed, will kind of kiss them without permission/asking, thinking they're doing them a favor.
 
J

Jos

Well-Known Member
KAT-KAT said:
People act different sometimes when one brings up sex or their history. I'm used to things like that, myself. You might not want to tell too many people if you can avoid it, as I've known stories of some more extroverted girls who, when hearing someone's never been kissed, will kind of kiss them without permission/asking, thinking they're doing them a favor.
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Oh, you've experienced ridicule for those things as well? I do try to avoid telling people cause people can be so stupid about it, although, I must admit that I wouldn't mind being kissed by one of those extroverted girls, if she's cute, lol.
 
Vinayaka

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
Jos said:
I'm a young guy in his 20s, I've never been on a date, I've never kissed a woman/been kissed, I've never known/been with a woman intimately. When people find out about this, they usually make fun of people like me for it. I've kinda experienced that, but rather in the sense that people have assumed that about me and made me feel small about it and I've never understood why some people feel the need to make fun of others for that especially when they are a man. I guess they feel superior to those who haven't done those things but so what? That's a dumb thing to feel superior to someone about. They're not worth more than me as a human being because of that. Maybe, it has something to do with evolution, maybe by kissing someone, being in a romantic relationship etc, you're one step closer to the evolutionary goal of passing on your genes so you feel more accomplished and thus better than those who haven't done those things. Does that make sense? What are you guys' thoughts?
Click to expand...

I don't understand any kind of cruelty either. Personally, I'd think you were lucky. I grew up a shy guy, and it was a blessing in the end, as I strongly connected to the girl I married. There is something rather special and unique about that these days.

Here's another example of cruelty. Many vegetarians have experienced it. People actually trick vegetarians into eating meat, by hiding it in a chili or saying it's fake meat. For some reason, they think it's funny.

The most logical reason, psychologically, is insecurity, or just some instinctive drive to be mean. I like to think we're more humane that that. Best wishes in ignoring it.
 
PoetPhilosopher

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
Jos said:
Oh, you've experienced ridicule for those things as well?
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Sexual history and sexuality, yes. Virginity, not so much.

What I was saying is that sometimes talking about sex puts others in a weird mood. Some don't want to talk about it, sure. And still others, it puts them in a playful mood. And someone seeing those moods and behaviors for the first time, could be not ready for it or experience some cognitive dissonance about it.

Jos said:
I must admit that I wouldn't mind being kissed by one of those extroverted girls, if she's cute, lol.
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I see.
 
Secret Chief

Secret Chief

nirvana is samsara
Jos said:
I'm a young guy in his 20s, I've never been on a date, I've never kissed a woman/been kissed, I've never known/been with a woman intimately. When people find out about this, they usually make fun of people like me for it. I've kinda experienced that, but rather in the sense that people have assumed that about me and made me feel small about it and I've never understood why some people feel the need to make fun of others for that especially when they are a man. I guess they feel superior to those who haven't done those things but so what? That's a dumb thing to feel superior to someone about. They're not worth more than me as a human being because of that. Maybe, it has something to do with evolution, maybe by kissing someone, being in a romantic relationship etc, you're one step closer to the evolutionary goal of passing on your genes so you feel more accomplished and thus better than those who haven't done those things. Does that make sense? What are you guys' thoughts?
Click to expand...
It says something about the other person, nothing about you. Your private life is private, unless you choose to divulge any of it. You have no need to justify yourself in this regard.
 
J

Jos

Well-Known Member
Viker said:
Nobody deserves to be derided for an important personal decision. Peer pressure and bullying often go hand in hand. Adults can't even seem to remove themselves from juvenile behavior. Don't let it eat at you and don't reciprocate either.
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Don't wanna to get too personal but it's not exactly a decision, it's just something I've settled upon. I have mental issues that cause me to have poor social skills and I'm not very good at the social game of life (as much as I want to be) so that limits my ability to have relationships and for that, and other reasons, I've decided to just let things be. But yes, no-one deserves to be derided for it at all. And yes, being in the working world for the short time that I have, I've seen how juvenile adults can be, I was genuinely shocked at how some of them act but that's the way the world works I guess, definitely didn't expect that growing up. I try not to let it eat at me but it's tough when other young people around me are in relationships and then, I feel like I'm not fitting in too but I'm trying though, I'm really trying not to let it bother me.
 
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Viker

Viker

Häxan
Jos said:
Don't wanna to get too personal but it's not exactly a decision, it's just something I've settled upon. I have mental issues that cause me to have poor social skills and I'm not very good at the social game of life (as much as I want to be) so that limits my ability to have relationships and for that, and other reasons, I've decided to just let things be. But yes, noone deserves to be derided for it at all. And yes, being in the working world for the short time that I have, I've seen how juvenile adults can be, I was genuinely shocked at how some of them act but that's the way the world works I guess, definitely didn't expect that growing up. I try not to let it eat at me but it's tough when other young people around me are in relationships and then, I feel like I'm not fitting in too but I'm trying though, I'm really trying not to let it bother me.
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Maybe the decision thing was the wrong way to put things. My bad. I didn't know the whole story.

It's way harder to overcome what your experiencing when related to mental health issues. My self esteem was battered into mush for years. I still seek counseling and have found community with others like me.
 
J

Jos

Well-Known Member
Vinayaka said:
I don't understand any kind of cruelty either. Personally, I'd think you were lucky. I grew up a shy guy, and it was a blessing in the end, as I strongly connected to the girl I married. There is something rather special and unique about that these days.
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That's interesting. I'm guessing it was a blessing and created a strong connection since you felt comfortable enough with her to express yourself fully than with anyone?

Vinayaka said:
Here's another example of cruelty. Many vegetarians have experienced it. People actually trick vegetarians into eating meat, by hiding it in a chili or saying it's fake meat. For some reason, they think it's funny.
Click to expand...
I've kinda experienced that as well too when I was given Gelatin, a candy that has animal products in it, without me realizing it until too late. People just need to learn to be accepting of the differences between them and others

Vinayaka said:
The most logical reason, psychologically, is insecurity, or just some instinctive drive to be mean. I like to think we're more humane that that. Best wishes in ignoring it
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Maybe, although I think my evolution hypothesis is pretty good too lol. If it's to be mean, I'd understand that cause some people are just jerks but if it's insecurity, I don't understand that. If anything, I should have more reason to feel insecure than them. Anyhow, thanks!
 
J

Jos

Well-Known Member
KAT-KAT said:
Sexual history and sexuality, yes. Virginity, not so much.
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Oh, well it's still ridiculous either way.

KAT-KAT said:
What I was saying is that sometimes talking about sex puts others in a weird mood. Some don't want to talk about it, sure. And still others, it puts them in a playful mood. And someone seeing those moods and behaviors for the first time, could be not ready for it or experience some cognitive dissonance about it.
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Well I'm one who doesn't feel comfortable talking about it. Idk why but something about it just puts me off and makes me uncomfortable and that's another thing that gets ridiculed too especially when I was around guys who were discussing it. What would the cognitive dissonance be for the one who sees those behaviors and moods for the first time?

KAT-KAT said:
I see.
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I mean, I'm not desperate or anything and I hope I didn't sound desperate but I wouldn't mind it if it did happen.
 
J

Jos

Well-Known Member
Secret Chief said:
It says something about the other person, nothing about you. Your private life is private, unless you choose to divulge any of it. You have no need to justify yourself in this regard.
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Yep 100% true. People need to learn to mind their own business.
 
J

Jos

Well-Known Member
Viker said:
Maybe the decision thing was the wrong way to put things. My bad. I didn't know the whole story.
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No worries, it's OK

Viker said:
It's way harder to overcome what your experiencing when related to mental health issues.
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Yeah it is. And neurotypical people who'll never struggle with those issues don't realize just how tough it is but some of them will still judge you anyway.

Viker said:
My self esteem was battered into mush for years. I still seek counseling and have found community with others like me.
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I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's great that you've found counseling and at least you've found a community that shares your pain and can help you through it.
 
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PoetPhilosopher

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
Jos said:
What would the cognitive dissonance be for the one who sees those behaviors and moods for the first time?
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They might see people acting in a way they find "weird" and be torn whether to distance themselves from them and think "What have I started?" or just kind of join in and see where the conversation goes.

But that's just my experience.
 
J

Jos

Well-Known Member
KAT-KAT said:
They might see people acting in a way they find "weird" and be torn whether to distance themselves from them and think "What have I started?" or just kind of join in and see where the conversation goes.

But that's just my experience.
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It seems like more people prefer the latter and especially if it can lead to ridicule.
 
savagewind

savagewind

Veteran Member
Premium Member
Is it possible that their experiences in such relationships have been disappointing for the most part but they don't want to admit it so instead they deride you for not suffering as they have?

It might not be possible for them to say, "Good for you!" so instead, they make some fun of you.
 
J

Jos

Well-Known Member
To be clear to everyone, even though I may come across that way, I don't feel sorry for myself and I hope you guys don't either. There are way more important things in the world to be sympathetic towards, so my purpose here isn't to throw a pity party but rather to understand an opposing point of view.
 
J

Jos

Well-Known Member
savagewind said:
Is it possible that their experiences in such relationships have been disappointing for the most part but they don't want to admit it so instead they deride you for not suffering as they have?

It might not be possible for them to say, "Good for you!" so instead, they make some fun of you.
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That's an interesting way of looking at it. Maybe it's a subconscious thing? Subconsciously they're jealous of me? As the saying goes "Misery loves company".
 
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