Your Trump-loving uncle is not evil

Your Trump-loving uncle is not evil (msn.com)

We no longer see our political opponents as simply wrong or misguided.

We see them as bad people.

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The article notes that 15-20% of the population across the political divide agree that the country would be better off if large numbers of opposing partisans "just died." 1 in 3 believe violence is justified if they feel the elected leaders have failed to protect the country.

Evil, ill-intentioned, dangerous people who represent a threat to all that we hold dear.

More and more, we’ve come to see huge swaths of our fellow Americans as enemies who must be defeated at all costs.

And we are approaching a reality in which violent language is morphing into violent action.

While the number of people prepared to truly engage in political violence is small, the number of Americans willing to tolerate or excuse violence is growing rapidly.

A 2018 study from the University of Maryland found that 15%-20% of Americans, across the political divide, agreed that the country would be better off if large numbers of opposing partisans “just died.”

And an even more recent study from the American Enterprise Institute earlier this year found that 1 in 3 Americans now believe that violence is justified if they feel that our elected leaders have failed to protect the country.

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The article suggests that dehumanizing opponents starts us down a vicious cycle whose only logical conclusion is violence. The article proposes breaking the cycle, starting with really, honestly, hearing each other out.

Once we’ve begun to dehumanize our political opponents, we’ve started down a vicious cycle whose only logical conclusion is violence.

If we’re going to hold this country together, we must break this cycle.

And that’s going to require changing how we think about conflict and how we approach political conversations.

No, we don’t need to be afraid of conflict. We need to learn how to make progress through conflict, rather than despite conflict.

It starts by acknowledging our differences. We can’t ignore them to pretend we’re all united— because we’re not. We have deep disagreements in this country with profound consequences for justice, truth and safety.

But maybe we can at least agree we are all human beings worthy of dignity and respect. And for better or worse, we’re all in this together.

Then, we can do something else together: really, honestly hear each other out. This means better conversations.

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If I go into a conversation trying to show someone why they’re wrong — or show them why their facts are wrong — they’re immediately going to get defensive. They’re either going to try to shut down the conversation or escalate it into a fight.

But what if I go in with the goal of understanding the other side’s point of view and then expressing my own, without an overriding expectation that I’ll persuade them?

What if I treat the conversation as an opportunity to learn and be heard, rather than an opportunity to merely convince or persuade?

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Instead of going in to a conversation to persuade, the article suggests treating it as an opportunity to learn and be heard. If one's goal is to beat or humiliate their opposition, then it will tend to backfire and escalate into something worse.

If you trust that the person you’re talking to is actually trying to understand your point of view — rather than beat you or humiliate you — you’re a lot more likely to transform your conflict into an opportunity for building a relationship that naturally illuminates shared values.

From our own work trying to bridge divides and reduce polarization between liberals and conservatives over the last decade, here are some simple tips for conversations that build trust, rather than contempt:

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The article offers the following tips:

• First, try to understand others’ viewpoints before responding with your own.
• Try using “I statements” (like “this is how I see it”) rather than truth statements (like “This is how it is!”).
• Try sharing your own perspective rather than simply making broad pronouncements.
• Try asking people about their own lived experiences and what’s led them to their position. This will help people explain why they feel the way they do, in a way that’s unique to them.

There are also certain things to avoid if you want to have a constructive conversation:

• First off, try to avoid raising your voice and getting agitated. Even something as simple as taking a breath before you speak or respond can help you avoid counterproductive escalation.
• Try to avoid asking “gotcha” questions rather than questions of understanding. A “gotcha” question is a question that sets the other person up to look stupid or ignorant or cruel, versus a question designed to actually understand what someone thinks.
• Try to avoid taking the worst characteristics you see in certain politicians and then ascribing it to anyone who supports that politician. Making these assumptions makes people feel like you are intentionally misrepresenting them.

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All of these do’s and don’ts could all be summarized in one overarching tip: Try to respect the worth and dignity of the person you’re talking to, even if you are dumbfounded or appalled by their views.

Yes, this is hard work, and it can be painful. But transforming conflict doesn’t require us to compromise our values or come to some kind of false centrist compromise.

Instead, what it takes is rethinking our approach to conflict — and using it as an opportunity to grow relationships rather than destroy them, foster peace rather than violence, and ultimately work together to improve our country.

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A notation at the end of the article mentions that the author is a leader of Braver Angels, a non-profit organization working to depolarize America.

What do you think? Would these tips help reduce political tension if more people practiced them?

I can't really believe grown adults need telling this.

Rival said:

I can't really believe grown adults need telling this.

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Most days, the only way I can tell the difference between adults and children is the creativity factor.

Kids are way more creative. But both adults and children misbehave, and too often in similar ways.

Rival said:

I can't really believe grown adults need telling this.

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It gets rough.
Because there are Libs who are insufferable twats towards those who are different.
Because there are Cons who are insufferable twats towards those who are different.
And it's difficult being civil towards those who demand you not have your rights but they get special privileges to discriminate against you (that's been a problem I had in Indiana rather than here).

JustGeorge said:

Most days, the only way I can tell the difference between adults and children is the creativity factor.

Kids are way more creative. But both adults and children misbehave, and too often in similar ways.

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Adults collude more in their particular brands of untruth.

Whilst I certainly agree. Some of my interactions with hardcore Trumpers do legitimately concern me. Like I have uncles who are super conservative (like God save the King type conservative) and I can still have a very pleasant time with them. I’m not 100% sure about super hardcore Trumpers (or hardcore whatever the opposite of that is.)
But then again it’s all been online so maybe people are trolling me, idk

Stevicus said:

What do you think? Would these tips help reduce political tension if more people practiced them?

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If those people who need to heed the tips could, they wouldn't be the people who need to heed the tips.

Stevicus said:

Your Trump-loving uncle is not evil (msn.com)



The article notes that 15-20% of the population across the political divide agree that the country would be better off if large numbers of opposing partisans "just died." 1 in 3 believe violence is justified if they feel the elected leaders have failed to protect the country.



The article suggests that dehumanizing opponents starts us down a vicious cycle whose only logical conclusion is violence. The article proposes breaking the cycle, starting with really, honestly, hearing each other out.





Instead of going in to a conversation to persuade, the article suggests treating it as an opportunity to learn and be heard. If one's goal is to beat or humiliate their opposition, then it will tend to backfire and escalate into something worse.



The article offers the following tips:





A notation at the end of the article mentions that the author is a leader of Braver Angels, a non-profit organization working to depolarize America.

What do you think? Would these tips help reduce political tension if more people practiced them?

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It's either that or have a civil war.

SomeRandom said:

Whilst I certainly agree. Some of my interactions with hardcore Trumpers do legitimately concern me. Like I have uncles who are super conservative (like God save the King type conservative) and I can still have a very pleasant time with them. I’m not 100% sure about super hardcore Trumpers (or hardcore whatever the opposite of that is.)
But then again it’s all been online so maybe people are trolling me, idk

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Yeah, online is a **** means of assessment. My brother did fly Confederate flags but he also had no issues in accepting me or supporting me. My best friend and her family, they too fly Confederate flags, they are Trump supporters, they are still my best friends and have never treated me wrong even after I came out to them.

Shadow Wolf said:

Yeah, online is a **** means of assessment. My brother did fly Confederate flags but he also had no issues in accepting me or supporting me. My best friend and her family, they too fly Confederate flags, they are Trump supporters, they are still my best friends and have never treated me wrong even after I came out to them.

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My husband, having grown up in the south, made an observation regarding the Confederate flag...

He says in the south, people do fly it, but not everyone who does is a racist. Some equate it with pride in their culture(which can be quite different than in other regions), which can include different things like mannerism, speech, literature, food, music, and the land itself(among other things). To assume all that do in that region are racist is largely unproductive.

However, when he sees someone in Iowa do it, he shakes his head and says "what a racist ***". There's no reason for someone here to fly it, and on the occasions he's met someone here who does, they're all indeed racist. As a southerner, he also finds it offensive because they seldom exhibit interest in any other aspect of southern culture.

Twilight Hue said:

It's either that or have a civil war.

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Let's hope not.

Shadow Wolf said:

Yeah, online is a **** means of assessment. My brother did fly Confederate flags but he also had no issues in accepting me or supporting me. My best friend and her family, they too fly Confederate flags, they are Trump supporters, they are still my best friends and have never treated me wrong even after I came out to them.

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It's funny because, I remember when I was a kid, almost nobody really cared if someone displayed a Confederate flag. At least, I think a lot of Northerners were rather indifferent to it, even if they didn't fly the flag themselves. I think they may have just viewed it as a sentimental affectation displayed by people who apparently never got over the idea that they lost the Civil War. From the North's point of view, why would they care if the defeated Southerners clung to a flag or a few statues as consolation prizes? The South lost, and lost badly, so the North didn't see them as any kind of threat anymore. The symbols they used had therefore become benign and impotent.

I also remember a time when certain motorcycle clubs would display Nazi symbols as well. For a long time, I wondered why that was, and I was told that it dates back to when many WW2 combat veterans came back with various medals and other accoutrements they captured from the enemy. Spoils of war, I suppose. Flags, medals, pins, uniforms, and whatever else they might get. It didn't really explain why they thought it was a good idea to go around the country on motorcycles wearing flags and symbols of the enemy, but just as with the Confederacy, Nazi Germany was also viewed as a defeated enemy and no longer any kind of threat. That symbol had also become benign and impotent in the eyes of Americans.

On the other hand, if anyone displayed any kind of commie flag or symbol, look out. That was viewed as a threat, and would generate a sharp reaction from the general public or anyone walking down the street. Even though the USSR was our ally during WW2, that counted for nothing. But now, since the end of the Cold War and the collapse of the Soviet Union, people seem to be a little more mellow about that. But not much.

Shadow Wolf said:

Yeah, online is a **** means of assessment. My brother did fly Confederate flags but he also had no issues in accepting me or supporting me. My best friend and her family, they too fly Confederate flags, they are Trump supporters, they are still my best friends and have never treated me wrong even after I came out to them.

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I’m sure most people can get along despite differing political opinions.
In saying that, I recall one of our news programs reporting on people cutting ties with friends and family over disagreements regarding Trump. Though it should be said that these particular supporters were also deeply involved with other conspiracy theories that specifically told them to do so.

JustGeorge said:

My husband, having grown up in the south, made an observation regarding the Confederate flag...

He says in the south, people do fly it, but not everyone who does is a racist. Some equate it with pride in their culture(which can be quite different than in other regions), which can include different things like mannerism, speech, literature, food, music, and the land itself(among other things). To assume all that do in that region are racist is largely unproductive.

However, when he sees someone in Iowa do it, he shakes his head and says "what a racist ***". There's no reason for someone here to fly it, and on the occasions he's met someone here who does, they're all indeed racist. As a southerner, he also finds it offensive because they seldom exhibit interest in any other aspect of southern culture.

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Oh, definitely. Most of those Northern tards don't even realize what they fly is not the actual Stars and Bars. They don't know the history of the South. They do not get the South does have its own culture. They just see a "rebel flag." And when they do have the real Stars and Bars, certain types of people are wise to just stay away because these are the dedicated believers and there's probably also Klan attire in the closet.

Stevicus said:

It's funny because, I remember when I was a kid, almost nobody really cared if someone displayed a Confederate flag. At least, I think a lot of Northerners were rather indifferent to it, even if they didn't fly the flag themselves.

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Rural Hoosier hicks love it because it's a "rebel symbol." And when they fly the actual Stars and Bars, it's best that certain types heed caution and stay away.
And that's what makes it hard. It is stereotyping, it is judgemental, but it is also a safety issue.