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The victim mentality. Tips to overcome it

epronovost

Well-Known Member
Victimhood I think, is what keeps people down all the time.

That's a bit tautoloical. If you are a victim, you are indeed "kept down" by a victimizer. That's the proper of victimhood to be "kept down" or harmed in some other way. Every single tip to stop being a victim would imply in some way either escaping or defeating your victimizer wich is aslo completely self evident and far easier said than done.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
That's a bit tautoloical. If you are a victim, you are indeed "kept down" by a victimizer. That's the proper of victimhood to be "kept down" or harmed in some other way. Every single tip to stop being a victim would imply in some way either escaping or defeating your victimizer wich is aslo completely self evident and far easier said than done.
The trick is for a person to find tips that are useful.
Perhaps not all are, but it's worth considering.

I'm reminded of an old (possibly Henry Ford) quote....
Whether you think you can, or think you can't...you're right.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
The irony is how hilariously wrong that quote is, as if anybody in the history of makind never failed, was overconfident or surprised themselves.
Pithy quotes aren't about being accurate.
They're supposed to inspire.
What that one means: To succeed, belief in success in useful.
But belief that one will fail makes failure more likely.

I'm reminded of the frame of mind necessary to
lift heavy weights. Attitude governs all.
 
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ADigitalArtist

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
The division between victim and survivor is so weird to me. Like you cannot be both?
It's important to acknowledge anxiety as a result lack of healthy coping mechanisms like turning to vengeance, but I refuse to call that 'victimhood.' Often the insistence that you are not a victim is used as a cudgel by abusers or people who prop up abusive systems and maintain the status quo. The implication is either reductionist (you were never victimized if you don't do x) or 'that's life,' implying nothing external can or should be changed.
 

PureX

Veteran Member
Most of those are pretty good advice. I would add the idea of doing what we can do to correct our situation, each day, and then letting it go of it. We can't fix everything, and we can't fix it all, right now. We can only do so much at a time. The key is to focus on what we can do to make our situation better: do those things, and then relax. Get a good night's sleep, and get up and do it again, tomorrow.

Real change is cumulative. It doesn't come all at once, but it does come. We just have to keep moving in the right direction as best we can, one step at a time, and we will eventually get there.
 

Quetzal

A little to the left and slightly out of focus.
Premium Member
Great tips. Victimhood I think, is what keeps people down all the time.

10 Ways to Stop Feeling Like a Victim Once and for All | HuffPost
I like articles like this because it is a good reminder (I need those) to shift my thinking away from doom and gloom. If you like stuff like this too (and some more substance), I highly recommend Jordan Peterson's Book: The 12 Rules for Life. I really enjoyed it despite disagreeing with him in regards to some politics.
 

Nakosis

Non-Binary Physicalist
Premium Member
Great tips. Victimhood I think, is what keeps people down all the time.

10 Ways to Stop Feeling Like a Victim Once and for All | HuffPost

Yes, I think the world is against me.
My trick is to not see myself as a victim but as a person being challenged by the world.

The problem with seeing yourself as a victim is when you when you've also have accepted there is nothing you can do about it.

You want to see yourself as a victim? Fine whatever. Just don't expect the world to come to your rescue or even give a crap. Don't expect the world to change to accommodate your needs.

Maybe it will, maybe it won't. Relying on it to change is a gamble.

Also, I hate 10 or however many steps to self-help. Like, here you are the solution to all of your problems. However, sometimes they can have useful ideas.
 

Shadow Wolf

Certified People sTabber
The division between victim and survivor is so weird to me. Like you cannot be both?
It's important to acknowledge anxiety as a result lack of healthy coping mechanisms like turning to vengeance, but I refuse to call that 'victimhood.' Often the insistence that you are not a victim is used as a cudgel by abusers or people who prop up abusive systems and maintain the status quo. The implication is either reductionist (you were never victimized if you don't do x) or 'that's life,' implying nothing external can or should be changed.
One concern I have about the article is many points describe someone who has been abused or traumatized multiple times. In the case of trauma, it may just be being in the wrong place at the wrong time, no victim or assailant, but the self defeating behaviors and mentalities look the same. And even if it is abuse, if someone is a victim then nothing changes being. Being a victim isn't what breaks and destroys people. It's the abuses suffered. And it takes more than being appreciative to get over this and recover. Some even may be too appreciative and grateful, learning these things not in a healthy way but in way learned from the abuser that makes them grateful for table scraps.
A lot of it is general good advice for anyone, but I find this hyperfocus on being a victim and somehow erasing this to be potentially problematic. In a way that reminds me of denial and bottling things up. That will blow eventually regardless what other steps are taken.
 

lewisnotmiller

Grand Hat
Staff member
Premium Member
Some of these are good advice in general. This in particular:

5. Perform acts of kindness to others

There's nothing makes you feel as positive as doing little bits of kindness.

One of my wife's relatives suffers from some anxiety and mental issues.
Constantly, physical actions (exercise, and acts of kindness for others) have positive impacts on mental outcomes.

(I don't mean they 'fix' things, but the idea of taking physical steps to get better mental outcomes is vitally important)
 

Brickjectivity

Turned to Stone. Now I stretch daily.
Staff member
Premium Member
Great tips. Victimhood I think, is what keeps people down all the time.

10 Ways to Stop Feeling Like a Victim Once and for All | HuffPost
I grasp what you're talking about. There is some confusion about victim mentality versus people that have been victims who are gaslighted by being told to stop being victims. Its apples and oranges. There is such a thing as a victim mentality, and there is such a thing as saying it to the wrong person. 'Victim mentality' is an actual psychological challenge, not just a gaslighting term.
 

Kooky

Freedom from Sanity
It's interesting that one can find so many tips on how to overcome being a victim, yet that people so rarely put out tips on how to overcome being an abuser.
 

Kooky

Freedom from Sanity
One piece of advice that I would argue is eminently important but curiously absent in almost all of these self help lists:

Seek out help from others, and let others help make your situation better.

Trying to climb out of a bad situation is often unfruitful or even counterproductive, as it can damage one's own ego to the point of a situation becoming a downward spiral. (People who have suffered from depression may know what I'm talking about here.) In many cases, people just won't have the power to will themselves out of a bad situation, but they may be able to save themselves with the right kind of support and correctly applied help. Sometimes, even just having someone you can talk to about your issues helps a bit.
 
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