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The Tragedy of Self-Pity

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
Years ago, I had a friend who was notable for her kindness, her intelligence, and her beauty. She was also notable for her self-pity.

I suspect she got her chronic self-pity from the example and encouragement of her parents. Both of them struck me as whiners.

Whatever the case, she was a study in the intractability of self-pity, the destructiveness of self-pity, and the misery of self-pity. I came to feel profound concern for her well-being -- both her current well-being, and her future well-being.

When a mutual friend of ours hanged himself in his closet -- not because he faced overwhelming challenges, but because he pitied himself so much that the challenges he did face appeared to him overwhelming -- she at last seemed to get an inkling of what she was doing to herself. But I lost contact with her soon afterwards, when she moved to the Northwest. I've no idea today what became of her.

Self-pity is as tragic and consequential as being afflicted with a serious mental health issue.

You can survive nearly any non-lethal challenge in life and go on to eventual happiness, so long as you do not pity yourself.




 

Kooky

Freedom from Sanity
Suffering acts within my Self
So nobody else's suffering will ever feel as immediate and as deeply painful
as my own
 

PureX

Veteran Member
As an active alcoholic, I nursed a lot of self-pity for a lot of years. I did this because it made for an excellent excuse to get drunk: imagining that the whole universe was against me, deliberately causing an endless litany of disappointments and disasters in my life (as opposed to, say, them being caused by my excessive drinking). I was not aware of my wallowing in this self-pity at the time, though. I only finally became aware of it later, after I had sobered up, and had been sober for some time, and it finally occurred to me that I might choose a different response to life's difficulties besides moaning "woe is me" and running to the bar or liquor store (now that I could no longer run to the bar or the liquor store).

What I find interesting about it, now, as I look back on it, is how fully I believed in it. In the idea that the universe, or the world, or my culture, or my government, or whatever else, was designed and determined to screw little old me over, no matter what I did, just because it could. So that it was of no use to ever even try ... at anything. And even more scary is how persistently I created the "evidence" to support this absurd contention without realizing that I was doing it to myself.

Recovering from an addiction like drugs and/or alcohol is a lot like suddenly recovering one's grasp of reality after having been lost in a dream (nightmare) for a long time, that you were certain was reality. Until you suddenly awoke, and it wasn't.

People often ask me these days what I "believe in". They don't understand that I don't really "believe in" things, anymore. Because I have experience the depth of falsity and deception that such 'belief' can entail. Yet how absolutely convincing it is when you're in it. And it's a big reason why I am not a religious theist. Religions are big on "believing in" stuff. But I am and will forever be extremely skeptical of beliefs. Mine, yours, and anyone else's.
 

SigurdReginson

Grēne Mann
Premium Member
Self pity is fed by self doubt and is nurtured in an environment of mental isolation. Challenging one's self, and getting accustomed to the idea of discomfort helps in loosening it's grip around your life.

It's difficult to get to that point, though, if you're already in it that deeply; sometimes it helps when someone reaches down and pulls you out from yourself. In the end people can only help to a limited degree, and it's up to you to propel your life beyond that point.
 

SigurdReginson

Grēne Mann
Premium Member
As an active alcoholic, I nursed a lot of self-pity for a lot of years. I did this because it made for an excellent excuse to get drunk: imagining that the whole universe was against me, deliberately causing an endless litany of disappointments and disasters in my life (as opposed to, say, them being caused by my excessive drinking). I was not aware of my wallowing in this self-pity at the time, though. I only finally became aware of it later, after I had sobered up, and had been sober for some time, and it finally occurred to me that I might choose a different response to life's difficulties besides moaning "woe is me" and running to the bar or liquor store (now that I could no longer run to the bar or the liquor store).

What I find interesting about it, now, as I look back on it, is how fully I believed in it. In the idea that the universe, or the world, or my culture, or my government, or whatever else, was designed and determined to screw little old me over, no matter what I did, just because it could. So that it was of no use to ever even try ... at anything. And even more scary is how persistently I created the "evidence" to support this absurd contention without realizing that I was doing it to myself.

Recovering from an addiction like drugs and/or alcohol is a lot like suddenly recovering one's grasp of reality after having been lost in a dream (nightmare) for a long time, that you were certain was reality. Until you suddenly awoke, and it wasn't.

People often ask me these days what I "believe in". They don't understand that I don't really "believe in" things, anymore. Because I have experience the depth of falsity and deception that such 'belief' can entail. Yet how absolutely convincing it is when you're in it. And it's a big reason why I am not a religious theist. Religions are big on "believing in" stuff. But I am and will forever be extremely skeptical of beliefs. Mine, yours, and anyone else's.

I feel you on this, and I hope you take pride in what you've accomplished! :D
 

Eyes to See

Well-Known Member
When one draws close to God and let's God be their joy, self-pity, and everything that comes with it dissipate.

Jesus when suffering what he had to go through, including severe beatings, scourges, and ultimately an agonizing death on a torture stake, and there was a reason it was called "torture" stake, because it was extreme torture before dying, did it with joy:

"For the joy that was set before him he endured a torture stake, despising shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."-Hebrews 12:2.


He was able to find joy in what he went through, not wallowing in self-pity, because he found joy in Jehovah. I have found this to be true in my case as well. Not focusing on the problems at hand, but looking upward and ahead, and finding joy in serving Jehovah despite whatever hardship may come our way:

"Let us rejoice while in tribulations, since we know that tribulation produces endurance; endurance, in turn, an approved condition; the approved condition, in turn, hope, and the hope does not lead to disappointment; because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy spirit, which was given to us."-Romans 5:3-5.

Even in the greatest of tribulations Jehovah supports those who trust in him and love him. He gives them joy, and they look past the problems, knowing that the tribulation produces endurance, and a person who endures receives an approved condition, and this approved condition before God gives one hope. And hope in God does not lead to disappointment.

My sentiments are those of the Psalmist who explains about those who take refuge in the true God:

But all those who take refuge in you will rejoice;
They will always shout joyfully.
You will block approach to them,
And those loving your name will rejoice in you.
For you will bless anyone righteous, O Jehovah;
You will surround them with approval as with a large shield.

-Psalm 5:11, 12.
 
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