Ditching a friend for offensive beliefs?

Eddi · Aug 7, 2020

Question: Have you ever ditched a friend for holding offensive beliefs?

My story:

I had a best friend, knew him from school since 1998. He was a good, loyal friend, and we’d talk frequently. We were best friends. He was a Moslem whereas I’m a Christian.

However, during one phone conversation he (basically) said that he hated all LGBT+ people and wanted to eventually exterminate us! (he did not know I was such a person and expected me to agree!)

In the past he had always been tolerant and permissive of homosexuality, and when he said those things it sounded like he was parroting what someone had told him. I think he has been radicalised. He is a very gullible person, he swallows whatever any person in authority tells him to believe. He is not capable of critical thinking. I'm pretty sure someone got to him...

Little did he know that I myself am homosexual.

I’m actually glad he gave me an excuse to kick him out of my life, as there is no scenario imaginable in which me telling him I’m gay would end well, even if he didn't want to exterminate such people. And now he will never know. Which considering his remarks is I think a good thing!

epronovost · Aug 7, 2020

One of my closest childhood friend was captured two years ago fighting for ISIS. I hadn't spoke to him for a while as moved back to my home country so I didn't witness hs conversion or his descent. I would have never imagined that the sensitive boy who was my friend would turn into a zeolotic killer.To my knowledge he is still detained in Northern Syria. Sometime, the choices we and our relations make lead us to crossroads. It's part of life to lose friends either to time or different lifepaths.

PureX · Aug 7, 2020

Eddi said:
Question: Have you ever ditched a friend for holding offensive beliefs?

For offensive behavior, yes, but not for offensive beliefs. I have been dropped by friends in the past, however, for my disagreement with their beliefs.

Terrywoodenpic · Aug 7, 2020

It is unusual to form firm friendships with people of different views and ethical standards.
Even within family settings the spouses of family members can fall well outside our comfort levels.
Especially when it comes to political and religious, and the Justice system.
These become fundamental to our world view.
However Race and sexuality issues are rather different as they are down to our prejudices. and are more obviously obnoxious.

Spirit of Light · Aug 7, 2020

Eddi said:
Question: Have you ever ditched a friend for holding offensive beliefs?

My story:

I had a best friend, knew him from school since 1998. He was a good, loyal friend, and we’d talk frequently. We were best friends. He was a Moslem whereas I’m a Christian.

However, during one phone conversation he (basically) said that he hated all LGBT+ people and wanted to eventually exterminate us! (he did not know I was such a person and expected me to agree!)

In the past he had always been tolerant and permissive of homosexuality, and when he said those things it sounded like he was parroting what someone had told him. I think he has been radicalised. He is a very gullible person, he swallows whatever any person in authority tells him to believe. He is not capable of critical thinking. I'm pretty sure someone got to him...

Little did he know that I myself am homosexual.

I’m actually glad he gave me an excuse to kick him out of my life, as there is no scenario imaginable in which me telling him I’m gay would end well, even if he didn't want to exterminate such people. And now he will never know. Which considering his remarks is I think a good thing!

No I would not kick them out of my life, I would start asking questions to find the reason for the extreme change in behaviour.

Unveiled Artist · Aug 7, 2020

Eddi said:
Question: Have you ever ditched a friend for holding offensive beliefs?

My story:

I had a best friend, knew him from school since 1998. He was a good, loyal friend, and we’d talk frequently. We were best friends. He was a Moslem whereas I’m a Christian.

However, during one phone conversation he (basically) said that he hated all LGBT+ people and wanted to eventually exterminate us! (he did not know I was such a person and expected me to agree!)

In the past he had always been tolerant and permissive of homosexuality, and when he said those things it sounded like he was parroting what someone had told him. I think he has been radicalised. He is a very gullible person, he swallows whatever any person in authority tells him to believe. He is not capable of critical thinking. I'm pretty sure someone got to him...

Little did he know that I myself am homosexual.

I’m actually glad he gave me an excuse to kick him out of my life, as there is no scenario imaginable in which me telling him I’m gay would end well, even if he didn't want to exterminate such people. And now he will never know. Which considering his remarks is I think a good thing!

I'll be brutally honest. I'm homosexual myself and I can never be friends with someone who undermines my being. We have different beliefs (speaking of my former friend is Catholic, doesn't like black people, thinks I'm dangerous, and thinks going to my possible wedding is like killing someone: that's murder! She told me), but if they are used to undermines me that, I don't like.

We known each other for near fifteen years but I should have listened to my family and current friend. She was never my friend.

Of course it also depends on other things you feel he insults you for. Not many Christians (the fundamentalist kind) won't be friends with a Muslim cause of different values. I have a feeling if he knew you are gay, he may throw the "you can't be gay and Christian (or know god)" at the same time. My guess.

Anyway. I personally don't like (edit) defriending people. It took awhile to get-it. But if it bothers you that much, don't put yourself in fire each time you talk to him or her. It really isn't worth it.

Eddi · Aug 7, 2020

Amanaki said:
No I would not kick them out of my life, I would start asking questions to find the reason for the extreme change in behaviour.

Even if they believe you don't deserve to live, and would support you being thrown from the top of a tall building because of your sexual orientation? Get real. Honestly, I would not feel safe doing that.

Heyo · Aug 7, 2020

Eddi said:
Question: Have you ever ditched a friend for holding offensive beliefs?

My story:

I had a best friend, knew him from school since 1998. He was a good, loyal friend, and we’d talk frequently. We were best friends. He was a Moslem whereas I’m a Christian.

However, during one phone conversation he (basically) said that he hated all LGBT+ people and wanted to eventually exterminate us! (he did not know I was such a person and expected me to agree!)

In the past he had always been tolerant and permissive of homosexuality, and when he said those things it sounded like he was parroting what someone had told him. I think he has been radicalised. He is a very gullible person, he swallows whatever any person in authority tells him to believe. He is not capable of critical thinking. I'm pretty sure someone got to him...

Little did he know that I myself am homosexual.

I’m actually glad he gave me an excuse to kick him out of my life, as there is no scenario imaginable in which me telling him I’m gay would end well, even if he didn't want to exterminate such people. And now he will never know. Which considering his remarks is I think a good thing!

No, I have never ditched a friend for holding different beliefs. But I have lost friends for confronting them on their beliefs.

ImmortalFlame · Aug 7, 2020

Amanaki said:
No I would not kick them out of my life, I would start asking questions to find the reason for the extreme change in behaviour.

Have you ever done this with someone whose beliefs extend to basically believing the world would be better if you died or didn't exist?

ChristineM · Aug 7, 2020

Eddi said:
Have you ever ditched a friend for holding offensive beliefs?

Yes, twice.

First, for a birthday party i had invited both old school friends and the people that were part of my life at the time. One of my school friends, on realising a few guests were gay went into full lecture mode and became rather offensive. I asked her to calm down and stop insulting my friends. She didn't and began including me in get harangue. I asked her to leave and have not heard of her since. That's no loss.

Second. Another school friend, a boy who i got on with well and was secretly infatuated with. After school we went our separate ways but kept in touch an met up quite regularly. Along came brexit, his Facebook page suddenly became an immigrant and muslim hate page. Speaking to him he was vitriolic about Eastern European immigrants taking british jobs (funnily enough, crops are now rotting in the fields because no brit wants to do farm work). And his hatred of Muslims was ugly. End of friendship, i have never been in contact with him since.

Edit:

There are enough people in this world, you don't need to associate with those who offend you.

eik · Aug 7, 2020

Eddi said:
Question: Have you ever ditched a friend for holding offensive beliefs?

My story:

I had a best friend, knew him from school since 1998. He was a good, loyal friend, and we’d talk frequently. We were best friends. He was a Moslem whereas I’m a Christian.

I guess generally people are very naive when it comes to making friends. Jesus was not so. Hence John 2:24 "But Jesus did not entrust Himself to them, for He knew all men. He did not need any testimony about man, for He knew what was in a man."

That said, being anti LGBT is not a reason to ditch a friendship if you consider yourself or them to be religious in the Abrahamic sense, because the Abrahamic God is definitely anti LGBT (cf. S&G). Being pro LGBT is however another matter (1 Cor 5:11, 2 Thess 3:14, 2 Cor 6:15, Jude 1:7).

Spirit of Light · Aug 7, 2020

Eddi said:
Even if they believe you don't deserve to live, and would support you being thrown from the top of a tall building because of your sexual orientation? Get real. Honestly, I would not feel safe doing that.

Yes I still stand at the first reply I gave you. I can not make people like me or dislike me because who I am, by the way I am straight and have not experienced your problems.

Spirit of Light · Aug 7, 2020

ImmortalFlame said:
Have you ever done this with someone whose beliefs extend to basically believing the world would be better if you died or didn't exist?

Yes, I have kept people in my life after they threatened my life. He is not very close to me anymore, but I do not fear him. And I have spoken about his feelings many times.
I can be in the same room as him alone, but I do put my guard a bit more up at that moment.

Hermit Philosopher · Aug 7, 2020

Eddi said:
Question: Have you ever ditched a friend for holding offensive beliefs?

My story:

I had a best friend, knew him from school since 1998. He was a good, loyal friend, and we’d talk frequently. We were best friends. He was a Moslem whereas I’m a Christian.

However, during one phone conversation he (basically) said that he hated all LGBT+ people and wanted to eventually exterminate us! (he did not know I was such a person and expected me to agree!)

In the past he had always been tolerant and permissive of homosexuality, and when he said those things it sounded like he was parroting what someone had told him. I think he has been radicalised. He is a very gullible person, he swallows whatever any person in authority tells him to believe. He is not capable of critical thinking. I'm pretty sure someone got to him...

Little did he know that I myself am homosexual.

I’m actually glad he gave me an excuse to kick him out of my life, as there is no scenario imaginable in which me telling him I’m gay would end well, even if he didn't want to exterminate such people. And now he will never know. Which considering his remarks is I think a good thing!

Yes, one. When they told me they voted for a neo-nazi party. They said it was their right to do so. I said it was my right to leave.
That was that.

ImmortalFlame · Aug 7, 2020

Amanaki said:
Yes, I have kept people in my life after they threatened my life. He is not very close to me anymore, but I do not fear him. And I have spoken about his feelings many times.
I can be in the same room as him alone, but I do put my guard a bit more up at that moment.

Do you believe that everyone who finds themselves in a similar situation should do as you did and has a responsibility do keep that person in their life, or do you acknowledge that there is no such obligation for anybody to put themselves in what they feel is an unsafe situation for those reasons?

Spirit of Light · Aug 7, 2020

ImmortalFlame said:
Do you believe that everyone who finds themselves in a similar situation should do as you did and has a responsibility do keep that person in their life, or do you acknowledge that there is no such obligation for anybody to put themselves in what they feel is an unsafe situation for those reasons?

No I don't ask others to do as I do. It's their choice.
The OP was about what we would do in the situation. I only answer for what I would do.

ImmortalFlame · Aug 7, 2020

Amanaki said:
No I don't ask others to do as I do. It's their choice.
The OP was about what we would do in the situation. I only answer for what I would do.

Cool, I just wanted to clarify that for the OP.

Vinayaka · Aug 7, 2020

PureX said:
For offensive behavior, yes, but not for offensive beliefs. I have been dropped by friends in the past, however, for my disagreement with their beliefs.

Yes that's my take as well. Breaking the law and wanting you to help is a prime example. "Can you distract the clerk while I get us some stuff?" type of thing.

stvdv · Aug 7, 2020

Eddi said:
Question: Have you ever ditched a friend for holding offensive beliefs?

I do not even consider them friends. Thinking of it, they fit under demonic in human form in my view (having your example in mind)

Eddi said:
However, during one phone conversation he (basically) said that he hated all LGBT+ people and wanted to eventually exterminate us!

Demonic indeed.

stvdv · Aug 7, 2020

Eddi said:
He is not capable of critical thinking. I'm pretty sure someone got to him...

Little did he know that I myself am homosexual.

Telling them is for sure a good way to kick out "never to be friends"

Eddi said:
I’m actually glad he gave me an excuse to kick him out of my life

Well done. You need no excuse to kick such ones in the butt.

Ditching a friend for offensive beliefs?

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