Mark Dohle
Well-Known Member
One twig at a time, sweet Jesus, one twig at a time
(A Life of Balance)
Balance is tricky. We stop wobbling, become centered, things are in place both inwardly and outwardly, and then it comes crashing down. It is like juggling. How I keep everything moving from one hand to another without dropping everything. Some are good at this, but then a distraction comes, or something more serious, and it comes crashing down.
Monastic-Life hopefully leads to a life of balance, between work, study, and prayer, mixed in with some relaxation. When one of these gets out of line, then eventually chaos or dis-ease will enter one’s life.
I would think that most people seek this life of balance, of inner ease and a lack of inner tension. One of the main forces that keep me from attaining this for any length of time, to be truthful, is mostly because of laziness, or the good old fashion term, the Vice of Sloth.
The Pocket Catholic Catechism says:
"Sloth is the desire for ease, even at the expense of doing the known will of God. Whatever we do in life requires effort. Everything we do is to be a means of salvation. The slothful person is unwilling to do what God wants because of the effort it takes to do it. Sloth becomes a sin when it slows down and even brings to a halt the energy we must expend in using the means to salvation."
It is good to be able to name one’s vices. So I have a big ‘lazy bone’, and have to work at not letting it make me inert, comatose, bored, and well, fill in the blanks.
Monastic life gives a structure where if followed the vice of Sloth can be kept at a minimum. I would think that all of our different vocations is a help in this regard. As I age, I am tempted to ‘do nothing’, so being prior, guest master, and now working in the Infirmary is a big help. Also, times of prayer with the community supports me. In following the monastic schedule, it allows me to grow in discipline, though it is slow going. Everything is slow going for me.
Prayer, spending time before the Lord outside the monastic schedule, the time is given to me for doing lection and other reading, which leads to prayer, is still a struggle after all of these years. Yet over the decades, I have learned that prayer, if allowed to do its work, which means letting go, brings one to the living fountain of life, the oasis in the desert. If I remained stiff-necked, then things get worse. To drink or not to drink.
One of the great mysteries for me is how easy it is for me to choose, in a manner of speaking, death over life. Yet, over the years, my love of prayer continues to grow, and I have learned that in the experience of dryness, of inner wanderings, I can still lift up my mind and heart to God and not worry. As the saying goes: “Little by little, the bird makes its nest”. One twig at a time, sweet Jesus, one twig at a time.
I would have the same struggle outside the Monastery, for wherever I go, there I be.—Br.MD
