I didn't say "I have a black friend." I said I have gay friends and family
Having gay friends and family does not indicate that you don't have biased, misguided beliefs about us. That was the point of my "I have a black friend" comment.
and am not ignorant of the issues, their complexity, or the desire of gays to say their internal compasss, which tells them something is wrong/guilty/hurting is 100% from outside themselves.
Great, then you understand that homophobia, such as telling gay people that our sexuality, simply by virtue of the gender we're attracted to, is inherently broken, sinful, evil, unnatural, disgusting, the equivalent of pedophilia or bestiality, the result of sexual abuse, that we're "not really gay" just confused, or that we're going to hell if we ever act on our sexual desires, is all deeply psychologically traumatic and hurtful to us. Particularly when you ingrain those messages in our heads from the time we can understand what you're saying. I'm so glad that you understand that. And I'm sure moving forward you'll act accordingly. Right?
IMHO, all persons need to trust Jesus for salvation, friends who have are honest about where their sexuality has been bruised/wounded--they deal with past hurts instead of blame shifting.
Again, the guilt-tripping and gaslighting is noted. If I don't agree with you, I'm "blame shifting" or am not being honest about my "wounded" sexuality. IMHO, people need to educate themselves with empirical data and by actually believing gay people when they share their inner life instead of assuming that they're not being honest.
I'm a Jew. Half my race was killed in living memory in a genocide. I don't say "the pain I'm in is because of anti-Semitism". Let us both deal honestly with our pain, starting with, have you doubted or struggled with gay desires/been unsure you are gay, without a justification like "The struggles I had were all because of others' comments and opinions".
Given that you won't even believe what I've already told you, and are repeatedly attempting to guilt-trip and gaslight me, why would I share more of my inner life with you?
If you actually want to know more about how gay people feel, start by giving us the benefit of the doubt about our own feelings and experiences instead of trying to immediately fit the square peg of our lives into the round hole of your preconceived theology, and assuming that we're lying to you when what we say doesn't fit your paradigm.