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Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal

Riders

Well-Known Member
Here is the video from youtube of a movie about porn addiction, its good has no porn in it. I believe the couple talking about their divorce over porn is Christian, the woman listens to Christian music anyways. Her ideas of marriage seems typical for me for Christian women and religious women.

 

Riders

Well-Known Member
I can smell a scam a mile away. I knew the whole facebook lottery publishers clearing house was big scam but i wished i had seen him for what he was a part of the scam too.

I talked to my sponsor about this and the bring Democracy to America movement is a real movement he was involved with protesting movement we had several years ago that liberal movement and these guys are legit.There is a big radical liberal movement in Austin.

But not everyone is for real I fell for it but not the scam. I never gave my money for fees for that and when he wanted me to go to Waco I said no and told him to come here. So my sponsor says Is till did good even though it took some time to see through him.

I am not sure I will trust unaffiliated candidates and the radical left ever again. I am going back to my Libertarian party.

They have a meetup close to me actually once a month at a restaurant , so its not a bar I can go to it. Should be fun, it'll give me a chance to meet people and get some grown up conversation in fun without actually partying.

They met last year at my ex guy friends old bar where he played the keyboards for blues bar at. Anyways I went early though, and left early. There is a lot of stuff from my group at like bars that are restaurants, I mean we use to go to one close to downtown, they still have one of their meetings every Sunday night there, and Robert drank like a camel both me and him got drunk there at that meetup few times.

I don't know there's also liberal meetups that watching the dabate's at a bar/restaurant situation too, I am not an alcoholic but it could be a bad situation. I mean it might be ok, if I decide to visit one of those places Ill probably do what I did before go early and leave early before all the drinking starts.

I don't think I want to go back to me and Roberts drunken binge bar place it'll bring back too many memories. I am probably more at risk of having sex with some drunken dude who doesn't care who he sleeps with then getting drunk, but bad situation.

Right now sense I am going to a restaurant situation only for now I don't have to worry about it. I could also write before hand and ask about the situation.........................

But I want to have some fun this year. Its hard to find activities, when your getting sober because you have to find safe places, yea I love going to AA but its like its all talk about my sobriety working on my myself, Im about to join TOPS Take Off Pounds Sensibly that should be fun get to meet people. But still its working on myself .

Its hard to find social places things to do as a sober person. Thats one reasons o many churches try to get folks in AA and other recovery groups in church, church is a social places that addicts can go to. So ............anyways just thinking but can wait to get out to the Libertarians next month should be fun!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
So I was sick last month cold and sinus infection allergies and stomach issues. I could not do anything thing my wound came back. I may have to learn to wear dresses all the time, for my wound, it's in my waste area. need to get back on my diet. I've been out of it sick. pants and shorts irritate my skin make my wound come back.

My vitamin d was low so dr put me on prescription vitamin d to get me feeling better. It did not work because now my wound is really bad, I also need to be on my low carb diet. My dr says if it gets any worse she may put me the hospital for a while. LIFE SUCKS! I still have craved from last time I abused myself with masturbation 15 months ago.

I am so sick, my wound is causing me to be sleepy and out of it, have not been able to go out and do any activities, I am so fed up! I want to relapse I want some satisfaction! I am still better off then some people I guess.

But I want this infection to improve, I am changing my life this month. Hopefully, I'll have some weight loss, I have not weighed in awhile.

I am always respectful and nice and wanted when I go to spiritual gatherings.

There is a Buddhist meditation group I found not too far for me to take an Uber. They said they have chairs I can sit in and no steps. Looks good. They have service on Sunday morning, 2 sessions of meditation and a Dharma class yay!

Usually, when I socialize with men in a spiritual place they speak about spirituality ask me how I liked the service and that. I use to have tons of brothers in the Pentecostal church, of course, I do not want to go back to hugging on men like that like I used to.

But I miss even just the talk spiritual talk, and spiritual direction I get from my brothers, I really miss it. I love to socialize in spiritual places, it helps me relax, at least if I can't get sexual satisfaction I can have spiritual satisfaction.

I can not be submissive to men anymore, but I can go to a spiritual place and submit to the service, submit to myself, be submissive to the Buddha, and the inner Buddha! I can submit to the leadership.

SO even though I can not be a kinky sweet sub I can submit on a spiritual level!

I want to get well from this stupid wound so i can do that go out and socialize!
 

Milton Platt

Well-Known Member
So I was sick last month cold and sinus infection allergies and stomach issues. I could not do anything thing my wound came back. I may have to learn to wear dresses all the time, for my wound, it's in my waste area. need to get back on my diet. I've been out of it sick. pants and shorts irritate my skin make my wound come back.

My vitamin d was low so dr put me on prescription vitamin d to get me feeling better. It did not work because now my wound is really bad, I also need to be on my low carb diet. My dr says if it gets any worse she may put me the hospital for a while. LIFE SUCKS! I still have craved from last time I abused myself with masturbation 15 months ago.

I am so sick, my wound is causing me to be sleepy and out of it, have not been able to go out and do any activities, I am so fed up! I want to relapse I want some satisfaction! I am still better off then some people I guess.

But I want this infection to improve, I am changing my life this month. Hopefully, I'll have some weight loss, I have not weighed in awhile.

I am always respectful and nice and wanted when I go to spiritual gatherings.

There is a Buddhist meditation group I found not too far for me to take an Uber. They said they have chairs I can sit in and no steps. Looks good. They have service on Sunday morning, 2 sessions of meditation and a Dharma class yay!

Usually, when I socialize with men in a spiritual place they speak about spirituality ask me how I liked the service and that. I use to have tons of brothers in the Pentecostal church, of course, I do not want to go back to hugging on men like that like I used to.

But I miss even just the talk spiritual talk, and spiritual direction I get from my brothers, I really miss it. I love to socialize in spiritual places, it helps me relax, at least if I can't get sexual satisfaction I can have spiritual satisfaction.

I can not be submissive to men anymore, but I can go to a spiritual place and submit to the service, submit to myself, be submissive to the Buddha, and the inner Buddha! I can submit to the leadership.

SO even though I can not be a kinky sweet sub I can submit on a spiritual level!

I want to get well from this stupid wound so i can do that go out and socialize!

I assume you meant waist and not waste? Sorry to hear that you have been going through so much. Makes me feel guilty for my health. I hope you turn the corner soon!
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Well I was mentally ill last night sick. I am tired of not going out, I'm going to start pushing myself to go out more. I flirted with a 58-year-old ok looking guy on ok cupid last night well flirted is not the term. It got a little nasty tantalizing teasing each other went on for about 2 hours. I actually masturbated but did not cum last night. Sorry I'm not counting this as a relapse in my disease. It was the best I could do.

These infections have been driving me nutty. I am assuming my bad diet is affecting it, and I am going to be on a healthy low carb diet starting tomorrow. I have to snap out of this and start going out.

He says he wants to go out with me, but no date has been set and it looks like he climaxed last night. That may be all he wanted. I pushed myself to flirt with him last night, did a good job but bad for me since I did not keep my standards.

I wanted to go out and he said he would take me out to a restaurant r movie and have a good time but maybe he scammed me in a different way, instead of scamming me for money,it was scamming me to get it on on the net and promising to take me out, guys do that too.

But we got it on last night. But it would be nice to have a cuddling buddy for petting,
frankly, I am tired of being alone. However, he did say good morning to me this morning. We shall see but I am not giving him anymore climaxes until he takes me out.


That's it.........he was cute though, not bad looking at all, not great looking. Says he lives in Lewisville. He didn't tell me what he did for a living. I could be wrong but I bet he's rich, or upper-income level, a lot of rich people live in Lewisville.

I know because 20 years ago I lived there a year in a big luxury apartment while working for ad specialty and office supply telemarketing job I had. He says he's looking for a cuddling buddy but we will see.

My sister owns the house I live in and she wants me to start dating, shes conservative Christian puts pressure on me.

So regardless of whether I am going straight by the book of AA or not, I may start dating against the will of others who say don't and against AA advice.

We will see. But he did get what he wanted last night he was happy when I left him ...................If I push myself I can be quite the flirt.........
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
2-10-2020 part 1

I have tons to talk about tonight, so I am going to put 2 things up. This is my first post and it will be about True Blood.

So I am at season 2 episode 8, I just watched 7. It is an awesome show!WOW! But because of all the sexuality in it and nudity, there are a lot of sex addicts and porn addicts like me who can not watch it.

I can watch stuff that's not porn, if it is not just a pure trash sex show if it has a good story I will like. I can put it off me and not look or choose not to think about it. So yea some rated r stuff I can watch.

So they have a Goddess, well the handmade to the Goddess of Wine Adonis? I think that is right. She is also Satan. When she starts inviting people to her place or right now shes at Sookie's place but Sookie does not know it;
when they come over she starts dancing put's a magic spell on everyone, they all start drinking and getting high and without breaking any rules, well just say sex and stop.

They do it to a point o destructing themselves. So me being recovering sex and food and porn addict I am loving it!!!!!!!!!!!! I love the symbols in it. But since there are those in love on the show especially Bill and Sookie, though he is a vampire Lol, still they are in love, so they are not demonizing sexuality between a loving couple or even with yourself.

I also love the political and religious symbols in it that copy our society.......
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
2=10-2020 part 2

I apologize to True Blood fans, the name of the book is Death Until Dark Sookie Stackhouse book 1.

So anyway, we had a terrible problem in my 12 Step group. Although we make a pledge of not telling what went on and what was said in meetings, what I am about to tell you took place in emails between moderators. I am not a moderator anymore , but I am still on the email list.

SO anyways, my guy friend J. has been upset with our fellowship for awhile. He use to do some special service for our group but since we
We've had a few be people 2 years ago including 2 women who try to be in change, they have taken out a reading. We readings in 12 STep meetings, We have too many as SAA< we have SAA readings and AA reading. It just takes up a lot o time.

So in a business meeting, they decided to pull out the How It WOrks reading which is very important reading for all 12 Step meetings they all read it. He blew a gasket about blew up at people caused problems.

I agree with J however he has anger problems.

So anyways then those 2 girls who think they run the meeting and I never expressed any anger at them. Anyways so we had to get a dashboard a new one. Its the computer page where you can see everyone who dials in their numbers and who is talking. SO I a prank caller or someone who is mad at us call in and disrupts meetings with nasty stuff. then we could cut them off hang them up.

That was the old system we had had a long time, but we got a new system picked out selected by the 2 women whom J does not get along with. I try to get along with them but I have had built up anger, I think they took over with the new system,and really they don't have a college degree J does and others do that we know that would have done a better job.

ANyways sometimes people get moted by the dashboard and dashboard operators when we first get on the call and sometimes the dashboard goes crazy and or does not work properly, it sometimes will get me on and mute me for 20 minutes yikes!

Again my friend has had a bunch of anger issues with over new set of moderators including those two girls who I'm think got rid of his role of serving, I do not blame him on the other hand when he was mad at me in the past hed send nasty messages to my phone and using a blocked private number. He's an odd person when he gets mad.

He got muted for a while the other day and poo**ed in his pants. He threw a it called up the moderators and dashboard operator and cussed them out used a blocked number left messages. It is a mental illness he is wrong.

However, as I said I do not agree with the way other moderators have argued with him nor they're decisions for the group.

So long story short they started saying they wanted to find a way to ban his number off the system. You really can't kick anyone out, he could just get a fee google number call back in. He is also free to call in on a blocked number and listen if he shares they might kick him off.

I got into a fight with them stood up for J because I don't believe AA has ever kicked folks out. @rd tradition states anyone who has the desire to stop their addiction can come to the meetings.

But it also states each group is autonomous makes their own decisions. They even sent me a sample on the internet where one guy who was getting into physical fights was banned, but it also stated it is very rare that AA kicks folks out and only in unusual circumstances and only then for a temporary time. I pointed out the temporary part out to moderators and I think they have changed it from banned to time out period for 4 months.

I told Jay what was going on. I was the only one defending him at first because folks are tired of his issues and actually I understand it. But 3 other people came out and stood behind him too. I is one of my favorite moderators and told everyone that he was welcomed back time after time that he slipped and was welcomed and hey that's what AA is about!

We had someone else whos aid we've got too many issues with our dashboard and we need to deal with it before we talk about issues with J. I agree with that too, it is not a good dashboard, I'm sorry to say this but truly I don't believe the 2 women made the right decision, they did a shotty job in selecting the dashboard for the whole group.

So one of my friends started another group similar to ours where J is welcome, and I'm going to start going to that. I am pretty sure I. is welcoming o J too so I'm going to his meetings. There are other issues me and a few of my friends have had with our meeting, not everyone has been on board with the 2 moderator women either. But we are actually starting a new meeting which uses different rules then our meeting which is so cool.

I mean in a way I'm glad this happened because me and my friends are kind of sticking together more and we have our own group.

But anyway. the thing is I put this up here because J and I have been talking a lot more. He lives in California had anger issues I could not handle if we were in a relationship. But we got a little personal the other day talking about spiritual and religious values, it was really cool I enjoyed it!

But if I get real personal with a man on issues I talk about with him it starts to make me wonder if I am not having feelings for that person.I am sure he agrees this is not the time for him to start a marriage or long term relationship with a woman. although I can date it is a bad time for me to get into a marriage as well.

So in the future I will watch out how personal the topics between me and him, if i have to let him know its not a good topic for me I will.

But I guess right now we are doing ok with each other. I finally unloaded on my 2 women friends about the issues I've had with them which is good so.
 
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Riders

Well-Known Member
SO I met a new guy named Kris, on Ok Cupid. He has said yes to being platonic in the beginning. He is from India has an interesting accent. He is a worker in telecommunications makes enough for himself.

He is also a licensed
Reflexology professional but does volunteer work at the old folks home here in Mesquite where I know people from. So I know he telling the truth but he also admits he gets tips so he does get paid some for it.

He also helps feed the homeless through his Hindu Temple and at Kalachandjis in Dallas which I have visited. I know he's telling the truth about that also.
He is 59 years old and he belongs to a Christian church as well where he cooks Indian vegetarian food too which means it is a private closed Indian church.

We talked a lot about Hindu and HAre Krishna beliefs and I told him I like Kalachandjis I will visit when you're there but I will not join. It is a strict group.

Us talking all day yesterday I felt I was with Prince Charming coming up to ride me away on his white horse. However, there are issues in the kingdom.

I do know that anytime anyone is really involved with their religion more the one or 2 days a week like he has been there is always a risk that you are talking to someone who is super conservative and strict. He claims he is not. He says he is universal because he goes to 3 different religions.

Hopefully, he is telling me the truth. But I got to hold onto my long hair and not let it down for Prince charming yet.

I just have to take it slow and feel out the situation. If he tries to push me into Hare krishnas I will break up. His name is Kris, is it possible he had it changed to sound like Krishna?

 
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Riders

Well-Known Member
Well, my new guy friend but my head of snapped at me when I told him I was doing a book club and only one guy responded, and I was meeting with him to do the book club. He said " That's ok I'm laid back about this, I have things to do too and stay busy so since you have your companion boyfriend I won't be able to go out much.

I was like what boyfriend? Its a book club I started! He said well you have your companion, then, you and I could be doing a book club............... So I decided today he is too jealous. I was gonna back out and date him today I am sick but my sister got mad and told me not to even speak to him anymore. Just cut him off, he bit my head off for the book club
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Heres a clip of Andrea on the u4ea episode of beverly Hills 90210. I could not find a clip of her talking in the next episode but its good.

The first one Emily Valentine slipped u4ea into the drink of Brandan her boyfriend after he tells her no he didn't want to get high. Then he breaks up with her at the end of this episode. Then the next episode Emily goes psycho and starts stalking him trying to get him back together with her and goes psycho.

I love this episode because I really think Andrea's description analyzation of Emily is a good one of many sex and love addicts and what love addiction is about. She says Emily having moved around from school to school is trying to find someone to help her be stable and to have someone to hang onto and feel more stable.

To me it is hard to be single in a scary society being alone. I'm about to go out with a guy hopefully not to help me feel more stable but it is nice to not be alone. I get tired of being alone. I want to have some fun too. I just want a friend.

Here is my u4ea clip

 

Riders

Well-Known Member
You might be wondering why I am going out with a 68 year old when I am 53. I do not want to be in a marital or a relationship which ends in living together or marriage. I want friendship. Men my age and most who are like up to 60 early 60s either want a relationship or friendship with sex, there is noone who wants platonic friendship or what me and this guy has agreed upon is nonsexual making out. Kissing hugging holding hands......

In reality, some would say even that much touching means I'm not working my SAA program because some folks in SAA believe you either get into a marriage relationship or living together or nothing. There are some in AA who believe this too, either get into a long term serious relationship or its amoral. But to me I don't really see what's wrong with having a sexual friendship, friendship with benefits.........my morals are not the same as they'res.

But I don't have it to give. Making out is as far as I want to go now. I am tired, I'm trying to get on a foodplan and exercise program, my life is messed up, I have not even seen my psychiatrist yet, I have had to reschedule for sickness several times, and I need to have my meds reevaluated,

I have too much to do and I am sorry but sex is just too much. When I sat sex usually guys my age will be satisfied without sex if I give them oral, but it is too much for me, usually it is too much action for me. They do quite often want sexual intercourse or if not at least anal sex or oral and plus petting etc........I don't have it to give. I have too many problems now.

My new guy friend Mike is 68 he can not have sexual intercourse and he says he would be satisfied with nonsexual making out. So if he is telling me the truth I am hoping there won't be any problems. He is 68 he is older and he finds himself lucky to find anyone on Ok Cupid I am sire let alone a young 53-year-old like me so.

Hopefully we will go out to eat at Boston Market this weekend and sit in the back of his big car makeout and listen to classic rock.......I think this is what we are going to do. Wish me luck hopefully we can be good friends to each other, he also likes to see movies,s o hopefully I can see some good movies this year too.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
So I bombed out on 2 more dates with men. One ended up being a creep who wanted to bring burgers over while fooling around The other guy was nice, he spent money on me opened doors, said he was interested in a relationship and dropped me the next day. I think he was looking for a place to live though. He was living in motel rooms so.

At least he took me out and babied me which I needed. That's not a good way to think though. I should not be turning to dates with men to solve my problems.

Anyways at least there was no sex, I did not relapse from my addiction.

I got a job through up works job agency 2 years ago reading a book and doing a review. I was looking for an appointment setting job. An employer just sent me the job offer for writing book reviews without knowing much about me. I took it. I got 5 bucks for it. I did 4 other books reviews I got paid between 5 and 15 bucks for a one product review job.

Imagine the female on this forum that has been made fun of more than anyone else for poor writing and spelling LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been paid to write bwhahaha!!!!!!!!!! However, I still have poor spelling and English skills! I read on one of the book agencies, ebook publisher sight once that they recommend Grammarly for everyone who wants to get paid for book reviews.

You can find amateur writing jobs through craigslist, through the publisher and literary agent sights and also through job agencies like Up Works. If you have noticed an improvement over the last year in my grammar and spelling skills this is why. I use Grammerly all the time. It works!

I have a job now regular writing book reviews but I don't get much for it just like 40 or 50 a month, but they just told me some ways I can get more books to review and more money. It probably still won't be very much over 100 or 150 a month but still, that is good pocket change for me, I need it.

I'd know one other woman tried to get one of my jobs and did not get it. I don't think it requires professional creative talented writing to dot his work. I am not so smart, I write like a regular adult. But they may see some writing they like better then other's. I don't know how they choose folks.

On Up Works it looked like to me a random job, they were offering it to maybe a group of people and I took it. So.

Back to my love life, I hope my work keeps me busier so I don't have time to think about men or my addiction or dating. I still need to schedule activities for going out, tomorrow, I am going to TOPS, Take Off Pounds Sensibly meeting. I hope I get out and do some stuff even though I don't have a man this month.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
So I had a relapse a week ago yesterday. I was so tired stayed up all night with knee and leg pain. I was exhausted. I hope I can keep my sobriety through this storm of virus we got going on. Anyways I went to an adult dating web sight for those who are looking for a sexual relationship, naughty sight. unfortunately, I saw a video on there I should not have seen.

I am tempted to see my new guy friend. We can go anywhere . I found him off my website but told him right away I was interested in friendship and mostly making out no sex.HE accepted it, to tell the truth, he has not been talking about sex with me. I really like him. He is 68 years old but he's cute. He has muscles a nice body.


Anyways this is a soap opera for all of us. We shall see what happen.s
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Sorry about the ramble under sexism. I think some people get confused because I feel like it's sexist to try and get me
hooked up with a 500-pound man. But that's 215 pounds difference between me and him which I believe puts him in a different category, someone who is disabled physically. I think it's way different than my situation. If people are offended by that too bad.

I think it's selfish to try and date and get married at 500 pounds when you know the other person will have to be your caretaker.

But I am sure some are pointing the finger back at me saying what about me? I am not sure I should be dating. Yes, I have this new guy friend I am talking too. But I did not go looking for him, I did not use a dating app. I put up a volunteer add for folks in the old folks home he answered it. But it is still under this virus we have, it may not work out and actually I may decide that I too need to work on myself awhile before getting into a relationship.

I can point the finger right back at me it's true. But anyways I am past that, it's getting old. This guy is only 25 pounds overweight.

But my family thinks women should be married, and hey if we are not married, we are depriving some poor guy of company and sexual pleasure and we owe it to society to bring up children. I think some people in my family look down on me because I haven't done my job as a woman to have children and fulfill some man's sexual appetite, that's my job on earth I'm a woman and that's all I am good for!

DO you know what my Aunt Grace said to me when I was 29, 250 pounds, cute blonde hair, men flirted with me at Pizza Inn offering to take me out for drinks, etc, then a 500-pound man wanted to date and marry me he was in a wheelchair and I said no: Do you know what she said to me?

"Oh, I see! You hate work don't you, you don't want to get married because you're afraid of the work, you're lazy!"I worked hard in fast food places but my family would never credit me with being able to work unless I got married and had kids!

I am sorry to say this because I know it's offensive to some Christians but yes much of the conservative Republican churches do this, they're belief is the woman's job is to have babies and provide physical pleasure to men.

I hope none of the Christian's here believe that!





 

Riders

Well-Known Member
So here's some spiritual journaling.

When I watch the waves of the ocean on my screen my thoughts disappear into the waves.U start breathing deeper and better, my asthma gets better. My headaches disappear. I feel at one with Mother Earth and at one with the ocean, and heartbeat of the ocean. I feel the beat of the waves rush over me. I dive into the ocean, my mind goes in and I feel free. My Mind stops and I relax, I can stop worrying, stop thinking, stop obsessing just for a few seconds.

It is a second of perfect freedom. I see light all around me and the light sucks me into it, and I become the light.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
So I had a relapse a week ago yesterday. I was so tired stayed up all night with knee and leg pain. I was exhausted. I hope I can keep my sobriety through this storm of virus we got going on. Anyways I went to an adult dating web sight for those who are looking for a sexual relationship, naughty sight. unfortunately, I saw a video on there I should not have seen.

I am tempted to see my new guy friend. We can go anywhere . I found him off my website but told him right away I was interested in friendship and mostly making out no sex.HE accepted it, to tell the truth, he has not been talking about sex with me. I really like him. He is 68 years old but he's cute. He has muscles a nice body.


Anyways this is a soap opera for all of us. We shall see what happen.s


I apologize for this statement. I have no idea what I was talking about, I was probably tired. Why would a relapse from a fat food addict who has a sex addiction relapse be a soap opera for all of us? I believe I was speaking of the Coronavirus, this is the reason in part that I relapsed. Sorry I was not more specific about that.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
So I wanted to go over some of my overeating and sex addiction past here. My over eating. I am drinking Crystal Light Lemonade instead of coke right now. But I think I had carbs in my house all week and I would not be surprised if my weight had gone up from 285 to 297 yikes. But I am going down now. If I can not lose down to 260 by the end if this year I may reconsider the surgery.

I don't want the surgery. But if it comes to that ok. I have one thing I can eat many overeaters can't. Salty snacks and spice EXCEPT for potato chips, if there's a bag of potato chips, Barbecue cheddar cheese plain sour cream and onion yea it'll be gone just like that.

Technically my Blood pressure stays low, I think I inherited it from my Mom, and my Dr. says my salt levels in my blood tests are always low so I don't worry about it as much. However I don't snack much on salty stuff, I am a card-carrying sugar carb addict, it's all sweets. I will get 3 boxes of sweet cereal, cocoa pebbles, cocoa Krispies, Fruity Pebbles, or Lucky Charms, or Cinnamon Toast Crunch all yummy!

I use to eat Count Chocula as a child wonder what happened to that. I am a chocoholic but I do eat other sweets. Then I'll get a gallon of premade chocolate milk or regular milk if they're out of the chocolate and then I'll get Hershey's syrup with it or Ovaltine.

I pig out for days on that kind of stuff. So salt is not my issue. But I think I'm gonna get some salty regular butter popcorn this week, hopefully, my home health lady can find the small packets, with individual servings in it.

Maybe it will help but I know I am going to be craving carbs this week. I am back on low carbs.


ANyways in my past, I can't believe I let sex get so out of control. I was an ex Pentecostal, but even in the church, I was becoming rebellious and even though I am glad I am not in that church sometimes I think how could I have with my church standards let things go so much.

But when I was in my late 20s early thirties, first I was a pizza waitress got sexual attention for that at the pizza place, but it was my voice mainly that got me into being addicted to the attention. I have a young Texas accent and the guy's loved it so when I worked at the pizza place slater on it was all as a phone answering person I took orders on the computer and the guy's loved my voice and flirted with me. I got a lot of attention for it. Then in telemarketing, it was the same way, I flirted with customers and got a lot of attention.

So just to make sense, I was asked a while back by some rude gentleman up here how can I be a sex addict if I am so fat. I won't get into all of it but when I got all of the attention from men it was for my voice mainly. I am now used to living without all the attention. It was really hard to get used to after never being lonely from jobs like that, it's been a hard road. Cleaning up from sex addiction and getting used to being alone is hard but I now have a new guy friend and I hope it works out.
I did change my accent I don't let myself exaggerate my accent or sexify it on the phone anymore, I try to talk normal so I did change some of my mannerisms got rid of some of the sexiness in my voice to clean up. I did that for my sex addict brothers on the lone on phone meetings for SAA.

I am getting on the phone now for a meeting. Ill write more later.
 
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