Are men scary?

Milton Platt · Nov 4, 2019

AT-AT said:
There's this new, popular dating app with a lot of questionable features. One of those features is once you message someone, it will pop up their picture and an alert whenever they come online. Some woman joined the site, seems to have just joined, and started talking to me. I talked pretty dryly to her, was under my best behavior and kept the messages brief. She didn't understand that it was the site doing it, and started to tell me that I was scaring her with all my popups of me. Sometimes I don't feel like explaining everything under the sun, so I logged out, and plan on deleting the app.

In other words, it was the app sending her these notifications. Autosending.

I'm kind of at a loss sometimes. I act like a gentleman, and then stuff like this happens. If instead I act like a clown, whether or not they like me, they'll feel attracted to my vibrations and I'll (usually) get kinder responses.

So what I'm asking is... are men in general scary enough that one should be extra cautious of them?

Or maybe my "acting like a gentleman" and barely saying anything out of politeness and letting her talk, comes off as creepy?

Maybe you should just go outside and meet people? LOL

Shad · Nov 5, 2019

AT-AT said:
There's this new, popular dating app with a lot of questionable features. One of those features is once you message someone, it will pop up their picture and an alert whenever they come online. Some woman joined the site, seems to have just joined, and started talking to me. I talked pretty dryly to her, was under my best behavior and kept the messages brief. She didn't understand that it was the site doing it, and started to tell me that I was scaring her with all my popups of me. Sometimes I don't feel like explaining everything under the sun, so I logged out, and plan on deleting the app.

In other words, it was the app sending her these notifications. Autosending.

I'm kind of at a loss sometimes. I act like a gentleman, and then stuff like this happens. If instead I act like a clown, whether or not they like me, they'll feel attracted to my vibrations and I'll (usually) get kinder responses.

So what I'm asking is... are men in general scary enough that one should be extra cautious of them?

Or maybe my "acting like a gentleman" and barely saying anything out of politeness and letting her talk, comes off as creepy?

She is just dumb. Dodged a bullet.

People become scared for various reason often completely subjective to irrational. The question isn't going to have an objective answer.

crossfire · Nov 5, 2019

Nowhere Man said:
Think of Bundy. Was he scary?

He was creepy. He tried to get one of my friends to help him carry his books back when we were teenagers.

crossfire · Nov 5, 2019

AT-AT said:
There's this new, popular dating app with a lot of questionable features. One of those features is once you message someone, it will pop up their picture and an alert whenever they come online. Some woman joined the site, seems to have just joined, and started talking to me. I talked pretty dryly to her, was under my best behavior and kept the messages brief. She didn't understand that it was the site doing it, and started to tell me that I was scaring her with all my popups of me. Sometimes I don't feel like explaining everything under the sun, so I logged out, and plan on deleting the app.

In other words, it was the app sending her these notifications. Autosending.

I'm kind of at a loss sometimes. I act like a gentleman, and then stuff like this happens. If instead I act like a clown, whether or not they like me, they'll feel attracted to my vibrations and I'll (usually) get kinder responses.

So what I'm asking is... are men in general scary enough that one should be extra cautious of them?

Or maybe my "acting like a gentleman" and barely saying anything out of politeness and letting her talk, comes off as creepy?

My step sister was added to a dating site without her consent a few years ago, and it took her a while to figure out why she was being messaged by a bunch of creepy guys. I don't know how widespread the practice of unknowingly adding women to dating apps is, as I understand they have a shortage of women wanting to voluntarily join. This might be the case with this woman.

Brickjectivity · Nov 5, 2019

crossfire said:
My step sister was added to a dating site without her consent a few years ago, and it took her a while to figure out why she was being messaged by a bunch of creepy guys. I don't know how widespread the practice of unknowingly adding women to dating apps is, as I understand they have a shortage of women wanting to voluntarily join. This might be the case with this woman.

I had a buddy once who had problem with his previous roommate. That roommate had stolen his identity and performed a robbery using his credentials during the getaway. Federal investigators questioned my friend. He was not charged, fortunately. Just because someone has been your roommate, it doesn't mean you can trust them with your information afterwards.

One day someone I had been a roommate with wanted to know my address and my date of birth. I wouldn't relinquish the information. What does someone I barely know need with this data? For all I know he'll use it to do something illegal. Isn't it a little creepy to call up a previous roommate to ask for their birthday and address?

Gentoo · Nov 6, 2019

AT-AT said:
There's this new, popular dating app with a lot of questionable features. One of those features is once you message someone, it will pop up their picture and an alert whenever they come online. Some woman joined the site, seems to have just joined, and started talking to me. I talked pretty dryly to her, was under my best behavior and kept the messages brief. She didn't understand that it was the site doing it, and started to tell me that I was scaring her with all my popups of me. Sometimes I don't feel like explaining everything under the sun, so I logged out, and plan on deleting the app.

In other words, it was the app sending her these notifications. Autosending.

I'm kind of at a loss sometimes. I act like a gentleman, and then stuff like this happens. If instead I act like a clown, whether or not they like me, they'll feel attracted to my vibrations and I'll (usually) get kinder responses.

So what I'm asking is... are men in general scary enough that one should be extra cautious of them?

Or maybe my "acting like a gentleman" and barely saying anything out of politeness and letting her talk, comes off as creepy?

My short answer is Yes, men are scary. My long answer is Yes, men are very scary.

They are (typically) bigger than us women, and they are built differently from us, in a way that easily overpowers us if they choose to do so. The everyday low-key misogyny that we women experience leaves us open to believe that yes, all men are capable of hurting us in some way. If we seem wary of men, there's a personal reason behind it.

Saint Frankenstein · Nov 6, 2019

Rival said:
I'm exactically 5'6" tall and it is a very good height indeed!

I'm 5'5"...but I say I'm 5'6". I've had people cross the street to avoid me (usually timid little white girls in nicer areas. People in the hood don't care). I know I look intimidating. People don't tend to mess with me although sometimes other guys like to try to challenge me.

Brickjectivity · Nov 6, 2019

When I'm alone in the city and feel scared I reassure myself by saying "I'm the scariest thing out here."

Thief · Aug 9, 2020

KAT-KAT said:
are men in general scary enough that one should be extra cautious of them?

I read a report about what women find attractive

a survey

and much to my surprise.....
they prefer a man who they think to be.... dangerous
top of the list

coincidentally
a recent viewing of a J. Peterson report signals a similar observation

if the male is not aggressive enough
he is considered undesirable

hence all the stories of vampires and werewolves

and ninjas

Brickjectivity · Aug 29, 2020

Thief said:
I read a report about what women find attractive

a survey

and much to my surprise.....
they prefer a man who they think to be.... dangerous
top of the list

coincidentally
a recent viewing of a J. Peterson report signals a similar observation

if the male is not aggressive enough
he is considered undesirable

hence all the stories of vampires and werewolves

and ninjas

The study sounds misleading, because it makes an either/or assumption about women.

I suspect what they actually prefer are contradictory traits, because people (in general) do like opposites and variances. Women like to understand a person, so seeing a person in different modes is fulfilling. On the other hand they like someone who is mysterious. They like both to understand and to be confused. The ideal person is ever unreachable, because it incorporates contradictory characteristics.

PoetPhilosopher · Aug 29, 2020

I don't remember what all I wrote in this somewhat old thread. I just know that it was probably incorrect in some way whatever I said.

osgart · Aug 29, 2020

The shallow use of being physically imposing is just plain worthless.

I don't know about scary though. I mean if you want to live your whole life in a constant state of being imposing someone will find a way to knock you down anyway; imposing or not.

It's dullsville though.

There are plenty of tough people under 5' 6". Toughness is facing adverse conditions. Which is an attractive quality. Someone just being physically imposing for no good reason is ugly.

I would have created men and women to be equally imposing though. Free Will is beautiful.

I wonder how many people are caught up in having to deal with people on the sole basis of danger and imposing danger at that.

It's far better that people love you than have to fear you over your physicality.

What's that movie about the guy that would rather be feared then loved? That to me sounds like an awful life.

I hope reasonable people prevail. Where there is a civil line that's understood. Otherwise we are in a land where no one survives well.

It's a simple choice of peace or chaos.

PoetPhilosopher · Aug 29, 2020

osgart said:
The shallow use of being physically imposing is just plain worthless.

I don't know about scary though. I mean if you want to live your whole life in a constant state of being imposing someone will find a way to knock you down anyway; imposing or not.

It's dullsville though.

There are plenty of tough people under 5' 6". Toughness is facing adverse conditions. Which is an attractive quality. Someone just being physically imposing for no good reason is ugly.

I would have created men and women to be equally imposing though. Free Will is beautiful.

I wonder how many people are caught up in having to deal with people on the sole basis of danger and imposing danger at that.

It's far better that people love you than have to fear you over your physicality.

What's that movie about the guy that would rather be feared then loved? That to me sounds like an awful life.

I hope reasonable people prevail. Where there is a civil line that's understood. Otherwise we are in a land where no one survives well.

It's a simple choice of peace or chaos.

My non-estrogen-taking, unfixed appearance is kind of manly I guess. I didn't care for it. There are reasons I may look a little bit more boyish these days, which I find to be better. Of course, with age I may lose the effects of the changes I've made if I don't keep them up.

osgart · Aug 29, 2020

KAT-KAT said:
My non-estrogen-taking, unfixed appearance is kind of manly I guess. I didn't care for it. There are reasons I may look a little bit more boyish these days, which I find to be better. Of course, with age I may lose the effects of the changes I've made if I don't keep them up.

Did you ever consider going with what brung ya here?

It is interesting to think well what if I was a different nature, or gender. But that's only one aspect of living. Still to empathize with different plights.

I don't know! There's something to learn in everything I guess.

I would not actually want to be another gender. But it's good to sense others who are totally different than myself.

To be human is to recognize the common nature of all to all though regardless of gender. But honestly there are things I think that I'll never understand and I'm fine with that.

PoetPhilosopher · Aug 29, 2020

osgart said:
Did you ever consider going with what brung ya here?

It is interesting to think well what if I was a different nature, or gender. But that's only one aspect of living. Still to empathize with different plights.

I don't know! There's something to learn in everything I guess.

I would not actually want to be another gender. But it's good to sense others who are totally different than myself.

To be human is to recognize the common nature of all to all though regardless of gender. But honestly there are things I think that I'll never understand and I'm fine with that.

Well going with the default, I've been asked to do things like move furniture and TVs and whatnot, even by people I barely know, because "I looked strong". After awhile I kind of just humored myself and others, even going so far as to often post pictures of my arms.

I stated that I looked "boyish" now and avoided calling myself a girl on purpose. Because it's where I'm at right now. I'm honestly not sure I'm cut out to change genders completely but time will tell, and I do realize that some people find happiness by identifying as non-binary.

However, I have been working more on my appearance - losing weight, using face cream and hair gel and taking vitamins. It makes me look ever so slightly more boyish in my opinion. And while I haven't completely changed that original appearance, in my opinion, well taking vitamins seems to have made my hair less dry (or something did), which is nice. And I haven't really been asked to move things lately.

osgart · Aug 29, 2020

KAT-KAT said:
Well going with the default, I've been asked to do things like move furniture and TVs and whatnot, even by people I barely know, because "I looked strong". After awhile I kind of just humored myself and others, even going so far as to often post pictures of my arms.

I stated that I looked "boyish" now and avoided calling myself a girl on purpose. Because it's where I'm at right now. I'm honestly not sure I'm cut out to change genders completely but time will tell, and I do realize that some people find happiness by identifying as non-binary.

However, I have been working more on my appearance - losing weight, using face cream and hair gel and taking vitamins. It makes me look ever so slightly more boyish in my opinion. And while I haven't completely changed that original appearance, in my opinion, well taking vitamins seems to have made my hair less dry (or something did), which is nice. And I haven't really been asked to move things lately.

I have a fantasy of living purely platonic. In a lot of ways I am non sexual. Gender stereotypes can be confining. I really don't want to fall for anything. I'd rather be master and commander of my own choices then fall for things.

I hope you find your happy zone though!

Bird123 · Aug 30, 2020

KAT-KAT said:
There's this new, popular dating app with a lot of questionable features. One of those features is once you message someone, it will pop up their picture and an alert whenever they come online. Some woman joined the site, seems to have just joined, and started talking to me. I talked pretty dryly to her, was under my best behavior and kept the messages brief. She didn't understand that it was the site doing it, and started to tell me that I was scaring her with all my popups of me. Sometimes I don't feel like explaining everything under the sun, so I logged out, and plan on deleting the app.

In other words, it was the app sending her these notifications. Autosending.

I'm kind of at a loss sometimes. I act like a gentleman, and then stuff like this happens. If instead I act like a clown, whether or not they like me, they'll feel attracted to my vibrations and I'll (usually) get kinder responses.

So what I'm asking is... are men in general scary enough that one should be extra cautious of them?

Or maybe my "acting like a gentleman" and barely saying anything out of politeness and letting her talk, comes off as creepy?

How about this: Communication is key in any relationship. Be up front, honest and communicate openly.

Some people have had bad experiences in relationships of the past and can be very cautious. Perhaps, instead of being hurt by their reactions, you might understand, be warm, welcoming and nurture. Explain every guy can't be a bad guy. Unconditional Love is very hard for anyone to let go of.

Now if all else fails, know that True Love won't leave and won't ever be gone for long. On the other hand, sometimes True Love doesn't show up until later in life when one is truly ready. Always be open, for True Love tends to show up when one least expects it.

That's what I see. It's very clear!!

The Hammer · Sep 9, 2020

KAT-KAT said:
There's this new, popular dating app with a lot of questionable features. One of those features is once you message someone, it will pop up their picture and an alert whenever they come online. Some woman joined the site, seems to have just joined, and started talking to me. I talked pretty dryly to her, was under my best behavior and kept the messages brief. She didn't understand that it was the site doing it, and started to tell me that I was scaring her with all my popups of me. Sometimes I don't feel like explaining everything under the sun, so I logged out, and plan on deleting the app.

In other words, it was the app sending her these notifications. Autosending.

I'm kind of at a loss sometimes. I act like a gentleman, and then stuff like this happens. If instead I act like a clown, whether or not they like me, they'll feel attracted to my vibrations and I'll (usually) get kinder responses.

So what I'm asking is... are men in general scary enough that one should be extra cautious of them?

Or maybe my "acting like a gentleman" and barely saying anything out of politeness and letting her talk, comes off as creepy?

Well, given that 1 in 4 women are sexually assaulted, it's quite possible that 25% of all women get a severely creeped out vibe from what they deem as pushy men. Being a survivor myself, I can tell you that an assault absolutely ruined my ability to date/connect with men.

Brickjectivity · Sep 15, 2020

The Hammer said:
Well, given that 1 in 4 women are sexually assaulted, it's quite possible that 25% of all women get a severely creeped out vibe from what they deem as pushy men. Being a survivor myself, I can tell you that an assault absolutely ruined my ability to date/connect with men.

One in four! That's so terrible. Isn't the whole idea of civilization the prevention of that and of pillaging and warfare and evil in general?

ChristineM · Sep 15, 2020

Brickjectivity said:
One in four! That's so terrible. Isn't the whole idea of civilization the prevention of that and of pillaging and warfare and evil in general?

Supposed to be but not everyone is civilised

Are men scary?

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