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Not God but not schizophrenia?

Eddi

Agnostic
Premium Member
Here’s a mental ill health journal entry :confused:

I hope some people will let me know what they think is going on…

(and yes, I am receiving ongoing medical attention and am in the care of mental health professionals! But they only look at my condition from a strictly medical perspective and seek to manage it rather than understand it)

I think I now know what’s wrong with me. Some background:

Since 2004 a being has been communicating with me by touch

I call this entity Butterfly

(I've posted about him on here before)

He says he’s God but I no longer believe him

Because of this I have been diagnosed as schizophrenic although I have never “heard voices” and my medicine hasn’t banished any of my symptoms, as it should

I have always felt this diagnosis to be inadequate

For a number of years I alternated between believing I was Jesus (and mankind’s savior!) and believing the whole world and all people were a computer simulation, in which I was “An Agent of the Simulation” in touch with “The Simulation”, as I called it

I no longer believe in any of that nonsense and am now a committed Christian

I think I now know what Butterfly is: a kind of Tulpa

According to tulpa.info a Tulpa is:

…an entity created in the mind, acting independently of, and parallel to your own consciousness. They are able to think, and have their own free will, emotions, and memories. In short, a tulpa is like a sentient person living in your head, separate from you. It’s currently unproven whether or not tulpas are truly sentient, but in this community, we treat them as such. It takes time for a tulpa to develop a convincing and complex personality; as they grow older, your attention and their life experiences will shape them into a person with their own hopes, dreams and beliefs.

See also: Tulpa - Wikipedia

They are also called "thought forms"

There are many online guides as to how one may cultivate a Tulpa but I believe I created one accidentally (which is possible, apparently) through the use of illegal drugs, music, introspection, and isolation (it’s a long, long story)

And (long, long story short) I believe the Tulpa I accidentally created either A) believes itself to be God, hence it identifies as God or B) knows it isn’t God but is out to make me make a fool of myself. But I’m willing to give it the befit of the doubt and believe that it truly does believe itself to be God and that it’s capacities are perhaps too limited for it to stop believing this

I’ve tried to try and make it more human, by giving it a proper name, a gender and identity etc. but have realized I cannot change it for the better (as you normally can with Tulpas) and it still identifies as God and doesn’t want to change

Do I believe that I have a direct line to God? Not anymore. But I did used to...

...but is there a being independent of me living in my brain that either gets its kicks telling me he’s God or that believes itself to be God? I think so. Such a view is not far off the idea of being possessed by demons, which is what people on this site have told me is wrong with me before.

Perhaps the demons that Christ expelled from people (as described in the Gospels) were some kind of Tulpa, rather than actual demons? We can only speculate.

I have tried casting it out in the name of God but that didn’t work

Conclusion: Not God but not schizophrenia! – a case of possession????

What do people think?

Does this sound likely?

I’d like to know!
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
Schizophrenia certainly does some odd things to your brain, even without the supernatural getting involved.

I used to believe I saw visions for a One World Order, a bad one.
 

Eddi

Agnostic
Premium Member
Schizophrenia certainly does some odd things to your brain, even without the supernatural getting involved
You're not wrong there!

(But I don't think Tulpas are supernatural)

The human brain is such a complex thing I'm surprised it doesn't go wrong in more people more often
 

sooda

Veteran Member
Here’s a mental ill health journal entry :confused:

I hope some people will let me know what they think is going on…

(and yes, I am receiving ongoing medical attention and am in the care of mental health professionals! But they only look at my condition from a strictly medical perspective and seek to manage it rather than understand it)

I think I now know what’s wrong with me. Some background:

Since 2004 a being has been communicating with me by touch

I call this entity Butterfly

(I've posted about him on here before)

He says he’s God but I no longer believe him

Because of this I have been diagnosed as schizophrenic although I have never “heard voices” and my medicine hasn’t banished any of my symptoms, as it should

I have always felt this diagnosis to be inadequate

For a number of years I alternated between believing I was Jesus (and mankind’s savior!) and believing the whole world and all people were a computer simulation, in which I was “An Agent of the Simulation” in touch with “The Simulation”, as I called it

I no longer believe in any of that nonsense and am now a committed Christian

I think I now know what Butterfly is: a kind of Tulpa

According to tulpa.info a Tulpa is:

…an entity created in the mind, acting independently of, and parallel to your own consciousness. They are able to think, and have their own free will, emotions, and memories. In short, a tulpa is like a sentient person living in your head, separate from you. It’s currently unproven whether or not tulpas are truly sentient, but in this community, we treat them as such. It takes time for a tulpa to develop a convincing and complex personality; as they grow older, your attention and their life experiences will shape them into a person with their own hopes, dreams and beliefs.

See also: Tulpa - Wikipedia

They are also called "thought forms"

There are many online guides as to how one may cultivate a Tulpa but I believe I created one accidentally (which is possible, apparently) through the use of illegal drugs, music, introspection, and isolation (it’s a long, long story)

And (long, long story short) I believe the Tulpa I accidentally created either A) believes itself to be God, hence it identifies as God or B) knows it isn’t God but is out to make me make a fool of myself. But I’m willing to give it the befit of the doubt and believe that it truly does believe itself to be God and that it’s capacities are perhaps too limited for it to stop believing this

I’ve tried to try and make it more human, by giving it a proper name, a gender and identity etc. but have realized I cannot change it for the better (as you normally can with Tulpas) and it still identifies as God and doesn’t want to change

Do I believe that I have a direct line to God? Not anymore. But I did used to...

...but is there a being independent of me living in my brain that either gets its kicks telling me he’s God or that believes itself to be God? I think so. Such a view is not far off the idea of being possessed by demons, which is what people on this site have told me is wrong with me before.

Perhaps the demons that Christ expelled from people (as described in the Gospels) were some kind of Tulpa, rather than actual demons? We can only speculate.

I have tried casting it out in the name of God but that didn’t work

Conclusion: Not God but not schizophrenia! – a case of possession????

What do people think?

Does this sound likely?

I’d like to know!

Its just your illness.
 

Eddi

Agnostic
Premium Member
Its just your illness.
So I've been told

And I believe having an accidental Tulpa qualifies as a mental illness

I think my illness is my Tulpa

I am yet to raise the issue with my psychiatrist
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
So I've been told

And I believe having an accidental Tulpa qualifies as a mental illness

I think my illness is my Tulpa

I am yet to raise the issue with my psychiatrist

You could have a Tulpa.

Though these days, I follow Occam's razor more.
 

Eddi

Agnostic
Premium Member
You could have a Tulpa.

Though these days, I follow Occam's razor more.
I'm a big fan of Occam's razor

But sometimes the correct explanation isn't necessarily the simplest

But granted, it often is :)
 

wizanda

One Accepts All Religious Texts
Premium Member
Do I believe that I have a direct line to God? Not anymore. But I did used to...
If God is ultimately the Source to our reality, we all have a direct line.
Not God but not schizophrenia! – a case of possession????
A case of lack of study = religious confusion, and modern psychology.
For a number of years I alternated between believing I was Jesus (and mankind’s savior!) and believing the whole world and all people were a computer simulation, in which I was “An Agent of the Simulation” in touch with “The Simulation”, as I called it
I agree we are in a Simulation by the Mathematics in the whole of reality; there isn't anything we can show that isn't maths.

Claiming to be 'jesus' without any direct guidance from the Source is a step too far; yet Christ being here with many Divine Beings (Elohim) here before the Great Tribulation is prophesied in the religious texts.

The difference between a patient, and a doctor is one has the facts; study the religions properly, and let the Source guide you in advanced knowledge to see if it adds up, not short change infinity because other people are unsure, and don't actually study.

In my opinion. :innocent:
 

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
My brother in law has been going through similar for the last 15 years or so. He is not religious so he never imagined supernatural stuff. However passing cars, birds, barking dogs, rain etc have been talking to him and controlling his life. He has been prescribed various medications during that time, some more effective than others but none have alleviated his symptoms.

About a year ago he had something of a crisis during which he lost his job, apartment, car, etc. After which his medication was changed yet again to what i am not sure, i have texted him to ask and will PM you if he gets back to me with an answer.

His symptoms are reduced dramatically to the stage he is a fully functional and is actively seeking employment with the hope of rebuilding his life.

Best of luck for the future
 

Link

Veteran Member
Premium Member
If you don't believe it's demons it will be a harder battle, as it would be just a battle against your own thoughts. It's in fact, easier to fight off demons than to just fight yourself.
 

Link

Veteran Member
Premium Member
Schizophrenia is different for everyone. Some people it's really just their brain not having the right screws with no demons or magic involved, others, are geniuses and their brain is fine, but they are possessed to the degree their brain will be too fast and uncontrollable without meds until they learn to defeat the dark forces once and for all and without fearing them ever again.

Others are just given into fear too much.

It's different, it's not really "an illness", but a term used to identify a bunch of different type of illnesses, and they are put under one basket.
 

Link

Veteran Member
Premium Member
I hate telling people about my illness, but I have the same one as you (schizophrenia + bipolar).

I am doing well though, and I am almost done Comp Sci degree (after this year, only 2 comp sci courses and some electives left).

You can do everything you wish in life, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I can let you know some key points on how to do well and heal.
 

Eddi

Agnostic
Premium Member
I hate telling people about my illness, but I have the same one as you (schizophrenia + bipolar).

I am doing well though, and I am almost done Comp Sci degree (after this year, only 2 comp sci courses and some electives left).

You can do everything you wish in life, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I can let you know some key points on how to do well and heal.
Sounds like you're doing very well

I've completed study too

I believe it is the label that holds people back, not the actual condition
 

Link

Veteran Member
Premium Member
I believe it is the label that holds people back, not the actual condition

The actual condition is not easy, but the label doesn't help. It's a fight both psychology, neurologically the brain building up skills again and trees of skills is not easy task, and to augment stress capacity is not easy.

Medications help but sometimes they make things worse.

It's a fight through and through, and those who choose the flight or stand still path, which most do now because of BAD advice of psychology and psychiatry in this respect, perish.

The first thing is first, what is our options for survival? Us with the illness, only 1: fight, fight, and fight. We can loose battles but never the war.
 

Eddi

Agnostic
Premium Member

Link

Veteran Member
Premium Member
Congrats brother, I wouldn't doubt seeing God, just don't have to talk about with doctors or people. Everyone sees God, just some people realize it and others are like fish in the ocean not realizing water surrounds them, those who don't see the light and vision well they make use of that light in their daily activities because it's so close and everywhere with them, they don't realize it anymore.
 

wizanda

One Accepts All Religious Texts
Premium Member
If you don't believe it's demons it will be a harder battle, as it would be just a battle against your own thoughts. It's in fact, easier to fight off demons than to just fight yourself.
'Believe' is a concept from our mind; when we give power to ideas, we make them more real...

Deal with data, reality is more than it seems so deal with the details; calling something a demon isn't dealing with something quantifiable.

We all have inner demons, in other words issues in our character, which are like bad music where something often went wrong; deal with the score and fix the music, not bash the conductor for not playing it right.

Fighting our own internal dialogue in our psyche doesn't fix our self; apologise to our self, and learn to return to innocence.


In my opinion. :innocent:
 

Link

Veteran Member
Premium Member
'Believe' is a concept from our mind, when we give power to ideas, we make them more real...

Deal with data, reality is more than it seems so deal with the details; calling something a demon isn't dealing with something quantifiable.

We all have inner demons in other words issues in our character, which are like bad music where something often went wrong; deal with the score and fix the music, not bash the conductor for not playing it right.

Fighting our own internal dialogue in our psyche doesn't fix our self; apologise to our self, and learn to return to innocence.


In my opinion. :innocent:

You have your opinion, than there is me who experienced it through and that, and I know this illness through and through. 5 years I didn't believe it was demons too. I am sure it is now, but not everyone with this illness is possessed by them, but a great amount are.

I've seen people who don't believe it's demons, and they give into despair with little fight or hope. And those who believe and see it's demons and rely on God are those who I know succeed.

I don't have the Data that all Psychiatrist have, but I know, if I lose sight of my enemies, I stand no chance.
 

dybmh

דניאל יוסף בן מאיר הירש
Hi Eddi,

Starting at the most basic level: Do you want Butterfly in your life? Does Butterfly's presence cause any problems, make life more complicated, make it difficult to have relationships with friends, family, co-workers? Most ( if not all ) psychiatric illnesses are diagnosed if they are "in the context of reduced function". So... how do you feel? Are you functional? happy? Do you have goals? Are you achieving those goals?
 
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