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Religion and spirituality Journal;

Riders

Well-Known Member
So I have been having a hard time with men on the dating apps. So many married men and men looking for a one night stands and scam artists.

I've had 2 or 3 nice guys but I usually ruin it by telling too much about myself I have a big mouth.
But I joined a group for my church on social media. I met a guy there hes 50 and single has a girlfriend. But weve been platonic friends for 2 and a half weeks. We talking nothing but health politics and church and spirituality so its been pretty cool.Hes a cool sweet guy.

Who know he may quit chatting with me this weekend. But I do so much better handling conversations with men in my church. Spirituality is juts my thing so I guess its easier for me to keep my big fat mouth shut and talk appropriately around UU men.


Probably with men into meditation too. This guy is not the right guy for me. Hes gorgeous. But I have not chased guys or been obsessive over men in a long time so I have already forgotten about this guy.

I think if nothing else this just proves to me that I need to be back in the UU church. There I can make platonic friends with both men and women, hopefully some nice single men. We can talk about the same thing eating healthy lifestyle church religion and politics.So even if I never hear from this guy again which I doubt but who knows
we may still be talking for awhile, but regardless I do think UU church is the best place to meet men.

I also happen to think for other religions and even athiest groups its best to have a spiritual home ( or athiest)church type group to have a dating pool and look to them, even though there are evil guys there I would think its easier to meet someone nice like this guy I've been talking to the past 2 and a half weeks.

Its a complete relief to be talking to a guy who is a gentleman hasn't said one word about getting physical or tried to convince me I'm falling in love with him long distance so he can scam me. Its a big relief maybe I can make some other guy friends from my group too off social media.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Sorry about the misspelled words last night. I've been happier having a friend to talk to but he could leave anytime so my faith is in me. Right now hes just posting to me. If he leaves like I said doesn't matter he lives in Austin I can't see him anyways.
He has a girlfriend but shes in Brasil now he wants to get her out but hasn't figured out how he will. He is way out of my league so it really doesn't matter. Considering he is Austin we would never be a match anyways. He is 50 but hes a Vegan and he use to back around the world.

So he is not the one for me. I have talked to him about diet and nutrition though so its been nice chatting with him.

Hes a really nice guy.

I do think I tend to have a bond with UU people and therefore I am more relaxed with the men. I tend not mess up with my language or details I give to people at church so my behavior is good.I use to think this had something to do with being brainwashed from my old church.

But now I just think its something i like to do go to church experience spirituality so I just think socially speaking I just don't think I make the mistakes I do with other people like some of the guys I have talked to on datng apps. Sometimes I open my big fat mouth and tell too much about myself.

But here we are and on Thursday It'll be 3 weeks talking to my guy friend so that is the longest I have held the attention of any guy in a long time although its just platonic.

I have a relationship with UU women too. When I first got out of my old Pentecostal church being with Pagan women who believed in the Gods and Godesses and girl power was very theraputical for me.

I hope to make friends with women here too.

But I stick by thoughts I put down last night. As far as meeting a nice guy or nice woman to date I think selecting someone from a religious service whatever religion your in is something that makes it a higher percentage of nice people not looking for the wrong thing.

 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Well Ill admit it, maybe just for a day I almost walked into the crushing out faze on my new guy friend. But I'm ready to go to church next month make new friends men and women.

And tomorrow makes 3 weeks. I started talking to Daniel 3 weeks from tomorrow. We were texting on face book a lot chatting it up and I think even though nothing sexual came out of my mouth or inappropriate I may have sounded a bit excited talking to him . I also sent a hugs to him once I realize its not appropriate now but he didn't react negatively he just ignored it which is good.

But still no sex and nothing that's really inappropriate has come out of my mouth. SO part of as I said is because I like being in church and I am lot more sane around spiritual folks who have the same beliefs. On the other hand I have been in SAA and I have a year of sobriety now congratulate me.

We have now switched to only talking on page for public viewing. I think he decided on that however, I don't believe he did it to blow me off. Now none of our posts are on public just to advertise and put cute stuff up at we are actually having conversations especially on politics and today on diet.

So we are still chatting it up but being on a public page instead of texting really puts it in my mind that there will never be anything but friendship with us. But at the same time I still have a platonic friend who chats with me yay me!

So I think I've actually made some improvements and grown in the past year. I am not crushing out no obsessive thoughts no crushing and able to communicate with the opposite sex without speaking to a scam artists a creep who wants to have sex with me or a nice I ran off with my big mouth for 3 weeks, 3 whole weeks its a freaking miracle yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe some day ILL be mature enough to be in a relationship!
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Ok so i think maybe high number of views maybe in part i look stupid up here being a hyocrit.

Yes I know I just got through with a hug thread on getting my boundaries violated and here I was talking to stranger offered him a text hug yea right.I am a hypocrit, I have violated the boundaries of a few nice guys especially in text.

However I am working on myself to stop myself from doing that. I think one good thing is to stay away from text.

After being the big loser last year of more failures at dating apps its more important to me not to text or get into private conversations with men anymore. That's a good thing to do.

I maybe overly sensitive about getting unwanted hugs because i have violated others boundaries too so.

But I have also had many of my boundaries violated.

Anyways so how did it happen , We were both in the Singles group for my church and got in on the same day. He put up an advertisement for some liberal news thing which is his group.

So just to be friendly i said he could send me the info to my text. Big mistake. However I didn't take a second thought to it. I invited him but I really thought he'd cute an d paste the info leave it and say thank you.

I was wrong. I started to chat a bit he was interested in what I was saying he chatted i chatted we broke into a chat frenzy all very . Its like we just started a conversation we were both interested in we just kept chatting. Then I realized looking at his picture another big no no for me and OMG hes a cutie, But its wrong for me to objectify my church brothers hes a good human being. I was wrong to look.

So my inner addict starts wake up and I'm holding onto myself not crushing on him but my inner addict is trying to wake up and then I fought with my addict .At that time he probably decided wed be better off i don't know maybe I looked nervous or lost my concentration, but for whatever reason he decided to only chat on the public page.

We went back to chatting but now just on the public page and my inner addict went back to sleep and became unconscious and my thoughts are pure. I was thing about bible scripture today.

Anyways it was a good exercise though. I'm glad the Christian woman violated my boundaries on some weird level maybe I can use it to remind me how others feel.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Ok so when I was in the Christian church I use to use words like rebuke and victory to express God taking control over a bad habit evil situation or Satan attacking tempting me to sin.


It was like sometimes Pentecostals layed hands on me rebuked the devil out of em for no reason maybe they thought I was possessed. But we had victory marches. The first night I went to the Pentecostal church I walked right back out because the whole group of people were marching around the churches screaming crying praising around and around in a circle declaring victory over the devil.


That night all the women claimed victory over manic headaches we all had they had. I came to realize later letting your hair grow out to your feet and teasing it way up in foofoo bun on your head pretty much causes migrains yea.

Anyways so at the Unity church I visited once last year there was a sermon on Jesus being tempted in the desert. Although we don't believe in Satan the ritual of casting out Satan and claiming victory can be used psychologically without a belief in Satan.

So we used Get the behind me Satan which is Jesus said in the new Testament when he got tempted in the desert.

So we can use another word like for me it can be cokes food or men or sex. But instead of saying get the behind me Satan I can say get the behind me fastfood, or sex whatever.

But I also like the idea of using the mentality of female surperheroes, God talks to em through female super heroes,
So I can imagine men being Vampires, so if I get tempted into a sexual situation I can think of it as me slaying the vampire the monster! Vampires of the world beware!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Riders

Well-Known Member
I'm looking forward to going back to church at UU but this will be First UU of Dallas cant wait to meet some new guy friends.ANd my new sisters too.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
So here what has to happen. Lets say i go to church and I find someone I like. Obviously dating alone is out. But if he is willing to start out at least the first 6 months or more maybe a year being in a platonic friendship dating friendship it would work like this.

No real texting except to text and talk on the phone about when and where to meet for dates.Then I take an uber and meets me in a public place. It could be the library a night club or restaurant where we can play games, the mall whatever. But we meet in public places the first several months until I get comfortable enough that I can handle a private relationship.

Then if it turns into more we can start being private and all that but it has to be really slow maybe the first year or so in platonic mode.

Another scenario which I am in favor of is this. We meet at church for one of the classes that has discussion and debate afterwards or for one of the brunches socialize there. Learn to show up at the same activities and classes get to know each other at church. That's a really good idea.

If there is no one for me there still show up at activities and lunch and church services and classes socialize enough that i'm not lonely.

Church is a good place to meet for us singles, activities to be involved with people especially at around this time Christian time when I get to be so annoyingly reminded of how single and alone I am with all the terrible Christimas commercials showing everyone cuddling at the Christismas tree boohoo!!!
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Ok update on the virtual hug I sent. Of course I got no hug from my friend. But being on his page posting, I posted a high five animation gift to him and he thumbs uped and sent it back to me. SO I got a high five !
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Anyways moving past my last post way past............... just want to go over my UPC past some

So what i want to say is this, even though too many people here think i left my church and my beliefs about Christianity changed and Im against my old church. Actually quite a bit of my beliefs to some exten still come from the UPC church believe it or not.

They had strict structured dress code, different Baptism and different Godhead then the rest of the churches.

But the UPC church taught us that all Trinity churches were a part of the Pagan system that Constantine made up the Trinity to get along with Pagans and changed the Sabbath to a Pagan sabbath and that basically the modern Christian church is rooted in Paganism.

Its just that they believed their Godhead oneness was the right way and their strict old timey rules so different then other modern churches they saw as Pagan.

But if you quit the UPC church and take those beliefs a few steps further out you have The Pagan Christ and churches rooted in Paganism. So it should not be a surprise that i would reject a religion in which people don't know their own roots and tend to demonize Paganism the very religion they came from.

I will say this one good thing about one of the denominations the Greek orthodox.

Even though of course they don't accept they came from Pagan roots, either, but some do accept that they're culture was that of the Pagan culture. Some Greek Orthodox churches encourage folks to study Greek philosophy. Hey at least they've got that much right, the early Christians studied Greek philosophy.

That would be a step in the right direction for most churches if they did.

But anyways, back to the UPC church and dress codes. They talked about the Trinity being adulatry but in reality their dress code. was. The women had long hair down past their rear ends, I did too after awhile, new comers like me I was admiring Amandas hair she became my friend, first time I saw her and her friends I wa snot paying attention to the church but to their hair.

It seemed that new people who came in would have their mouth flying open at the long dresses story book long hair admiring it and they'd put their hair up styled it in such elaborate styles buns with braids in it teased way on their heads, it was really a complete distraction How is it they don't know their hair and dress is idolatry when it causes distraction from the church.

I understand the need to dress conservative I do. I have a thread up in sexuality about the skimpy way many of us women dress. I don't want to be political here, a part of me is very liberal wants to be accepting of all dress. But a part of me still sees the Pentecostal side and I will play devils advocate and take the conservative side for this post.

So here it is. My sister is very conservative she wears slacks cuts her hair. But she wears loose fitting clothes. The bible scripture that says women should not shave their heads, back then they did not have scissors to cut hair into hairstyles with.

So the hair had to be shaved close tot he head or left long. But these days we have scissors and hairdressers.
We can cut the hair and leave the femininity in it. I'm about to get mine cut somewhat short, into a long Bob style shoulder length bob. Short enough to style easy, I get too many tangles its hard to take care of long, but long enough that I can still put it up in a feminine bun or french twist.

So there's no reason to keep women from cutting their hair, they don't have t look like a man not if you get a cute feminine cut.

Slacks being men's clothes? Well slacks are not the same as they were in the olden days either they use to call them britches in the new testament they were something worn under soldiers metal uniform. Of course its n ot the same!

Slacks and pant suits are pretty and feminine have pretty cuts and patterns tot hem that make them feminine. Makeup and jewelry they were also against , use it sparingly don't dress sleazy.

Dallas is a jewelry town I love jewelry but I see some ladies with neck jewelry dripping off them accentuating their body's. So you can see if you use jewelry and make up sparingly you can still dress like a Christian and be different then the world.

QVC I believe still has conservative bathinsuits the bathing dress with the little skirt on it and bathing shorts that cover up a lot or choose not to swim.

I know a few men in my Sex Addicts Annonymous group who live in Hawaii or florida close tot he beach and its hard for them not to lust. They use the 3 second rule don't look for more then 3 seconds, Look away. Christians can use that too.

So there are many ways to be different from the world without drawing a God awful amount of attention to your self and away from Jesus. I just think that's wrong.They use to spray their hair to a dangerous level, they'd fix my hair bring out two cans of hairspray and stat spraying both cans of spray all over me like beauty contestants do you know spray shhhhhhhhh like whole can of spray.

Then when id get home at night Id spend 2 hours taking my hair down brushing out the tangles and the teasing. Considering the fact that that caused migraine headaches for me and took 2 hours out of my day that I could be worshiping, I don't that was Gods will for me period!
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

God when i am scared and anxious as I am now let me feel your power and be at one with the world, to acept your help and your love and peace, and help me to know the right things about God and the messiahs that we have been taught about...........................give me a spirit of peace Amen.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
So i heard this song coming home from a meeting. In a taxi.

Its a christian song, Im not Christian but sometimes I like the music and its uplifting good way to get my mind off of the Bob Crane movie, its evil............

 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Ok as a way of keeping my mind clean this year I'm reading the bible and the Quran and the Bhagavad Gita.

Here's some bible scripture I like: Psalms 100
A psalm. For giving grateful praise.
1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his ; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

From the Quran
Qur'an, Al-Imran, Surah 3:26
Say, "Allah, O King of all kings! You bestow sovereignty to whom You will, and You withdraw sovereignty from whom You will. You exalt whom You will, and You abase whom You will. In Your hand lies all that is worthy. You have power over all things."


Read more at Daily Qur'an Reading

 
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Riders

Well-Known Member
Here's a little bit of Christian inspiration music yea I know I am not Christian anymore but I listen to any uplifting music. This is an old one from the 90s...........its Hammer time!
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
So here I am rambling about addictions again. So the Christianized versions of Alcoholics Anonymous and using the church with AA to get sober.

I don't know how to say this because I know it sounds crazy. But personally I see drug addiction and alcoholism , chemical addiction as different then other addictions. For one thing it causes brain damage. That's something that eating sugar and watching porn does not do. Its true the addiction is bad with food and porn and the more I watched the more I had to have and the darker it had to be that's the addiction.

However I have gotten to where I am not into my addiction some of the darkness has left. I don't have brain damage.

Why i say this is because personally even though I am not a believer in Christ as God, i do think it seems like some drug addicts and alcoholics, they go to prison awhile have all sorts of criminal court cases against them stuff I will never relate to: Then a sense of darkness loss of family and deep deep addiction in the brain and body that's very tough to over come and with a deep deep darkness.

To me I just think some of these folks do actually need a strong stronger support then just AA and they can go to a different religion or the Christian and I really honestly do not blame them for wanting to be involved in a full time Christian program and secular program or maybe some other religion full time. Honestly some drug addicts will not make it unless hey have a strong strong dose of religious community.

My issue is that I think some folks think everyone with an addiction needs that. TOBECONTINUED
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
I don't think I need it. I am going to go to the Libertarian meetup and discuss politics and values. Then Ill be Im suppose to get into physical therapy walking in the water if my dr gets me in 3 times a week plus going to Take Off Pounds Sensibly. Then Ill be going to the old folks homes some sundays at their church not to listen to church but to support them and hug them greet them etc..............

If I have time I might go to the library for a few activities here and there. But Id rather go to the Linertarian meetup do some volunteer work for them then go to church.

But as I said I do not believe being in a full time Christian church program for addictions is right for everyone . I think for some people its required.

I know that AA's big book has a section called We Agnostics. If you read that it says Athiests and Agnostics all come to know God in AA. That's one thing I don't agree with. However I have Athiest brothers and sisyers in the program who claim the belief in a higher power is really only there to tell them they are powerless, so they admit they are powerless over the addiction and need help and that the group is more powerful then them and they can get help through the group.
So that's how they interpret it . I think it's cool but I do not agree with the We Agnostics because it sounds like I am being converted into something, I didn't choose the 12 Steps so I could convert, I chose them to confront my problem.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
So anyways, yea I have been all over the place with what I wanted to do with where and what for my spiritual journey as far as worship or church. My group fell apart.

I think right now what I am doing is good enough except I am meditation zen meditation AND I went to 2 Buddhist services at home through Live stream one is Zen service, Zen talk Dharma talk very cool and I loved it.

I almost feel like a new person so much better. But I will say this There is a lot about Buddha beliefs that are over my head, I did not understand one word from one of the teachers, or a little of it I did not much.Its hard to study and learn. However the chanting afterwards and her still quire peaceful voice made me feel like I was in a Buddha temple. It was very serene so it really didn't matter.The meditation is my favorite part as long as I can feel peace like I did ok its really cool.

Some day after I lose more weight I may go to Zen group but right now this is all I'm doing .......I love Zen!!!!!!!!111
 

MikeDwight

Well-Known Member
Hi Riders,

We're all allowed to reply right? I read the first 2 pages. You seem really upbeat about this UPC Church and its practices. I am wary about these untethered, almost cult organizations so-called churches these days. Have you ever considered Saint Theodora of the Orthodox tradition? Theodora (6th century) - Wikipedia She was supposedly some sort of dancer or promiscuous woman or so reported, but consider, here was Justinian I - Wikipedia Emperor Justinian, now the center of the entire world of architecture, inheritor of Roman knowledge, the counsel of all the nations after the Creeds, all of Europe are the listening backwards Barbarians learning Feudalism to progress out of their Tribalism.

He Justinian married this "woman" of some sort of doubtable history, and outlawed adultery throughout all the Empire as a rule. What a great model from John's "Do Not Cast the First Stone" for example, or to rededicate upon Baptism with new purpose the Bride presented blameless at the Marriage. I miss Churches drawing on the true meaning OF the Church for 99% of it, the great knowledge and education of it.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Hi Riders,

We're all allowed to reply right? I read the first 2 pages. You seem really upbeat about this UPC Church and its practices. I am wary about these untethered, almost cult organizations so-called churches these days. Have you ever considered Saint Theodora of the Orthodox tradition? Theodora (6th century) - Wikipedia She was supposedly some sort of dancer or promiscuous woman or so reported, but consider, here was Justinian I - Wikipedia Emperor Justinian, now the center of the entire world of architecture, inheritor of Roman knowledge, the counsel of all the nations after the Creeds, all of Europe are the listening backwards Barbarians learning Feudalism to progress out of their Tribalism.

He Justinian married this "woman" of some sort of doubtable history, and outlawed adultery throughout all the Empire as a rule. What a great model from John's "Do Not Cast the First Stone" for example, or to rededicate upon Baptism with new purpose the Bride presented blameless at the Marriage. I miss Churches drawing on the true meaning OF the Church for 99% of it, the great knowledge and education of it.


Oh no you have not read my journal I am sorry. I quit the UPC church which was a cult almost 20 years ago. I was telling the story yea that was along time ago I am now a Zen Buddhist.

I was having anxiety attackes the past 2 days I can not stress enough how much the Dharma talks helped me and my meditation its so good.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
I looked for the first 6 pages for my weightloss journal could not find it. SO I am posting this here.

Anyways, back on the over eater's anonymous meetings. What I am about to say also applies to AA and SAA. I think this is one reason I like to go to different places to socialize.

I'm about to go visit a Buddhist Temple I found not too far from me. I don't just stay home out of shame from my obesity. I do not only try to hang with other obese folks. I have heard and read quite a bit from OAers who do not feel comfortable with themselves being around fit people, exercise instructors or beautiful people.

I am shockingly comfortable around all of that, and they think a lot of them but AAers and other 12 steppers do this
too they only feel safe to hang with other OAers and don't socialize unless it's with OA. But a lot of AA people do
that too. Last time I went to AA last week, they were talking about spending their social time going to AA meetings everyday and church on Sundays.

There is an issue at play here. I also feel like I'm fat and ugly like other OAers and self-conscious about it. However I lived 3 years in psych wards growing up with people who well kids my age who came from shockingly different backgrounds including kids who's parents were financially well, to be blunt rich.

My parents were lower middle class but I got into a rick private hospital Timberlawn in the 80s was private, but my parents had worked at a printer same place for a thousand years, my Mom was at At and T on the assembly line for 10 years so. So their insurance ran out in 6 months while I was there,

So I was exposed to kids from a different financial bracket and even though I was gaining weight there up to 165 the girls were super cute been on drugs many of them and skinny. I got very use to being around kids my age who were very different.

So I don't get taken aback by beautiful women at all, I'm comfortable with everyone. But I have heard a great many OAers say they were so ashamed they could never socialize with anyone who isn't in OA and I just don't relate, I get along with folks of all kinds.

But as I said truly its in SAA and OA too all the 12 step programs to a degree. SO when I hear folks saying they can not socialize with others not in their group it puts a distance, like a wall between me and them because I do associate at all with that, and I have heard from a lot of folks in 12 step programs.

Let me repeat this so theres no mistakes I do feel disgusting fat and ugly , so my self esteem is not high either,
 
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