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Salix's Minion Sign-up Thread

SalixIncendium

SalixIncendium

अग्निविलोवनन्दः
Staff member
Premium Member
I have sadly lost track of my minions, so I have immediate openings for new ones.

Requirements:
  • Must be 18 or older
  • Must have a valid driver's license (because Salix may need food or a pair of new paisley speedos and may be too lazy to leave the house have important matters to attend to)
  • Must agree with everything Salix says or does (even if Salix is wrong)
Compensation
  • All minions will be paid in RF points* per hour. RF points* hourly rate will be commensurate with experience and ability to suck up.
  • Bragging rights to say you're one of Salix's minions
Benefits Package
  • (Well, we don't have one of these yet, but I'm diligently not working on putting one together.)

Positions are limited, so beat the rush and sign up today!




*RF points are not real and have no monetary value whatsoever.
 
sun rise

sun rise

The world is on fire
Premium Member
I could become a minion but you don't want me. I'd organize the other minions, stage a revolution and make myself the new number 1. Then with a reign of terror I'd cement my position on top.
 
SalixIncendium

SalixIncendium

अग्निविलोवनन्दः
Staff member
Premium Member
sun rise said:
I could become a minion but you don't want me. I'd organize the other minions, stage a revolution and make myself the new number 1. Then with a reign of terror I'd cement my position on top.
Click to expand...

Aren't you one of the minions that staged the last coup?

*notes* @sun rise: Not eligible for rehire
 
Vinayaka

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
SalixIncendium said:
Sure. Time is an illusion anyway.
Click to expand...
Good, then I'll definitely apply for the job. What exactly are the qualifications? You want my resume? Although I have no experience as a minion, I can climb a small hill, hurl insults, watch TV, and watch paint dry.
 
SalixIncendium

SalixIncendium

अग्निविलोवनन्दः
Staff member
Premium Member
Vinayaka said:
Good, then I'll definitely apply for the job. What exactly are the qualifications? You want my resume? Although I have no experience as a minion, I can climb a small hill, hurl insults, watch TV, and watch paint dry.
Click to expand...

Hurling insults, watching TV, and watching paint dry is a start. How are you at watching grass grow? Are you good ordering vegetarian foods for delivery? How good at you at worshiping unworthy beings?
 
Vinayaka

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
SalixIncendium said:
Hurling insults, watching TV, and watching paint dry is a start. How are you at watching grass grow? Are you good ordering vegetarian foods for delivery? How good at you at worshiping unworthy beings?
Click to expand...
I don't know about grass. There is no grass in this desolate deserted desert. Obviously there is no delivery service here either. Paint does dry quickly. I'm not very good at worshiping anything. Is the ground you walk on supposed to be worshiped as part of this job?

Why do you feel the need for a minion anyway? (I'd like to know some more about what I might be getting into.) You're not some cult recruitment agent are you? I shan't want any of that. From some of the stuff I've read on a certain forum I read, it's not good news.
 
Brickjectivity

Brickjectivity

wind and rain touch not this brain
Staff member
Premium Member
SalixIncendium said:
I have sadly lost track of my minions, so I have immediate openings for new ones.

Requirements:
  • Must be 18 or older
  • Must have a valid driver's license (because Salix may need food or a pair of new paisley speedos and may be too lazy to leave the house have important matters to attend to)
  • Must agree with everything Salix says or does (even if Salix is wrong)
Compensation
  • All minions will be paid in RF points* per hour. RF points* hourly rate will be commensurate with experience and ability to suck up.
  • Bragging rights to say you're one of Salix's minions
Benefits Package
  • (Well, we don't have one of these yet, but I'm diligently not working on putting one together.)

Positions are limited, so beat the rush and sign up today!




*RF points are not real and have no monetary value whatsoever.
Click to expand...
Do I get an indestructible, yellow hide and awesome pill shaped body?
OBJGkz3.jpg
 
Salvador

Salvador

RF's Swedenborgian
SalixIncendium said:
I have sadly lost track of my minions, so I have immediate openings for new ones.

Requirements:
  • Must be 18 or older
  • Must have a valid driver's license (because Salix may need food or a pair of new paisley speedos and may be too lazy to leave the house have important matters to attend to)
  • Must agree with everything Salix says or does (even if Salix is wrong)
Compensation
  • All minions will be paid in RF points* per hour. RF points* hourly rate will be commensurate with experience and ability to suck up.
  • Bragging rights to say you're one of Salix's minions
Benefits Package
  • (Well, we don't have one of these yet, but I'm diligently not working on putting one together.)

Positions are limited, so beat the rush and sign up today!




*RF points are not real and have no monetary value whatsoever.
Click to expand...

My dear fellow, Sal, I'd love to be your errand boy if not for the fact I'm strictly devoted to my wife. I barely have enough time to follow my wife's honey-do-list.
 
SalixIncendium

SalixIncendium

अग्निविलोवनन्दः
Staff member
Premium Member
Salvador said:
My dear fellow, Sal, I'd love to be your errand boy if not for the fact I'm strictly devoted to my wife. I barely have enough time to follow my wife's honey-do-list.
Click to expand...

Gah!! Wives!! I keep forgetting that some of you have those!
 
crossfire

crossfire

LHP Mercuræn Feminist Heretic ☿
Premium Member
SalixIncendium said:
Hurling insults, watching TV, and watching paint dry is a start. How are you at watching grass grow? Are you good ordering vegetarian foods for delivery? How good at you at worshiping unworthy beings?
Click to expand...
I'm totally unqualified, then. While I can still hurl insults, I haven't had TV since the '90's, haven't had grass for even longer than that, and paint fumes make me ill. I cook my own vegetarian food, so I have no experience ording it for delivery. As for worshipping unworthy beings, I only have two mirrors in my entire house and I don't spend much time primping before them.

I am, however, very good at telling people where to go. Getting them to follow directions is another thing entirely.
 
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