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Dating

savagewind

Veteran Member
Premium Member
I am a woman and if a man asks me out on a date I think that he should pay for it.

My opinion about paying is if I ask anyone to go somewhere I think I should pay their way.

If I agree to an invite might it be ok if I just let him pay every time that I am asked on a date? In your opinion.

Of course, if we want more than one date and I finally ask him out I think I might say, "this will be my treat".

What do you think?
 

savagewind

Veteran Member
Premium Member
I did Google it and I found some very bad advice about dating and I wonder if anyone had ever obeyed that bad advice.

If you’re on a date with a woman and aren’t sure about whether you should pay or not, you can use it as an opportunity to create even more attraction between you and her. How?

Let’s assume that you and her are in a restaurant and the waiter has just brought you the bill. Rather than feel awkward about it and get into a serious, “I’ll pay… No, I’ll pay,” discussion with her, be confident and use some humor to get her feeling attracted to you.

For example: The conversation may go something like this…

You: I’ve got this one.

Her: [Possibly looking shy and a little nervous]: No, let me pay for at least half.

You: [Smile and say in a joking manner]: Hmmm…actually, maybe you should pay for all of it because you were such a chatterbox over dinner. I had to sit here listening to you for like an hour. So, you pay for it.

Her: [Most likely laughing and blushing]: Um, okay…really?

You: [Smile and say] No, I’m just kidding. I love talking to you…you’re beautiful and interesting, so I’ll get the check this time. We can split the bill next time.

Her: [Giggling and blushing some more] Okay.

Of course, saying that she was a chatterbox is just a JOKE. You are not seriously complaining about having to listen to her talk so much.

It’s just silly chitchat where you are making fun of her in a playful way. As long as you understand that, she will see that you are just saying something silly for a laugh.

Should a Man Pay for Everything? | The Modern Man
 

savagewind

Veteran Member
Premium Member
Also, I fear that to some people modern dating means a presexual encounter.

Am I suppose to ask the man if that is what he is thinking?
 

Stevicus

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
I did Google it and I found some very bad advice about dating and I wonder if anyone had ever obeyed that bad advice.



Should a Man Pay for Everything? | The Modern Man

I saw the first few lines of this article:

  • Some women get offended if a man insists on paying for everything.
  • Some women like it when a man pays for everything on a date.
  • Some women like it when a man only pays for the first date and then gets her to pay for the second date.
  • Some women like it when a man pays for some dates and accepts her offer to pay from time to time.
  • Some women want to pay 50/50 for the first date.
In other words, women are crazy!
 

savagewind

Veteran Member
Premium Member
I think that a woman might want to pay her own way so that the man can't believe he is paying to get some sex. Good idea, but...

Or, maybe by saying that I will go out with him but I want to pay my own way he will understand that I won't be owing him anything.

Aha!
 

Orbit

I'm a planet
I am female and when dating I always split the check with him so he didn't get the idea he was buying me with dinner. When I met my husband, however, I let him pay because I knew he wasn't like that.
 

savagewind

Veteran Member
Premium Member
I am female and when dating I always split the check with him so he didn't get the idea he was buying me with dinner. When I met my husband, however, I let him pay because I knew he wasn't like that.
How did you know?
 

lewisnotmiller

Grand Hat
Staff member
Premium Member
I am a woman and if a man asks me out on a date I think that he should pay for it.

My opinion about paying is if I ask anyone to go somewhere I think I should pay their way.

If I agree to an invite might it be ok if I just let him pay every time that I am asked on a date? In your opinion.

Of course, if we want more than one date and I finally ask him out I think I might say, "this will be my treat".

What do you think?

I think the only thing that really matters is that you and your date are in accord.
Some of our 'social norms' are just around being able to 'know' what is the right way to approach things.
 

savagewind

Veteran Member
Premium Member
I think the only thing that really matters is that you and your date are in accord.
Some of our 'social norms' are just around being able to 'know' what is the right way to approach things.
But, my trouble is that I do not know what is right. I might have a bit of Asperger's syndrome if that is a real thing.
For instance, as I was chatting with my neighbor seller at the flea market last Saturday he seemed to be enjoying our conversation and he asked me, "what do you eat?". What did it mean? I said, "I'm not a vegetarian if that is what you mean". but he didn't tell me what he meant. Maybe he has Asperger's syndrome too. ;)Maybe I should have said, "what do you mean?"
 

Kenny

Face to face with my Father
Premium Member
I am a woman and if a man asks me out on a date I think that he should pay for it.

My opinion about paying is if I ask anyone to go somewhere I think I should pay their way.

If I agree to an invite might it be ok if I just let him pay every time that I am asked on a date? In your opinion.

Of course, if we want more than one date and I finally ask him out I think I might say, "this will be my treat".

What do you think?
I think he should pay.
 

lewisnotmiller

Grand Hat
Staff member
Premium Member
But, my trouble is that I do not know what is right. I might have a bit of Asperger's syndrome if that is a real thing.
For instance, as I was chatting with my neighbor seller at the flea market last Saturday he seemed to be enjoying our conversation and he asked me, "what do you eat?". What did it mean? I said, "I'm not a vegetarian if that is what you mean". but he didn't tell me what he meant. Maybe he has Asperger's syndrome too. ;)Maybe I should have said, "what do you mean?"

Some people are great communicators and some aren't. Some people will make sense to you, some won't.

I wouldn't overthink it. Obviously there can be lots of factors in that, including language, age, culture, etc...
And sure, there are various conditions, both physical and mental that can impact.

But if both parties are invested, you'll get there.
 

dianaiad

Well-Known Member
I am a woman and if a man asks me out on a date I think that he should pay for it.

My opinion about paying is if I ask anyone to go somewhere I think I should pay their way.

If I agree to an invite might it be ok if I just let him pay every time that I am asked on a date? In your opinion.

Of course, if we want more than one date and I finally ask him out I think I might say, "this will be my treat".

What do you think?


My opinion....and remember that I started going out in the nineteen SIXTIES....so this might be old advice....

the one doing the inviting has generally figured out where you are going, what you will be doing and how much it will cost. It would be beyond rude to expect the 'guest' to pay any part of it when those decisions have already been made. How in the world would the 'Inviter" know whether the "invitee" can AFFORD it?

No. If you (male or female) are inviting someone on a date that you have already planned, you pay.

If you get together and plan things together, part of that planning can be 'who pays.' After all, if you both contribute, you can probably do something fancier than if only one of you does.

"Would you like to come to dinner with me, and perhaps a movie?" You pay.

"I have tickets to 'Wicked,' and it would be nice to have dinner first..." YOU pay.

"I was thinking it would be fun to go to Disneyland for the day...and perhaps stay the night in the Disneyland hotel and go to California Adventure the next day...do you think we could combine resources and do that?' That's an option, and perfectly acceptable, once you know each other better.

The one doing the inviting to a date already planned? The Inviter pays.

Period.

And neither he NOR she had better figure that s/he's buying anything but a dinner and movie companion.

In my 'Old Fogey" opinion, but my kids and grandkids had better follow that advice. I wouldn't give a pin for someone who plans an expensive evening out and then EXPECTS his/her date to contribute.
 

savagewind

Veteran Member
Premium Member
My opinion....and remember that I started going out in the nineteen SIXTIES....so this might be old advice....

the one doing the inviting has generally figured out where you are going, what you will be doing and how much it will cost. It would be beyond rude to expect the 'guest' to pay any part of it when those decisions have already been made. How in the world would the 'Inviter" know whether the "invitee" can AFFORD it?

No. If you (male or female) are inviting someone on a date that you have already planned, you pay.

If you get together and plan things together, part of that planning can be 'who pays.' After all, if you both contribute, you can probably do something fancier than if only one of you does.

"Would you like to come to dinner with me, and perhaps a movie?" You pay.

"I have tickets to 'Wicked,' and it would be nice to have dinner first..." YOU pay.

"I was thinking it would be fun to go to Disneyland for the day...and perhaps stay the night in the Disneyland hotel and go to California Adventure the next day...do you think we could combine resources and do that?' That's an option, and perfectly acceptable, once you know each other better.

The one doing the inviting to a date already planned? The Inviter pays.

Period.

And neither he NOR she had better figure that s/he's buying anything but a dinner and movie companion.

In my 'Old Fogey" opinion, but my kids and grandkids had better follow that advice. I wouldn't give a pin for someone who plans an expensive evening out and then EXPECTS his/her date to contribute.
Good! It is how I already do it with my friends but I will be new at dating if I do date and I don't know how it goes.
 

beenherebeforeagain

Rogue Animist
Premium Member
Years ago, a woman I know got a divorce. Once it was complete, she started dating.

Upfront rules: No sex until at least the third date; until the third date, go dutch; date times/locations are in public locations that are negotiated if necessary; arrive separately with own transportation.

Those rules sifted out quite a few of the suitors. She still dated several nights a week.

Been years since I've heard from her; have no idea how her life has gone since.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
Upfront rules: No sex until at least the third date;

pfft not in Cali. Most females I've dated if they were sexually attracted to me I'm getting laid. If not on the first encounter definitely scond encounter and that is 98.9999% of the last 20 years of dating. Most women have set rules for themselves and have broken them every single time with me so I disbelieve any woman that sets these rules.
 
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