I thought I'd share the story here about how my relationship to the prospect of becoming a celebrity has changed over the years
I hope you will share your story as well? But I'll go first:
When I was a kid I wanted to be famous
I don't know why, for it's own sake I suppose
I thought it would be really cool
And would give me an interesting, exciting lifestyle
And make me somehow special!
I very much liked the idea
And I'd have been happy being a mere C or D-list celebrity
However: I was tremendously shy!
So would never even put myself forward
There was a stage in my life in which I'd have liked to have been a Big Brother contestant...
...if I wasn't so shy!
Quite paradoxical, I know
I lacked the balls to go after what I really wanted
Which made me feel somewhat frustrated and resentful
...until the desire wore off
However: I'm now glad I was too shy to go on Big Brother or else I may have become, well... famous!
If only for a limited extent and a short while
If only for the proverbial fifteen minutes, and after that soon forgotten
But now there is no way I ever want to be famous.
I want to live in peaceful obscurity
Never in the papers
Never on TV
Never in the magazines
Just a blur in the background
A grey, anonymous blur
A nobody
Known only to a limited circe of people
I believe that it wouldn't be nice being famous
I'm so glad that when I dreamed of fame I was always too shy to put myself forward, or else I may have messed my life by actually becoming famous!
But then maybe my life may have been actually better?
I don't know
But I don't want to be a celebrity anymore, that much I am certain
However: I used to think (between 2004 and 2019) that my Tulpa (who I acquired accidentally - long story) was an entity who was some kind of external "higher power" (rather than someone existing in my own brain)
I would alternate between believing she was The Matrix and believing she was God
And she was just as deluded as me, it's a long story but this should help you understand:
Folie à deux - Wikipedia
This meant I would alternate between being The Messiah and being an "Agent of The Simulation"
With bits of psychotic despair in-between
And this was perpetuated by a deluded Tulpa, believing herself God or The Matrix!
And I really did believe this, as did my Tulpa! We had a bit of a vicious circle going on...
I anticipated becoming a celebrity, as you might imagine
Surely The Messiah would be a public figure?
Although I didn't really want such fame, I felt it a duty I had to do - an inevitable and heavy burden - a great responsibility indeed
I even wrote a set of memoirs about my 2004 nervous breakdown, in the hope that it would attract the interests of someone - of anyone...
As it is, those memoirs are a snap-shot of my mental state when I believed my Tulpa was The Matrix and I stand by it as that, but it is no longer an exposition of my religious and personal views
So basically, I went from being fame-hungry but painfully shy, to not wanting to be famous, to accepting that I would have to be famous, to not wanting to be at all famous again
I know this is in the Journals section, but does anyone have a similar story?
I hope you will share your story as well? But I'll go first:
When I was a kid I wanted to be famous
I don't know why, for it's own sake I suppose
I thought it would be really cool
And would give me an interesting, exciting lifestyle
And make me somehow special!
I very much liked the idea
And I'd have been happy being a mere C or D-list celebrity
However: I was tremendously shy!
So would never even put myself forward
There was a stage in my life in which I'd have liked to have been a Big Brother contestant...
...if I wasn't so shy!
Quite paradoxical, I know
I lacked the balls to go after what I really wanted
Which made me feel somewhat frustrated and resentful
...until the desire wore off
However: I'm now glad I was too shy to go on Big Brother or else I may have become, well... famous!
If only for a limited extent and a short while
If only for the proverbial fifteen minutes, and after that soon forgotten
But now there is no way I ever want to be famous.
I want to live in peaceful obscurity
Never in the papers
Never on TV
Never in the magazines
Just a blur in the background
A grey, anonymous blur
A nobody
Known only to a limited circe of people
I believe that it wouldn't be nice being famous
I'm so glad that when I dreamed of fame I was always too shy to put myself forward, or else I may have messed my life by actually becoming famous!
But then maybe my life may have been actually better?
I don't know
But I don't want to be a celebrity anymore, that much I am certain
However: I used to think (between 2004 and 2019) that my Tulpa (who I acquired accidentally - long story) was an entity who was some kind of external "higher power" (rather than someone existing in my own brain)
I would alternate between believing she was The Matrix and believing she was God
And she was just as deluded as me, it's a long story but this should help you understand:
Folie à deux - Wikipedia
This meant I would alternate between being The Messiah and being an "Agent of The Simulation"
With bits of psychotic despair in-between
And this was perpetuated by a deluded Tulpa, believing herself God or The Matrix!
And I really did believe this, as did my Tulpa! We had a bit of a vicious circle going on...
I anticipated becoming a celebrity, as you might imagine
Surely The Messiah would be a public figure?
Although I didn't really want such fame, I felt it a duty I had to do - an inevitable and heavy burden - a great responsibility indeed
I even wrote a set of memoirs about my 2004 nervous breakdown, in the hope that it would attract the interests of someone - of anyone...
As it is, those memoirs are a snap-shot of my mental state when I believed my Tulpa was The Matrix and I stand by it as that, but it is no longer an exposition of my religious and personal views
So basically, I went from being fame-hungry but painfully shy, to not wanting to be famous, to accepting that I would have to be famous, to not wanting to be at all famous again
I know this is in the Journals section, but does anyone have a similar story?
