It is true that I have no idea of what you have experienced in your life. The journey for each of us is so different. No one should judge another. It took me five years of searching before I had an experience of God that turned me into a committed theist. For some it will be a single moment l, for others a lifetime.
And that
should have given you pause... that it's nearly an impossible task to "prove" god.
That everyone does not experience this "god" you speak of, however hard they struggle to find it.
There was a point in my life, where I was going into the ministry-- that's how convinced I was that the god I believed in back then, was real, and "spoke" to me.
Looking back, of course-- hindsight being 20/20 vision-- I recognize it was
peer pressure that drove my quest to be a minister: The culture I was raised in, and still involved with, revered preaching as the #1 Thing To Be--
except for women, of course. Women were to make babies first and foremost. So naturally, that's the path I trod.
I was most fortunate, however: The religious university I applied to? Was incredibly inept. Criminally, even-- in that I did not get a reply from them until a couple of weeks before I was due to appear in person! What? I had correctly assumed they were not interested, and had made other arrangements to a State College. Best "mistake" of my life,
although I did not know it at the time. Fast-forward 20 years, and I finally recognized that all the god-claims-- ALL -- NO EXCEPTIONS-- were fantasy-delusions.
Had I been so unfortunate as to have gone to religious college? I'd likely have figured this out much sooner--only to be trapped in a career that I would come to loathe-- recognizing I was **lying** to people. The only consolation would have been, I'd not be alone: The Clergy Project was created to help people in that situation.