Why self-help often doesn't work

Hope you're all okay or on-your-way to becoming okay.

Again I was unsure where to post this thread - would hate for it to go in the "wrong" section

What has been your experience with self-help books & techniques?

Did they promise far better results than you managed to achieve? Were your expectations too high? Are you waiting for a "magical key" to make your life as wonderful as it can possibly be? Am I starting to annoy you with all these questions?

Is mindfulness classified as "selp-help" if there are no actual specific religious beliefs attached to your practice of mindfulness?

Mindfulness has worked wonders for me so I do tend to get a little "evangelical" about it and feel like recommending it to everyone. After all, we each have human nature despite the differences in temperament & personality & beliefs. So if it works for one person you would think it would help most other people as well. Or am I guilty of over-simplifying things?

If you search Google for best meditation techniques, you get over 300 million results and there is also the proviso that meaningful change generally takes time & effort & patience & mistakes ... so how-on-earth do you decide what advice is likely to work for you? You could also try YouTube - again there are many techniques suggested for beginners.

Part of my own personal practice involves cultivating compassion for all beings. The book "The Lost Art of Compassion" by Lorne Ladner has been most helpful to me. May tap out a couple of sections if I remember.

Here's one article about self-help I did happen to find -

Self help scam | Self help doesn't work | Obstacles and Resistance to personal growth | self help failure

Wishing you all the very best whatever road you decide to follow!

I sincerely hope I haven't confused anyone.

I'd consider mindfulness as self-help, although if it's part of cognitive-behavioral therapy it might be partly self-help and partly directed by a therapist or facilitator of some kind.

Would you say that someone has to have a fair amount of self-motivation in order to benefit from a self-help book?

Shadow Wolf said:

Mindfulness is the thing in cognitive-behavioral therapy, but in a summary, the self-help section is mostly quacks and charlatans puking out non-evidenced based rubbish.

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Essentially what i was going to say.

My brother in law is schizophrenic, in the past he has read so many self help books and all they have done is make the author richer. Their failure to help only aggravated his symptoms.

However mindfulness, living in the moment helps him tremendously when he is feeling down and depressed

About mindfulness
Mindfulness | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems

I have to agree that self-help books tend to often be the exact opposite of help. They're opinions by people who usually look through things from the lense of their own experience. Those tend to skew things a lot. It's like the man saying "just follow your dreams and you will be rich", yet there are so many people with the same dream who fail and many who have no possibility at all to succeed in their dream.

ChristineM said:

Essentially what i was going to say.

My brother in law is schizophrenic, in the past he has read so many self help books and all they have done is make the author richer. Their failure to help only aggravated his symptoms.

However mindfulness, living in the moment helps him tremendously when he is feeling down and depressed

About mindfulness
Mindfulness | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems

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Hey Christine!

That sounds like MY story as well - I have several self-help type books but meditation is the thing that has made all the difference. It's been around far longer than TV or computers or modern conveniences.

Thanks for sharing - esp the link.

I also found this article recently at Tiny Buddha -

Why Positive Thinking Didn't Work for Me

Cheers!

When one's fundamental problem is incompetence,
self help is merely the blind leading the blind.

I think it depends. What can motivate someone is different for everyone. What can help a person change is different for everyone. What can inspire someone is different for everyone. A book or technique or motivational speech your sister swears by might do nothing for you, and your cousin might downright hate it.

The other problem, perhaps, is that self-help books are not going to treat actual mental illness, or some crappy life circumstances that people get stuck in.

Geoff-Allen said:

my own personal practice involves cultivating compassion for all beings.

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this portion I would have left out

self help....is about ….self

I have gone to doctors....but overall find the advice is knee jerk
and in one case (not my own) deadly wrong

listen to your body

which is a learned language
and what your body says with pain and discomfort is NOT
the same expression as someone else

my ailments are my own
and I find relief....on my own

Revoltingest said:

When one's fundamental problem is incompetence,
self help is merely the blind leading the blind.

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and so......who do you listen to?

Thief said:

this portion I would have left out

self help....is about ….self

I have gone to doctors....but overall find the advice is knee jerk
and in one case (not my own) deadly wrong

listen to your body

which is a learned language
and what your body says with pain and discomfort is NOT
the same expression as someone else

my ailments are my own
and I find relief....on my own

Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing. I thought it was worth including - because the shortest route to true happiness (that I have found) involves compassion - especially when someone is realllllly pushing my buttons

That led me to this site -

https://liveboldandbloom.com/02/relationships/what-you-should-do-when-people-push-your-buttons

Cheers!

Revoltingest said:

When one's fundamental problem is incompetence,
self help is merely the blind leading the blind.

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Mental illness does not necessarily equate to incompetence l

Thief said:

and so......who do you listen to?

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Find someone competent....certainly not one of us.

ChristineM said:

Mental illness does not necessarily equate to incompetence l

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Don't ruin the joke with intelligent commentary!

Revoltingest said:

Don't ruin the joke with intelligent commentary!

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Ahh, i did not realise you were joking.

Currently spending my time back of forth between france and england while helping one of the most brilliant and competent people i know who is currently in a bad way so perhaps i am touchy when it comes to mocking mental health issues

ChristineM said:

Ahh, i did not realise you were joking.

Currently spending my time back of forth between france and england while helping one of the most brilliant and competent people i know who is currently in a bad way so perhaps i am touchy when it comes to mocking mental health issues

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Some mental health humor to lighten your mood....

Revoltingest said:

Some mental health humor to lighten your mood....

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Not very runny, its really no yolk

ChristineM said:

Not very runny, its really no yolk

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Dang....I always liked the eggs joke.
I'll spare you my other shrink humor then.

ChristineM said:

Mental illness does not necessarily equate to incompetence l

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Some of the most brilliant & creative minds are also some of the most fragile.

Here's a few myths about mental illness and a page of suggestions for dealing with schizophrenia ...

Fact vs myth: mental illness basics

Schizophrenia.com, 60 Tips for Living with Schizophrenia; tips for coping, handling schizophrenia crisis and relapse situations

Enjoy your day!

Here's another article - about schizophrenia & meditation -

Most traditional contemplative practices encourage careful examination of our concept of self and reality. This can induce feelings of boundlessness, non-separation, fusing with the universe, a deconstructed self, timelessness, emptiness or the void. This can be an insightful and blissful experience, but it can also be frightening if we are not prepared.

How meditation can help sufferers of schizophrenia

All the best!